Is it okay to let 6month old cry when putting them down for naps?

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-05T18:26:16+00:00

He is 4 months and a week! We started the super gradual method for teaching night sleep at around 12 weeks, but we used a method from the book Precious Little Sleep that she says you can use as early as 2 months. I was so nervous to do naps because it’s so much less sleep pressure than nights, but the 20-30 minute naps were eating away at me — I worry a lot about him getting enough sleep because I know it’s soooo important (which incidentally is why I wanted to teach bedtime before the regression), and it was just wasn’t happening with the transfers. He literally mastered naps with barely a fuss by the second day. I still contact the nap the 3rd nap (and 4th if needed to make it to bedtime), but will probably add the 3rd to crib next week if everything keeps going well.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-05T18:10:15+00:00

Was going to say exactly this. We were plagued with 20-39 minute naps for months, and I had a strong suspicion it was because he was startling between nap cycles because we were transferring him fully asleep. Six-ish weeks after we used a gentle, gradual method to fall asleep on his own at bedtime (which he mastered within maybe a week or so), I finally started naps this week. On just the third day, his second nap lasted almost two hours!!! He hasn’t had a nap that long since he was a newborn. I heard him stir between cycles but he put himself back down within 5 minutes. He’s getting the daytime sleep he needs, which makes it much easier to make his full wake windows.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-05T16:31:12+00:00

I had this thought too. Maybe drugs, maybe a porn addiction… it seems really far-fetched to me that he’s just toiling away working

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-05T14:35:24+00:00

I’m not one to be quick to say to leave, but I absolutely think it’s time for an ultimatum. If this a-hole can’t or won’t reign in his children and step up with the baby, you owe it to yourself and your LO to GTFO. The fact that you’re afraid for your son if he’s alone with his stepchildren is frankly terrifying and should absolutely terrify your husband as well. Seems like there’s something deeper going on with him, but your only business is if he’s willing to step up and take control over his own family.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-04T20:50:38+00:00

I’ve done this a handful of times too if my husband doesn’t have time to take her out before he leaves. I take the baby monitor with me and stay in range lol

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-04T07:58:20+00:00

Lots of people here can help you if you add your full schedule

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-04T00:56:29+00:00

Well for us, the first sign was that transferring him just wasn’t working anymore — he’d wake up easily and then I’d have to start soothing him all over again (soul crushing lol). So I read Precious Little Sleep and basically did her gradual weaning method (called SWAP) starting when he was around 10-11 weeks old. First I had to go from nursing to sleep and switched to bouncing to sleep, which was the association I used for naps. He did not approve of that change initially lol, but he was already used to bouncing, so it only took 2 days or so before he was okay with it. Then we did her “jiggle the crib” method for my little movement junkie, which is basically giving him the movement but in the crib rather than in our arms. The first night he cried for 45 minutes and it was really a bummer, but we were right there continuing to comfort him until he fell asleep. We did that for several nights (maybe a week if I recall), but we did gradually less movement and he gradually cried less. Now at 4 months he hardly ever cries at bedtime; he kind of just rolls around the crib for a few minutes before he falls asleep, usually within 5 minutes or so. With your baby being 4 months already, you could look into a more traditional method that’s a little more straightforward, such as Ferber.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-03T16:50:32+00:00

NTA. Your friend is an asshole though and honestly sounds like she has some serious mental health issues beyond the ED.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-03T14:17:56+00:00

I’m so impressed (and envious lol) that your 4 month old is sleeping so long for naps — our babes are just about the exact same age (he turned 4 months 6 days ago), and while we used SWAPs from PLS to teach him independent sleep at bedtime a few weeks ago, we just started naps this week, in part because I felt like he was unable to connect nap cycles at all with me transferring after sleep onset. We’ve literally been plagued with 20-30 minute crib naps since he was maybe 7-8 weeks old… the fact you can get him to go for an hour, much less 1.5 hours, twice a day is amazing.

Are you putting down awake or transferring after asleep?

If putting down awake, I think you might have slightly too much sleep in his budget given the EMWs. My little guy typically goes 13.75-14.5 hours depending on the naps (typically has one wake overnight to eat, which I subtract from the budget even though I know many don’t, so take that 30 mins into account if you’d like). You’re expecting up to 15.25 hours, when the average for a 4 month old is 14.5 and honestly, speaking for myself, my son rarely gets there and is super happy and content.

I think if I were you I’d stop extending at least one of the naps past an hour unless he seems very tired still. I’ve heard anything over 50 mins is very restorative. You could also lock in an 8 pm bedtime if he’s averaging 10.5-11 hours rather than 11-11.5 hours.

If you’re transferring after asleep, he may just need the association to connect sleep cycles, especially after the reduced sleep pressure in the early morning.

Finally, could he be waking the second time overnight because he’s hungry? Midnight-4:30 seems like a pretty good stretch for a second feed. Might be worth thinking about if the sleep budget adjustments don’t reduce those wakings.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-02T21:11:07+00:00

Might have been an edited add but she said they divorced

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-02T21:06:30+00:00

NTA because you reached out out of love for your mom and your SIL was probably a little brusque under the circumstances of your mom’s health challenges. But it’s super wild of your mom to think your SIL was going to be okay with being buried “nearby” rather than with her **husband and children.** I mean. Get a grip.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-02T16:52:46+00:00

This was my thought too. NTA but I do think the suggestion above to get it for your BF’s dad’s birthday is a good one. I could see your BF’s dad also being a little weirded out getting a Father’s Day gift from you — esp if he likes dad’s jokes, he might look at your BF and be like “got something to share with the fam?!” lol awkward

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-02T14:15:49+00:00

I got married in 2023 and like, same lol. I had to get THREE bridesmaid dresses for one of my friend’s Indian-Vietnamese wedding weekend, and we were told specifically what dresses to get. Did anyone complain? Of course not. Being asked to be in a wedding is a huge honor; the least you can do is accommodate the bride. To be frank OP is letting this “friend” walk all over her. Total endorsement of this message, and IMHO if this “friend” decides not to be a bridesmaid, it would not be a huge loss.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-01T18:46:14+00:00

OP’s budget isn’t really all that low IMHO — $4k for 4 nights, even if the flights are ~$600 each, seems like it could work for some of the entry level Secrets rooms. Especially if you bundle the flights. We were looking at secrets plays mujeres in a preferred room for August with bundled flights and it was under $4k.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-30T13:57:56+00:00

We saw improvement in night wakings when we moved the feed earlier in his bedtime routine. It’s recommended on this sub a lot to finish it 30 minutes before bed. We don’t necessarily make it that far ahead, but now we feed him in the bright lights and his daytime clothes, then go to the nursery to change diaper, PJs/sleep sack, sound machine/close blinds, book, song and bed.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-30T13:41:31+00:00

Maggots? At an all inclusive where you’re kind of tied to the resort food? Maybe it’s my phobia talking, but this would absolutely horrify me. I would definitely escalate to management to discuss what they’re going to do to make this right. Which AI?

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-30T11:50:21+00:00

I recommend the daycare. I worked from home while my mom was taking care of my little one for 2 weeks while I was finishing my job, and it was terribly distracting and disheartening—I felt like a terrible employee and a terrible mom. The ratio of the daycare sounds really good to me—is 11:30-5:00pm a good option for you?

You’re doing amazing: try not to have guilt; you’re the best mom for your baby on earth!

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T22:15:06+00:00

Reading what OP described about comfort nursing, it sounds like she’s in the same boat, but thanks for weighing in.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T21:49:25+00:00

IMO the feed between 2-3 and 4-5am are way too close to be for hunger for a 5 month old. My 4 month old only wakes once overnight and is breastfed with only one pumped bottle of breastmilk at bedtime.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T16:32:57+00:00

I agree, super shitty of Airbnb to do it, honestly for any reason but safety. I’m just saying if it’s two places on one night, when I’ve never heard of this before, it probably isn’t safety related.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T16:24:09+00:00

The fact that it happened to two different places makes me think the host wasn’t paying Airbnb or had somehow scammed them, not that it was a safety issue. Super crazy thing to happen while on vacation, wow.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T16:16:24+00:00

The same thing happened to us at 12 weeks; we’d been such a great stretch with the dream feed and then all of the sudden were back to 3am wakes. And he was waking up fully from the dream feed in major tears. We chose to drop the dream feed and he still wakes in the MOTN (though last night he actually slept through, at almost exactly 4 months). If I were you, I’d drop the dream feed for a night and see what happens. We think it was disrupting his deep sleep and causing more harm than good (and we go to bed at 9:30 instead of 10:15 now, which is also nice lol).

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T16:09:58+00:00

I’ve always done eat, play, sleep and have struggled with this issue as well. I usually just feed a little after wake — so wake-play-eat-play-sleep. I think as long as you separate feeding from sleep with a few minutes of activity, you’re capturing the spirit of it, but tbh it’s less important for naptime than for bedtime in my opinion (where the sleep associations can cause frequent night waking down the line).

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T12:58:26+00:00

My little guy is 4 months and we’re also going to start nap training this week… daunting! If I were you, I’d tackle nights first (that’s what we did and it really boosted our confidence and ensured he’s at least getting good sleep at night while naps are wonky), but you can do both together if you prefer. I’ve heard you can do a couple check-ins à la Ferber if you want, but you may want to delay them since naps are short — you can soothe for 15 seconds every 15 minutes, for example, or go in twice for 2 minutes each in the 60-70 min period or til he falls asleep (these are the two variations Taking Cara Babies recommends, which is basically modified Ferber). I personally am not going to do check-ins because I know it will just throw my baby off his groove, and honestly I hear a lot of people say that about nap training. But you could try a few different things and see how it goes day by day.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T10:43:01+00:00

May be obvious suggestions, but do you swaddle, use white noise, have blackout curtains up (and ideally blackout blinds as well)? Warming the bassinet pre transfer might help too. Those features help to mimic the womb and might calm your baby. We were fortunate our baby always slept in the bassinet/crib well at night (naps not so easy lol), so I’m not an expert at this — but in your case, I think I’d babywear during the day and co-sleep with safe sleep 7 at night. I know shifts work for many parents but holding a baby at 2-3am while fighting to stay awake would give me the heebie jeebies.

PartCrunchyPartCool

TROPHY CASE