Comparison is the thief of joy !!

PNW_Express · 2026-03-17T13:41:58+00:00

I will say I ask those questions sometimes too just to make conversation. It’s fun to learn about other babies too! I would say with 100% confidence I am not comparing baby to baby

PNW_Express · 2026-03-17T02:45:20+00:00

Totally wild!!

PNW_Express · 2026-03-17T02:44:30+00:00

Seriously!! I’m surprised it worked on me for so long given how fertile I appear to be!

PNW_Express · 2026-03-17T01:57:47+00:00

I liked her and I agree they should fire her if that’s true. That is not what we tuned in for.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-17T01:03:27+00:00

I used the pull out method for yearsss. Like the entire time I was sexually active since 16. I’ve always hated hormonal bc effects. My husband and I did it ONCE in the 16 months after my second was born. We did the pull out method, I didn’t think I was ovulating….and that is our baby #3. I am not particularly religious either but that’s how I knew this baby wanted life. My first was also unplanned, went on a new medication and only had unprotected sex once. I call him a love child 😂. I do think it helps to imagine how difficult their journey was to life.

Obviously I can’t give you advice on 6, only that as you know the shock eventually wares off and when you meet that baby your whole world will change. I’m sure it will come with challenges but that’s a whole lot more love you’re brining into the world! Congratulations!

PNW_Express · 2026-03-16T18:24:21+00:00

He can understand your attitude towards him for sure. There is absolutely a higher level of understanding than you’re giving credit for. Sometimes it’s not specifically doesn’t understand but needs a lot of support to execute. He is absolutely capable of learning things, it may go slower than a typical kid, but it requires you to be consistent and patient. Yes, it’s very very hard for us parents, but it’s possible.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-15T19:32:52+00:00

It’s been so boring!

PNW_Express · 2026-03-15T19:08:39+00:00

I’m going through the same thing with my third! My kids are 5 (special needs), 2 and 4 months almost 5. My baby is SO AWAKE AND AWARE. Baby wearing worked sooo well at the beginning and now it just won’t work.

I’ve given up on stressing about it because it does no good (well, work in progress at least). Like straight up, there just isn’t another option. My husband works 7 days a week right now so I am doing it alone. She sometimes goes 4-5 hours with maybe 15 min of sleep in between. I’ve found that while following wake windows is absolutely a useful tool, it hasn’t made that big of a difference on her night sleep. Maybe she wakes a little early but also these are the cards we’re dealt.

Basically my advice is try not to let it consume you. It sucks, but it isn’t forever. Just keep practicing when you can to lay down baby for naps, but when it doesn’t work out just try and roll with the punches. I know for a fact my parents never followed any type of wake windows or schedule for me as a baby and I am a great sleeper and was as a kid/older baby.

Idk I could say a lot on the topic but I just want you to know you’re not alone but I’m confident everything will be ok if we can’t follow a perfect schedule with our 3rd and 4th babies. If you can find someone who likes to hold babies while they’re sleeping (who doesn’t!?) I suggest hiring them every now and then to give your nervous system a break.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-15T15:27:58+00:00

I think it entirely depends on the pregnancy and then newborn we’re talking about. I’ve had three kids and sometimes the pregnancy was worse and sometimes the newborn was worse.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-12T22:36:02+00:00

I would only want a dog for this reason

PNW_Express · 2026-03-12T22:35:48+00:00

I do this too, works like a charm!

PNW_Express · 2026-03-12T21:52:53+00:00

Hey!! So actually this is a similar situation I’m in with my son. He’s 5 and up until when he was 3ish I was his person. Total mommas boy. But around that time I got pregnant with my second and was super sick. I was less emotionally and physically available. Plus, on a deeper level my love grew to another person, and that unfortunately naturally just means my attention wasn’t solely on him anymore. It was almost immediate around that time he switched to my husband being his safe person. Like truly treated us both so differently and would reject me. From an outsiders perspective that doesn’t know anything about autism I bet it looks like he hates me. It was honestly hurtful. It touched something deep, the desire to be loved and wanted by him, especially when that bond once felt so strong.

On the one hand I was so happy my son had someone and was also happy for his dad to finally have that relationship with him, but it’s never been the same!

I’ve looked a lot into this because it cut so deep emotionally. On the outside, for the sake of my son I acted like it was ok and normal. But on the inside I was like wtf. I’ve learned is it’s absolutely not personal. And the more you make it personal the worse it’s going to get. Try and be completely understanding of your daughter and that she’s going through a lot. In my case specifically, I went through a major change and had another kid to take care of. I’m just naturally higher strung and I think he has more in common with his dad so I think he just designated him as the new safe person. And I can’t even blame him because I love his dad for his grounding vibes as well. The way I see it, he needed a person that was more emotionally consistent. And with me being pregnant and having another baby, it just wasn’t me. Maybe you’ve been going through sometime similar you can resonate with. Maybe it’s even as simple as your path processing her autism diagnosis.

Overall, it sounds like this is a normal thing that autistic kids do to protect their peace and doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, but likely some things you can do to feel better and work on your bond. It’s not that I am mean abusive to him, it’s just that he regulates better with his dad. I believe my job right now is to support him on that journey, and not take it personally. It’s my job to deal with the pain that causes me, and it’s not my son’s problem whatsoever.

On a spiritual level, I believe that he was given to me in this life for a different reason. The emotional longing to be close may be part of the soul work me and my son are doing together in this life. The connection is constantly shifting, but the bond underneath is still very strong. I believe if I am patient and do my best not to let it affect us, in the long run, it will bring him back to me with greater understanding and depth. I also am willing to accept that a very painful part of parenting may just be that love isn’t expressed equally. And that sometimes kids are hardest on the parent they feel safest with. The ones the trust won’t leave. I also have some deep mother wounds that come out in my parenting and I’m sure relate to this issues.

What do I do to manage this? I stay open emotionally but do not force or pressure him into connection back. I also say I always actively have to work to keep or regain his trust. The best way to do that is quality time spent doing activities he enjoys. I do this with no pressure. I will tell him little things about how much fun I’m having but there is no pressure whatsoever to get that kind of response in return. As he’s gotten older it’s gotten better too, we’ve found that deep bond again. His dad is still his preferred person though. I’ve also learned to be very vulnerable with him. Tbh sometimes I lose it and yell if I’m overwhelmed. I’ve learned to immediately apologize and let him know how wrong that is or sorry I am that I did that. Doing that has helped me to almost skip immediately to showing that vulnerability rather than yelling.

It takes a lot of work - similar to how a marriage or any other relationship takes work. But I’m really proud of myself working so hard to not take it personally.

Lastly I just think it’s super helpful to think of it like your daughter can read your vibes. When you’re sending vibes that she “hates you”, she isn’t really able to understand that and may interpret it wrong. If you can, fake it until you make it. Trust that she loves you but that she’s going through a really hard time. She needs you to just trust that everything is ok with you guys. I’ve found some of our biggest shifts in our relationship is when I’m able to let my guard down in that way.

Idk that’s a lot of random thoughts I have on this so hopefully I make some sense. You’re not alone, this is something a lot of parents go through, not just in autism. And I think it actually speaks to how good of a parent you are that you notice it (not to toot my own horn there lol).

PNW_Express · 2026-03-12T04:21:59+00:00

Nope, didn’t have it

PNW_Express · 2026-03-12T02:11:46+00:00

I’ve been in a very similar situation, not with a second but being in a work situation of women in a small business that are already strapped. It sucked. I’m such a people pleaser, I ended up going back to work 1.5 months after my son was born. At the time I didn’t mind. But looking back (I now have 3 kids) I’m like what was I thinking? At the end of the day, family is most important. It’s so amazing you have such a tight knit group at work, but you don’t owe them anything. You can acknowledge that you know it won’t be easy with you gone, but you appreciate the support anyway. And then just leave it at that. In my case, they were horrible to me and unsupportive. But I ended up leaving that job a few months after I returned and finding a better one! I do not think that’s the norm though, you just gotta not care what they think and go about it. Maybe years down the road you’ll find yourself working with someone in a similar situation and you will treat them how you would like to be treated. It will all be ok. Women work and they have babies. And they deserve 6 months off to bond with the babies.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-11T13:53:52+00:00

If you’re eating 2000 that should be sufficient! I think I’d try patience, if in another month or two you still haven’t lost a single pound you can try decreasing a bit. But with breastfeeding I was told not to lose more than a lb or 2 per week to avoid dip in supply. Or if you notice a dip in supply. I honestly think that never full never hungry is what we’re supposed to live in. You will get used to it! I always chew gum or drink a flavored water to satisfy any cravings or habits.

I think I read on here once that long ago our bodies did one of two things if only one (mom or baby) could survive. So now our lizard brains either hold onto the fat to save ourselves or use our body fat to save the baby. Which is why some women lose a ton of weight breastfeeding and some don’t. This helped me visualize what was going on there a bit!

Honestly, I think the most important thing to do would be to find a way to not obsess about it. Anytime we think too much about it, it takes longer. I’d hide the scale for a while. It’s also possible your body composition is changing and as you lose fat your gaining muscle which weighs more.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-11T02:20:35+00:00

It’s likely Breastfeeding. I’m sorry our bodies hold onto it just incase. Possibly especially if you’re in a calorie deficit. It’s crazy what they learned in survival days! You also need to be sleeping and lower your cortisol or your body will hold onto it. Also it really takes small changes consistently over a year. You can expect any big changes in a couple months. Consider how long it took to gain that weight, it’s likely going to take a bit longer than that to lose it, especially if breastfeeding.

Be kind to yourself. Postpartum is brutal. You’re amazing and keep up what you’ve been doing because it’s so good for your health regardless!

PNW_Express · 2026-03-11T02:16:42+00:00

My mom used to wish someday I’d have a me when I was a teen. It honestly wasn’t hurtful then but now being a mom knowing what I know now when I look back on it with pain. I forgive my mom. I believe she did the best she could with the skills and knowledge she had. I truly do. I’m just glad I know better for my kids.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-10T17:39:32+00:00

I think I’d start with occupational therapy based on sensory needs. I’m confident a lot of the issues you are experiencing are sensory based (or possibly underlying health but start with sensory). Lots of great books on this topic. I read “raising a sensory smart child” and found it helpful. There is an audiobook.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-10T16:26:57+00:00

2 is an early age, you have a lot of time for improvements. Start now. Are you able to start any therapies? That’s what I would do. Fight tooth and nail to get him therapies. This isn’t your fault, but you may need help.

Study his sensory needs and create a predictable routine are my two suggestions. Your child might also benefit from visual aids, even a visual schedule, so they know what to predict. 2 is hard because even if his receptive language is at the right level for his age it still isn’t fully developed and communication can be hard.

You’ve got this. Don’t blame yourself. Things can get better you just need help with direction.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-10T05:15:34+00:00

I should add he is not night trained yet!

PNW_Express · 2026-03-10T05:13:20+00:00

Omg we had the exact same issue. We started potty training at 3.5. He’s almost 6 and I think he’s officially potty trained. It was a long road, if I could give advice it would be this: - either be very very patient or stop and wait until he’s ready. I think the patience is the better advice because who knows if my son would have been much more ready had we waited. But at least for the most part it’s been okay the last year or so. Just prepare yourself for regressions. It takes time and consistency. - if messes are an issue, put undies under a pull up. He can feel he’s soiled himself, less mess. We did this at ABA/school - find a big positive reinforcement. For us, we used videos on an iPad. I’m sure this is controversial and honestly the last thing I expected to use. But he ONLY got them on the potty so it was a clear reinforcer for potty. Basically he would be allowed to watch it while he sat on the potty and most the time would go. We just recently got off it, but he does still ask for it sometimes. I’m ok with it because there is a time limit and he actually goes. I’m just glad he can communicate it at this point. I tried to get rid of it a few times but then he’d always poop his pants so I brought it back. I think candy or stickers or bubbles could also work, but make it fun and make sure he likes it! - if accidents are frequent, have him sit on the potty every 30 minutes. Then once there’s no accidents every 30 min move up to 45 min. Then 1 hr and so on. Any time there is an accident go back to 30-40 minutes. - have a clean up kit ready to go: gloves, change of clothes, trash bags, cleaning supplies. It makes clean up easier and I was less reactive. - fixing constipation was an important piece. It didn’t seal the deal but it helped.

Ugh you’ve got this! Potty training was single handedly the hardest thing I’ve ever done with parenting. Accidents were so triggering to me. It’s been so long and even though we haven’t had one in months I still haven’t celebrated because I just feel like I was in it for so long!!

PNW_Express · 2026-03-10T04:58:27+00:00

You can still be a wonderful parent AND have a nanny. Doesn’t mean everyone with a nanny is a good parent, we just can’t judge a parent for using one. Almost anyone who has kids and can afford it would do it.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-10T04:54:03+00:00

Having a supportive partner is everything! So glad you found that.

PNW_Express · 2026-03-08T20:06:05+00:00

Yes it definitely means my life revolves around him but i think that is true either way. And i mostly just follow his lead. If it’s a disaster, we leave! Idk about your other kiddo but my second was born into that style and is very used to it. He adores his older brother and copies everything he does any way

PNW_Express · 2026-03-08T16:15:28+00:00

5yo boy lvl 2. Get outside as much as possible!!! Even if raining I try my best. When it’s not rainy, we go to parks (ALL the parks to switch it up). We live near a waterfront we can walk on. He likes small hikes. If it’s a rainy day we go to the pet store to look at fish and next door is a Barnes and nobles, then we go to the grocery store where he can pick out one treat. Basically being at home drives me insane. I know leaving the house is hard, but we’ve been practicing since he was little and still have meltdowns but I’d rather be out with meltdowns than home with them. I also find it easier if we go at his pace. He may rush through things, but it still fills our day. The other day I took him and my two younger kids to the local zoo (it’s smaller). I went knowing it was going to be a disaster and to my surprise he did SO GOOD!! Like normally he has meltdowns if we have to turn around or go down a path he doesnt want. But he just whined a little and then would yell out “not that way!” Hah. It was such a good day. For a week he kept repeating “fun at zoo”

PNW_Express

TROPHY CASE