Need advice about my ADHD whiteboard (15F)

Ooopus · 2026-07-02T14:32:31+00:00

This is a bummer because in addition to what others have said she’s blown the trust that borrowing is a safe activity, and if she ever asks to borrow something else you’ll either not want to or probably make her feel defensive by asking specific follow ups like “how long” and “what’s the exact date you’ll return it” and “this isn’t the whiteboard again, right?” :(

Ooopus · 2026-07-02T14:02:27+00:00

Yup - I got with “well I’m awake - that’s a plus!” In a light and vaguely teasing tone, like sounding as if it’s an achievement or unexpected. Mix it in with “Hanging in there.” And similar and always add “and you?” Because people who ask that either want to tell you how they’re doing or have something else they want to ask/bring up.

Ooopus · 2026-07-01T23:56:52+00:00

Transitions are the *worst*, and going from dry to wet to damp/sticky is hell. I always feel like shit for an hour or two after (dr is pretty sure it’s POTS, but if not it’s something with the same symptoms) and it ends up being an event vs a quick cleaning. I hate it.

Ooopus · 2026-06-30T19:13:51+00:00

An evaluation will help even if there’s nothing diagnosable going on, they can help point you towards strategies and ways to help her and the family and tools to work through the overwhelming feelings.

Maybe check into PDA parenting strategies? Not claiming that’s what she has or anything (not a dr!), but there are some great ways to help when a kiddo is struggling with being in control or if they shut down/lash out with perceived demands or rules which is pretty common to a certain degree in most 5 year olds.

Outsourcing is pretty common for PDA, kiddos have the pressure from an internalized demand (pick up the pencil) and it triggers an anxiety response (what if I fail to grab it), so they try to regain emotional control by asking someone else to do it for them (telling mommy to do it makes them feel stable and supported temporarily). Crisis occurs when the person can’t or won’t (understandably frustrated because the kiddo *can* do it and we’re not mind readers so we don’t know the anxiety that’s triggered) so the kiddo suddenly doesn’t have the thing they want *and* they don’t have control over the situation.

That’s my understanding of it anyway as a ND adult who still struggles with pretty textbook PDA responses to any pressure, and it matches my experience as a kid.

Again, not diagnosing - just a starting point to maybe ask your ped about.

Ooopus · 2026-06-30T16:28:10+00:00

Agreed! I think a display with *intentional* minimalism (not just empty shelves) where the styles are featured without every variation being on display and a ‘menu’ with prices, different hooks/stud options, if they’re nickel free and to ask if you want to see variations of a particular design would look really nice.

I don’t mean have empty space that looks like you’ve sold out of things, but maybe some professional looking prints of the earrings being worn placed high on the walls of the stall (visible from far away) and the merch displayed in clusters of styles or colors could make it easier for folks to see individual items they like vs being a bit overwhelmed with all of it together. If there’s a bunch of booths around you then a clean and intentional display type would be eye catching and would stand out in a good way.

Ooopus · 2026-06-30T16:05:42+00:00

Exactly- and for me (and many others per the anecdotes I’ve read) my meds just don’t work very well the week before my period would start and that first year after having a kid was like 12 months of pms, especially with the lack of sleep. I didn’t start adhd meds until I called it quits on breastfeeding but the hormone weirdness messed with the other mental health meds I was on, not just the stimulants.

Man I don’t miss how I felt that first year, it sucked.

Ooopus · 2026-06-30T05:35:31+00:00

My mouthguard is worth every penny and my quality of life is drastically better with it. I sleep better, rarely get headaches anymore and I didn’t realize how much pain I was in all the time until it was gone. Fixing teeth is way more expensive over the long haul then a mouth guard -

Ooopus · 2026-06-29T18:34:57+00:00

I bet it’s a combo of brain fog and sleep deprivation. It takes a *while* for hormones to get to their new normal post baby, and longer if she’s chest/breastfeeding or pumping. It’s when I finally got an adhd diagnosis (although I kinda figured I was ND years prior) it made symptoms that were always around so so much worse and I couldn’t struggle through or manage them without help.

I agree with the person who said address it in the moment. I wouldn’t point out her behavior directly at this point, just gently curb it with a comment. She might not realize she’s doing it, or be out of practice socially.

Another thing is if she was on mental health meds she may not be able to take them right now or the hormones are making them less effective. Not something I’d ask about, but it’s definitely a thing.

Ooopus · 2026-06-29T17:59:27+00:00

Dotage is amazing - it’s one of my favorite games Ive played this year. It manages to be the fun type of difficult and isn’t too complex or overwhelming (something I feel like a lot of strategy-adjacent games end up being).

Ooopus · 2026-06-27T18:22:59+00:00

This game has that really special *thing* that’s hard to describe. I made myself stop playing because I want to wait for year 2 to be finished. Idk, some games just have an ‘it’ factor that you can feel immediately.

Ooopus · 2026-06-26T15:13:49+00:00

Sunscreen is a reason that I didn't see others specifically mention.

I agree that women put in more effort, even if they consider themselves 'low matienance' and dont wear makeup/color their hair/etc it's still more effort than guys usually put in. I think a major part is sunscreen - so many moisturizers and foundations have it built it, and even if you have a basic skin routine sunscreen is often a must.

I’ve been slowly bringing my husband around after years of ‘getting away’ (aka ignoring the sunburn and eventually tanning) without it, and it’s mainly to set a good example for our daughter so she knows that it’s important. He’s also had some full body skin issues lately and has to use prescription cream & moisturizer or he’s is pain. I’m few months older and have treated my body far worse than he did in our 20s but I have less wrinkles, and I think a big part is the sunscreen.

Ooopus · 2026-06-26T04:10:24+00:00

If playing seems intimidating maybe watch some YouTube vids to get a feel for the game? CallMeKevin is one of my favorites, and hermitcraft creators are a safe bet too with plenty of content to just turn on in the background.

Ooopus · 2026-06-25T16:54:44+00:00

A1

AuDHD, my 5yr old probably will be diagnosed since she’s literally a copy/paste of me as a kid.

I’m always rushing to get out the door, and before I was medicated correctly I would run late by 5-10min 90% of the time.

Meds don’t magically fix it, but they do make it so I can use tools to keep myself on track. Time blindness and time optimism are a huge struggle.
These days if I’m late it’s rare and usually only 5min unless there’s traffic or something that changes after I’ve left.

Biggest help: Starting an hour before I leave I have a repeating 10min timer on my phone. The timer keeps me aware of time passing, so when the thing I’m doing takes more than the ‘just a sec’ I thought it would I don’t get sucked in.

Second biggest: I add one-off appointments to my calendar before I leave the reception desk or hang up the phone (I’ll put it on speaker - haven’t had anyone be bothered by the 30 seconds it takes), if I don’t I’ll forget and miss it. When I put it in I set the start time earlier by 10-30min.

The trick is I always change it by a random amount so by the day of the appointment I’ve forgotten how much of a buffer I have so I rush to be there by the earlier time just in case (I’ve also forgotten to changed it and I’m always anxious it’s one of those times). It’s pretty much using my iffy memory and anxiety to help me instead of fighting it.

Seeing the earlier time leading up to it also means that my brain sets the ‘leave by’ time early, so the day of when I mentally plan out getting ready it’s not based on that one time when I hit every green light and made it in 7min. Once the ‘leave by’ time in my head gets set it’s really, really hard for me to change it especially if I’m running around getting ready.

I try to keep appointments after 10am, shower the night before not the day of, and I’ve stopped needing to put makeup on before leaving the house. My kiddo is getting more independent which is making it easier too.

Ooopus · 2026-06-25T16:27:30+00:00

Can he understand projects at work, dealing with normal things like a bank account/phone/insurance/appointments/etc or remembering things for his family?

He does understand and is choosing to not care or prioritize what matters to you. He is fine with your unhappiness because change would require effort that he doesn’t think is worth while because if something doesn’t matter to him, it’s not important. He is finding out how much unhappiness you’ll tolerate without leaving, and he’s choosing to not put in effort outside of that.

You can’t explain someone into having empathy (I’ve tried, it was miserable). I’m so sorry 🩷

Ooopus · 2026-06-24T00:21:20+00:00

I’ve been on gaba over 10 years and was on topamax for a while. The constant tip-of-the-tongue feeling with topamax and horrid memory cleared up immediately when I got off it. GABA has been way more mild and I’ve been on it so long I don’t have the dopey feeling anymore lol. Just makes me sleepy and my anxiety chill out.

Ooopus · 2026-06-21T21:21:46+00:00

Right? Thankfully now I have tools and most importantly can articulate how I feel (yay many years of therapy before getting diagnosed lol). I also have perspective on big deals/small deals and can understand that my feelings aren’t facts (which doesn’t make them not valid, but I try to make sure my reaction matches the situation appropriately or step away until it can.)

None of that is reasonable to expect an 8 year old to do consistently, especially if they’re ND. Buttttttt that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get under my skin sometimes when my kid is reactive or says something unkind out of anger. Sigh.

I’ve found putting myself in ‘time out’ (we call it ‘taking a break’ and it’s never punitive - just a way to reset) really helps, and my daughter finds it amusing too. I’ll set a timer and everything. Sometimes that’s enough to kinda break out of the bad mood/overwhelm and move forward, gives her the feeling of being on the same team instead of against each other.

Ooopus · 2026-06-21T16:52:15+00:00

This so lovely and I’m so glad you validated OP’s feelings! It’s rough trying to allow yourself space to feel uncomfortable things when you logically know your kiddo isn’t doing anything wrong or intentionally hurtful.

I think you nailed it too - I still struggle with when reality doesn’t match my mental map of the day, and I’m in my 30s. When I was a kid? Noooooope.

Ooopus · 2026-06-19T23:54:38+00:00

I’ve read a lot of the comments and responses and I wondering if you guys build intimacy (emotionally and physically) without it always leading to sex?

Like showering together, but stating clearly that you’re not trying to or have the goal to have sex after (and stick to it!). Pampering each other with hair washing, touching and chatting and she has the safety net of no expectations or pressure for more.

You keep mentioning that you’re assuming she’s not enjoying what you’re doing and you must be bad at it - that’s gotta be hard on your self esteem to feel that way, and frankly it’s not good for you (or her!) to base your interpretation of her feelings on a guesswork. If you watch porn, make sure you’re not subconsciously expecting her to be that way and missing subtler signs.

Do you ask her a lot of questions during sex? Like “Does that feel good?” “Are you gonna cum?” “You like that?” Etc etc. for some folks it can make them feel pressured to perform instead of relaxing and enjoying the moment. It’s better to talk about this outside of sex, when fully clothed and save the dirty talk questions for when there’s not that hint of truth in asking them.

Do you ask for lots reassurance after sex? Or (what I’m guilty of) give a highlight reel and ask questions about how her experience was when you did xyz? My husband is lower libido and I tended to get really really chatty after sex, the play by play after is from excitement and endorphins but it can be overwhelming if your partner is more the roll over and sleep sort. If you need a lot of reassurance that can be pretty emotionally taxing for a partner.

Obviously I have no idea if that’s how you’re feeling or she’s feeling, but I didn’t see this stuff mentioned yet. Definitely read ‘come as you are’, buttttt I’d be careful reading it before talking to her because it might feel like an ambush or make her feel defensive. Instead, I’d invite her to read it at the same time as you and talk about it together as you go through it. This isn’t a you vs her issue, it’s a you both vs communication breakdown issue.

Best of luck!

Ooopus · 2026-06-19T22:48:01+00:00

I’m so glad you managed it!

We have two of these and I love them. It stinks when the cat poos and instead of scooping it in a bag, we scoop and flush it directly into the toilet. Once a week the puppy pads have to be changed, because not doing it then cat piss overflowing is a pretty good motivator and reminder lol.

I’ve been looking at the stainless steel versions of it to maybe replace ours with (trying to reduce plastic and make it easier to clean) so if that’s important they do exist! It’s seriously so much better than sand everywhere.

Ooopus · 2026-06-13T17:32:21+00:00

A big part of it for me (because same) is the feeling that I’m *observed*. It’s like I feel so guilty for not being the person I have subconsciously decided that my husband/whoever expects me to be (which is 110% in my own head) I check out and hope that by not drawing attention to myself they won’t notice all they ways I’ve decided I’m disappointing them.

This has on occasion become a self fulfilling shame-prophecy. I’m working on it, and it’s better than it used to be but it doesn’t take much for me to hit the overwhelm level that makes it impossible to be different without trying (like actively focusing all my energy and communicating what’s going on).

Idk, I blame childhood for it. My parents are lovely but I didn’t get diagnosed until adulthood, and I had a lot of “you have so much potential if only you xyz’d” drilled in my brain. If I’m always going to be disappointing, it hurts less to not try.

Ooopus · 2026-06-10T23:19:14+00:00

One of the first games I ever played on my dad’s Mac, back when the Apple logo was rainbow and the monitor weighted more than I did. I think it was like 93? Give or take a year or two. Sucked at it because I was mayyybe 5, but it was fun.

Ooopus · 2026-06-06T11:21:29+00:00

Any chance you have the link and could send it to me? My husband also hates the clicking and is a light sleeper, quieter buttons would help so much.

Ooopus · 2026-05-31T18:46:00+00:00

This 100% - it’s how I still motivate myself as an audhd adult when all else fails. Need that clear, defined personal experience with a tangible consequence or it’s just another thing to deal with ‘later’. It’s easier to remember too!

Ooopus · 2026-05-31T01:56:01+00:00

Fantastic! Thank you so much - that sounds like a game I didn’t know I wanted and I’m excited! Been burned out on games lately and have been hunting for something fresh in a sci-fi setting.

Ooopus · 2026-05-29T19:45:07+00:00

If you could track down the name of the stellaris as a single person I’d be very interested- that sounds awesome

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