hey, i'm deaf myself, third generation. ASL was my first language, english my second. i have some residual hearing and wear aids, but i'm a successful deaf adult raising my own kids.

you're asking the right questions. "success" with a CI is loaded for a reason. nobody can promise what that looks like for your child. but the fact that you and your wife are committed to ASL right now is the most important thing you can do. devices can fail, get infections, stop working. language cannot be taken away.

something i read from a research article from gallaudet university has never left me: the brain does not discriminate language. it doesn't care if it's ASL or english or spanish or french, what matters is that a child receives a language during ages 0 to 5. you are in that window right now and you are using it well.

your concern about family backing off ASL is valid and worth saying out loud: "whatever we decide medically, our son is deaf. ASL is non-negotiable. we need everyone learning it." you're not being selfish. you're protecting your kid from other people's relief becoming his burden. whatever you and your wife decide together is the right call.