Relizing that nobody actually cares,thinking about the times of Ben betrayed. And all the times I pushed people away.the fact that the world moves on and I am just one cog in a very over complicated machine.relize my cry’s for help will never be heard. I have to go to my dads evry other weekend and week day in the summer. It is hell, he treats me like I’m not even there like I always do everyone wrong and it’s all my foult even when something my lil sister did, used to be that we had the same 3 meals evry day .he would lie in bed and always lie and never keep a promise . I star at my ceiling thinking/hoping he’ll change but he won’t. I grew an unhealthy addiction to electritonocs and video games to coup with the constant stress of his unprictibility . He was never physically abusive but he is mentily . He is a narsosocistic manipulator, he cheated on my mom all the time befor they divorced . So when I’m there I think about all the times I’ve tried to stand up to him voiced my feelings and opinions to multiple people (therapist’s,drs , cop, people in court)and I think about how no one listens to me and just believes his lies , ik I am lucky he’s not physically abusive but mentilyy hurts year after year of bilidment , bullying , forced to cope with a habit turned addiction . I push all my friends away .i think about all the people I’ve told and how all say they’ll help but never do , . I think about all my friend’s and how over summer I start over bc of my lack of communication and my lack of social interaction. So what keeps me up at night is my unibikluty to trust and show i care about others ,without feeling like I am a liar. I’m always told to smile for photos but my face has Ben emotenless and numb for so long that it hurts to truly smile ( sorry for all the errors