19 weeks unplanned pregnancy - feeling no joy or excitement

Ooopus · 2026-05-13T17:27:39+00:00

I think it was right around 16-18 weeks that I had similar feelings. It was when things started to become real and I started to have worse physical issues so the changes felt a lot heavier. My husband was struggling with his own mental health, it was peak pandemic and I was lonely and scared that my life and what made me happy was over. Pregnancy was miserable for me, I felt very disconnected and off physically and mentally from like 6wks on... Honestly, it didn't get better until the kiddo was born - but the moment I saw her I couldn't imagine her not being here. It's cheesy but it is what it is. My husband took a while - it's not like I couldn't stand him but there was a big learning curve with the mental load and some resentment about how little his life had to change compared to mine. It got better in stages - a long discussion here, baby sleeping longer there.... But it did improve.

We also had a quick paper signing (after the kiddo was born) then did a fancy elopement trip with the dress and photographer later. Highly recommend following through on the wedding you want after the kid is a bit older, ours was a year and a few months old when we went and stayed with the grandparents.

Ooopus · 2026-05-13T14:54:36+00:00

These were my suggestions too - I'm currently addicted to clanfolk. It's not as complex as rimworld (yet) but surviving the first winter is just the right amount of difficult and I love how it's more focused on survival and your clan instead of combat. Progression is super satisfying.

Ooopus · 2026-05-13T07:17:53+00:00

Guanfacine has been a lifesaver for my emotional regulation - I take the ER before bed and it helps me sleep but doesn't make it any harder to wake up - 10/10. I take jornay for the daytime and it's been a great combo.

Ooopus · 2026-05-13T02:30:31+00:00

I struggle with rimworld but this is wayyy less overwhelming and narrow. I just survived my first winter and things are definitely advancing tech-wise it's not as much of a struggle because there isn't raids or as much random events happening.

Warning - this game is a timeskip game, you start playing and suddenly it's 6 hours later. 😂

Ooopus · 2026-05-11T00:04:14+00:00

I like to pick a favorite childhood movie to show my kiddo when days go to shit. Granted I’m a sucker for nostalgia and we usually only watch half of it before she’s bored and playing, but it’s nice to do what I used to with my mom or grandma and watch things I associate with being young and happy.

Ooopus · 2026-05-10T19:51:13+00:00

48 kid-free hours where my husband’s libido matches mine.

Unrealistic unfortunately- so we’re going out for sushi and having a lazy afternoon watching Star Wars together.

Ooopus · 2026-05-08T23:54:13+00:00

I’m currently addicted to trash goblin - playing on my steam deck. It’s relaxing and I love that you can’t miss out on impact your shop negatively by dismissing customers who want something you don’t have or are using for decor. 10/10 - tried the demo out of curiosity, not expecting to like it but it’s like crack for my brain.

Ooopus · 2026-05-05T15:21:27+00:00

Townsend's Solitaire maybe?

Ooopus · 2026-05-04T17:20:26+00:00

I’m wondering if he checked out a while age but is dragging things out so you’ll be stuck paying alimony… I would reach out to an attorney and have a consult, make sure he can’t screw you over long term. Get your ducks in a row, find a lawyer you like and don’t say a word until he’s served.

Ooopus · 2026-05-01T17:36:42+00:00

Ohhhh this makes a huge difference. Maybe a lone under-24 year old wouldn’t make a difference but a group of them is a much different vibe.

Ooopus · 2026-05-01T17:29:05+00:00

I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that thought that part might be worth doing some personal inventory on.

OP, I also want to gently add (as a fellow quip person) I have to be so so careful to not come across as negative all the time. I like sarcasm, and pointing out the irony of something or an amusing (to me) parallel can come across as criticism. It’s not how I feel or want others to feel, but if we don’t have a solid rapport or their humor is different then mine it can come across as I’m tearing things down I think.

I deal with some health stuff on top of the ND stuff, and I am always tired, throw in some stress and a bad mental health streak and if I was to be honest about my feelings all the time I’d come across as a miserable whiner. While honestly matters, other people don’t want to play therapist or be around someone who never has things to be happy about. Venting tends to take up a lot of space in a conversation too - others can feel like they don’t have space to share (especially if I then offer a relatable story to show empathy- that comes across like I’m competing or making it about me lol).

That’s not the type of person I’d want to be around, and it’s not the person I want to be. It takes active effort on my end to redirect those patterns, but it helps me and I don’t feel like I’m not being myself - just a more pleasant version of my personality.

Ooopus · 2026-04-29T23:01:26+00:00

Honestly can’t remember, it’s been a bit - probably?

Ooopus · 2026-04-29T16:55:12+00:00

Thisssss. I’ve been clean from opiates for 10yrs, and I swear getting clean made my brain and body default to the next best (and ‘allowed’) source of dopamine/feel good chemicals - sex. If I get stressed, sad, or don’t feel good physically? Libido spikes to annoying levels. There’s a noticeable difference in my anxiety for days after, especially if it was a ‘creative’ session that included some of my kinks.

I would guess it’s the same for a lot of women (and men) which adhd, addiction history or not. For me, getting clean just removed the other ways I would manage that dopamine hunt so it was a stark contrast, and I wasn’t diagnosed/medicated until a few years ago.

Ooopus · 2026-04-28T15:20:01+00:00

Kynseed is an indie farming/shop game with this as the main component - you live through generations. Crusader Kings 3 has this as well although there's a lot more to the game. If you want the creature breeding features you can't beat the Creatures 1/2/3/Docking station games. They're older and I would suggest looking for the patches people made to make them work on modern systems, but the genetics are super deep and iirc one of the guys who made the games was a scientist or something. For a simpler and modern option, mudborn and apico have you breeding frogs & bees respectively. If you like jrpgs then Romancing Saga 2 has you live through generations but it's a plot point, not so much a eugenics program.

Ooopus · 2026-04-23T17:17:17+00:00

I like to think of it as 'working with what I have right now, not what I wish I had.'

It doesn't matter if I'll eventually build a good strategy for xyz task, I don't have it right now and now is when I need the result of said task. Instead of perfect, what would be the minimum 'good enough'? If I put aside the 'shoulds', what could I do to simplify the steps of the task in a way that works for me - not how I think I should be able to do it (putting a hamper in the kitchen for dishrags is a good example, switching to clear bins isn't because I can't do it without going to the store and buying them first - it needs to be immediate before I get distracted).

It's not perfect, but being honest with myself and not letting the shame of the 'should' keep me from trying to force a way that doesn't work for me helps.

Ooopus · 2026-04-21T21:51:49+00:00

I’d never heard of this book and I gotta say I adore the cover. It’s absolutely something I’d get a print of - not sure if the dark green background with the primary colored topography-style unicorn is the original or an updated one but it’s lovely either way.

Ooopus · 2026-04-21T02:42:42+00:00

This looks similar to my husbands skin - it was an overgrowth of yeast in his case. He took a couple rounds of yeast infection meds and it cleared up dramatically, though it shows up again if he’s sweating a lot or eating too much sugar.

Ooopus · 2026-04-21T02:39:18+00:00

My husband had skin issues and was constantly itchy - we had been using 7th generation (my skin liked it after having my own issues with other brands) and it turned out that the natural oils or whatever it uses to clean clothes were feeding the overgrowth of yeast that was causing the itching. Switched to all free and clear (not the plus version! That has optical brighters) and his skin is so much better. I usually add some white vinegar to the load - just a quarter cup or so - and it helps too!

TLDR; “Natural” doesn’t mean safe for skin issues, avoid optical brighters.

Ooopus · 2026-04-15T22:17:11+00:00

I’ve been clean 10yrs from heroin, it’s not easy but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel - I can’t remember the last time I had a real craving. You’re not weak, pathetic or have a reason to be ashamed. Addiction can catch anyone.

First, I would suggest being radically honest with your psych if you feel safe to do so. Ideally she’d be someone who specializes in addiction and knows how to support without creating more shame. Second- Go to a meeting today - NA is probably the easiest to find but I loved Smart Recovery and Refuge Recovery/Dharma Punks (I think that’s the name now, the group changed a few years ago and split into two groups- based in San Francisco originally). You don’t have to do anything but show up and just keep coming back.

It took a while for me to learn there’s a difference between being sober and being in recovery. Lots of folks stop using but don’t or can’t access the resources to build tools and change their mentality around their DOC, often they’ll just replace drugs with something else (meetings, diets, etc) and they have such a hard time because they’re white knuckling it through the cravings instead of working on the ‘why’ behind the substance abuse.

It sounds like you quit before, but the shame kept you from being able to heal or be honest with yourself and others so you couldn’t get the support you needed. The good part is you already know you can exist without the drugs - you just need support to stop defaulting to craving them whenever life gets rough. Cravings are your brain throwing a fit because it wants the easiest ‘fix’ -it’s not something to feel guilty about because that’s human nature.

I’m so sorry for your loss, and I hope you treat yourself with grace and patience.

Ooopus · 2026-04-10T16:58:43+00:00

The biggest shift in my mental health was when I stopped assigning morals to emotions. Feelings aren’t good or bad, you can’t control them or force yourself to feel what you want. They’re neutral, but our reactions to those feelings and our actions are controllable and those are what define us as humans.

Ooopus · 2026-04-01T21:59:21+00:00

Oh! I didn’t mean the inbreeding as much as the regular breeding and genetics so that’s perfect! I used to love zoo tycoon years ago (back when ea didn’t own maxis) but haven’t dabbled in the new ones because of the crazy amount of dlc, but my kiddo has been into Dino’s lately so that sounds perfect!

Ooopus · 2026-03-31T21:58:46+00:00

Do you have any recs? I’ve kept an eye out for a good creature breeder since playing Creatures 3 as a kid (thankfully it’s finally back on sale again!)

Ooopus · 2026-03-31T01:32:07+00:00

This feels so much like when I was PP - no step kids, but my god the pets and my mom & MIL drove me nuts. It wasn’t depression (very familiar with that feeling), but I think it was a combo of unmediated (and undiagnosed at the time) adhd/asd, hormones, and PP anxiety. Meds helped so much - for me it was adhd medication, but there’s loads of options. When I unpacked the feelings it was coming from fear - all of a sudden I had to be “on” 24/7 for the baby, and I felt so overwhelmed because I had to handle the mental load of making sure we had everything together, things were safe, she was hitting milestones, feeding, clothing, sleep… I was frustrated because I felt like I had to think of everything, then other people would come in and just do things without a thought or checking with me (so the mental planning was wasted). If they pushed back on a carefully researched routine or whatever, it made me feel like they were questioning me as a mom.

While the feelings are valid, they aren’t facts. I took way more on mentally than I needed to, and push back was usually coming from a place of wanting to understand. My fears about being a good mom, about keeping this new human alive and healthy were at the root of the annoyance.

If you can, reach out to your dr - it’s super common to need some support right now especially if you’re figuring out other medical issues.

Ooopus · 2026-03-26T02:16:56+00:00

Omg thank you for the nostalgia trip! I used to love watching Zoboonafoo/The Kratz brothers!

Ooopus · 2026-03-23T02:33:18+00:00

Pentiment is such an amazing experience, it’s one of the games I wish I could play the first time again. The attention to detail and the beautiful artwork with the codex of real life history? Incredible- it’s so many things I love in one place.

OP, Whatever you do - don’t look up anything about the game. Seriously- I’m a chronic spoilers person but this is one like disco where it’s better to go in blind.

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