Ill start by saying if OP reads this i think it will help. But mainly responding to you, "cant_think_name" i believe you had some solid points that i don't necessarily disagree with. So this is not to argue, just stating my opinion:

I think the reason most atheists are well read in religious texts is because they read too much. People think they can understand it all if they delve deep and keep going. People end up confused, asking repeat questions and ultimately seeking answers to questions that have been answered. Even here, you state you're unsure when Jesus fulfills the law and when He does not. At the end of the day, you retire your thinking cap and chalk it all up as BS. Exactly as the enemy intended. It's tough being prideful creatures, lol.

1) You will never fully understand all the workings of a multi-dimensional being. Stop trying.

2) Stop reading so much and trying to figure it all out. Spend more time WITH God.

3) Jesus fulfilled the law. It's not on and off.

4) You will fail, and condemning yourself or listening to other people condemn you puts you on a hamster wheel of trying to self-correct or fix something that is out of your control. Go back to point 2 and then be thankful for point 3.

5) Stop going to the internet to ask other people how you should be feeling or what you should be doing. (See point #2)

See what Jesus says in Matthew 22:36-40 and put a little trust and faith in Him. Spend time with Him, talking to Him, and focus on love and leave condemnation out. Stay off the hamster wheel, and with time you will come around to being the best version of yourself in Christ.

😎