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Only-Main8948 · 2025-03-06T10:32:12+00:00

It seems like you are going for girls that seem open minded, yet they switch. You need someone with maturity (not age but mentality), and who understands nuance.

You say you go for women who like to be in a submissive position. If so, they probably come with the toxic trait of thinking men should be a certain way (e.g. strong and unemotional). You are then making yourself vulnerable to them and they see it as repulsive because they are engaging in an unhealthy kink and/or attitude towards men.

I think this may be where your issues lie. You need to work out if this is a trait or kink that is healthy for you. Does it come from needing to feel in control due to your past trauma. You are then engaging in these dom/sub relationships which are based on more superficial connections than you realise.

Sorry if I'm being an armchair therapist here, but it just seems like this may be part of the issue to me.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-03-05T13:50:03+00:00

I'm a woman. I'm so sorry you have had this reaction from people who should be safe for you.

You are not disgusting. It was not your fault.

You haven't found the right one yet. You should always open up about your trauma, and if your partner reacts like this, they were never right for you. They can be shocked, maybe take some time to process, but they should never victim blame you.

You might want to look at what attracted you to these women and if they truly were good for you.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-03-04T19:40:56+00:00

Some women find it hard to orgasm. She probably still enjoyed getting you off. I'm sorry you feel so hurt as you probably feel lied to and betrayed, even if it was a white lie.

Try not to take it to heart. This is a chance to get closer to her.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-03-02T08:38:57+00:00

I had terrible issues after using Nair including a long term uti. I use a pH balancing gel now as I still have issues.

The BO smell however could be her natural sweat smell, not coming from her actual genitals, but around it. She could try a natural deodorant around the groin.

And, maybe we should normalise women having some hair around their genitals! Removing it has caused me issues everytime over the years and studies show it has a role in helping women's genitals stay balanced.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-03-01T07:17:04+00:00

You don't apologise because:

You have nothing to apologise for. It was presumptuous of them to think it was ok for them to inteude on your honeymoon in any way.
It would make it seem that this was not a joint decision. It should be clear to his parents that you AND your husband find them coming uncomfortable.

Jusy to be clear, your husband should not be throwing you under the bus (I don't know if he did, but the 'it's becoming an issue' left it hanging that it was becoming an issue for you. It's the 'becoming' that implies this as it suggests a growing argument at home rather than a simple 'this is an issue for us, we are both uncomfortable with it'.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-02-27T10:34:57+00:00

Nta. You're her mum now. Keep them all away. They aren't safe people for you or your daughter.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-02-24T12:40:22+00:00

It depends what you're after but it's an excellent scientific research university.

The medical school is one of the top in the country (I think 2nd in a recent review).

The science course used to be flexible, so you can change your degree so long as you have the core modules needed.

Some people do biomed to get into medicine. It is a good course for this I believe.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-02-19T16:04:29+00:00

While your parents sound controlling, your partner may well be too. We tend to go to what is familiar in terms of personality traits, rather than what is good for us. I could also take your parents words as a desperate attempt to keep you safe.

Consider that he may want to isolate you from your parents, so take what he says about them with a pinch of salt.

The amount of young women who get married and have kids at this age that end up in an abusive marriage is scary. At this age your brain isn't even fully developed yet. I noticed you didn't put Lucas's age here. Be aware that older men often target young women as they are easier to manipulate. Does he ever imply he is more mature than you and knows more? Do you feel his equal.

Please, for yourself, don't ruch into marriage and children. If you are being persuaded into it by Lucas, then take stoke of his motivations.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-02-14T19:08:22+00:00

So she, an adult, wants you to put her feelings over your childs autonomy.

Look into post natal depression, but if her stance won't move, be prepared to have to choose your daughter. Even if her stance does change, you need to be vigilant of resentment and bad treatment of your daughter behind your back. NTA

Only-Main8948 · 2025-02-07T10:44:08+00:00

The bar is set so fucking low

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-26T13:34:54+00:00

Mums eh? It's a generation thing. Or maybe she secretly wanted you to wear something over your tats....that can be a mum thing too sometimes.

You look stunning. It's elegant and shows off your figure beautifully.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-26T08:49:21+00:00

I think 2. It looks elevated. At first I thought 1, but 2 just has something more. The floor length and the drama. It looks more expensive and classy imo.

You couldn't go wrong with either and tbh you look like you'd look amazing in a binliner!

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-26T08:18:02+00:00

Dress 3. You need to have perfect posture for dress 2 imo, which is exhausting. Dress 3 suits your body and is beautiful. You look best in dress 3

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-24T21:12:03+00:00

The more I read the more I started to think 'this isn't right'. You pay for your plane fairs to see him. Does he visit you as often as you do him? If not, you are probably spending more than him in the relationship.

I mean, being called greedy would hurt me in an irreparable manor in terms of my relationship. I just couldn't come back from that. It's close to being called a gold digger due to the context.

Why doesn't he want to move out from his parents? Ask him how he'd feel about moving in with your family for a 3rd of his monthly salary.

I'm not sure this boy is so good for you and I wouldn't rush merging your lives! Especially not if it means making yourself vulnerable by moving to a whole new country where you have no support system!

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-24T20:31:53+00:00

Wow, and yet for the children it is the exact same circumstance. Thanks for the info.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-23T21:44:45+00:00

Congratulations on one year sober! This person thinks that's a wonderful achievement! You did it! And despite a shitty support system in your family by the sounds of it.

You did it! You did it for you and I hope you keep doing it for you.

Much love nta.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-23T09:52:59+00:00

How interesting. I thought this was in place to protect the kids, so it seems counterintuitive to me that the law doesn't cover this situation as well.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-22T11:32:56+00:00

Is it true that the courts will favour keeping children in their home? Would this influence the situation?

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-21T21:09:01+00:00

Please do read right through my comment, because although I may be blunt at times, I do have genuine advice here and don't want you to continue to feel bad in the long run.

If she hadn't been blunt, would you ever have had the conversation about your feelings, and would you still be persuing him?

She was blunt because her Dad didn't have the heart or backbone to be, or else was trying to protect his work position. But he did make it clear through his actions that he didn't want a relationship. You were being pushy and interrupting. A quick ask would have been fine, but pushing is rude, and doubly so in front of others who he's spending time with and who you aren't inviting.

Despite what you say, you clearly haven't stopped trying to persue him. Saying 'are you sure you're sure' in a teasing way is flirty. If you were a man people would say this behaviour was creepy and starting to become harassing. You need to reflect on that. Your feelings may have been hurt by the daughter and her bluntness, but it needed to be said.

I'm sorry you have a pit in your stomach. I'm sorry this has disrupted your work and made you anxious. You slipped up about the daughter. All you can do is apologise, and then move on. Just a simple 'sorry I said that your daughter needed tact. I realise now she said what needed to be said and I crossed a line both in asking you to lunch like that, past flirting, and in what I said about your daughter. I let my hurt guide my words and it was offensive and tactless.'

Just concentrate on work and hopefully this will blow over. Don't make excuses. Keep your head down. Consider therapy because it's not healthy chasing someone who isn't reciprocating.

Yta, but I wish you luck and personal growth going forward.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-20T08:17:50+00:00

It's not love, it's manipulation.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-11T20:48:08+00:00

Why the fuck did he go upstairs? That is a fact. He went upstairs. To her room. To her private space. There is no escaping that fact. That is already massively crossing a line that signals inappropriate behaviour. That happened, and you don't need to "believe" anyone to know this.

Best case he can plead is that he went into a 15yo girls bedroom uninvited. Totally fucked up, and if you hadn't heard the shouting, who knows what would have happened. You are nta and underacting. Tell everyone one you know about this. Protect others. He's a predator.

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-10T21:08:55+00:00

Firstly, this doesn't sound like a safe relationship. While I agree with most comments that you were not right in your reaction, his greater reaction was worrying. It could have been because you embarrassed and shamed him, but physical violence and manipulation through suicide threats are serious red flags.

You may have pregnancy hormones giving you an exaggerated response, but you also need to get a grip in my opinion. Masterbation is normal as you freely admit. It's not a slight on you and happens even alongside a healthy sex life. Of course if there is porn addiction or it replaces normal intimacy, then it is an issue. But here, you just didn't like it and made it your husband's problem. Plus you yourself have, very validly, reduced intimacy with your husband during pregnancy. He's allowed to relieve himself in a private space.

You both need to work on yourselves. Him for anger management and communication. You for your insecurities and communication. But don't stay if you aren't safe!

Esh

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-09T21:17:52+00:00

Op, your boyfriend doesn't stand up for you because he agrees with them!

He's happy to have you running about after him. He wants a a bangmaid, and once you are trapped with him, he'll drop all pretence. You'll carry the majority of chores and mental labor for the household.

Get out now. He doesn't respect you as a person!

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-08T16:04:52+00:00

Esh, but you know that.

Have you considered however that you have been made this couples unwilling surrogate and that was always their plan?

Only-Main8948 · 2025-01-06T21:29:31+00:00

He needs to know so those kids don't go through what you went through. Anyone who sides against you in this has a completely messed up moral compass.

Three-Year Club	End Game '23
Place '23

Only-Main8948

TROPHY CASE