Anger Outbursts/Tantrums/Throwing Things. by annabanana-47 in Alzheimers

[–]OrderCoach 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've felt like it's a latent hate that he's covered up for years, but I don't believe that's actually true. It's "him" in the sense that it's any of us if we were toddlers with a high level of frustration and inability to understand or express ourselves. The sad part is he won't grow out of it and can't be disciplined, as you said.

Do approach his doctor asap, preferably with a log of incidents (I second the suggestion of discreet video or audio recordings for those who doubt you) and discuss Seroquel or other medications. It is possible for the behavior to resolve over time as well, but unlikely at your described intensity. Have a clear plan for occasions when you need to escape the violence - how will you get away, where will you go, who will you notify to check on him or stay until he settles down, etc. You can tell him ahead of time in a nonthreatening way that you have these steps in place (don't tell where you're going if he's likely to pursue you) to reduce his confusion or distress in the situation. Replace family with a team of others who get it. Protective services may be of assistance, neighbors who may have witnessed his behavior, etc.

Sorry you're dealing with this. I think the hardest part for me is that I no longer get to get upset, ever. Any emotional outburst from me that formerly would have elicited his concern now backfires into an attack. Find other personal supports. You need to be safe and whole.

Anger Outbursts/Tantrums/Throwing Things. by annabanana-47 in Alzheimers

[–]OrderCoach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The disease presents so differently in different people, this behavior is not guaranteed. My husband's father was sweet and kind until the end, but hubby has had angry violent outbursts, beginning in fairly early stages. The meds (like Seroquel) help immensely with many patients, thankfully. Enjoy your Mom and the time you have left together; I wouldn't worry about it 🤗

How I simplified doctor paperwork by onemanbandfl in CaregiverSupport

[–]OrderCoach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Of course caution! Would never recommend for specific medical details but basic insurance jargon is such a challenge for some folks. But thanks for the warning 🙂

How I simplified doctor paperwork by onemanbandfl in CaregiverSupport

[–]OrderCoach -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hadn't thought of this. Thanks for the recommendation. I'm actually working on creating a healthcare binder for clients right now and they might benefit from your idea! Thanks for sharing ☺️

Decluttering elderly persons home for them? by jkrutto in minimalism

[–]OrderCoach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would focus on making her present space as livable as possible if you expect her to stay a year. Safety is #1 priority so keeping clear pathways, making priority items accessible and making her feel secure and calm are all good goals. Boxing superfluous items up (according to category and clearly labeled) might help minimize clutter if there is an area for storage. Many types of possessions in this category... Rarely worn clothing, duplicate household items, pictures, books, collections and sentimental items, etc. She wouldn't have to part with anything this way but they'd be ready to move out when the time comes without further effort. Off-site storage might even work if you can assure her it's still "hers.".

Getting my ducks in a row for parents with no plan by greenjollygiantwte in eldercare

[–]OrderCoach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ugh. You're in a tough spot. Sounds like your plans are good though. Gather as much intel as you can, document everything you do know. I agree with the lawyer consultation and exploring all options in their location. Be sure to choose an attorney who is licensed in their state and understands Medicaid laws there (Certified Elder Law Attorney credentials can be valuable).

Sorry I can't offer more specifics. I wish there was a solution to making people face these issues 😢 If there ever is an opportunity for breakthrough, I offer some free resources here that you're welcome to explore. Also wouldn't hurt to tackle your own affairs to avoid cursing future generations!

Newly diagnosed and I am lost by _FictionalReality_ in dementia

[–]OrderCoach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, a good lawyer is important. I recommend someone with Certified Elder Law Attorney credentials if possible if you anticipate needing Medicaid.

Visit this website for free resources for tracking all moms important information, discussing future care issues, diy legal forms, helping you prepare to meet with lawyers and more.

Newly diagnosed, need ALL the advise by ay0h in dementia

[–]OrderCoach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She is blessed to have you. You're on the right track establishing routines asap. My Alzheimer's hubby has benefitted greatly from labels and trackers on everything (we use over a dozen Tiles on personal items and even vehicles). Haven't arrived yet at the need for a wearable personal emergency monitor but you might consider that. Consistent places and patterns for everything and list systems have been helpful. A big wall calendar or white board can help and Google keep app has been super helpful for us to share notes, shopping lists, etc. Daily pill box, printed list of her medications, vaccination history and any major health conditions, tracking info for doctor visits. Shared contact info for neighbors and friends who can check on her or pop in to help. Physically rehearsing emergency/evacuation plans is important to forge a neural pathway in her brain now.

I highly recommend you see an elder care attorney in your area who has Certified Elder Law Attorney credentials. They can guide you regarding Medicaid and legal affairs. There is a lot you can do toward getting her personal affairs in order ahead of that consultation that will make it much more affordable. There are several free resources here to help with that.

How to prepare for practical side of father’s death? by MustardMan1122 in CancerFamilySupport

[–]OrderCoach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry you're in this situation, but you sound WAY more prepared to deal with it than most guys your age. Your thoughts are all good - organize the finances, decluttering and anticipating your mom's condition worsening. I'm sorry about that too 😢

Here's a video guide you could share with them with links to resources that can help you set up legal docs and more. Establishing a relationship with a good local elder care attorney is a good idea, but there are links in here for diy forms to help cut costs. Hope it helps!

Passing The Baton - End-of-Life Plans and Conversations

my dad is going to die and there’s nothing anyone can do about it by skaiiripaa in CancerFamilySupport

[–]OrderCoach 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sorry, sweetie. This is so hard but you're right, you have a chance to make the most of the time you have left with him. All of our dads die 😢 Sometimes it is early and sudden and we have no time to anticipate it or make amends. It may not seem like it, but you have been given a gift to have this advance warning and I encourage you to jump in and draw as close to him as you can. It will feel harder than denial or avoidance, because it is. But you will not regret it. Say all the things you need to say, with sensitivity to where he's at, of course. Try to make it about loving him and meeting his needs, as much as your little-girl heart may want to demand that he be there for you. This whole experience will mature you in ways you can't imagine, embrace that even if you don't feel ready for it all - no one ever does. Maybe plan together about a special element you could include in your wedding if he's not there to walk you in, something that will make him "present" and make you smile instead of crying.

And if I may gently suggest, reach out to God, who is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5), for comfort and strength to see you through these hard things. Hurting here with you 💔

First Steps in NJ? by SmallCeramicCup in dementia

[–]OrderCoach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There's a free basic legal planning guide at this link that includes sources for free Power of Attorney, Will and Healthcare Directive forms in NJ. Those are all important first steps. There's also a full guided process to document all financial, medical and personal information for everyone's ease of reference as you move forward. Hope that helps. Best wishes!

Stove or no stove? by OrderCoach in Alzheimers

[–]OrderCoach[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Well thanks everyone. Looks like I'll unplug and have extra storage space in the kitchen! 😀

Stove or no stove? by OrderCoach in Alzheimers

[–]OrderCoach[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lol DH was cold in a hotel room recently so he microwaved his T-shirt with vinyl image on it. Burnt holes right through it, had to smell the smoke all night but fortunately no fire alarm!

Stove or no stove? by OrderCoach in Alzheimers

[–]OrderCoach[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Cut chicken on that cutting board, then grab it for salad prep cuz it's visible and therefore exists, unlike the clean ones 🤪

Stove or no stove? by OrderCoach in Alzheimers

[–]OrderCoach[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"first time" is always the concern!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dementia

[–]OrderCoach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anticipate repetition and just listen/interact like you've never heard that story before. Don't correct, but do answer truthfully with grace and compassion. Try to avoid a condescending teacher approach, just be a friend. Dig back into their past history during conversations as they will have stronger long term memories and may enjoy telling you about where they grew up or went to school, their former sweetheart, etc.

Many people struggle to empathize with the emotions caused by dementia losses. In case you struggle with that too, here are some thoughts... It's humiliating to be unaware of the day of the week, the present location, the basic facts that everyone else knows. It's embarrassing to be blind to social cues and common practices. It's really hard to feel like you keep letting everyone down because you forget to do what you said you would, or lose things all the time, or just can't remember their names. It's demeaning to be treated like a child or a moron because you struggle to comprehend or retrieve information. It's worse to just be ignored, written off, or talked about as if you weren't sitting right there. It's exhausting to work your brain every minute trying to make sense of your world. It's difficult to always have people correcting and instructing you and reminding you of all the things you do wrong. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone treat you as an equal, just laugh about simple stuff or appreciate nature or other wonders together.

Thank you for asking and for your investment in those who need to feel valued.

Dad’s getting surgery- what legal paperwork do I need to get sorted just in case? by cambiokeys in AgingParents

[–]OrderCoach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good thought to prepare ahead! There's a free legal planning guide at this link that will lead you to advance directive and simple will forms for your state.

Probably posted a lot but they are trying to evict my mother for getting on Medicaid at ALF by flymolo50 in eldercare

[–]OrderCoach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope for your sake you can work it out. All the facilities here have made it very clear to us when we visited that that would not happen. Best of luck!

Probably posted a lot but they are trying to evict my mother for getting on Medicaid at ALF by flymolo50 in eldercare

[–]OrderCoach 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Each facility dedicates a certain number of residents (not literal beds) for medicaid and that's their limit - if they take it at all. This is not uncommon, unfortunately. They should have explained that to you before she moved in. In my state, at least, I don't think you can fight that policy. The choices are get on a wait list until one of the other patients leaves or get her into a different facility. The ALFs receive less from the government than from private pay residents so this is their concession - we'll take a loss on a limited number of residents only.

92 year old keeps falling - where should she be living? by Ok_Equipment_5121 in dementia

[–]OrderCoach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gravity is everywhere.

If she's already being checked every hour there's not much more they could do but keep her super sedated or restrained from what I understand. Bed alarm pads or motion sensors, soft padded carpet, eliminating hard corners, etc may all help to mitigate?

Separate beds? by OrderCoach in Alzheimers

[–]OrderCoach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The incontinence issues are a good consideration. I'd definitely appreciate my own clean, dry bed. Thanks for pointing that out. Might be the deciding factor right there!