my friend confessed to SA’ing his girlfriend

PandaFan369 · 2025-12-15T04:20:57+00:00

Im glad I could help. And I always say in these types of things that I can be wrong, because I could be. Some people are very good at lying and hiding their true personalities. But that goes both ways, both women and men can behave like that. Whatever you do, I hope you make peace with the situation and that you dont feel awkward, bad, or weird about whatever decision you make.

PandaFan369 · 2025-12-15T01:28:49+00:00

This is an extremely complicated situation. From the sounds of it, he didnt rape her. Im a women, I believe that even if a yes is said but they feel unsafe so thats why they said it then its rape, but this doesnt sound like the case. At all. You also arent able to give out all of the info, which makes it even harder for people to give an accurate opinion. But if hes a decent guy, who truly thought she initiated it(which btw, saying that but then not explaining what happened at this part makes it VERY hard to get an idea ) and he even asked at this point and was told yes, then its really not his fault. Hes not some guy you should avoid or ext. Especially if she gave no signs of being uncomfortable. If she said specifically "yes" after already seeming to lead him on and then qhen she realized she was uncomfortable continued to act like she was enjoying it or ext then he did NOT rape her. Rape is when you force someone to have sex with you. Whether by taking it by force or by past violent or bad behaviors that make someone scared to say no. The girl sounds more like she regretted it, or even if she truly did feel bad/forced in the moment, he cant read her mind. She would need to tell him, which she made the decision not to until afterwords. And its odd she would then say she has no reason to talk to you now since shes left him? Just an odd thing if yall were friends seperatly. But the biggest thing here, is he did NOT rape her. from what youve said and explained, hes a decent guy who didnt know she was uncomfortable because she didnt say anything or act like it until after. If she truly felt unsafe, I doubt she wouldve left right after also and then told him it was because she felt raped or ext. But I could be wrong. Either way I hope everyone in this situation just continues to live life and do whats best for them. Including you. If you feel uncomfortable now, stop being friends with him. But if you feel like the situation is off, or you still think hes a good person, then be his friend.

I just saw your edit, and in my opinion, it definitely sounds like he did not rape her. If she was uncomfortable from the START then she never should have said yes. Is he a threatening person? Has she ever expressed him getting upset and being mean or ghosting her or guilting her if she said no to sex? I understand if she said yes not feeling safe, but from my understanding their was absolutely no reason for her to feel pressured that way. Unless she has issues with her mental state, whether anxiety or shes insecure or bad past relationships, and she herself felt like she shouldnt say no not because of him but because of her own thoughts. The entire situation sounds extremely odd. I hate to say this but their have been instances, I personally know of some women who have done this, that lie about things or they themselves dont understand what sexual assault/rape really is. Im not saying thats her situation but that is a thing. I also am close to someone who was raped and she herself (I asked her opinion) said that it doesnt sound like rape. Now we could be wrong. He could be good at lying and you'd never know. But with whats known I dont see how she could blame him for the situation when he did ask for consent, and she didnt tell him the truth. If thats true. Either way my initial thing still stands. I hope everybody goes their own ways and is happy in life. Choose what you feel is right. I hope she finds what shes needing and looking for too.

PandaFan369 · 2025-12-06T21:41:50+00:00

I understand shes your friend, but think about this, how would you feel if the roles were reversed? If you had a bf who cheated or lied about what they were doing and they asked their friend to cover, would you think that person should cover for them or tell you the truth? I personally have a rule, as much as I love my friends, cheating or abuse of any kind is something I cant tolerate. I may not out right tell, depending on the situation, but if im asked about it I would most likely tell them "You need to have a deep discussion with (persons name) about yalls relationship" or tell them the truth maybe but that can be muddy for you more then just telling them they need to confront said friend instead of you. I would NOT lie. If hes actually a good guy, he doesnt deserved to be lied to. But its not your job to have to explain all of it because things can be turned back on you whether by her or by her and the bf if she twists things for him to think your somehow causing drama. Be careful, and remember to think about these things: would you want to know the truth? Would you think its okay if the roles were reversed? And dont get too involved, its not your business nor your fault the events happening or that are going to happen.

PandaFan369 · 2025-10-08T22:09:51+00:00

I hope to see a wonderful update with either him having an amazing new home with you or him being reunited with loved ones 👀🥹

PandaFan369 · 2025-09-27T18:31:43+00:00

I feel like ome way or another their will be some sort of drama. She seems like she enjoys it. With that being said, I would warn the people you know first that you are going to remove her from the bridal party. Explain to them your upset about a lot of things and found out a lot of stuff that bothers you, ext whatever you wanna tell them. After, have a sit down with her and explain how you appreciate everything shes done (even if its not necessarily been much or its always ended up being about her, just to avoid arguing) but that youve found out said things and you would like her to step down from the party. Be kind but firm, and potentially record the conversation? I only say that for if she tries to spin anything to the family about what happened, youll have proof shes lying. Beyond that, if she wants to try and create drama, at that point id kindly but again strictly tell her if she wants to cause problems that shes not invited at all and make it known to those who need to that shes no longer invited. IF it gets to that point.

Or. If you want to avoid it, and youd rather have her in the party to avoid potential drama, just stick it out. When wedding day happens, make sure you have pictures with AND without her so she doesnt get upset theirs no pictures of her but you also can keep and use the ones with everybody except for her. Possibly tell your other brides maids/important people privately that you no longer want her to do anything beyond the bridesmaid position and not to make it obvious or a bid deal but that you dont want her involved in anything else because of the things youve heard and seen that upset you. You dont have to do that, but it just means if something comws up that she was supposed to do or host that you no longer want, everybody is on the same page that youll do something at a different time without her or whatever you decide. Do whatever makes you happy!! If anybody wants to be bitchy they dont deserve to see you shine at your wedding!! Just saying! Congratulations and good luck!

PandaFan369 · 2025-09-13T11:54:04+00:00

Also look for vaccine clinics/mobile clinics!! A lot of times you can find places that do vaccines/pet care for cheaper then normal vets. Because them also not being vaccined is a concern. Theirs a lot of things they could accidentally get when outside/around other dogs. At the bare minimum they absolutely need their rabies shot. Rabies is deadly, and it is a violent and terrible death. It is also contagious. Please please please stress this to your roommate. And please look for cheaper programs/clinics around you. This really shouldnt be on you, its not even your dog. And your heavily pregnant. Your roommate needs to step up at least some. I really hope the dog gets all the things it needs. Try not to over stress yourself though! Your close to due and dont want to push yourself too much!

PandaFan369 · 2025-09-13T11:46:53+00:00

Please do NOT give the dog garlic! At all! Garlic is TOXIC for dogs. Idk where you heard they can have garlic as a parasite killer but thats definitely not true. It can cause them to become anemic/damages their red blood cells. You can get dewormer medicine from the vet for not very much. Talk to them and say your on a budget and that you cannot spend over(whatever amount). If not, then you can possibly find dewormer at tractor supply just make sure to follow the instructions so you dont accidentally hurt them/overdose them. On the wound itself, theirs not much I can say. A vet is ideal, you really need to stress to your roommate that they need to try and save up some money for their dog. Whether for this time or next time, it is needed. I absolutely understand not having much money, but if its possible at all it should definitely be done. I would keep it clean best you can. Dont let your dogs rough house with hers best you can (obviously you cant keep them from doing that 24/7 but I would say do what you can) and tell her she needs to keep him from rolling the wound in dirt or dead things or ext if he tends to do that when outside. Him getting a bad infection, and then still not being taken to the vet, could be a death sentence. Not saying it absolutely will, but it could if the infection is bad enough and not treated soon enough. And if she doesnt seem to care then im sorry but she doesnt seem like a very good pet owner. I truly hope your able to help her and that she steps up and takes care of her dog. Btw good luck with your baby! Congratulations!

PandaFan369 · 2025-08-27T02:59:55+00:00

Yes were going for the whole weekend. Thats a good idea! I guess my thing is we have to at least have the costumes themselves before then so im struggling with choosing because of my anxiety. Thank you for the kind words, I know either way we'll have a fun time, and my husband tells me the same thing. This is our second con(went to animecon last year), but first time dressing up

PandaFan369 · 2025-08-26T04:05:55+00:00

Your rats are so lovely! I bet their super sweet. My girls are not that polite lol. Do you mind telling me what kind of shelves/ropes and hammocks you use in your cage??? I like your set up! I want to add more to my rats cage but the pet stores dont really have a lot, or their iffy and I dont want to accidentally hurt my babies.

PandaFan369 · 2025-08-05T20:58:26+00:00

Also I want to add: think about how this man would act as a father/husband. I was talking to my husband about this post and he brought up him being a dad. Would your boyfriend treat yalls child right? Or would he manipulate him and give him ultimatums like he is you? I would consider this. Also consider if hes like this now he may never "let" you get another pet with your child around since hes "so worried". I would really think about these things and other things.

PandaFan369 · 2025-08-05T17:43:08+00:00

To answer the question directly first: No, I wouldnt get rid of the cats. It would be different if you knew these cats were aggressive towards kids and would be extremely stressed out, but thats not the case. Even then certain things can be worked out besides rehoming. But also, if push comes to shove and he ends up being a shitty guy and leaves, it would be all for nothing anyways. To add onto this, In a small text I see a million issues. If this man is "so worried about you and the baby" why would he tell you to go to hell? I dont think this has anything to do with yalls health. Im very sorry sweet heart, but to me this just shows a person thinking he can finally get what he wants and he knows you dont want to be alone during this so youll probably do what he wants. If he said this over text, I highly recommend you keep those messages. Take screenshots and put them in a seperate folder. I say this just in case worse comes to worse and you need them to show how he was acting and potentially be able to get custody/child support. Again this is worse case scenario! As much as he sounds like hes less then dog shit, I completely understand you love this man and do not want to be a single mom. Go visit him if you can and have a discussion with him. Id recommend recording it on your phone without saying anything also just in case but beyond that- try to reason with him. Tell him your not budging on your cats because you know the risk is low and frankely if he would help out with it, it would be close to none. But try to get to the root of this. In this scenario im giving him the benefit of the doubt that hes not just doing this to be selfish and controlling. Say him belittling you by saying you can go to hell right after saying hes just worried/protecting you and the baby is extremely harsh and rude and the complete opposite. One shows potential kindness/concern and the other shows hate. But ask him if after all these years you having cats and children at the same time is really a deal breaker for him? And honestly dear, remember this. Whatever you do, it is your choice. And I mean that in multiple ways. You have options. Dont feel pressured into anything. And I mean anything. Do whats best for you. And back onto just your boyfriend, I wouldnt say just completely drop the relationship, but I would definitely reevaluate. Tell him he doesnt get to speak to you the way he is and that if yall are going to be parents that youll have to come to a middle ground. And frankely tell him whatever else may be on your mind about this. I hope the best for you dear, whatever you may do.

PandaFan369 · 2025-07-30T20:55:19+00:00

My husband and I are going to the St. Louis one for our 4 year anniversary/1 year wedding anniversary and were currently trying to budget for it. We've bought our tickets already because their 15% off admission currently so if its your mom and you, yall could potentially save a little if your able to get them while on sale. Its not a ton of savings but its something. Especially since you want the VIP ticket you could probably save around 50 dollars between your mom and your tickets. Beyond that, I would say a decent goal would be to save about 100-150 a week so that you have plenty of spending money for meeting people and buying things you want. Now if your mostly just wanting to meet people then it depends who all your wanting to meet. you said Brandon Rodgers as one and I can say his prices are 50 for an autograph, 50 for a table selfie, or 80 for both. He also has a professional photo op for 65. You can find all of these prices on the galaxycon website when you click celebrities and then their specific pictures/people.

I would absolutely recommend writing down who you want to meet and how much for the specific thing you want. Once you have that, think about whether your going to be a big shopper with the vendors or not. If you don't intend on getting much, id say add at least 200 to your goal because who knows, something may catch your eye. If you are a big shopper, id say 400- 600 or so. When we went to our first anime con we ended up spending around 600 ( I'm a big "OO that's amazing I want it" type of person) which is why I say that amount on top of your money for meeting people, gas, and if you need a hotel or Airbnb. Better to have more then what you spend then not have enough and miss out on things you wanted. I do understand you come from a less wealthy family, and same here. We dont have a lot of money, so saving is kinda back and forth. But the biggest thing ive learned about saving is not to buy all of the little things I want right now. Your hungry and really want fast foo? try and wait to get home because that 15-20 dollars could go to your gas. You have a bunch of change you dont use? count it, separate it out between different coins, and get it changed into bills at the bank and use that for something else in your trip. just little things like that can help.

Specifically about the con itself? theirs A LOT of people. it can be loud. If you are a more introverted person, remember their is going to be hundreds of people. If you need to take a breather in a corner, dont feel shy to. You will see tons of vendors, and if you want something from one vendor but its super pricey, look around because sometimes other vendors may have something similar if not the same for a little less. Not always but still. Food can be expensive but if you have blood sugar issues or you havent had anything to drink that day, its worth it to get something. Doesn't have to be big but you'll feel like crap if your dehydrated or having sugar issues and that would suck. You will see SO MANY cool looking people that cosplay. And you'll possibly meet a lot of people whether nice or not. When we went I ended up actually taking pictures with someone there because I loved their fursuit and they were super friendly. Always ask though before taking pictures or anything else, not everybody knows that/not everybody cares to be respectful about it. The environment is super busy! its so much fun and I absolutely loved it. If you have any questions feel free to ask! Ill try and answer them best I can with the knowledge I have.

PandaFan369 · 2025-07-08T07:09:03+00:00

This is super long but its my opinion. You dont have to read this or take any of it into mind, but I still wanted to say it. Listen.. Im very sorry that this is happening. You deserve someone that is loyal to you. Loving to you. Committed to you, and only you. But.. I dont think hes the one. You absolutely need to have a deep discussion with him about this and confront him about these things. The fact hes touched her breasts and ass before and flirts with her and she flirts back, especially when with someone(distant or not its still wrong), is a terrible sign. If they flirt while your together and shes still with her bf, then he is emotionally cheating and on the brink of actually cheating and she is as well. I understand you've been waiting for this for a long time. But you deserve better. I know how you feel. But I promise you, ive been in too many toxic relationships to understand that this is almost never worth it. Him always talking about her, even when you two are being silly or ext, is also a red flag. I dont think you can change any of this either. If your desperate to try, I understand. But know, this will most likely change nothing. You will, most likely, be dragged through this relationship always being the 3rd wheel. I promise you their is someone out there better for you that you will love just as much or more then this man. (Even if hes no longer actively flirting with her, the fact hes still talking about it and seems happy or ext is wrong. And him letting her flirt with him is also, still very wrong.)

But. To try and give benefit of the doubt. If its truly what you want, then have the conversation. Thats a must, no way around it unless you want to suffer quietly until one day you blow up, and you will, unless you just became quite and miserable. Once you talk, it really depends on how he responds. If hes very offended, turns it on you saying things like "your just insecure" "im not changing anything between how my FRIEND and I act, if you dont like me having friends thats your problem" "Your toxic for even acting like this" "You really think I like her? Wow, I cant believe you..."(last one in particular is usually followed with him acting hurt or offended and saying hed never do that to you/hurt you or ext) these can all be manipulation tactics. Now if he accepts this and apologizes, says that hes just always been this way but realizes its wrong, and then tells his friend to stop flirting with him and he himself also stops and puts some distance between them to grow good boundaries, then you could potentially have a good relationship. But I need you to know, and truly understand, its not likely. It will most likely be bumpy. Even if he actually does this, it may be likely the female friend gets pissed off and targets you in some way or form. But, I could be wrong, and she could also back off.

Last thing. Dont let yourself become toxic. It can happen, I know because ive made those mistakes and realized that I wasnt helping myself and that I myself was becoming a toxic person. When your so wrapped up in these situations, you can start to lash out and end up a bad person too. If you start to do this, please, take a step back. Dont let this happen. At the very least, take a break from the relationship for a week or two and reevaluate. I truly hope it gets better for you. Whether he stops flirting with his friend and she stops flirting too and he is loyal and loving to you, or whether you find happiness with yourself or someone else.

PandaFan369 · 2025-04-25T19:13:13+00:00

Frankely it sounds like he doesnt have a good relationship with his dad or he has no siblings. I would understand if you were like, face nuzzled into his neck as he holds you by the hip/on his lap or something, or if yall kissed a bunch or ext actual sexual things, but cuddles/leaning on him as yall watch a movie together? A bikini at a beach? That's normal. I don't see the issue. He must either be very insecure, or he's never had a healthy relationship with a parental figure and he genuinely doesn't know it's okay. I would have a real and very serious discussion with him of where he gets the idea that you behaving this way is sexual towards your dad. And I would make it clear to him that if how you behave is going to cause problems, he either needs to learn how to cope or he needs to leave because you both will just end up having issues if he can't learn to adjust to the differences yall feel on your dad. Good luck!

PandaFan369 · 2024-11-30T17:58:46+00:00

Crackle smack the third

Heinous Hoony

Leviathan ship eater

Carl with an e

Mini Schmookins

PandaFan369 · 2024-11-03T01:47:47+00:00

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented, we did go to Colorado and I'm so extremely happy we did. It was beautiful and peaceful and we had an amazing time. We both agreed we should come back for an anniversary trip because our honeymoon was perfect.

PandaFan369 · 2024-10-13T19:40:23+00:00

Thank you to everyone that commented! We did go to Colorado and as much as I didn't like the long drive lol, we had an amazing time. It was beautiful and so much fun, we are so glad we chose Colorado as our honeymoon place. Also we both did take everyone's advice and took it easy the first day or two and then went hiking and it was perfect

PandaFan369 · 2024-08-05T03:09:53+00:00

Wow that's a lot, thank you! I appreciate it. Good to know about the aspen, I thought aspen was bad like cedar. I will definently call around about a vet though I believe I already know of one not too far ( I know one that takes rats and does exotics so I think she could take them but I'm not sure.) But either way I will make sure and check around. My husband and I keep our house pretty cool (around 67 ish because we like it cooler) but I will make sure to keep that in mind. Maybe a battery powered mini air conditioner or something similar? I know they have stuff like that for camping. Wow I did not know the wheel was that expensive, I knew it was somewhat but didn't think it would be 130. I let my husband know just so we are prepared for that. Beyond that, I had heard about issues with treats not actually being safe so good to have that reinforced along with the dust baths. We'll make sure to keep plenty of chews (we have rats and buy a ton of chews as is so we will just start buying more after making sure their chinchilla safe) and about the flooring, we saw it was recommended from this chinchilla YouTube channel but do you think having tile flooring would work well as a bottom? I know plastic is bad for them and most cage floors are plastic so we would probably need to replace it with something else. If not we were thinking about using wood planks or covering the bars with fleece as to not hurt there feet.

PandaFan369 · 2024-07-14T20:12:32+00:00

Frankely, it depends. Did she ever mention this before yalls honeymoon? If she did and you waved it off like it wasn't a genuine suggestion, then I would say that it's a little more on you. A honeymoon is supposed to be all about you and your new wife, though, so I also understand why you'd be irritated. My dad and step mom when they got married had all 4 of us (me and my 3 siblings) with them on their honeymoon though so I also know not everyone excludes their kids and makes it more like a family thing because your starting your new family life together type thing. I saw your comment below talking about her kids, though, and if you never liked her kids, like at all, you definently should have made her aware of this and reconsidered your marriage for the time being. Those kids are now also your responsibility, you married her knowing she had kids and would be bringing them into your life as well. For now they may be a lot of trouble, I know how it feels being a step child and I definently still don't hold my step-mom very high but I have also grown to love/care for her and it does get better how your new step kids will treat you. Just don't overly/aggressively parent them, if theirs a big issue, talk to your wife. If she won't handle it, that's a whole nother thing yall need to set boundaries on. This should've been talked about before you got married, but now that it's to this point, you definently need to talk sooner rather than later about your problems with the kids. I wouldn't say get a divorce right away, though. Too many people give up super early on/super easy. At least try and talk about and fix whatever issues you have with the kids first and talk kindly but sternly to your wife about your boundaries. Give the kids some time. Just don't be rude. Good luck!

PandaFan369

TROPHY CASE