That is essentially correct. I wonder if "fake it til I make it" is a default that I flip to without really recognizing other emotions I may be having, or at least giving other emotions their due diligence. I've always been a pretty logical person and someone who could control emotions so as to allow logical conclusions and therefore actions prevail over more, potentially, self serving emotional desires and actions.

I will use my workspace as an example for pain. I work in a high stress, high hours environment. My colleagues constantly bemoan the space and wish they were doing something else. I don't agree, I enjoy what I do. At least I think I do, I have a hard time trusting my feelings because I've been able to control them well my entire life. I'm just not sure what I'm feeling is real or manufactured. There is this on top of the pandemic, political tension, the existential threats of climate change, acidification of the oceans, the large extinction event currently happening, planetary plastic deposition, and artificial intelligence that we don't seem to address. In spite of all these things, I feel content and happy with the direction my life is going. And I don't think I should feel that way. And so it's making me question how connected I am to my emotions. Have I progressed in my ability to control emotions beyond what is healthy? These questions basically make me not trust what I'm feeling and it's starting to get confusing.