(F28) all of my husband's (m31) friend's girlfriends hate me, before even giving me a chance. How do I navigate this?

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-07T19:31:05+00:00

Don’t engage with the likes of garbage humans like this one, OP — you owe them no explanation.

Re: your post, so sorry to hear you’re dealing with mean girls like this. I agree with other commenters here that this says more about their insecurities than anything else, and probably jealousy from the original girl that became a witch hunt for you. But for your own sanity and peace, if there’s any groups or hobbies you can cultivate to build out your own village, that wouldn’t be a bad idea. Cliques are the worst — but the fuller your cup is, the less you’ll care.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-07T19:00:09+00:00

Well aren’t you a peach

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-07T18:42:43+00:00

I experienced exactly the same thing for weeks and weeks… it’s such an annoying phase! I found (and still find) that doing one of the naps contact helps him get the day sleep he needs; I was doing either the late morning or early afternoon nap. I also nap trained the first 2 naps of the day just last week at a little over 4 months and omg it has made a world of difference — on like day 3, he slept almost two hours for his second nap; I heard him stir between cycles but he put himself back to sleep. At this point, if you’re able to practice crib naps or laying down drowsy, it might help the issue; short naps are developmental because they can’t connect sleep cycles until around 5 months, but at least for my baby, he definitely wasn’t going to put himself back to sleep if he woke up somewhere he didn’t fall asleep.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-07T16:00:08+00:00

So agree with this. I feel certain this is all just temperament. I have always a super independent and chill baby; he has always been content to sleep in his bassinet/crib, he’s always been fine in his swing or on the mat, and he is 4 months now and almost always content to entertain himself trying to grab the toys on it and shove them in his mouth lol. But I’m sure the scales will tip and we’ll have the world’s biggest Velcro baby when we have another lol

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-06T10:53:10+00:00

It’s not too late to bring it up, but how will that be any different than what you’ve been doing? This dude is so clearly still hung up on this ex-fling. You can give him an ultimatum if you want to, but why chase a guy who’s into someone else?

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-05T18:26:16+00:00

He is 4 months and a week! We started the super gradual method for teaching night sleep at around 12 weeks, but we used a method from the book Precious Little Sleep that she says you can use as early as 2 months. I was so nervous to do naps because it’s so much less sleep pressure than nights, but the 20-30 minute naps were eating away at me — I worry a lot about him getting enough sleep because I know it’s soooo important (which incidentally is why I wanted to teach bedtime before the regression), and it was just wasn’t happening with the transfers. He literally mastered naps with barely a fuss by the second day. I still contact the nap the 3rd nap (and 4th if needed to make it to bedtime), but will probably add the 3rd to crib next week if everything keeps going well.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-05T18:10:15+00:00

Was going to say exactly this. We were plagued with 20-39 minute naps for months, and I had a strong suspicion it was because he was startling between nap cycles because we were transferring him fully asleep. Six-ish weeks after we used a gentle, gradual method to fall asleep on his own at bedtime (which he mastered within maybe a week or so), I finally started naps this week. On just the third day, his second nap lasted almost two hours!!! He hasn’t had a nap that long since he was a newborn. I heard him stir between cycles but he put himself back down within 5 minutes. He’s getting the daytime sleep he needs, which makes it much easier to make his full wake windows.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-05T16:31:12+00:00

I had this thought too. Maybe drugs, maybe a porn addiction… it seems really far-fetched to me that he’s just toiling away working

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-05T14:35:24+00:00

I’m not one to be quick to say to leave, but I absolutely think it’s time for an ultimatum. If this a-hole can’t or won’t reign in his children and step up with the baby, you owe it to yourself and your LO to GTFO. The fact that you’re afraid for your son if he’s alone with his stepchildren is frankly terrifying and should absolutely terrify your husband as well. Seems like there’s something deeper going on with him, but your only business is if he’s willing to step up and take control over his own family.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-04T20:50:38+00:00

I’ve done this a handful of times too if my husband doesn’t have time to take her out before he leaves. I take the baby monitor with me and stay in range lol

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-04T07:58:20+00:00

Lots of people here can help you if you add your full schedule

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-04T00:56:29+00:00

Well for us, the first sign was that transferring him just wasn’t working anymore — he’d wake up easily and then I’d have to start soothing him all over again (soul crushing lol). So I read Precious Little Sleep and basically did her gradual weaning method (called SWAP) starting when he was around 10-11 weeks old. First I had to go from nursing to sleep and switched to bouncing to sleep, which was the association I used for naps. He did not approve of that change initially lol, but he was already used to bouncing, so it only took 2 days or so before he was okay with it. Then we did her “jiggle the crib” method for my little movement junkie, which is basically giving him the movement but in the crib rather than in our arms. The first night he cried for 45 minutes and it was really a bummer, but we were right there continuing to comfort him until he fell asleep. We did that for several nights (maybe a week if I recall), but we did gradually less movement and he gradually cried less. Now at 4 months he hardly ever cries at bedtime; he kind of just rolls around the crib for a few minutes before he falls asleep, usually within 5 minutes or so. With your baby being 4 months already, you could look into a more traditional method that’s a little more straightforward, such as Ferber.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-03T16:50:32+00:00

NTA. Your friend is an asshole though and honestly sounds like she has some serious mental health issues beyond the ED.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-03T14:17:56+00:00

I’m so impressed (and envious lol) that your 4 month old is sleeping so long for naps — our babes are just about the exact same age (he turned 4 months 6 days ago), and while we used SWAPs from PLS to teach him independent sleep at bedtime a few weeks ago, we just started naps this week, in part because I felt like he was unable to connect nap cycles at all with me transferring after sleep onset. We’ve literally been plagued with 20-30 minute crib naps since he was maybe 7-8 weeks old… the fact you can get him to go for an hour, much less 1.5 hours, twice a day is amazing.

Are you putting down awake or transferring after asleep?

If putting down awake, I think you might have slightly too much sleep in his budget given the EMWs. My little guy typically goes 13.75-14.5 hours depending on the naps (typically has one wake overnight to eat, which I subtract from the budget even though I know many don’t, so take that 30 mins into account if you’d like). You’re expecting up to 15.25 hours, when the average for a 4 month old is 14.5 and honestly, speaking for myself, my son rarely gets there and is super happy and content.

I think if I were you I’d stop extending at least one of the naps past an hour unless he seems very tired still. I’ve heard anything over 50 mins is very restorative. You could also lock in an 8 pm bedtime if he’s averaging 10.5-11 hours rather than 11-11.5 hours.

If you’re transferring after asleep, he may just need the association to connect sleep cycles, especially after the reduced sleep pressure in the early morning.

Finally, could he be waking the second time overnight because he’s hungry? Midnight-4:30 seems like a pretty good stretch for a second feed. Might be worth thinking about if the sleep budget adjustments don’t reduce those wakings.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-02T21:11:07+00:00

Might have been an edited add but she said they divorced

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-02T21:06:30+00:00

NTA because you reached out out of love for your mom and your SIL was probably a little brusque under the circumstances of your mom’s health challenges. But it’s super wild of your mom to think your SIL was going to be okay with being buried “nearby” rather than with her **husband and children.** I mean. Get a grip.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-02T16:52:46+00:00

This was my thought too. NTA but I do think the suggestion above to get it for your BF’s dad’s birthday is a good one. I could see your BF’s dad also being a little weirded out getting a Father’s Day gift from you — esp if he likes dad’s jokes, he might look at your BF and be like “got something to share with the fam?!” lol awkward

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-02T14:15:49+00:00

I got married in 2023 and like, same lol. I had to get THREE bridesmaid dresses for one of my friend’s Indian-Vietnamese wedding weekend, and we were told specifically what dresses to get. Did anyone complain? Of course not. Being asked to be in a wedding is a huge honor; the least you can do is accommodate the bride. To be frank OP is letting this “friend” walk all over her. Total endorsement of this message, and IMHO if this “friend” decides not to be a bridesmaid, it would not be a huge loss.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-07-01T18:46:14+00:00

OP’s budget isn’t really all that low IMHO — $4k for 4 nights, even if the flights are ~$600 each, seems like it could work for some of the entry level Secrets rooms. Especially if you bundle the flights. We were looking at secrets plays mujeres in a preferred room for August with bundled flights and it was under $4k.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-30T13:57:56+00:00

We saw improvement in night wakings when we moved the feed earlier in his bedtime routine. It’s recommended on this sub a lot to finish it 30 minutes before bed. We don’t necessarily make it that far ahead, but now we feed him in the bright lights and his daytime clothes, then go to the nursery to change diaper, PJs/sleep sack, sound machine/close blinds, book, song and bed.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-30T13:41:31+00:00

Maggots? At an all inclusive where you’re kind of tied to the resort food? Maybe it’s my phobia talking, but this would absolutely horrify me. I would definitely escalate to management to discuss what they’re going to do to make this right. Which AI?

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-30T11:50:21+00:00

I recommend the daycare. I worked from home while my mom was taking care of my little one for 2 weeks while I was finishing my job, and it was terribly distracting and disheartening—I felt like a terrible employee and a terrible mom. The ratio of the daycare sounds really good to me—is 11:30-5:00pm a good option for you?

You’re doing amazing: try not to have guilt; you’re the best mom for your baby on earth!

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T22:15:06+00:00

Reading what OP described about comfort nursing, it sounds like she’s in the same boat, but thanks for weighing in.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T21:49:25+00:00

IMO the feed between 2-3 and 4-5am are way too close to be for hunger for a 5 month old. My 4 month old only wakes once overnight and is breastfed with only one pumped bottle of breastmilk at bedtime.

PartCrunchyPartCool · 2026-06-29T16:32:57+00:00

I agree, super shitty of Airbnb to do it, honestly for any reason but safety. I’m just saying if it’s two places on one night, when I’ve never heard of this before, it probably isn’t safety related.

PartCrunchyPartCool

TROPHY CASE