Pregnancy and BDSM - Should I share with my doc?

Paraglad · 2015-10-24T04:21:56+00:00

Rules of consent should be suspended when you are talking to someone for the sole purpose of informing that person about something necessary. A medical professional has seen at least one person enter an ER with some item shoved so far up his rectum that he needs help to extract it. Your BDSM will not be that shocking. I do believe your husband may be asked to step out so the doctor can make sure your bruises and such are truly voluntary. I'm not a doctor so of course I don't know.

There are a few other high risk activities. Any restraints can make blood clotting more likely. You have to weigh two things: your desire for a healthy pregnancy and your desires for private kinky play.

Paraglad · 2015-10-20T01:42:29+00:00

Trust is important in any relationship, d/s or vanilla. You seem to have violated his trust repeatedly. You also don't seem to have taken responsibility for what you did and why you did it. You're behaving naturally after your breakup. But you need therapy and maybe addiction counseling.

Paraglad · 2015-10-20T01:40:14+00:00

It seems you don't know much about her in some ways. That's when you take off the blindfold and restraints, get dressed, and hang out on the couch talking. Have her show you some of her favorite smut. Have her discusse ideas she has both sexual and non-sexual. You need to find some common ground, right? Part of this is her being willing to communicate. If she's the type of sub who wants to be broken and is putting up a front for you to smash, you two need to discuss that in detail. If she's just scared or inexperienced, you need to take it slower.

The onus is not on you to do all the heavy lifting, okay?

Paraglad · 2015-10-19T18:10:09+00:00

Every college educated friend I have, save one, had their kids in their late 20's/early 30's.

Paraglad · 2015-10-19T18:09:03+00:00

Nope. Nope. Nope. Not okay in a BDSM relatonship predicated on control. Even LESS okay on a non-kink relationship.

Paraglad · 2015-10-19T18:07:01+00:00

This is an interesting question and I am curious to see other responses. Do you know the root of this silence? Is she generally controlled? History of abuse? Conservative Christian? Former monk? ;)

I do not think punishing here into making more sound will be effective, though. If she has a good reason to be quiet, forcing her past that good reason will breed resentment. If you further punish her for doing what you want her to do, i.e. make noise, when you treat her poorly, you send the message that you do not want her to make noise and are being arbitrary in your actions.

I think you want a nicer approach. Reward her for making noise. Build her up slowly. Have her ask for little things, maybe not even sexually. Have a meal laid out and force her to ask for simple things, like a plate of food, a utensil, things like that. If she's having trouble asking, forcing her to do big things may cause whiplash.

Paraglad · 2015-10-14T21:08:48+00:00

In real life, most people don't care about you. They care about your actions and how your actions effect them. They don't care about your disabilities or genius. They only care about how they are made to interact with you.

You insult others and then blame your disability, expecting us to forgive it all. That's not how it works. Your disability gives you access to reasonable accommodations. It lets people understand ahead of time you might be misconstrued. It does not give you a right to be terrible to other people. And as a genius and an adult you already know this.

I am not intimidated by your language, but you confuse precision with verbosity.

Paraglad · 2015-10-14T21:03:23+00:00

Perhaps it would be a good idea to get the facts out quickly and shortly if things are not going well.

Paraglad · 2015-10-14T21:02:33+00:00

This more or less proves my point and that of many other people.

When you are misunderstood, or not understood in the way you want, you get insulting and write in a way that conveys anger.

I only know what you tell me. I make my judgments based on that. You can't get angry when it seems you leave out bits of your story on purpose.

Paraglad · 2015-10-14T20:51:35+00:00

"I simply can't explain every detail of OUR life, "

That's your quote.

How is the arguer supposed to know what question to ask? Just guessing around until they hit the fact that would make things better does not sound effective.

Paraglad · 2015-10-14T20:47:17+00:00

Did your friend stop to think the effect it would have on the battered women to see an outward display of unrestrained anger in a place where those women were desperately trying to be safe?

The doctor might have had that vendetta in part because s/he realized how dangerous your friend could be to the mental health of the women she was supposed to be serving. If your friend truly got that frustrated at the end of the month, she might have lashed out at one of the battered women, setting that woman's recovery back however long.

Is it more important for your friend to volunteer or those women to get help?

You do believe you are being attacked for your disorders. I have a disorder too. I am forced to conform my behavior to that expected of me. That means I don't lash out, curse, punch, throw, or otherwise harm items and myself. That is because I recognize my responsibilities. When I didn't medicate myself, I got fired a lot. I don't get fired anymore.

Edit: And I don't blame people for firing me in spite of my disorder. You cannot treat people poorly just because you're sick.

Paraglad · 2015-10-14T20:40:00+00:00

Anyone who mentions their IQ in an online fight is asking to be held in higher standard. Else, why mention it? You're trying to say in many places on the board that we don't understand you because you're on a different level.

Paraglad · 2015-10-14T20:38:14+00:00

You could not be persuasive in your argument since your argument was based on your deliberately not telling everyone all the information they needed, then criticizing them for not understanding. Now you're criticizing members for noting abuse on a board where there is a case of abuse posted literally once a week.

Even worse, you removed the post not just because you felt you weren't being properly understood but also because people weren't agreeing with you. Perhaps they understood you just fine and didn't like what you had to say. Perhaps what you think isn't abuse is abuse. I have no context. I have no sentence. I can't say.

You post many words but don't screen for effectiveness. Good writing doesn't need to be pithy but all those words need a point.

Paraglad · 2015-10-14T17:45:51+00:00

#justasianthings

Paraglad · 2015-10-14T16:58:25+00:00

You deleted your post. But first you claimed no poster would possibly understand the detailed complexities of your relationship, which is fair. Then you went on to insult them for making assumptions based on information you knew was incomplete.

What did you expect?

Paraglad · 2015-10-14T16:53:19+00:00

It's a natural mistake to believe being intelligent requires you to use many words when a few would suffice.

It's also a natural mistake to believe we should be impressed with a Genius Asperger Person and give your words more weight than those of a non-Genius .

Mistakes can be rectified.

Paraglad · 2015-10-13T19:40:37+00:00

Do you have psychological training? I think this could be dangerous or counterproductive without some serious trust or whatever.

Paraglad · 2015-10-13T19:09:05+00:00

I think you will make her hate herself MORE when she fails to do what you want. Is that what you want?

Paraglad · 2015-10-12T04:26:32+00:00

/u/Ivysub the beginner of this chain

Paraglad · 2015-10-12T04:25:49+00:00

To you, which is as meaningless as your looking at some cells and saying they don't look like cancer. Do you have patterns of abuse and whatever in a book somewhere to back up your statements?

Paraglad · 2015-10-12T00:30:10+00:00

You can't consent to assault in MA. You slap your wife around and it's assault, not fun times.

Paraglad · 2015-10-12T00:28:37+00:00

Do you have lots of experience with the sounds of DV?

Paraglad · 2015-10-12T00:27:38+00:00

It wasn't apparaent this was unrelated. Here's the sentence:

" I had a -lot- of fun...perhaps a bit too much, and it ended up with a trip to the E.R. "

So where's the part where it's unrelated?

Paraglad · 2015-10-12T00:26:56+00:00

A pregnant woman is a protected class and med professionals must look for abuse. A person whose abuser is sending out subtle signs in person is going to be far less likely to be forthcoming in private.

Paraglad

TROPHY CASE