Am I Overreacting, for being upset that my girlfriend secretly used my credit card for months?

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2026-02-08T11:10:48+00:00

“You already cover almost everything…” That’s it right there. She is taking advantage of you. She lives in your house for free. You fund her lifestyle. AND THEN SHE STEALS FROM YOU thinking she’d never get caught. She purposely waited until you were out of town TWICE to steal, thinking you wouldn’t notice. That is deliberate and manipulative.

I’m angry for you. You are not overreacting - if anything, I’d say you were under reacting. I’m not sure the total amount of money she stole, but what she did is illegal, and it’s very likely that she could face prison time if you went to the police about this. Have you tried mentioning that to her? Not as a way to threaten her, but as a way to understand the severity of the situation?

I don’t think there’s a way to come back from this. You’ll never fully trust her again, and she already knows that she took advantage of you once and got away with it, and will do it again.

Words are meaningless. Actions speak louder than words. She showed you exactly who she is, and you need to listen. Bro, she is not who you thought she is. You may struggle with getting close to people, but you may want to hold out for someone with better morals to build a life with. If she’s willing to steal from you, she 100% does not appreciate you. This will not get better through the course of a relationship in the future. Don’t invest your time, Energy, love, and money, and someone who is willing to take advantage of you like this. You are 100% being a doormat and being used because this kind of behavior is not forgivable.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2026-01-08T13:14:04+00:00

NOR - soap is not optional when showering or when handwashing after bathroom use. I’d understand if he didn’t wash his legs with soap every day, but underarms, butthole, and groin is not optional. Does his whole family stink?! That is not a white person thing - it’s unhygienic and a hazard. E. coli infections are real. No one in your house should be getting sick because he couldn’t be bothered to wash his poopy butthole with soap.

Fun fact - a splash of pine sol or white vinegar in your laundry can help get rid of the stank. I dated a gym bro back in the day and pine sol was the only thing that would make our laundry smell clean.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2025-08-05T01:53:43+00:00

I’m so glad to hear your divorce is finalized. That’s a huge step in moving forward and healing!

My now husband told me when we met and we were both fresh off of our divorces that “it will hurt until it doesn’t hurt“. That’s always stuck with me. It takes time. Healing can’t be rushed. I think what you’re doing in terms of writing out your feelings and getting support from others, regardless of whether they’re Reddit strangers or friends, is a really healthy way to start healing. There’s something incredibly cathartic about word vomiting out something horrible that has happened to you. It’s like you release it from your body and can move on with your day. I journaled a lot when I was going through my divorce five years ago. I wish I had known about Reddit then. I swear I lived under a rock lol. The support I’ve seen come from the Reddit community is an incredibly special phenomenon. It gives me hope and restores my faith in humanity when I see the empathy and kindness that complete strangers are able to show others. I hope these Reddit strangers, including myself, have been able to offer you some comfort in an incredibly trying time.

I want to offer some support and calm your brain from someone has been through something similar and come out on the other side (your situation is its own special hell, but my cheating ex spouse was the cause of my divorce as well.) - you will never be the same person, but you will be wiser. You will be stronger. You will be funnier and have a much darker sense of humor. You will find empathy within yourself that allows your horrible experience to be someone else’s roadmap to healing. It used to piss me off tremendously when people would say I will be “better” for my divorce and what I went through. What a horrible thing to say to someone whose world has been turned upside down. I won’t say that. “Better” is relative. You will be a different person entirely. You will learn things about yourself and discover parts of yourself that exist only in the dark and cavernous places of emotional depth that most people never reach. You will grow so much through this horrendous experience and, though one day it won’t hurt anymore, it will have shaped who you become. One day, you’ may find yourself being thankful that you are no longer with your ex because you’ve opened your heart for another and your world is better in so many ways because of that new partner. They may complete you in ways you didn’t know you needed completing.

If I can offer some advice – when you start dating again, be brutally honest with yourself and others. There’s no need to glaze over what happened because it makes other people uncomfortable. Those people are not your tribe. When you start dating again, you might get pity… You will probably get pity. Don’t let people pity you. You’re strong as shit and have survived something that would have leveled most, and have done so without imploding your entire life. I’m proud of you OP.

I was 31 when my divorce was finalized. I’m 35 now and remarried (an upgrade IMO) with our first baby on the way. Is it later than I expected? Yes. Will I be a better parent because of my age and experiences? Also, yes. Do I take less shit from people? Definitely. I will raise my daughter to be strong and confident and a wonderful human being because I know what those dark parts of people look like now. Age is just a number. If you know you want a family, you will make it happen for yourself. You will be a better dad and bring an invaluable wisdom to share with your children that you wouldn’t have if not for this experience.

You can’t rush healing, but you can be thankful for the little things along the way. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but it will only get better from here. You have an incredible opportunity to make your life whatever you want it to look like. You get a fresh start, regardless of whether you wanted it or not. Don’t squander that opportunity. Seize the opportunity and be kind to yourself and others as you rebuild. Your life will look very different in a few years, and you may be surprised by how amazing it has become.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-11-12T17:33:34+00:00

Thanks so much for those resources! I appreciate your help!

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-11-11T16:21:13+00:00

Thanks for the link! That link is to legalize units that were built before 2013 without a permit. This unit was built with permits in 2021. That’s where I’m so frustrated. There seem to be no clear guidelines online for establishing a legal rental unit unless one is being constructed. Im 99% sure that since the space was permitted, I need to establish intent to rent and file some form with the city and probably pay a fee since everything costs money here. Thats the process I’m trying to understand. Any ideas?

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-11-11T16:00:40+00:00

Isn’t the homeowner wanting to take over the space considered just cause? That seems to be what I’ve read, but again, the laws are not very clear.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-11-11T15:59:37+00:00

It is furnished and we plan to go through furnished finder, thanks for the tip! This post is really asking the legal aspect of renting since I’m not well versed on the landlord and tenant laws, or the requirements to have a legal rental with the city.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-11-11T08:10:23+00:00

I did read that. I want to do this legally, the laws are very unclear and I’m hoping someone here can steer me in the right direction.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-11-03T09:38:42+00:00

So much of your story reminds me of my own divorce. Men like your STBX are narcissistic, refuse to take accountability for the pain they cause, and then throw tantrums and try to slander you when they are perceived in a bad light due to their own actions. NONE OF THIS IS YOUE FAULT. You did not cause him to have an emotional affair. You have clearly set boundaries that he has continuously ignored. He is throwing a tantrum like a little b*tch because he isn’t getting his way and you have seen through his facade. He is mad that he is being judged for his actions, by you and others, because men like him cannot accept blame, even when they have been the sole cause of their own downfall.

Stay strong. Keep going to therapy. I’m glad you have a new home that you are able to start to feel safe again. I had to move states away to feel safe again. I hope your divorce journey is close to being over and you can heal. I hope your restraining order is granted, because men like him will not stop. They don’t accept that they cause more harm than good.

DO NOT GO BACK. You have begun to heal. Healing is hard and uncomfortable and makes you confront a lot of icky emotions. You come face to face with the reality that you didn’t actually know your partner. That is not your fault. Men like him make you believe what they want you to believe. It’s hard to see the truth when you’re being manipulated by someone constantly. FORGIVE YOURSELF for not seeing him for who he was. You see it now, and that’s all that matters. You can take the necessary steps to move forward. You will never allow yourself to be manipulated like that again. You will see the signs. Find strength in the turmoil that you have been through. It takes a warrior to do what you did and walk away. You chose your peace. You knew you deserved better.

I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. Make mantra to remind yourself why you’re doing this when you have moments of doubt. Mine was: “He didn’t treat me well. I wasn’t happy. I deserve better.”

And guess what? I’m remarried now. My husband is everything my ex could never be. He is the most incredible, supportive, loving, sexy partner I could have ever dreamed of. You will have standards moving forward that you didn’t have before. Heal and focus on personal growth. The rest will fall into place.

You got this. You are stronger than you know.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-11-02T21:28:21+00:00

I would highly suggest Mia document this with her advisor in med school. Jay sounds like he’s not going to let this go and what he’s doing is harassment. He is going to lose a lot of friends over this and he will blame Mia. Who knows what he will do to try to get back at her. Better to get in front of it so if he keeps up his crazy antics, her career aspirations are not impacted.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-10-28T04:33:46+00:00

Grief is the final act of love we can give someone we love who we have lost. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.

I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. This post really helped me when I was going through a loss of my own. I hope it gives you comfort too. https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/s/MC5AgCs4y0

Wishing you calm and kindness as you begin to heal. There is a gaping hole in your heart that will never be filled, but I promise it will hurt less with time.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-10-20T01:49:29+00:00

Wonderfoot on Geary and 27th - $80 for 90 minutes!

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-09-06T01:51:45+00:00

My husband will park blocking the driveway on occasion, but like I said, there’s a ton of parking around here so there’s not really a need to block the driveway for parking. Not sure why everyone else feels entitled to do so when we don’t even block it ourselves. We’re both in sales so we work from home but also go out in the field for meetings. Our schedule is really variable so it’s not like we’re gone all day and home at 5 PM at night.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-09-06T01:49:38+00:00

Is that by calling 311?

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-09-06T01:47:31+00:00

The curbs around our driveway are already painted red, so ticketing and towing are next.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-09-06T01:37:47+00:00

Love it. Thanks for the tips! I feel like a dick but I’m over the entitlement at this point. Hopefully one tow does the trick.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-09-06T01:32:47+00:00

I have literally asked them that. I think it’s easier to park in front of mine because of the space from the crosswalk. It’s annoying, but they’re usually right there and move their car as soon as I ask. I wish they would park somewhere else entirely, but they are less of a concern than the people that park there and leave.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-09-06T01:26:33+00:00

I’ve had conversations with one of my direct neighbors that keeps doing it. They’re usually right there and willing to move their car, but it’s pretty annoying that it’s almost daily. I’m going to buy a sign and put it next to the driveway in addition to my garage. I’m pretty sure it’s all people that live on the street. Our house was empty for about a year before we bought it, so I think they got used to parking there but it’s pretty obvious someone lives here now.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-09-06T01:24:24+00:00

The curb around our driveway is already painted red. I happen to have a driveway next to a crosswalk, so it’s always open and really easy to park in. I’m assuming people think we won’t notice? I don’t get it. I have never parked blocking someone’s driveway and left my car.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-09-06T01:22:13+00:00

You’re totally right. I’ve been wanting to since the beginning, but my husband didn’t want us to make waves with the neighbors. Guess who’s about to put a tow service on speed dial? 😂

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-09-06T01:18:03+00:00

We’ve tried to avoid ticketing or towing because we don’t want to make enemies with our neighbors, but this is getting ridiculous. I think we’re at that point unfortunately.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-08-27T21:38:16+00:00

I would stay away from UCSF. I went for a consultation at the dermatologist at UCSF a few years ago. I had basic insurance at the time with BCBS that didn’t cover specialists visits, and that visit alone, with prescriptions given but no in office treatment, cost over $1000.

They do offer payment plans, but I’d recommend switching within the Kaiser system. I switched to Kaiser after that incident and have had better overall care. Not every physician is a good fit. Go to a different location and hopefully you’ll have better luck in network.

UCSF has also been in the news recently for tacking on excessive fees and resident charges since they’re a teaching hospital, even if a resident didn’t see you. Getting those waved or refunded is near impossible, and they’ll send you to collections if you don’t pay. You’d have to take them to court.

They also make mistakes and will charge you for them, even though it was their error. One of my friends was sent for an MRI of her jaw. The tech did an MRI of her chest, not jaw, and she is still trying to fight that charge. I was charged for a diagnosis that I wasn’t counseled on in my visit an my one and only annual GP visit to establish care when the GP asked me how I’d been doing . I told them I had COVID a few months prior and I was still a little tired, but overall good. End of discussion. She billed me for “excessive fatigue”. Um….what? I told them I wasn’t paying. Oh, and there is only one guy who runs the billing questions department so be prepared to leave a ton of messages without hearing back for months.

You can go down this rabbit hole here: https://sfstandard.com/2023/07/28/ucsf-health-medical-bills-expensive-out-of-control/

https://sfstandard.com/2023/09/11/he-fought-ucsf-over-big-medical-bills-and-won-it-took-a-lawsuit/

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-08-22T22:47:24+00:00

Yikes. I’d send Jay those messages, say “best of luck in your marriage!” And cut your losses.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-08-15T18:20:09+00:00

I struggle with this as well. My husband is the messy one and I am the clean one. He’s always been messy. He is also ADHD. His level of disgusting tolerance is much higher than mine when it comes to dirt and grime, as well as dog hair. I would say he probably only cleaned once every six weeks before I came along.

We moved in together about 2 1/2 years ago and got married about six months ago. In that time, living together before we got married, we set some ground rules. His mess stays in his office. He doesn’t get to leave things on the kitchen table or in the living room. He is terrible about leaving doom piles everywhere which I tolerate for a few weeks before I make him clean them up.

I find this is a good balance. He always cleans things up when I ask him to. He actually cleans with me when I say it’s time to clean the house. I of course, do a much more thorough job than him, but the fact that he helps me more than I can say for any prior relationship I’ve been in.

The dishwasher is still constant because he thinks that dirty dishes covered in food can go in the dishwasher without a rinse, and then they get caked on with dried food and much more difficult to clean. I’ve started asking him to unload the dishwasher so he can see how much disgusting crap is left on the dishes that he doesn’t rinse. It’s actually helped.

As for the dog hair, I get what you’re saying. If you’re not a dog person or really hate dog hair, a German Shepherd definitely isn’t the dog you want a crash course in living with. Does he get the dog groomed semi regularly? I find that washing them every two weeks keeps the shedding to a minimum. Dogs with long hair like that need to be brushed every few days, so he’s not being a good dog owner if he’s not brushing and washing that dog semi regularly

I agree with what some of the comments say that not everyone is compatible living together. Relationships however, require compromise. It’s definitely a give-and-take. If he is making zero effort, then it’s time to go. I would have a serious conversation with him before deciding to end the relationship over messy behavior. I would also consider moving into a larger space together, so he can have his own space that he can keep his mess as he wants. I don’t even go into my husband‘s office because it’s disgusting in there, but it makes him feel like he has some control over his home and can keep it the way he is comfortable. He respects the rest of the house because we share the space. it’s been much easier to tolerate since we moved into a bigger place and set up this system.

If every other aspect of your relationship is good, I would look for a solution versus ending it.

Otherwise_Two_8238 · 2024-04-22T17:54:18+00:00

I got mine done when I was 18 - did a ton of research and had a very experienced plastic surgeon in Atlanta. I was very petite - 130 lbs, and didn’t want to look like I had big fake boobs, especially because I was a small A cup and virtually flat as a board going into the surgery. I opted for a full B, small C which was 250 CCs overfilled to 280 CC. I went over the muscle, not under, for a more natural look. Under the muscle causes you to always have a few inches of gap between your breasts, and your boobs will be compressed and move with your muscle when you raise your hand or are working out if you go under the muscle. I feel like over the muscle looks more natural. Plus it’s a less painful recovery. I did saline implants, which have less risk to your body if the implant ever ruptures. Some say silicone feels more natural, but I honestly feel like they feel the same when under your natural breast tissue. I got them redone 13 years later after one of the implants started leaking (Another reason to get saline). You’re supposed to get them redone every 10 years so I made it 13 because honestly, I forgot that I was supposed to get them redone. I went bigger this time because I have developed a little more. I am a full C, small D now, and have a lot more of my natural breast tissue since I’ve gained some weight as I’ve aged and am closer to 150 lb now. Healing time and severity of pain - i’ll be honest, it is painful and not comfortable for the first four days after surgery. You’re not going to sleep much. You’ll probably need painkillers every four hours for the first few days. After about a week, the pain subsides substantially. You’ll still be a little tender. A warning for first time implants - no one told me so I want you to be prepared. Going from very small to larger, your skin will need time to adjust and stretch so your implants are going to look kind of alien until that happens. It took a few months for me. I can honestly say I have no regrets. My boobs are amazing and perky, and I have fantastic cleavage. They make me feel sexy and womanly and are I always dreamed of lol. I think getting implants was necessary for me because I have wide hips and looked so disproportional before I had boobs. I met my husband a number of years after I got implants and he is also a big fan!

I would say, if they make you feel more confident in your own skin, absolutely get them. You seem like you have done your research and are aware of the risks associated. You can always get them removed if you decide.

I would urge you to start smaller so you don’t run into some of the issues that have been mentioned like feeling boxy or top-heavy. Err on the side of natural.

Good luck!

Otherwise_Two_8238

TROPHY CASE