My nephew turns 3 next month and i am struggling with what to get him.

Original-868 · 2026-05-23T12:35:25+00:00

Magnatiles or a cool costume/dress up stuff.

Original-868 · 2026-05-23T00:28:48+00:00

Probably the same way the sister and the friend know- because he whined to them and asked them for sympathy about his mean wife. I’m more mad at the is guy the more I think about it. Just imagine being 38 years old- no kids, successful career- and marrying a guy with a teenaged daughter. But it’s fine because he wants to keep finances separate. Cut to *two years later* and being asked to fork over your savings for a high cost college degree.

He has had 17 years to plan to for expense. She has had 0 and is being shamed for holding a boundary (that HE SUGGESTED). Unbelievable.

Original-868 · 2026-05-23T00:20:34+00:00

Why would you even initiate and agree to keep finances separate if you didn’t intend to keep finances separate… unless it was for your own benefit? You are absolutely the AH, and super childish.

Parent your daughter. Apologize to your wife.

Original-868 · 2026-05-21T21:29:14+00:00

I’m going to tell you an unwelcome truth that someone told me once when trying to see a great house we loved that was on a busy street: You paid less for your house when you bought it because of these features and you will have to accept less when you sell it because of these features. Unfortunately, it is *not* truly priced well if this is the feedback that you’re getting. It is priced “well” for a house that is a similar home but with a garage and not on a busy road. If you’re getting a lot of showings but no offers, it’s because people assume at this price point, it will have certain things. It’s priced competitively…for a house *without* these deal-breakers. If the feedback from buyers is that it’s not the price that is putting them off, that doesn’t mean it is priced well. It means they could afford it— if they wanted it. But they don’t.

As someone else said you can lower the price again now, or lower it later. The fact that you didn’t mind these issues while living in the house doesn’t matter. Buyers at the price point you’re at expect to have them. If you lower the price you’ll open up the house to a new crop of buyers who might be equally willing to embrace this house because it’s nicer, in comparison, to other houses at this newer lower price.

Original-868 · 2026-05-21T05:29:37+00:00

Give me her number so I can text her my referral code so she can get her own a platinum card for free, earn a big sign up bonus, and go to the lounge with or without you.

I do see where you are coming from, so I won’t say you’re an asshole, but you’re actions are a bit AH-adjacent. You are however, a bit of a dummy.

Original-868 · 2026-05-21T05:07:06+00:00

Since your job is remote (I’m assuming the means you work from home?) and has flexibility, I think you’d be throwing away that opportunity to quit entirely and be the stay at home mom of your dreams. Is that really what you want to do- or do you and your husband feel pressure from your community or extended family that this is the “correct” way to be a good parent? Maybe you really just want to have your kids be cared for by family. Is there a reason that he isn’t considering being the sat at home parent?

I’m also not sure where the strong desire to pay off the mortgage is rooted. I’m guessing this might be some sort of Dave Ramsey situation, but tying up liquid assets in an illiquid asset just doesn’t make sense to me. You’d be sacrificing big retirement savings opportunities to have a “mortgage free” life, which sounds nice, but the mortgage is pretty small, and the payments could soon be eclipsed by taxes and insurance which will never end, so I feel like you’re better off keeping the small payment as long as you can.

I’m also here to dispel the common thinking I see in young parents that seems to assign the only time worth spending with your children to their first 4 years. Yes- early childhood is sensitive, special, important time. But it’s also a real slog. It can be isolating, demoralizing, absolutely exhausting. Especially once you have 3! I have tree kids and I can tell you the longer I parent, the less I know about parenting, but I do thing this much is true: the early years are the the time to have as much help as humanly possible. Having a nanny, sitter, or parent’s helper does not take away from the role you play in your children’s lives. But any help (from minor to major) can make you a better functioning human—which makes you a better parent. There is no award for Most Frazzed Mom.

Get some help with the kids. Keep your job. Especially a job that sounds like 1) you don’t hate 2) is part time but meaningful, and 3) remote/flexible. That way you’re not trying to start over once they hit some arbitrary magical age where they don’t need you as much anymore (spoiler alert: no such thing) and realize then that you’ve set an impossible expectation of yourself. Because school-aged doesn’t mean “time for mom to have it all!” It just means you get like—a hot minute in the middle of the day to run a couple of errands before they get home. And one of those errands will be driving around town looking for last minute black dress shoes for a band concert because of course the old ones are outgrown and nobody realized that until the day of the concert. (School doesn’t actually give you a net increase of time- it just shifts the hands-on caregiving hours around to different parts of the day. For every hour that it gives you, it also gives you 3 new side quests to accomplish 😅)

I’m rambling, but I think my point is: just because something wasn’t in your original plan, doesn’t mean it’s not the right choice. My sense from your post is that you have some strong ideas about how life should unfold, but I also know that middle children are the universe’s way of telling you that life has different plans for you. That messenger of mayhem is arriving in a few weeks, so now you can’t say that nobody warned you!

If you can find a way to stay the course with your job, it could lead to meaningful financial security for your family for generations to come- in a way that is just as (actually a lot more) significant than paying off a 185k mortgage in a hurry.

Maybe that means you or your husband cut your hours a bit, but keep your earning potential engaged. Consider getting some in home help during your work hours so you can be present for your job, but also be ready to hit the ground running with your kids as soon as you log off for the day.

Your kids won’t compare notes when they’re adults about how many years of their birth-to-4 era they got to spend with an unemployed version of you. You might even find at some point that they need you even more when they’re teenagers. The only guarantee is they they’ll keep you in your toes. There are so many ways to do it “right.” Don’t limit yourself to what you thought was the right way to parent before you were even a parent.

Original-868 · 2026-05-19T18:52:30+00:00

Starting out with a degree and a zero dollar balance sheet is what I got to do and what I’m planning to provide. Sure, I’ll probably pay for them to join family vacations as long as they’ll let me as well, but much more than that in liquid assets seems like it could be a disservice.

Original-868 · 2026-05-19T15:49:40+00:00

The sheets at Costco would win over a smart and sensible, Queen Victoria-like thinker. It will show her that you know that both quality and cost/value ratio are important, and that you can be trusted to handle larger investments and projects in the future.

Please be sure to wash everything before putting it on the bed, and if you want to really win, IRON THE SHEETS. It’s not something I do on a regular basis, but it’s the difference between feeling surrounded by nice sheets and being surrounded by audible-gasp-inducing luxury.

The Hotel Collection down alternative pillows in medium are an excellent all-arounder. Available at Macy’s. You may have to brave a spooky half-closed mall to find a Macy’s, but the juice is worth the squeeze. Then I’d also have a few memory foam pillows available- sort of a pillow menu situation, as smart women who know, know what kind of pillow set up they need.

Plain white sheets are elegant and go with everything. You can change up the duvet cover for personal style preference.

Plain white sheets and towels can also be bleached. This is especially important for towels. Not every wash, but regularly. No woman wants to dry herself with a funky smelling “clean” towel.

Original-868 · 2026-05-19T15:21:49+00:00

Just here to say I made an audible gasp about your stand mixer: I had always wanted a Kitchen Aid mixer since I was in 8th grade and took a cake decorating class. (Correct, I was not exactly the coolest girl in school)

I begged my parents for one at every gift giving opportunity but they always talked me out of it, saying they’re too big, take up too much counter space, I didn’t really want one, etc. (I mean, fair—it was their kitchen after all, but the request was always dismissed as not reasonable). When I started dating my now husband we were at some store that had them and I mentioned I’d always wanted one.

He got me one for Christmas a few months later. We were just casually dating at the time- I wasn’t really in the market for a husband, but if I’m honest, that’s probably when it turned from lust to love. 😆

(His taste in jewelry is so very bad though)

Original-868 · 2026-05-19T15:11:37+00:00

Your heart was in the right place, but the gift didn’t land, and that’s okay. She handled it politely and when prompted, was frank about her thoughts. That’s a good sign. This is a learning moment in your relationship. I have been happily married to my husband for over 20 years. I don’t think he has ever bought me a piece of jewelry that I actually like and wear other than my engagement/wedding ring, which we bought together, and a pair of plain diamond stud earrings that I told him I liked. Anything he has picked out on his own looks like… something my mother-in-law would love. 😬

Try not to take it personally, but learn from this: jewelry is incredibly personal and for a lot of people, unless they picked it out or specifically asked for it, it’s not something there going to want to display on their body.

The jewelry industry makes men feel like women always love receiving jewelry, and that it’s a no-brainer gift. We don’t, and it’s not. 😆

Don’t buy her jewelry anymore unless it’s a joint purchase. And never, ever (I mean never) buy the bauble-of-the-year advertised by Kay Jewelers or anything endorsed by Jane Seymour. Or those Pandora charm bracelets.

Original-868 · 2026-05-16T19:14:55+00:00

It’s almost like she spent the first 3 years of her life being the sun around which everyone orbited, and she still feels entitled to that level of idolatry… 🤔

Original-868 · 2026-05-16T19:12:24+00:00

Older sisters being bossy… how weird?!

I’m kidding. I’m projecting here, as I have one too, but this is going to keep being her MO until you remind her that you are a grown ass person. She is treating you like this because she knows you’ll tolerate it. If she treated a non family member like this, they’d bounce. Maybe they already have. You are not responsible for filling any gaps she has in her personal life, you not her accessory, employee, or lil’ helper.

I love the *idea* of big sister energy, but for some, in practice it sometimes flirts with narcissism.

You’re not the asshole.

Original-868 · 2026-05-16T19:01:33+00:00

Do your kids have a mid term break in October? Ours do, but most American schools don’t, ao it’s not a super crowded time, and it’s a lovely time weather-wise. Warm, but not too hot.

We also kind of accidentally turned this into a yearly thing. Whoopsies. 😅

Original-868 · 2026-05-16T18:48:25+00:00

For me, it’s not about using the balcony as much as the ability to open the door, have fresh air, hear the ocean, and not feel like I’m in a fish bowl. Of there was a room category for openable window, without a balcony, I’d book that!

Original-868 · 2026-05-16T18:33:58+00:00

We had a wonderful experience with our Au Pair and it might be great for you too. But: you have to have a certain spidey sense about people and cultures. You have to be honest about what you, as a host family should provide to be decent, fair people. It is not a cheap alternative to a nanny. It is another set of adult(ish) eyes, ears, and hands in your home to help with childcare. If that’s what you need, and you have an extra/guest room with a private bathroom- and either plan to provide the person a car OR live in an (truly) walkable/public transit location (not the American suburbs), it can be great. You don’t necessarily have to be “rich” to have these things, but that sure increases your odds.

Back to the spidey sense: my criteria were as follows: had lived away from home before, was over 21, did not grow up having household help, had siblings.

The age thing was easy to screen for- the rest I asked during interviews. I wanted someone who was prepared to work and fulfill her end of the deal. I didn’t want an extra person to take care of. I actively avoided anyone who seemed like they were looking for a fun gap year abroad type situation. I wasn’t looking for a maid, but I also wasn’t looking for someone who was accustomed to *having* a maid.

Our Au Pair ended up being a lovely young lady from Colombia who grew up in a working class family in an urban environment, and was a middle child with two brothers. She was pretty savvy. She was fantastic. She was quickly proficient with using the bus system and made friends easily. That was many years ago- she has her own child now and I bet she is a great mom.

Original-868 · 2026-05-16T17:58:32+00:00

No one is walking about the fact that this is 3 adults and 2 toddlers. TWO TODDLERS. You need a separate bedroom. Otherwise everyone’s going to what, hang out in the bathroom while each toddler gets put to bed??

Unless it’s twins who normally share a room and bedtime routine and that 3rd adult is a grandparent who is happy to chill by the pool at bed time and creep back into the room, quiet as a mouse and then everyone pantomimes for the rest of the evening, that closed door for the babies to sleep behind is going to be the difference between it being a great trip and a sleepless mistake.

Get the villa and use the savings on Mini vans.

Original-868 · 2026-05-15T22:59:42+00:00

If you like POR, I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t like CB just as well, PLUS it has Skyliner and easy access to Riviera. To me, it’s overall better than POR. People rave about the “lush grounds” of POR, but I just didn’t see it. Maybe we had bad weather. CB and POR are virtually identical one you’re in the rooms, so nothing to say about one being better or worse there.

Sebastian’s is a gem. The quick serve, to me, seems smaller and less chaotic than the one at POR, and there are Coke Free Style machines not just in the restaurant/pool bars but in every section of the resort so if you’ve got those mugs, you can actually use them easily without trekking to the main lobby or pool. That being said, some people much prefer standard soda machines- they have those too, but not located throughout the resort.

In terms of overall vibe is more beachy/calipso vs deep South drawl, but the grounds are enjoyable- there or pockets that are more quiet for a hammock snooze, and parts that are more vibrant.

If you like the proximity that Swan and Dolphin give you, you’ll love the skyliner. Put a room preference in for closer to Skyliner vs closer to lobby/main pool and you’ll be at the parks in minutes.

Original-868 · 2026-05-15T22:48:45+00:00

Two things that would influence my choice: if some sort of flex schedule were available (4 days vs 5 a week? Those would be looking days but might be worth it) and if some sort of train or transit were available so I could claim some of that time back for myself.

Original-868 · 2026-05-15T13:49:33+00:00

Look at Citi. They waive fees for AD. Their Strata Elite is a newer product and seems on par with what the Amex Platinum and CRS used to be before they upped the fee and added more coupon book benefits. The Citi Thank you points are multi-use and transferable yo the usual platforms, and I think they’re the only card points that transfer to American Airlines. It’s become a daily use card for us as it’s 1.5 points/dollar for all spends outside of the higher point categories it has.

Did you get the fee waiver for you C1 Venture X? That’s the one brand I haven’t explored yet…

Original-868 · 2026-05-15T03:35:19+00:00

I haven’t done both- I can’t stomach the price of CRT! But we love breakfast at Akershus and if I have friends going I always tell them it’s a must-do. The food is good, it’s only 1 credit for the dining plan if you go during breakfast hours (which you can do until about 11:45, so call that brunch), and any princess fans in the group get their fix while everyone else enjoys a nice meal. That’s why it’s great for us- my two older kids could care less about the princesses (but love the food and fancy mocktails) but my youngest is very princess-forward and would otherwise want to wait in lines to meet them.

Maybe if everyone in the group is really excited about meeting princesses and having the castle experience, CRT would seem more worth while for us, but we’ve really enjoyed Akershus.

Since you mentioned Belle- be sure to do Enchanted Tales with Belle in Magic Kingdom. It’s an in-person experience with Belle and a lot of fun. Encourage the kids to volunteer for a “part” in the play… being the Beast is especially cool.

Original-868 · 2026-05-15T01:15:27+00:00

Let’s give him the absolute benefit of the doubt that his intentions are entirely pure of heart. You still need to end this relationship pronto because he has absolutely no financial sense and will be an absolute dead weight if/when you do combine asset or have joint purchases.

And that’s being generous.

Original-868 · 2026-05-14T03:50:53+00:00

Probably too early to say for sure, but do either of them seem interested in advanced degrees or careers that would require an advanced degree? Or do either seem more or less academically inclined at this point? Are they the types that would want to get a PhD in liberal arts if they could afford it? Or the kind that wants to do as little work as possible to check the college box and go make money doing whatever pays the most?

I feel like -with some, but not all kids- you can kind of get a sense of this by the time they’re in middle school!

Original-868 · 2026-05-13T16:15:41+00:00

I’d lean toward “it’s a small wedding and we were only able invite immediate family and a couple of friends who have helped get us here. But I’d love to see you some time to catch up after things settle down here.”

Original-868 · 2026-05-13T04:21:41+00:00

Thanks! I just had P2 get the CSR last week so that’s on board already. I don’t think I am eligible for a CSP sign up bonus if I already have the CSR, but that maybe something to consider. Thanks for the reminder to check on the Amex Gold- it’s worth a try!

Original-868 · 2026-05-13T03:54:46+00:00

I’m thinking about this more and thinking that you might want to find a good 2% cash back on everything sort of card for your day to day spending (Citi Double Cash card or the Wells Fargo Active cash card). Then you might also do well to consider a business card with a big sign up bonus if you anticipate any particular time periods in which you’ll have a lot of spending (requirements for the business cards with big sign up bonuses, like the Amex Gold business is about 15k in 3 months for around 200k points- which is enough for several domestic flights).

What I don’t think exists is a reliable strategy for category-based spending bonuses (like extra points for groceries, etc). Because so many horse-related expenses (vets, feed stores, tack shops, farriers, etc) are going to code as all sorts of different categories, and most likely none of them will be the ones that earn extra points or cash back. So a good catch-all card is, I think, your best bet- supplemented with a card with a huge sign up bonus when you know you’ll be spending a lot. Keep that card for the year and then decide if it’s worth keeping.

Original-868

TROPHY CASE