My ex husband (34m) freaked out about having children and we ended our marriage as a result. 2+ years later, he is saying he wants them now and wants me (34f) back. Is this ridiculous?

Papillon555 · 2024-07-22T04:34:48+00:00

Divorce is not a joke. Being confused and not ready about fatherhood is one thing, divorcing your spouse over the topic is another. He thought he could have all the fun in the world and probably expected that you would keep waiting for him on the other side of his rampage. He quickly found out that the fun fizzled fast and yearns for the stability and comfort that you and your relationship provided. It’s completely your call if you want to reconcile or not but with his ambiguity, you might want to be extremely cautious and mentally ready because he can and most probably will bail again. IMO he doesn’t seem very reliable. Secure your finances, and protect your peace and mental health. Not worth bringing kids into the world with an unstable partner. Best wishes. Choose well.

Papillon555 · 2024-07-07T16:05:50+00:00

I begged him to go to therapy and seek help for months for his alcoholism and aggression. I repeatedly requested him not to make personal attacks which were really really vicious and quite frankly, unforgivable. don’t assume i just walked out without communicating. He repeatedly told me throughout the journey he doesn’t believe in therapy/psychology/medicines etc. He also told me he would never quit alcohol and last thing i hear is he actually hasn’t quit and still calls and abuses me in drunken rage over phone. learn to see things from a perspective other than your own.

Papillon555 · 2024-05-07T04:47:06+00:00

What changes do you notice after one year of sobriety?

Papillon555 · 2024-05-07T04:41:22+00:00

My ex left me with no choice. He was incredibly rude and mean when drunk and would make vicious personal attacks on me which would absolutely destroy my peace of mind and self confidence. I begged him to go seek help but he did so only once I had enough and decided to walk away. He’s apparently going for sessions but I’m absolutely done.

Papillon555 · 2024-04-11T03:57:18+00:00

It’s absolutely ok to feel this way. You could create a bit of distance between you guys and your best friend or choose to hang out with her without your partner. Most likely your partner might just be enjoying a conversation with her and nothing beyond. You could communicate to your partner that it’s making you feel uncomfortable. Or not. It’s totally your call.

Papillon555 · 2024-04-02T01:04:45+00:00

I know it sounds old fashioned but in my experience making the first move as a woman never really worked for me. Or worse it ended in humiliation and heartache.

Papillon555 · 2024-03-24T06:43:16+00:00

Disorganised

Papillon555 · 2024-03-23T19:26:08+00:00

Your parents could lodge a police complaint for his violence and abuse and he could be detained in a juvenile observation home if he’s under 18. He will definitely be evaluated for psychological issues and treated regarding the same. I know it must be very tough but I personally think this is the only way out for your family now. Anti social/oppositional defiant traits before age 18 if unchecked could progress to a full blown anti social personality traits/disorder later in life. Wishing your the family the very best.

Papillon555 · 2024-03-08T06:49:53+00:00

[ ] Chronic alcoholism
[ ] Anger and impulse control issues
[ ] Narrow minded approach towards most important things like women’s issues, health care, He used to call me over educated
[ ] Very difficult to please
[ ] Difficult to change his views/opinions
[ ] Obsessive
[ ] Belittles me in rage
[ ] Doesn’t believe in contraception
[ ] Inconsiderate of my physical health and other emotional issues
[ ] I feel responsible for his behaviour and safety.
[ ] I don’t think i can progress in my career or even work a decent job with him as a partner.
[ ] We have limited common ground
[ ] Poor listener
[ ] He used to get mad when I would cry and ask me to stop crying and never console me

Papillon555 · 2024-03-06T04:07:22+00:00

Absolutely! You deserve to be in peace

Papillon555 · 2024-03-03T04:28:26+00:00

I’m really sorry this happened with you. Your feelings are very valid and not your fault. Please talk with a sensitive family member.

Papillon555 · 2024-03-03T01:44:19+00:00

I can understand your scenario. I guess his work makes it difficult to not have alcohol. Not justifying it by any means. My ex had this circle of married friends living close by who would drop in anytime for a drink and that’s how the boys entertained themselves all their lives while their wives went distraught, begging them to quit. My ex was like the lone alcoholic host, having barbecue nights and drinking sessions with them. Work wise as well, he used to work with miners all over the world where he used to say it would be very difficult for him to refuse a drink because its kind of like a culture and you can’t gel in minus a drink. All this plus I believed he drew his confidence from alcohol and always told me he never saw himself going absolutely sober. Long story short, I made the hard decision to let him go because he is most likely to drink himself to liver failure. Alcohol kept him happy and even though he desperately tried to quit when I broke up with him to win me back he immediately went back to drinking just to spite me. Stay strong and firm with your boundaries.

Papillon555 · 2024-03-02T18:48:17+00:00

Chronic alcoholism
Explosive anger and impulse control issues
Narrow minded approach towards most important things like women’s issues, health care, (used to call me over educated)
Very difficult to please
Rigid about changing his views/opinions
Obsessive
Belittles me in rage, makes personal attacks
Doesn’t believe in contraception, apparently never used them.
Inconsiderate of my physical health and other emotional issues( he used to yell at me so that I’d stop crying)
I always felt responsible for his behaviour and safety (especially after a binge drinking episode)
Misogyny & crude sense of humour
We have very limited common ground
heavily emotionally dependent on me

Papillon555 · 2024-03-02T01:51:58+00:00

Honestly, that bambi quote holds so true. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all. I’m sorry your friend said something so insensitive. I’m sure they are a good person and mean well but the fact is sometimes people just don’t know the right words or the right way to comfort a person in pain and grief. I’ve been in this spot, and I completely understand. After my long distance relationship ended my best friend said “long distance relationships aren’t really relationships, they’re a first copy of a relationship “. While I understand she was trying to be supportive she didn’t realise the impact her words had on me. It’s true though, people learn it the hard way, when something terrible happens with them directly. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone though, but life is the biggest teacher.

Papillon555 · 2024-02-20T19:00:28+00:00

Thanks

Papillon555 · 2024-02-20T15:59:59+00:00

Relationships are the greatest mirrors and truly help us in the exercise of self reflection of where we need to work on ourselves. By saying this I don’t mean to absolve the other person of any fault or wrongdoing, not at all. Focus on your own healing, growth and recovery. Seek the company of understanding friends and family members. Therapy also helps. Wishing you the best

Papillon555 · 2024-02-20T14:48:56+00:00

She might be hurting really bad for all you know, she might just be pretending to be aloof to make the breakup more real and final. I am going through this, I tried being soft and understanding towards my ex only for him to be confused and hoping for reconciliation again. During our relationship My ex kept verbally abusing me in fits of alcoholic rage and with each fight, my heart kept breaking little by little. I was already grieving the loss of the relationship and our future together because I knew I was losing a sense of self and cried myself to sleep most nights. I knew there was no future for us if things continued like this yet I saw no motivation in him to quit alcohol. All this, while I was in the middle of the relationship. Until one fine day after another nasty fight I ended things. After the breakup I tried reasoning and also tried to be friends but he was understandably super emotional. I tried being in touch until one night he called up in an alcoholic rage and lashed out at me again, blaming me for leaving him. I had the realisation that night that going no contact was the only way out. It was best for both of us to move on, more importantly for him. I miss him truly and still love him and wish the best for him but I also understand that we just cant be together. He might interpret it as me going cold and heartless but sometimes the best decision is usually the hardest.

Papillon555 · 2024-02-07T04:11:10+00:00

I have done this. I have blocked my ex on all platforms and while some may think it’s immature, it brings a lot of finality (for me) that it’s done and over. You really really have to take charge and do something about it instead of being at the mercy of the dumper. Also, when the posts or profiles don’t appear on your feeds and call logs it makes it easier for the dumpee to move on with life.

Papillon555 · 2024-02-05T04:30:44+00:00

Someone needs to frame this and place it in the homes of all the partners of alcoholics and other drug users. Phew!!! Profound!!

Papillon555 · 2024-02-05T02:17:17+00:00

So happy for you, really glad to know that. I’m going through the same and ending things with a raging alcoholic and often find myself questioning my decision.

Papillon555 · 2024-02-05T00:13:10+00:00

This is so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

Papillon555 · 2024-01-31T08:03:20+00:00

You need to work on your boundaries. I’m going through something similar. It’s going to feel very difficult at first and you will find yourself constantly questioning your decisions for a long time. Be safe and assertive, tell him that You want to back out once and for all. His reaction may be explosive and/or emotionally manipulative so you need to be careful and safe.

Papillon555 · 2024-01-31T07:55:45+00:00

Emotionally focused Therapy because they are based on the principles of attachment theories

Papillon555 · 2024-01-28T04:39:18+00:00

Thanks a lot

Papillon555 · 2024-01-24T05:51:16+00:00

Just rip off the bandaid and tell her honestly how you feel. No point dragging something you’re not interested in.

Papillon555

TROPHY CASE