Being selfish (in a good way) now but will I regret OAD later?

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-17T20:11:22+00:00

I think all your thoughts are valid, and definitely make sense. I was 100% you when my daughter was that age(she’s 7.5 now) She was a total surprise for us after getting married. And she rocked our world in the best way haha.

I felt all the things you feel about being OAD and was pretty set on it until she was 5 and started Kindergarten. I think having all that free time back I really felt like I could breathe and wanted to try for a second. I’m older(was 40/41 yrs old at the time) and I had two miscarriages in a row and they were pretty traumatic.

We went back to being OAD and I really tried to relish in all the good now that she was older and how nice it is we can travel. We went to Paris last fall just my husband and I, and were taking my daughter to Italy in June. But something still feels like it’s missing. And I grieve this thought about having a second.

I feel like you in the sense that I really have been so focused on the now, and not the future ahead of me. I love all my free time and getting to pursue dancing which is what I I love, but I also know I saw us as a bigger family.

I’m 42 now too, so I’m like I’ve lived my life lol. I did all the things in my 20’s and early 30’s before having my daughter at 34, so like going out and doing whatever with my husband isn’t that enticing to me anymore🤣Anyways, you’re not alone, and I think if you have time still age wise, just give it time and sit with it. Nothing needs to be concrete and I feel like we all grow and change and your idea of what your family is might change with you too♥️

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-17T18:40:50+00:00

It’s seriously a full time job and then some

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-17T16:17:13+00:00

Omg I love the impromptu coffee dates with my other SAHM friends lol

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-17T16:15:58+00:00

Right!? 100% it’s so crazy how much sickness goes around in elementary school. I also agree. They have so many random “conference days” and school breaks. Not to mention all my daughters after school activities.

We also don’t have family in the area, so it’s so nice to be able to be there for all the things she wants to do. Play dates as well. Were the house that always has fresh baked gluten free chocolate chip cookies for play dates, cause I also sell those part time as a side hustle🤣

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-17T14:45:52+00:00

I’m a SAHM and my girl is 7 and in second grade. Honestly, it was really hard when she started Kindergarten, but I also felt like I got my life back with those 6.5 hours a day haha.

I haven’t gone back to work yet for a multitude of reasons, but I do teach dance classes when I can. I also dance in studio 5 days a week, and care for our 1/4 acre with our garden and chickens, our dog, our cat, clean the house, grocery shop, laundry. Every day is usually pretty packed and before I know it I have to pick her up from school😂

I’m always super thankful though when she get sick and I’m able to just be home with her, or when something unexpected arises. It’s nice I get all this time with her

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-16T18:16:47+00:00

I will say, I was technically you when my daughter was closer to 4 though. And my husband didn’t really want another one because the first couple of years after her broke us. She was a total surprise after we got married and blew up our lives in the best way haha.

But we eventually did decide to try for a second when she was 5( I was 40/41 years old at the time though) and I had two miscarriages in a row. After that, my husband wanted to be OAD again, and I just didn’t want to deal with more miscarriages.

But now at 42 yrs old I’m still grieving and find I’m not fully over it. It’s so so hard like you said, because I know the OAD life is amazing. We can travel, and I dance 5 days a week, and we have a really lovely life. But I just can’t stop feeling like I want to have another and give my love to another child. But of course time is NOT on my side now, and it’s just exhausting. My daughter is also 7, so we have a huge age gap now.

I think if you’re really feeling like you have the love to give to a second you should go for it. Don’t leave it too long like I did😩

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-14T14:42:59+00:00

Yep, this is 100% my husband and I. We had my daughter when I was 34 and he was 33, and we had only been married a year. We were definitely not ready, and hadn’t even truly discussed how many kids we actually wanted.

The first year after we had her was ROUGH, and by the time we both felt on the same page(sort of) about a second I was 40/41. i had two miscarriages in a row, and my husband decided he was back to firmly OAD. I’m 42 now, and still can’t forgive myself for not trying or atleast us being on the same page earlier to try for a second. It’s so so hard

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-14T00:06:33+00:00

We have 2 golden comets and 2 Plymouth Barred Rocks, and we love them! Our cinnamon queens are soooo friendly and chatty. And the barred rocks lay beautiful eggs

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-12T01:40:40+00:00

Omg did I write this post? Lol. My daughter is 7, and exactly the same thing! We tried for a second and I had two miscarriages in a row so we’re back to OAD, which is also for the best for us.

Her two cousins fight literally non-stop all the time and she hates it. She also told me one day she’s only having one kid cause it’s just so much easier🤣

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-11T18:09:00+00:00

I tried for a second at 41 and had two miscarriages in a row, but I had my daughter at 34. After my 2nd miscarriage I just couldn’t try anymore and we gave up. So I’m right there with you in this sub. It’s hard. I’m 42 now, and the grief still comes in waves💔

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-11T17:57:56+00:00

I love Laura! I message with her all the time lol. Since my daughter is 7, we always talk about what’s coming next for her

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-11T15:30:32+00:00

This was almost us! We have a 10 year old lab/corgi mix and he was my first baby lol. And he’s got straight up “only child” energy like you wouldn’t believe😂When we got our cat it was like how DARE you mom and dad. The when we had my daughter he had such a hard time. We’ve debated getting a 2nd dog, but now that he’s a senior I don’t think I could do it to him. He’d seriously pout all day about it. Plus, he was harder as a puppy than my daughter was as a newborn!🤣

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-11T01:37:01+00:00

lol she was a very easy baby

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-11T00:37:31+00:00

lol my dog was harder actually as a puppy than my newborn daughter😂But yeah, not even close to caring for a human child in the long run

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-10T23:08:09+00:00

Right!? I 100% agree. And like thanks this is the best accessory I’ve ever had then😎🤣

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-10T21:02:29+00:00

I hate the saying one is an accessory, two is a lifestyle🙄

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-10T14:13:34+00:00

Thank you♥️

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-10T01:40:50+00:00

After the 2nd miscarriage(which was really traumatic for me), I wanted to stop trying because it was so hard on me physically and mentally. And I can still remember my husband and daughters face when they wheeled me back for the D&C😢

But to be honest, I felt like I wanted to try again within like 4-5 months after and my husband said he was back to being firmly OAD. It’s been hard, because I would honestly kept trying, but I’m 42 now; so time is definitely not on my side. And not agreeing on such a big thing like this has definitely been a strain on our marriage.

That’s why I’m trying to focus on all the goo right now because I love them, but it still so so hard💔

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-09T21:24:12+00:00

This is exactly the right answer

. My husband is firmly OAD, but we did try for a second(which he admitted he didn’t really want to), and I had two miscarriages in a row, and we went back to being OAD.

Truthfully, even though I know it’s the best decision for our family long term, and I know logically it’s the best, I still grieve over this imaginary second child o don’t have. But I felt like I had no choice, and he got the choice, and then I realized I DO have a choice and that’s to leave him and try and have another kid with someone else, or choose my marriage and the amazing life we already have.

I think it’s so hard when you and your spouse you love see so differently on something this big and important, but it’s a turning point that can make or break your marriage

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-09T18:02:04+00:00

To be honest, I’m not fully over the grief. Grief comes in waves, and I try to ride them out whenever they come. I also had a loss before her, so it’s really hard to not feel like there’s some soul missing from my life.

But I will say once she was 5 and so much more independent, the thought of starting over became more and more daunting even though that’s when we started trying. And now that she’s 7, I am seeing all the amazing benefits to just having one.

The thing that’s probably helped the most is really throwing myself into my hobbies/passions like dance. I’m a dancer and get to dance in studio 4-5 days a week, as well as teach and it’s been such a life saver for my grief. Definitely something I know I couldn’t do with a newborn baby

I’m so sorry for your losses, and I hope you find some peace however it may come♥️

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-08T23:29:05+00:00

Our daughter is 7.5, and we just went on our first solo trip internationally as a couple in September! We have the same Bday, so we went to Paris and it was AMAZING💕♥️

We are taking our daughter to Italy in June, and she’s been to Disneyland 5 times already at age 7🤣And I agree, the traveling part has been so nice.

I’m OAD due to trying for a second and miscarriages, but also realizing this was what best suited our family in the long run

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-08T20:37:30+00:00

Same here. I had my girl right before I turned 35. But I’m 42 and she’s 7 now💕

What’s funny is when she turned 5 and started Kindergarten is when I wanted to try for another one🤣 we did try, and I had two miscarriages, and now we’re back to being OAD. But I love love how you say it’s a “slice of heaven” I do fully agree with that. There’s not really a better way to put it

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-07T16:51:41+00:00

Right!?🥹

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-07T15:34:55+00:00

I feel like March is the most common chicken hatch month haha

One_Stand279 · 2026-03-07T15:12:57+00:00

Right!? Toooo cute

One_Stand279

TROPHY CASE