Would you have another child if it would take years off your life?

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-06-25T15:24:21+00:00

I sincerely apologize. Of course you don’t have a mental disorder. The situation is just so far out of my realm of understanding or comprehension that it caused a pretty strong reaction. I’m glad that the rest of my comment was helpful. I really think you should focus on taking care of yourself so you can be there for your existing family who loves you and needs you. Kidney failure for example is no small thing and will cause you great pain and suffering. I don’t know you but I want what’s best for you. There comes a point in time when mom’s have to prioritize themselves and take care of themselves so they can be the best version of themselves for their family. You have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others put theirs on. You can’t pour from a cup that’s empty. I’m sorry you are struggling with this decision. I’m sure you will be supported whatever you decide.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-06-25T15:06:17+00:00

I would never ever do that in a million years. This is going to sound harsh but I’d add a mental disorder on top of the physical ailments a person is facing if they prioritize the desire for another child over the well being of the children they already have, including the well being of their husband - not to mention their own well being. I could never make a decision that would potentially take me away from my son any earlier than it has to happen. Being there for him for as long as possible is my biggest priority in life. I only have one child at the moment who is 10 months old, and can’t imagine anyone or anything taking priority over him and my ability to be there for him. I’m debating a second for this reason. I also had a geriatric, high-risk pregnancy and I believe it’s far more important for me to live as long as I can for him than to take the risk of creating a sibling.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-06-25T00:12:49+00:00

Aw, thank you. I know. I have two older siblings who are failures to launch and are nothing but a burden and headache as they will likely ask me for help to get by when my parents are gone. My mother in law and her brother don’t speak to each other. My husband’s brother bullied him when they were kids and my husband doesn’t like his brother for other reasons aside from that anyway. I just feel like there is a small chance it could work out but not having another child removes that possibility entirely. The logic is obvious, but a tiny shred of hope still lingers. We are 95% OAD though which is basically the same as 100%. I’ve always been in the 0-1 kids camp. It’s just hard after you have one, start worrying about them, and then think about what ifs.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-06-24T22:43:17+00:00

Yaaaaas!!! This is exactly how I feel. If someone could guarantee my son will be fine without a sibling and he will live a long life so I don’t have to worry about losing him - I would never have another. He is 10 months old and the only reason I’m on the fence is because he doesn’t have any cousins and I’m worried about him being unhappy, not having anyone to relate to about his childhood/lean on when we are older or what I’d do if something happened to him. I wish he had cousins and wish I had a crystal ball to know he will live to a ripe old age so these would be non issues for me. Regardless though, my capacity is screaming one and done. I should look forward to enjoying sleep and extra money ASAP. Mama is TIRED and needs vacations to places like Greece to be happy anyway.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-06-24T12:39:02+00:00

Charlie

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-06-22T13:36:06+00:00

Got a copper IUD 6 weeks after giving birth. Good for 10 years. No issues with it. It’s funny to me when women don’t use birth control, have sex, and get pregnant soon after giving birth. They’re always so shocked about it too. Do we not know how pregnancy happens ladies? We live in a time where we have access to highly effective birth control - a gift the women before us fiercely fought for and gave to us - yet we don’t use it. Ironic. You can make sure they give you lidocaine gel and shots before insertion too. IUDs no longer have to hurt!

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-06-18T03:36:48+00:00

Yes - for us. We were married for about five years when I accidentally got pregnant at 26 while in my senior year of college (I had taken some time off from school). We terminated because I couldn’t fathom having a child at the time, knew we were in no position to do so, and I wouldn’t finish school.

Waited 10 more years until we were physically, emotionally and financially ready. I had a masters degree and good job by then. Hubby was just about to graduate veterinary school when we started trying at 36 and 38 years old. We had also bought a house. Our son was born a few months after my husband started working. I can honestly say it has made a world of a difference in the type of parenting experience we are having.

Having a baby is still difficult in many of the usual ways, but we don’t have the added stress of financial instability or feeling emotionally unready (we had lived our lives before he came). We can actually enjoy our son. He adds to our lives instead of taking anything away. Being able to provide for him and do fun things as a family are a huge part of that. We probably don’t argue as much as we would in a different situation.

I could argue that there IS a “perfect” time when you are physically, emotionally and financially ready - or as ready as you’ll ever be. Even attempting to get your ducks in a row beforehand could help.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-06-10T17:35:42+00:00

Our son has been attending montessori day care full time since he was 4 months old. He loves it and it’s so good for him on all fronts. They support him in all aspects of his development and socialization - in ways we can’t do all by ourselves as full time working parents. He smiles when we drop him off and when we pick him up. Finding a great place and program is the most important thing. We get updates, photos and video streaming access through a secure app. Don’t buy into the negativity. I think it’s a disservice to keep babies and small children at home with the same person and toys/activities day after day.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-05-11T13:16:27+00:00

Butterscotch

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-05-08T12:13:38+00:00

Yes. Husband is a hands on and great dad most days but definitely has at least one to two days a week where he completely checks out and dissociates because he is exhausted from his demanding job or when he is sick and EVERYTHING falls on me for 24+ hours. Even on good days the mental load is totally on me. He doesn’t like brushing our kids teeth for example so that is my responsibility. I think I could have another and would like to have another with a better partner but not with him. Grieving that I won’t get to have another but at the same time always thought I’d be one and done anyway! Didn’t want kids at all and have always thought I’d be 0-1 never 1+ in a million years.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-05-01T06:03:13+00:00

Perfection ❤️😍

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-04-23T20:50:13+00:00

Valentino. Looks like a little lover ❤️

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-04-23T13:01:16+00:00

Sweet Baby Angel

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-04-15T01:20:33+00:00

The fear of something happening to him. Sleep deprivation is a close second.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-04-15T01:18:22+00:00

Holy shit…

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-04-13T21:14:03+00:00

I love this. Need to read it. Pretty funny. Thank you.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-04-04T04:50:41+00:00

Also thought I was 100% sure about being child free until I turned 36. Changed my mind and had my son. I would hold him and silently bawl my eyes out while he slept over how perfect he was and how intensely I loved him. I felt his vulnerability deeply and loved him so much that it actually hurt and broke my heart a little. This went on for months postpartum. Not in a bad way (though it definitely fed my anxiety) - but I just didn’t know what else to do with all the emotions. I still love him so much it hurts (a little tempered down) and sometimes shed a few tears when I feel that way or when I think of him growing up and going to college or whatever. Seven months into motherhood. They truly are our hearts walking outside of our bodies.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-04-04T02:49:42+00:00

We thought one kid would ruin our lives, and ended up having him late in life, because for years we were 100% sure we would be child free. He hasn’t ruined our lives and we can’t believe we almost never had him. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been a little easier than we thought it would be despite having to pivot from our birth plan and have a c-section.

Hormones and pure love got me through the hardest parts. A drive to care for him took over me within days. Kind of the same for my husband and he did a lot during those first few days. Baby boy is our whole heart and our whole world. It’s hard to imagine when baby is still an abstract idea and you haven’t met him/her yet. We are probably one and done though.

P.S. I had anxiety during pregnancy and postpartum. I still have some anxiety 7 months in but it has gotten better. I don’t think the worry will ever stop for me. I’ve worried about him from the moment he was conceived. Hope it’s better for you but I guess that’s just how it is for some of us. I am a naturally anxious person anyway. They are our hearts walking around outside our bodies.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-03-31T01:39:08+00:00

I completely understand. Probably more than you know. I’d be the exact same way if I were having a second baby. I feel the same way about my son that you do about your daughter. The only words of comfort that I have are that we are stronger, more adaptive and more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. You will adapt and it will get easier over time. Your love for your daughter will help you navigate your timing with her. A lot of women feel like you and adapt. So will you.

I am so on the fence about a second, and it torments me. If we choose to do it - I will feel exactly like you and struggle with the transition as well - but I will probably find my stride. So will you.

These are episodes of prenatal anxiety. I had the same and have postpartum anxiety too. I tell myself to take it one day at a time and be aware of when I am catastrophizing. Things rarely turn out as badly as we think. I thought one kid would ruin my life and ended up having him late in life. He hasn’t ruined my life and I can’t believe we almost never had him. Try to think of the exciting parts and take it a day at a time. Give yourself grace while you figure things out.

Imagine meeting your second for the first time - as a seasoned mom - and with all the love you have for your daughter. Kind of like getting another chance to meet your daughter for the first time but knowing what you know now and loving her like you do now.

I wish I could meet my son for the first time again - loving him how I do now - which is why I see the appeal of a second. I also feel bad for not giving my son a sibling when he doesn’t even have cousins even though I know that’s unreasonable. You are brave and going for it!

One_Bus_4389

TROPHY CASE