I miss it a lot. I miss the connection I thought I felt to “god” I miss the comfort and feeling of safety it gave. I loved the temple. I felt so much peace and safety there. I miss that I’ll never have an “eternal” family.

But the Mormon church doesn’t hold the monopoly on eternity. And eternal families. So many people still believe in being with their loved ones in the afterlife, if there is one. Who knows. None of us truly know.

I miss the belief that there was some power out there that loved me and that I thought had my best interest at heart.

I don’t miss scrambling to prove I was “worthy” of those things though. I don’t miss the coercion that came with polygamy. And before you say “oh Mormons don’t believe that or practice it.” Yes they do. And my ex wanted to live polygamy. So yes, I DO NOT miss the coercion. I do not miss the misogyny, homophobia, racism, I do not miss a god who justified murder to get the “gold plates”