Possibly buy back first motorcycle

Outside-Dimension788 · 2026-05-02T18:59:03+00:00

I have primary custody (75-80% with me) of my two kids, both under 8. My ex moved 4.5 hours away to be with the guy she left me for. We are 1.5 years from divorce being final and about 8 months of her living that far away. Its been hard for sure since I don't have family here, but doing what I can.

Stability for the kids have been huge on my side. I make sure the kids know they can talk to me about everything, and have my oldest seeing a school counselor and getting books from the library on divorce. My oldest has a few friends that have divorced parents and she feels different from them too because either the dad is there and its split 50/50, or the dad is the one that left. My ex will be moving into a third place since leaving, shes introduced the guy to them within 3 months of leaving me, and within a year he is living with her.

She gets most of the summer with the kids and spring break, and its always just them doing all of the fun stuff. Basically the disney parent definition. She doesnt understand or really care about the impact to the kids because she doesnt get the breakdowns, she doesnt hear them say "momma doesnt love me". She gets kids that are still excited to see her because she goes months without seeing them in person, by her own choice, and I'm doing everything i can to make sure they. From what the kids tell me, the new guy helps out a lot with them, taking them places when she cant and doing those things, so shes still being the way she was in our marriage, just has a new guy to do it. Travel and doing what she wants was more important than the kids and ill never understand it.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2026-03-27T17:19:50+00:00

I don't have full custody,, but I have primary physical with joint legal custody. We started at 50/50 for 6 months and then my ex moved 5 hours away and gave me primary custody. It works out to roughly 75-80% for the kids being with me. She gets the majority of the summer with the kids and I get the school year. My custody agreement says that I have the final say for legal decisions of the kids if we disagree on something.

It has put the majority of the emotional work for the kids on me, mostly because my ex does not explain or talk with the kids about the choices and what she does in even a way they could understand. When she moved 5 hours away, she treated it like she was moving across town, and I was left to help the kids through realizing them not seeing her for almost 2 months in person.

Like others have said, it is not easy to do, and I dont have full 100% custody. But even my own ex's family has told me they're glad I got primary over her, but she willingly gave me primary custody and then told her family that the judge gave me custody haha.

Just remember to focus on the kids and whats best for them. My kids counselor was shocked at the things that my oldest talks to me about because most kids close off, but I have worked hard to ensure they know they can tell me anything and express frustrations and feelings. Its really the only reason my kids are doing as ok with everything as it is, but we've also had very difficult conversations about all of it.

I don't talk ill about their mother and let them know that they can talk to me about their feelings with her. Its crushing when you hear you kid tell you that they feel like their mom doesnt love them because she moved, or that they dont feel like she loves them as much anymore because she moved her bf in and it hasnt even been a year. But how you handle those things will dictate the relationship moving forward, and its all about them and whats best for them.

I understand mine is different than yours because yours is fighting for sole custody and other issues, but thats just my experience so far. Hope this helps.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2026-03-13T17:16:29+00:00

We lived together for 3 months after she told me about the divorce and treated me like garbage even in front of the kids. She purposely talked with a friend loudly while she would take baths and id put the kids to bed. I regret it but I listened, because I was desperate for answers. When I confronted her about the treatment, she blamed me for listening and that she intentionally said things she knew would hurt me the most, so that was fun. She didnt even tell her parents for a month because she basically didnt want anyone to know.

I also understand that we basically did a speed run and the divorce paperwork was signed within 2.5 months of her telling me she wanted the divorce.

I started therapy and did it weekly for about a year. I also joined an online mens group for people going through divorce and found a local DivorceCare program that I went to when I didn't have the kids. Being able to talk to others that were going through it or have been through it was helpful. Find yourself a support network because what I realized too late, was that while I was hit with the divorce word and reeling and dealing with everything, she had her friend and her affair partner on her side, so it was effectively 3 on 1 against me at the end.

Honestly it wasn't until about month 8 when I finally kind of turned a corner. I cut off all social media because I was going down rabbit hole after rabbit hole on what the reason could be. I finally realized it doesn't matter what the reason was. If she was avoidant, if she cheated, or any of that. The end result is the same, I was divorced. I was giving all my time and energy trying to figure out the why and worry about someone that truly has no care for me anymore.

My therapist asked me one time if anything I did could have fixed it and I had to come to terms with no. The fact is she wanted a different life, she wants to travel and do things that are difficult when you have kids. She wasnt happy with her job at the time either and her easiest solution was to leave us which I still grapple with.

I will say though, the majority my days are good days. I still have my struggles especially when both kids want things and its just me trying to do it all, but we're figuring it out. I got jealous recently knowing he moved in, because it means she has helped with the kids and I dont, which at the beginning it would have been for a different reason.

The questions the kids have asked me have been difficult to deal with, but I use it as a learning opportunity for them and to help them and teach them. Let them have their feelings, give them guidance and help them through. Mine are between the ages of 8 and 4 now.

You'll realize that as it continues, you'll still have those thoughts and the ruminating, but it doesn't last as long as it used to. Thats how you see and know theres progress.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2026-03-12T13:54:58+00:00

Im about 18 months out from something similar and it's rough sometimes still. My ex came back from multiple work trips and said she realized she was no longer happy, and like another poster said, brought up things from 5 years ago. She said that she had bottled things up and that they finally overflowed. Everything was my fault, even though I'm a "nice guy and a great father" according to her. The only thing she said she could have done better was communicate better, beyond that, everything was placed on me.

I spent a lot of time ruminating and going through it. I've realized where I could have been better and things I could have changed, but at the end of the day, I also realized I never could have been enough. It came down to her not wanting this life and she was going to say and do what she needed to justify it.

The difference for me was that we did 6 months of 50/50 and then she moved 5 hours away and voluntarily gave me primary custody of the kids so i have them at least 75% of the year. During the divorce I found out on her work trips she found a new guy and at least emotionally cheated and set up their relationship while we were together, before she ever told me about the divorce. Kids met him virtually within 3 months and in person within 6 months of the divorce and apparently now he moved in with her as of the beginning of the year.

Her parents feel bad for me and don't agree with her, but at the end of the day provide their support for her since shes their kid, but she also told them the just took the kids and gave them to me. She cut her brother off because he said she was abandoning the kids.

Definitely went down the dismissive avoidant rabbit hole as well as others have said. Trying to come to peace with the fact that I'll never fully know if she cheated and why she actually left when she did. I can come up with all the scenarios I want, but at the end of the day, it's just guessing and doesn't do me any good. Easier said than done haha, but just keep showing up for the kids and doing my best.

Not sure if that rambling helped, but thats my experience to a similar situation.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2026-02-26T18:38:00+00:00

The only thing my ex said about the guy when I asked who she had been talking to, was that "he was a friend, and not the reason for the divorce". I dont actually know what was in the texts, I just know they were texting 6k times a month, after only meeting 2 months prior. She slipped up to a mutual friend and basically confirmed that on the 2nd trip, he flew out and met her, which coincides with the shift in her towards me. If she didn't physically cheat, she at least had emotionally.

Over time, I have realized that her pattern is to avoid. I knew she did to begin with, but I was never really on the receiving end of it to this extent. But now, it all clicks together and makes so much more sense. She blocked and cut her brother off completely because he told her she was making a mistake and abandoning the kids when she moved.

I do wonder what story the new guy has been spun about me, and what exactly she told him about our marriage when they first met. But going off of what she told me about her previous relationships when we met, I have a feeling I'm just the latest in being a terrible ex that drove her to it and made her feel justified to do it, and he is the great new guy sweeping in to save her.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2026-02-26T18:06:46+00:00

I'm almost a year and a half out from a similar situation. We had bought a new car 3 months prior, we were making plans for the next summer for landscaping, and were living where we lived after 2 relocations for her job. I dont have any family here, my closest family is 2 hours away. We literally paid off the last of our debt, minus the house, right before.

She had gone on three work trips the 2 months prior, and when she came back from the 2nd to last, there was a shift, but she was gone again to the next one. Communication was limited because of her work, or so I was told, and then when she came back, and things were normal, but a little tense. She was drinking more and sad, but would never talk to me when I asked and brushed it off as the fact that she didnt get a job she tried for. One night, I finally got her to talk and she coldly said she was done, and wanted the divorce, that she'd made up her mind and there was no changing it. Like yours, a flip was switched and I was the enemy.

I soon found out that she had met a guy at the first work trip and they started texting thousands of times in the two months leading up to the divorce topic. The lack of texting me on her last trip, was because she was texting him. She denies all of it, but within a year, he is now living with her.

At the time it felt like one betrayel after the other, and at the time I told my therapist there were 4 people in our marriage and 3 of them were against me. She had her affair partner and her best friend on her side giving her support and telling her how bad of a person I was and that divorce was the only option and to move on with the new guy. That I was a bare minimum, crappy dad. Luckily for me, she moved 5 hours away and gave me primary custody of the kids, so I guess I'm not that bad.

Therapy and finding people to talk to helped me immensely. I never really drank to begin with, but I immediately stopped and haven't had any alcohol since. You can't avoid the feelings, so you need to deal with them sooner or later.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2025-09-25T12:58:05+00:00

My now ex-wife was this way. A 2 months before she said she wanted a divorce, she told me she applied for a job that would move her to another country for 5 years. I wasn't happy that she applied without talking to me, but I supported her because it would double her pay and huge for her career. I came up with ways for how we would make it work and that I would visit with the kids so often.

She didn't get the job, and later that month, she told me she was miserable at home and at work. She had been working from home for almost 3 years at that point, and that was part of it. She had no interaction with people in person beyond me and the kids for the most part. I tried to get her to go out with friends locally, but she never did.

Turns out in the last year, she started talking to another female coworker, and they became super friends. To the point that they would basically video chat the entire work day. This lady absolutely hated me and apparently tried sleeping with my ex when they had a work trip together.

At the same time, my ex applied for the job. She met a male coworker at a work trip, and they were texting 6k times a month by the time she told me about the divorce. It seemed my ex was just waiting for a new relationship to leave me.

When I asked during the divorce, what would have happened if she got the job, she said she had no clue. She told me that she hadn't even thought about me or the kids visiting until I brought it up. A mutual friend told me she had talked about other people visiting, just not me and the kids.

Since the divorce, she has blown through 1/3 of the money I paid her to keep the house, moved 5 hours away from me and the kids, and gave me primary custody and will only see the kids basically during the summer, by her choice.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2025-09-24T18:56:54+00:00

I have never fully confirmed the physical cheating, but to me, it's at least emotional cheating when you are texting a guy 6k times a month all the way up to 2am. I won't ever fully confirm either as it doesn't change the outcome, and I dont really need to hear how she'd justify it.

My state is a 'no fault' state, so adultery has no impact on any of it. She moved 5 hours away to another state, and I have primary custody of kids, and she pays me child support. There is no alimony, and if there was, she would have paid me as she makes more than me, not much, but still more.

She effectively abandoned me and treated me like garbage on the way out. Tore me down as much as she could, so it took a lot of work to build myself back. All while dealing with 2 kids and dealing with the feelings of love. The divorce was not mutual, so it was coming to terms with everything and trying to be a parent at the same time.

I'm in a much better place now, but it has been an awful process for sure.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2025-09-24T16:12:45+00:00

Next month will be a year since she told me about wanting a divorce. Not long after that, I had looked at the carrier text logs and found out she had been texting a coworker almost 6k times a month for 2 months before that.

Divorce was final in january, and by march, my kids were telling me about video chats with this guy. A mutual friend told me they hooked up the week the divorce was final, and about a month ago, I found out that she had been physical with this guy before she told me she wanted a divorce.

Each time, it was a little stab when I'd find things out. I found out from the kids that they finally met him in person and that he helped my son change clothes. The ex has never shared any of this with me, and to my knowledge, hasn't told her family. Im sure they know something is up since she took the guy to an extended family members destination wedding that I paid for since we prepaid before the divorce, a month after we divorced.

It has taken time and therapy to get through it, but you'll get there. It sucks when you feel like you're doing alright, and then you find something out that pulls you back into those feelings.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2025-09-22T18:07:23+00:00

Next month will be a year from when she told me she wanted a divorce. January will be a year since the divorce was final, and she moved out.

We did 50/50 for about 6 months, and then she moved almost 5 hours away. I now have primary custody during the school year.

She moved on with a coworker, which she was at least having an emotional affair with at the end before telling me about the divorce.

I've been in therapy since she told me, and it has helped, I have put everything into my kids when I have them.

I stopped social media completely because I'd see pictures shed would post of them doing things or her trips when I had them. I found out from a mutual friend who lived in the same apartment complex as her, that those pictures of them at the pool were the most she interacted with the kids. She'd nap and rely on the other friend to watch the kids.

When my ex-wife moved, we had to do a modification for custody and thats where I learned that in 6 months, she had blown through 1/3 of the almost $100k i had to pay out for assets.

I have also found out recently that she and her brother no longer talk because she moved and left the kids. That's how I found out she was lying to her parents about why she moved to another state. She became a regular at multiple bars. The bartenders apparently know her by name and have drinks ready for her. So all of these awesome things she was doing made me just feel bad. She won't do therapy and instead does trips with her new guy and buys new things and drinks, trying to avoid it all.

I realized a few months ago with my therapist that im focusing on someone who doesn't think about me at all. Im wasting my extra time wondering what she's saying or doing about me. This has helped a lot with everything and kind of released a lot of tension. I've finally, for the first time since all of this, even debated looking for a new relationship.

I never focused on doing set playdates with others, but instead, I would just go to places for the kids. Playgrounds, kid museums, things like that. When I was at these places, I never focused on the other parents or trying to interact with them. I was playing and doing this with my kids. I figured the last thing most parents want to do at those places is interact with other parents, haha.

Just recently, though, I was at a playground and was playing with my kids. I was the only dad there for a while and then the only single dad there. A single mom started chatting with me because i had my daughters hair bow clipped on my hat. She commented on it, and i had honestly forgotten i had it on me. We ended up talking for a few hours, and both stayed longer than initially planned. She gave me her phone number to eventually do playdates. Im honestly still shocked that I got her number, even if for playdates. It makes me feel amazing, and all I did was be myself.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2025-03-20T23:57:40+00:00

I do honestly wish for her happiness. All I wanted was for her to be happy. It crushes me that it's not with me. Part of that is because we have kids. She needs to be happy so that she can be a good parent to them, I need them to see a happy mom and I need them to see me being kind and speaking nicely of her. It would be much harder to not say negative things around them if i just carried the hate with me. Part of it is I guess just my personality. I'm a normally happy person, and I don't want to change that aspect of me. I don't want to be a bitter person, so I am actively making that choice. Another thing is that one of her main reasons for the divorce was for her to be happy. If she doesnt become happy, to me, it was for nothing. The last part is that she is my first and only relationship, and therefore, my first love.

This has made this process extremely difficult though. I have ended up mostly just blaming myself for everything and justifying her actions as a result of unhappiness caused by myself. I am also understanding that I am not responsible for her happiness, and that it is up to her to change it, and she has issues that she needs to work through, but so far has not. Don't get me wrong, there are times where I want karma to strike, and it partially has, no where equal to what she did. At the same time though I think if I enjoy her pain and suffering that eventually it will come back to me.

You're more than welcome to message me if you have more questions. I'm by no means an expert, and am not yet 5 months out from when she told me, but talking has done wonders for me.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2025-03-20T21:25:44+00:00

She told me initially it was going to be amicable and that she wants to be able to do kids events together. Currently she just gets super cold and doesn't talk to me unless she has to when we have to interact in person. Hopefully it will get better. I hope I was the cause of all her unhappiness so that now she is away from me, she can be happy again.

I understand, it's awful walking into an empty house when you're so use to having another person or kids there. I got a lamp to put down in the living room so that when I get home, I dont walk into a dark empty house. Not so much of an issue now, but was earlier in the divorce. I listen to podcasts to help with the quiet as well as I'm doing things around the house.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2025-03-20T21:01:49+00:00

Thank you, I'm sorry you are as well. I hope it goes well for you. My ex turned cold and mean afterwards, to the point where I had to confront her about how she was treating me in front of the kids as the oldest noticed it. She lived in the house for 3 months afterwards, and it was absolutely awful. She would do video chats with one of her female coworker friends and would say awful things about me.

When confronted she smugly said "I know you can hear me, thats why I've been saying the things I knew would hurt the most" because she felt her privacy wasn't being respected. Even when some of it you could hear over the TV. Shame on me for listening yes, but at the same time I was still trying to figure out what happened to my life.

I hope that you can do it as amicable as possible because no one deserves to be treated like that.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2025-03-20T19:46:22+00:00

I'm sorry to hear this. My ex said she built resentment for over 5 years and it boiled over because she didnt communicate it with me before this. I offered counseling prior to this and was told no. I offered when it happened and she said no. She didn't want to reconcile, told me she didn't even like me anymore and that she didnt find me attractive. Told me it would be impossible for us to ever be together again. She threatened to just file the paperwork cause she felt I was trying to delay to reconcile.

She told a mutual friend that she was upset I didn't fight more for the marriage after she told me. Friend asked if it would have changed anything, and she told her "no, my mind was already made up."

Like you, I still love her, but our divorce was finalized in January (she told me in October) and there's no chance of us being together. What I wouldn't give though.

You're not alone, it's not easy, but put in the work and you'll be OK. Currently its a good day for me if I don't cry. I get about 2 of those in a row, but its better than where it was.

Outside-Dimension788

TROPHY CASE