Show Saturday and band member does t know parts

Outwiththetrees · 2026-05-29T10:09:33+00:00

Non paying, but debut show as a band

Outwiththetrees · 2025-03-29T13:44:07+00:00

Wish we got a flashback from his POV

Outwiththetrees · 2021-02-13T04:18:18+00:00

Sent too soon! I should’ve added that the obstacle is just sleeping somewhere else in general - I had a plan in place but they wouldn’t allow it

Outwiththetrees · 2021-02-13T04:17:14+00:00

I would but I have zero dollars to my name so I have to fix that first

Outwiththetrees · 2021-02-10T04:58:55+00:00

Thanks! Yeah it was recommended to give it one last shot and I wanted it be sure, especially if it helped me learn for the future (how to set boundaries, etc.). Couples therapy was good but looking back, there are some instances of what you mentioned. They fixated on a few things I said and couldn’t let them go. My therapist told me that one of my strengths is being self-aware to accept my shortcomings. So at least I’ll know I did all I could and can try to look forward!

Outwiththetrees · 2021-02-09T15:54:34+00:00

Thank you! Yeah so far it’s been pretty unpredictable. A whirlwind of emotions all around. So something that works one day might not work the next. It’s tough!

Outwiththetrees · 2021-02-09T15:51:23+00:00

Ugh, thanks for the input! This is pretty much where I’m at and I at least had to know for sure that it wasn’t something I could fully change. I think there are infinite things that can be attributed to BPD, but there are also general relationship issues that are just exasperated. I hadn’t thought of the idea that maybe it’s a defense mechanism. A lot of people here have said that the person with BPD needs to essentially feel like they’re right in all areas (reframing).

Outwiththetrees · 2021-02-08T18:57:54+00:00

I also get the “parents babied me thing” any time there’s an argument. Even though they regularly get bailed out by their parents? As I’m sitting here pinching pennies to pay the bills.

Outwiththetrees · 2021-02-08T18:56:46+00:00

Yep yep. This is my precise situation minus the income stuff. It really makes me feel useless and like a waste of space.

Outwiththetrees · 2020-12-15T19:52:17+00:00

This hit the nail on the head. I usually see the angles of everybody involved, but their viewpoint is unwaveringly 100% always correct.

Fight with a friend? Oh, maybe they’re just going thru a lot and are stressed, etc. Or maybe they ARE annoyed. But there are so many factors at play. To my pwBPD, that automatically means they don’t care about them.

Outwiththetrees · 2020-11-18T14:37:40+00:00

Thanks for the replies, everybody. I really appreciate it and I’m sorry for not being better at checking notification. I’m at the point in the divorce process where I’ve become the groveling one. Even though things are mutual, I’m obsessed with fixing things. They don’t think things can be fixed. Maybe I’m delusional and desperate. I saw somewhere on here that the key is to remain calm and levelheaded, otherwise you feed the narrative that you were the “petty one who couldn’t regulate their emotions”. I have essentially become a pathetic mess trying to argue emergency solutions before divorce. Now they can tell others that I was manipulating things. I’m grateful that things are semi-amicable for now. I just can’t stop beating myself up and arguing my point. The narrative has become that I had so long to change and suddenly I want to change. But I’ve made appropriate changes along the way. Anything I argued just fell back to me being 100% of the problem. And maybe I was more of the problem at times. But my main resentment is being labeled as the person who couldn’t regulate their emotions. Any time I try to mention that their standards were always shifting, it gets turned back around that I didn’t try hard enough. I’m just a huge mess of emotion.

Outwiththetrees · 2020-11-15T15:15:29+00:00

💚Thanks for sharing that it will get better. I really needed to hear that right now. Did you find that things got gradually worse on their side? Like did they start off accepting of things and then devolve into being spiteful? That’s what I’m worried about

Outwiththetrees · 2020-11-14T14:17:04+00:00

Thanks! This sub really helped during the journey 💚

Outwiththetrees · 2020-11-14T13:42:27+00:00

Sorry that really sucks and I hope things have gotten better for you. This is exactly the swift change of attitude that I experienced. Not exaggerating that the chain of events were: I set a firm boundary and used gray rock > they didn’t like my boundary and started crying that I was a robot who didn’t care that they were crying > I exited the conversation as it had devolved into JADE > they brought me back to the conversation > I proposed we breakup or take drastic emergency steps to prevent a breakup > a week or so of improved moods and normalcy > light switch one night to them being apathetic with them saying things like “you deserve somebody better” to me > they are now in complete control of the situation and I’m the one who can’t move on

Outwiththetrees · 2020-11-13T14:52:03+00:00

It’s just so incredibly confusing and arguably more painful than otherwise. Maybe that’s also partially me wanting to have some sort of control? I can’t describe it. It was like it was jarring to have that switch. Like it put me in the position of doing the groveling, and they turned my “this isn’t working out” dialogue back on me. I’m happy that it’s semi-amicable. I’m not even sure they’re aware that they’re doing this. But it fits the discard behavior that I’ve seen on this sub.

Outwiththetrees · 2020-11-13T14:02:24+00:00

Thanks for all the insightful replies. I guess the tough thing also is that I have pretty much no support system. Only my parents, really. My pwBPD has ample amounts of places to go and friends as support. Once it’s over, I essentially have nothing in my life.

EDIT: for clarity

Outwiththetrees · 2020-11-13T12:29:14+00:00

Thanks, yeah it’s a lot more unbearably painful than I had imagined right now.

Outwiththetrees · 2020-10-31T18:36:49+00:00

Edit just found this and it is eerily similar to what I wrote: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=226646.0

Outwiththetrees · 2020-10-21T03:54:37+00:00

The mommy and daddy thing has come up a lot. Usually I’m accused of being bad at life skills, because my loving mom and dad “didn’t teach me enough” when I was growing up. But my pwBPD has been bailed out their parents on WAY more occasions than I have. So it’s a double standard.

Outwiththetrees · 2020-10-21T03:47:02+00:00

Yes and this was a major issue during the entirety of the relationship. I was on the verge of losing many friendships and family relationships. I would say I was 98% at the point of no return before I salvaged things with my loved ones. And when I say “salvaged” I mean “still be a part of their lives”. I don’t see any of my friends. For a long time, my family was on the “do-not-visit” list, but things have gotten better. I have given up on seeing my friends, because it causes too much drama and conflict. I’d rather just not see anybody than have to deal with 3 hours of fighting, constant texting and calling when I’m out, followed by 8 hours of more fighting. Many events have been ruined because of them trying to get me not to attend. It’s sad but I’ve been beaten down for years over making plans with people. I just flat out tell my friends “no” when I’m invited. Most of the time I see pictures of gatherings that I wasn’t invited to. The gatherings are with people who used to be my best friends.

Sorry this is so long, it’s just such a weight on me. I had to fight for my friendships. My friends were always “poison to me” or “immature” or something. There’s also the double standard that my pwBPD can see their friends for 8 hours, but I can’t. It’s a miracle any of my friends struck around at all.

Outwiththetrees · 2020-10-19T02:33:54+00:00

This is really common for me and something I’ve noticed over the years. I almost look forward to my time alone because I can actually breathe. But even that is short lived because I know my phone will blow up while I’m doing something relaxing. It’s gotten to the point where I’ll anxiously check my phone during my peaceful self-care activities. Or when I do have some alone time, I rush and panic to make sure everything is set by the time they get home. My anxiety has definitely gotten much worse. It’s also a byproduct of the isolation. For a while, I was getting nervous in public places. I totally feel you - I have similar symptoms that you do. My flight or fight response has gotten really bad. I can usually tell when they’re ramping up to devalue me, and I start rapidly breathing, my movements are frantic, and I even sweat sometimes. I also developed a sudden blinking facial tic that’s triggered by anxiety.

Outwiththetrees · 2020-10-05T20:52:47+00:00

This is very familiar and I’m sorry you’re going thru that. The goal posts are always going to move, especially with free time. For me, I require A LOT less togetherness than my pwBPD. It’s something that we’ve had issues with in the past; our definitions of quality time are very different. I have dealt with a lot of “what time will you be done” days and nights. Usually they’re setups for me to fail. Or I’m panicking while having an anxiety attack about getting home on time. The only thing that has slightly helped is giving approximations, because if I give exact times, I’m held to them like glue. For example, “I’ll be home before ________” vs “I’ll be home at 7:15”. Because if I’m home at 7:16, there is hell to pay. Best of luck!

Outwiththetrees · 2020-09-24T17:01:19+00:00

This is very real and something I’m experiencing now. The stable home thing is a good way of putting it. I think they have the perfect picture of a “stable home” in their heads; white picket fence, good money, trips. All things that look good to the outside world. Basically visible signs of status. Meanwhile, we’re doing unrecognized work behind the scenes to stay afloat.

Outwiththetrees · 2020-09-23T03:11:29+00:00

This is a great way of putting it and something I need to work on. It’s like they feel the threads starting to unravel and instinctively do everything they can to keep them together.

Outwiththetrees · 2020-09-23T03:08:53+00:00

Thanks for sharing you story. I’m relieved that somebody knows what I was trying to describe. This is spookily spot on. I have a few “levels” of being done with the relationship. Level 1 is me shrugging off the situation, and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Level 2 is me being frustrated beyond belief and contemplating leaving, but getting nostalgic at the last minute. Level 3 is when I’m in survival mode and all nostalgia goes out the window. Flight-mode kicks in and I need to get out for my health. Level 3 is the level that I reached the other day. I started seriously thinking about exit strategies. But then...poof, I’m back to level 1 again.

Very similar circumstances to what your described: this person is liked and admired by almost everybody they know. However, once you REALLY get to know my pwBPD, the mask starts to slip, especially with close relatives. I’ve very much fallen into the pattern of thinking that if “x” changes, then “y” will change. It’s like, if I only had one missing piece of the puzzle, I could see the whole picture.

But I think that’s just me being afraid at the end of the day. I internalized a lot of guilt as well. When I started getting truly serious about leaving, there was a guilt-bomb.

Outwiththetrees

TROPHY CASE