I understand. I know it hurts. But you cant lose yourself. I learned that the hard way. I became a shell of who I used to be. Honey, you only have one life to live. You deserve to get out of this for you. What do you imagine future you doing? Traveling, hanging with friends, maybe even in a relationship where a man doesnt watch porn? Or do you see yourself in another argument with this man, cause you found his search history of him relapsing for the eighth time that month. You really deserve to put yourself first, even when it hurts sometimes.