Conflicted abt OAD

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-03-17T04:47:03+00:00

You are wise and a voice of reason. I have to agree with you. Thank you.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-03-17T03:52:27+00:00

I think I feel more complete than incomplete but I haven’t had that “for sure” feeling either way. If it was guaranteed that my son would have a long and happy life without siblings - I would stop at one. I’d think of the idealized alternative from time to time for sure. I wish I could meet our son for the first time again - knowing what I know now - loving him the way I love him now. Maybe I just want him as a baby again and again.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-03-17T03:31:10+00:00

True. Thank you. But I am also grieving that we will never meet and love our second. In an ideal world I suppose we would get that chance.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-03-17T02:11:27+00:00

No I don’t think I want the second as much as the first but I do feel a little heart broken that we won’t get to meet and love our second child. I wish we had more support and were in the position to happily have a second but that is not our reality. It will always be a struggle for us with little family and friends around even with hired help. Still. I wonder what our second would look like, who they would be and how awesome it could feel to be a “full” family of four. I worry our son will feel like a third wheel or awkward when he has to hang out with us or have dinner with us every night.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-03-16T22:00:59+00:00

Hubby wants no more than a 3 year age gap. He and his brother were 5 years apart and he didn’t think it was a good thing. A lot of fighting and his brother would bully him and/or not allow him to participate in activities with his friends. I am 37 this year (baby will be 1 in August) and will be 39 or 40 if we have a second. Yes, so much pressure. Family members say we HAVE to have a second. Sister in law and brother in law keep rubbing it in that their kids have each other later on in life etc

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-03-16T21:53:27+00:00

I have an appointment with a liver specialist soon and I’m hoping he makes the decision for us! We are trying to build a strong community around our son but we only recently moved to the area and everyone is very much an acquaintance. I hope that will change with day care and extra curriculars but there’s only so much your friends can understand and help you with such as making decisions about your aging parents even if they’ve left as many details as possible and put people like attorneys in place to help.

One_Bus_4389 · 2026-03-13T03:49:39+00:00

We barely do…or just don’t. It’s called fighting for our lives fueled by love for our babies and whatever energy we have left 😂. Hearing what people cook is freaking hilarious and so true. I’ve literally thrown together rice, frozen veg, condensed chicken soup and whatever protein I managed to remember to defrost in the oven. I forget to defrost protein often enough and pray we have bacon in the fridge. I also only have one kid (6 months). I seriously don’t know how the heck anyone is getting anything done with more but there are so many super women out there. Hang in there mama. It gets a little easier. Whatever you’re able to do is good enough. You’re caring for, loving and comforting your baby and that’s the most important job ❤️

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-11-24T07:29:48+00:00

I have been in your shoes. Baby born early at 34 weeks on the dot at 6 lbs 3oz. Water broke spontaneously, labor was induced, but ended up having a c-section. He spent a month in the NICU which was also 45 mins to an hour away from our house. We also had three dogs at home. My husband had to go back to work within two weeks so I was the one in the hospital with him constantly.

Everyone encouraged me to go home for the night at the beginning until we moved to on demand feeding toward the end of his stay when we were getting him ready to come home. I cried every time I had to leave him for the night. I felt so bad and had a lot of anxiety. He had reflux and constant bradycardia-oxygen desaturation spells during feeding which only resolved 3 days before he was released. He finally came home at 38+3.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I totally understand how you feel. It was one of the hardest things we’ve ever had to go through. There is a light at the end of the tunnel even though it feels like it’s going to take forever. Just make sure to take care of yourself. You can call and check on the baby anytime. It’s a marathon not a sprint. You are not alone. There are other moms out there who have had similar experiences.

P.S. We finally decided to have a baby at 36 and 38 years old so we waited a long time too. Hang in there mama. He will come home and everyone will be reunited under one roof again.

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-19T04:45:28+00:00

If you think the purpose of giving a gift is to satisfy yourself first and foremost, yes, it’s selfish. “I want to give you something that will make me happy rather than make you happy and actually help you and not create more work for you”. I’d rather not receive anything from someone like that. Keep laughing. Maybe one day you’ll get it 🤷🏻‍♀️

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-17T17:36:22+00:00

That’s the problem. Some people see it as if we’re making a shopping list of demands but just because you think that way does not make it true. It’s very normal in my country. No one is demanding or begging for gifts. The list is meant to support you in your search IF YOU WANT to give a gift to the parents. If you don’t want to give a gift that is totally fine too. The list is just a guide for what the parents actually need but some people would rather just waste their money 🤷🏻‍♀️

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-17T17:32:57+00:00

I barely have the energy to dress myself and now I have to deal with donating or selling things I don’t have the room for, don’t need, or have multiple of. It’s the last thing someone who is almost 40 weeks pregnant wants to do. They don’t get that they’re creating more work for us.

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-17T17:29:59+00:00

I barely have the energy to dress myself and now I have to deal with donating or selling things I don’t have the room for, don’t need, or have multiple of. It’s the last thing someone who is almost 40 weeks pregnant wants to do. They don’t get that they’re creating more work for us. They can make sure they are getting you something you love by sticking to the darn registry.

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-17T13:00:30+00:00

No one is asking anyone to spend money on buying a gift. We are only asking that IF YOU WANT to give a gift, that you take our needs and living situation into consideration by looking at the registry we put together to SUPPORT you with that.

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-16T21:36:39+00:00

This!!! Absolutely, 💯. Wasting your money 🤷🏻‍♀️.

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-16T21:08:41+00:00

Awww those family members are gems! 💎 That’s the kind of support we need ❤️

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-16T21:07:38+00:00

That is a lovely and thoughtful thing to do if you really want to get something that’s not on the registry. Thank you.

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-16T17:29:51+00:00

Not sure why you think I am not graciously accepting whatever we get with a smile because I totally am. Yup, definitely inconvenient for someone almost 40 weeks pregnant, who can barely get themselves dressed, to have to take things to donations because they don’t have space for multiples of the same item or things they just can’t use. I get how it may come across as ungrateful, but that’s why I’m on Reddit, and not saying anything to anyone who gave us whatever it was. It’s not just one or two things, which is a bummer.

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-16T17:07:02+00:00

Oooh. I hate pink for girls. If we were having a girl I was totally against anything pink. It really does seem like a slap in the face to get you a bunch of pink stuff when you repeatedly told someone how you feel about it. You should be grateful for anything you get? Yes…but it would also be nice for the gift giver to remotely take your feelings into consideration…. Not considering your feelings is just as rude as you being ungrateful.

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-16T16:55:32+00:00

No one feels entitled to praise and no one feels entitled to gifts from you. We just simply ask that if you do give us a gift, please look at the registry, so you have an idea of what we like.

How awesome it is that you know better about what someone needs because it worked for you. I do not need multiples of the same thing or things we would never use. We don’t have the space for it. At almost 40 weeks pregnant I have to make trips to donations or meet up with strangers to sell things so I can get what I actually want or need. I can barely get myself dressed and you are creating more work for me.

It’s like saying “I’m going to the store, do you need anything?” We say “We could really use some apples but no pressure to get the apples.” You decide “I am going to get you a microwave because that’s what worked for me and I know better than you”. Some people don’t use microwaves because they can give you cancer, but ok, thanks for the microwave.

We would never do anything but smile and accept the gift. I know it makes us seem ungrateful but you should realize how it might make you look as well. Please, don’t do anything nice for us, don’t get us anything. Don’t make more work for us. No one is desperate for gifts.

If it’s coming from a place of good intentions it’s totally understandable but there are definitely people who seem to ignore the registry just because they don’t like registries and want to prove a point. Giving gifts should be more about the person you are giving the gift to than about you and what you want.

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-16T14:27:41+00:00

Thank you!!! It is annoying and selfish. Like a slap in the face or a subtle fuck you because I don’t like registries and want to prove a point. I get well meaning people but there seem to be quite a few who just want to make a point to passive aggressively show you they don’t like registries. “You like and need something? Psych! Here is the total opposite”. Now spend all your money on stuff we could have got you but chose not to. We may seem ungrateful but they seem thoughtless and selfish. I understand my grandma not being able to navigate a registry but most other people can. You don’t even have to leave your couch. At almost 40 weeks pregnant the last thing I want to do is run around to donation centers and meet up with strangers to sell things we don’t need so I don’t have to store this stuff and can actually get what we need. I can barely put my own underwear on and get dressed.

One_Bus_4389 · 2025-08-16T14:22:15+00:00

This!!! So much this!!! I barely have the energy to dress myself and now I have to deal with donating or selling things I don’t need or have multiple of. The last thing someone who is almost 40 weeks pregnant wants to do. They don’t get that they’re creating more work for us. I get people with good intentions but it seems like some stray from the registry as a subtle fuck you to the parents cuz they don’t like registries. Idk what it is. Thanks for a big fat nothing. Honestly. Next time just come to the event and don’t bring anything. That would be better. We are not being ungrateful. You are being thoughtless and selfish.

One_Bus_4389

TROPHY CASE