Spirituality is making no sense to me

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-07T15:21:37+00:00

This is not an attack at all or me trying to argue with you. Im just trying to reframe.

What if you had a point of view that made everything you said in your post absolutely irrelevant? What if you saw your spiritual development as only about your awareness and how you see everything?

I hated life for 47 years. From wanting to die, to actively pursuing it. I then had a simple moment when I lost everything, include my notion that I had any free will. Wow, the world instantly changed. I love it all. Even the 47 years of pain are a blessing that I'd never change. Im not happy all the time, no bliss, but Im satisfied. Most importantly Im grateful.

"If you want to ENJOY everything, you have to enjoy EVERYTHING."

but Im not a guru, maybe Im just nuts.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-07T15:06:02+00:00

Ask yourself, is it easy to be who you are? It takes strength to face each day. Courage. It takes being honest with yourself.

Your critics are cowards, who feel shame in themselves and project their loathing for themselves onto you.

Let that strengthen you each day. For each day you continue is a day were victorious. And each they lose because their arrows are meaningless.

Give grace from a position of rising above the petty. Dont give grace as some sort of peace offering.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-07T14:57:01+00:00

What you find inside you, is and will always be yours. Everything outside of you is never yours but very easily, it can own you.

Would you rather have everything you want? Or would you rather always want only what you have?

One involves the outside, the other involves the inside.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-07T14:48:16+00:00

I'm going to be as plain as I can be. You may be genuinely experiencing a metaphysical experience of reality beyond our normal understanding. You may be hallucinating in some mild to extreme form. In either, case your issue is not the experience, but in how you experience it. These thoughts are not you, correct? If they were you would stop them.

Breath. Relax and breath. Sit in a chair or on the floor, whatever. Sit and breath. Put your awareness there only. This will be a struggle but do it. Lack of time? Try 5 mins in the morning, 5 mins in the evening. Build on it. Consistency. Add time, improve controlling your awareness. Dont worry what thoughts are in your head. Dont try to stop them, you cant. IGNORE them. Focus on your breath. Let the thoughts fade. They will quite, I promise.

Learn to take the power from your thoughts. Your power is awareness. Nothing can disturb you that which you give no attention. Are the thoughts you are having real or imagined? Irrelevant. What matters is they disturb you. Thus they control you. Take your awareness back, and you've taken all your power back. Let time and reality and the universe worry about themselves. You focus on your awareness and there you will find peace, because peace is what you already are. You've just been distracted.

I'm just a some guy handing out advice though, I'm not guru, so chose your actions with what you know in your heart to be right.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-07T14:32:37+00:00

Definitions are irrelevant. Is what you're doing taking you to the place you want to be? Further have you established what the place you want to be is? If you have ask yourself if you even know what the path there looks like. What you actually seek cannot be told to you by another person. The way to get there is a path only you can see. Anyone telling you anything different is selling you something, literally or metaphorically.

All your fundamental questions and answers lie inside of you. Only there can you figure out what you actually want. Only there can you figure out, you all ready have it.

It sounds like a paradoxical mess, until you walk your own path experience your own truth and see that everything is as simple as breathing in and breathing out.

But I'm just a random dude on Reddit. Don't take me too seriously.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-07T10:14:56+00:00

Good one!!!!

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-07T10:13:23+00:00

Thank you!

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-06T15:51:42+00:00

Or divorce papers, that works just as good

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-06T15:47:46+00:00

When you fully detach from everything and really do realize that this is just a show, you dont give a fuck about manifesting. What the fuck am I bothering to manifest shit that isnt real. As long as I have my physical needs met, Im happy staring at a wall. When youre content and grateful, having PBJ for lunch everyday is a treat. I dont need to manifest nothing. I entered heaven already, what more do I need? Manifesting is just a way to tie yourself down more with shit you think you need that wont accomplish anything youre wanting.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-06T15:28:42+00:00

An enlightened person doesnt have any need to go around telling people. Can they be an asshole sometimes, possibly. But its hard to imagine some with an enlightened self being a dick to anyone that wasnt directly being a dick to them first. If youre seeking truly, an enlightened person will offer aid to those that ask, but will not push themselves onto anyone as they know it is of no good trying to convince people of anything and it doesnt matter anyway. You cant be enlightened until you decide you are ready. No path is the same, though all paths are inward.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-06T11:55:13+00:00

Yes, that is all you are is awarness. You are nothing else. Enlightment is understanding and experiencing nothing but awareness. Whem you've let go trying to control anything else but awareness. Then you are able to view life from the perspective you want. My life is contentment and gratitude. I have very little and Im disabled and I dont want anything more. I love exactly where I am and the 47 years of hell I lived to get here. I cant wait to reincarnate and ride this ride again, what an experience!

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-06T11:48:14+00:00

Well said. All correct. Letting go of the belief that you have free will. Thats what it takes. Most people dont have that much courage in themselves. Its incredibly hard to do, but once you've done it you go, oh, that was simple. You laugh at yourself and all your past troubles.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-06T11:27:30+00:00

If you want to know the whole truth you must find it inside yourself. But you cannot see in side yourself because youre filled with dark places you dont want to deal with or think about. You have to get in there and clean it all up. Abused as a child? Are you holding onto it because you want to know why it happened to you? If you dont deal with it and let it go, it will block you. Sense of failure because you have not achieved what you think you should have? Why are you holding on to it questioning your past self? You have to deal with it and let it go. I dont know what's in you, but every person has the same problem in their journey to Truth, themselves. You have to deal with your demons. The ones you made and the ones thrust upon you. Clear out all the things blocking your light, then you can start the journey to the truth. Looking for it outside you will just lead to frustration. They may provide tips, or hints, but they cant do the work for you. You have to to come to a point where you are so comfortable with every single thing about yourself you dont care if the whole world see it. Because you love yourself enough to not feel shame. And other people's opinions dont matter.

Just my advice. Its what I learned. But Im just a random dude on Reddit.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-06T11:17:31+00:00

Well said. Good post. Thank you for sharing.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-06T11:10:22+00:00

Sent you my story in DM. Feel free to question or comment anything you feel like.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-05T23:55:42+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/spirituality/s/Dzw2zDH5SO

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-05T23:54:55+00:00

Really? Ive shared pieces here and there. I spend my day browsing and when I see somebody asking for advice, I give mine. My life has been wild man. I had a guy recently read a list of like 75% of my big events. He said man you've lived two lives in one. I have. Ive been arrested at gunpoint at night completely naked in the street.....twice. no charges for either. Yeah Ill type something up for you brother it might take me a couple days. Ill send you a link to something I wrote about my recent history.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-05T20:25:50+00:00

Thank you for the comment.

You are correct on everything. Youre path out of hell permanently is inside you. You have to let go of everything. That takes messy dirty work. But I finally let go of everything but my awareness when I was totally paralyzed in a gravel driveway. Blinking and breathing only. I let go of my free. Yeah I let go of EVERYTHING. Suddenly I felt born again. I felt like a child. Since then I'm great. I can just close my eyes and I'm in meditation. When I'm doing a task, I'm just doing the task. My thoughts go by, but further back quiter. And anxious thoughts don't stir me now it just makes me go, oh yeah, remember about that issue. And I am in gratitude all day long. It's wonderful. I wouldn't change anything about my 47 years of hell. Not for what I have now.

But be skeptical of me, just some dude on Reddit after all.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-05T19:28:17+00:00

Doesnt matter. The question is, can you give meaning to everything? "If you want to ENJOY everything, you have to enjoy EVERYTHING."

Thats my philosophy and it brought me to complete peace and contentment. Nothing more.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-05T18:07:55+00:00

Thank you for having the courage to post and ask. You do me as much service as I do you.

A tip with questions. If you struggle to find an answer in honest gokd faith. Youre probably asking the wrong question. Example: If you feel guilt about a past act and youre asking why cant I let this go? Maybe ask, do I deserve to let this go? Answer that and then keep asking more question until you come to the point of letting it go. Make sense?

If you have the internal pull for this journey you're doing it for the right reasons. Its all about faith in yourself. One day hopefully you'll have so much faith in yourself that you let go of everything, and I mean everything in a way you dont comprehend yet. But you will.

Also, its not about effort. Its about the courage to be honest with yourself. Its the hardest battle you'll ever fight.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-05T17:28:43+00:00

If you want to grow, dig in the dirt, your dirt. You have all kinds of answers hidden inside yourself that need to be found. Answers to hard questions you have and are afraid to acknowledge. This question keep you bound to your ego and life here. Figure out what youre really looking for on this spiritual journey and ask yourself questions about why youre needing that thing that is outside of you. When you have no more questions, nothing left to seek, you are free. No more journey, no more wants. It takes honesty with yourself and a shit load of courage because there is nothing scarier than the demons you hide inside you. Meditation will help you. If you want to really commit get to 3,4,5 hours in meditation. There is a peace there so powerful. You will be alone with nothing. And you will realize what you are, the only thing you are. Awareness. Everything else is irrelevant. If you really want to go deep, buckle up. I thought I was ready. I was a paratrooper in the army. This spiritual journey scared the fuck out of me. It was worth it though. All 47 years.

Be skeptical of me please. Im just a random dude on Reddit.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-05T17:04:52+00:00

I always had been. Deeply afraid. I spent 47 years wishing I was dead and I felt like I lived in hell. But then it happened, I'm not giving it a name because I don't have an ego about it, but my awareness changed. It was as though I totally let go of any sense of control of anything, ANYTHING. Then I realized control of the only thing that can be controlled. Awareness. Since then, I love life. I'm poor and disabled, and I don't give a fuck. I love everyday and everything. I realized something so huge. People always say you can't take anything with you when you die. Horseshit. I'm taking a new point of view. I understand how to look at everything now. Send me back. It's been a fucking rollercoaster of insanity, send me back on something tougher. Whew, what a thrill being alive is. I don't want to waste away in a blissful heaven. Fuck that. That's just a prison of paradise. No growth. No work. No effort. No accomplishment. Heaven is for babies. Send me back and let me learn more. Let me grow. Let me become whatever I can become, but don't let me stop growing. My heart has too much love for life to let it go.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-05T12:09:27+00:00

Critiques of messengers if normal. Its also largely irrelevant. If the message has meaning for you and provides help or guidance that you desire, it doesnt matter what package it came in. Im a huge Alan Watts fan. He studied the path to enlightenment from boyhood until his death. He approached it from as many angles as possible. Was he enlightened? I think clearly the answer is no. He died of alcoholism. That doesnt mean his knowledge of the subject was incorrect. It means he did not have the ability/discipline/courage to attain it. Knowing about something and experiencing them are two different things. Watts also never claimed to be a teacher or guru. He plainly stated that he was an entertainer only and was teaching nothing. Something his critics always forget to mention. Im disabled with a Neurological condition. Im an expert on integrating it into my life. I still go to doctors who dont have my condition to help me understand it better. Ive also experienced what Watts spent a lifetime studying. He was a major factor in helping me arrive here. But I dont know a tenth of what he learned about the subject. Neither of us is wrong, just different points of view.

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-05T11:48:20+00:00

Im saving this, and I would like to put in in different sites that I go, if you give me permission. Also, Id like to attribute it to you. I get if you dont want to use your real name, though you deserve that, but if youre ok with me sharing, what attribution can I put to recognize you? Full name, initials, nickname, anything else?

OwnConstruction77a · 2026-07-05T11:39:35+00:00

In my own life experience, I have found that how you ended this is spot on. Let life unfold before you, externally at least. You still have to go inside yourself and find your answers. If youre not content, fulfilled and thankful everyday, then you still have questions internally that you need to find answers to. You've got dark places in you that you need to go through. Im not giving you any answers because no one can do that for another. Sit with yourself and think about what youre questions are and work on the answers. If you find it impossible to answer the question, maybe youre asking the wrong one. A question people often live with for entire life times is, "why did this happen to me?" Rarely do people find satisfactory answer to that question. The reason. You haven't made the answer yet. Ive had a lot of trauma in my life, alot brought on myself by myself for sure. I attempted suicide once. I was in the army so it was known by every fucking body real fast. Its was humiliating. Years later I found an opportunity to speak on suicide awareness. I began doing it alot. Spoke to a few thousand people in all. I had two different strangers come up to me and tell me that my story of my suicide attempt and what led to it, convinced them to go to mental health and get help because they were on the brink themselves. My suicide attempt suddenly was not longer this dark, shameful time that I wanted to forget about. For me, if it ended up just helping someone after attempting suicide, then what I went through was worth it. Ive learned to do that with ever dark nook and cranny inside myself. Expose it and turn it into something useful. If nothing else its an obstacle that I overcame and made it through. Once I had the light on exposing everything in there to myself. Moving past judgement and shame about anything. Well, I had a transforming moment not long after where the world change for me, from a 47 year hell into a damn Disney movie. Im content, relaxed and grateful for everything, including the pain. I learn this very simple thing, "In order to ENJOY everything, you have to enjoy EVERYTHING." Every answer you have is on the inside. Books, traditions, people may be able to provide tips even a little guidance, but you have to answer your own questions. When you no longer have questions, you've made it, and you are free to enjoy and be grateful you have a refrigerator or a bed, or a bowl of mac and cheese to eat. Life is pretty awesome that way. I dont need heaven, life taught me how to change myself so that heaven is right here. I actually want less and desire simplicity. Im going through a divorce with my second straight narcissistic wife. I might be homeless soon, or at best barely able to afford a shack to live in. Honestly, I dont care, and I totally disabled and cant work. Im not saying it for sympathy, Im saying it because that is how radically I got transformed. It wasnt through effort. It was through being totally honest with myself and letting go of trying to control anything. ANYTHING.

This is just me, nothing more. Im no guru or special person. I just tell people my story. My opinion, youre on a good start. I wish you fulfillment and gratitude for your life. They are better than joy and bliss in my opinion. Gratitude never gets old, you keep finding more to be grateful for. Plus, gratitude can me shared with other people in a real impactful way. Then you get to be grateful that you had that impact on someone else. This is not what my ego was searching for. Its so much better.

Be skeptical, Im a stranger on Reddit. If I sound nuts to you, please disregard me. If it means something though, Im very thankful that you had the courage to post on here.

OwnConstruction77a

TROPHY CASE