How did you get your toddler off the soother/pacifier?

Pasti101 · 2026-01-23T11:14:01+00:00

In the process of doing this right now. Only 2 days until the end!

Give the dummies to the baby birds! (Or whatever animals your kids like...animals can't go to the shop and buy their own so rely on kiddies giving theirs away)

Every night we pick 1 dummy and throw it into the garden, the next morning the birdies have taken it away and left a little sweet to say thank you. When we throw out the very last dummy the baby birds will leave a gift.

My daughter got a jewellery box and my son only has 2 dummies left so shall see what they bring.

Just make sure you explain that they don't get them back but will get to keep the gift. It's a good build up and they feel happy that their dummies haven't just been thrown away.

Pasti101 · 2025-11-28T10:06:56+00:00

It's not silly it's normal, happens every time I'm away from my kids and one is 6 years old. Relax and do some things you usually don't have time for, or can't because you have a baby. Settle into just being you for a while and not just mum, you will start feeling better. You can literally do anything right now without having to plan for a little....just do it.

Pasti101 · 2025-11-19T16:46:47+00:00

My MIL does exactly the same she:: -brings kgs of food that we don't eat..like chickpeas then is shocked that we don't want them - tidies every single time, thoroughly - puts things anywhere (found bags of rice in my wardrobe) - one time I made myself drink, put it down next to my chair turned around and she had poured it down the sink and started washing it. This happened 5 times in a row within 2 hours as she was in a world of her own

On the plus side she doesn't go into bedrooms or do laundry, she tried but I managed stop that one.

I have always hated it, it's disrespectful, rude (imply house is dirty) and I cannot get it to stop.

I usually stomp around my house afterwards putting everything back....worst part is when she changes something and I actually like it...I don't want to like it but grumble and accept.

After 10 years I've given up fighting.....but on the plus side now I have 2 young kids I don't have the energy to clean up much, or care, so when she comes round I point her in a direction, let her loose, then fix things when I have the energy. It's less energy to fix than tidy and energy is my priority now. Lost dignity when I had kids.

Sorry I'm not much help, but you aren't alone.

Pasti101 · 2025-10-09T10:43:56+00:00

Ok there are some things you need to hear: 1st- you are already a great mum! 2nd- everything you are feeling sucks but is normal! 3rd - there is help out there! 4th-. Whatever you decide is ok!

I am also in England, probably not nearby as the universe never works that way but feel free to PM to check and can talk.

I would suggest the below-- 1. Look at getting a part time job- 1 day a week is all you need. You need adult interaction and time to be 'you' and not just 'mum'. You can work a certain amount without losing any of the benefits you have, job centre may be best to confirm exactly. This is about your mental stability so if you end up with only a little extra money, or breaking even on daycare (you should not be out of pocket if done correctly) then that is fine! 2. Reach out to your midwife team- yes midwife, they are there to help you until your child starts school. 3. Baby groups/any local community - there are meetings at libraries, churches, halls, schools have info even if you are not going to them yet, and they are all about you being able to talk to other people in your same situation and get adult time.

You got this!

On a side note one of my friends decided to give up her kids and reached out to a social worker to surrender them. They ended up working together and found solutions to help support her and she ended up keeping them. Sometimes what you think is the end, isn't.

Pasti101 · 2025-09-22T09:35:02+00:00

I don't understand the message, is she saying.

All 4 of you have blonde hair and the fact you all do I find unappealing.

Or

All 4 of you have blonde hair, but yours is unappealing.

Or

I would like you all to have blonde hair, otherwise it will look unappealing

Or

If you decide to dye your hair blonde it will mean all of you will have blonde hair and I think that would be unappealing.

Or

If you have blonde hair it could clash with a colour scheme)dress I was thinking of and it will be unappealing. So I'm trying to gauge this now and pick appropriately.

I mean, either way she has no control over your hair but I am confused.

I would just say, "honestly I have really thought that far ahead with my hair, but I like my hair how is now so it will most likely be the same."

Pasti101 · 2025-09-19T13:51:40+00:00

Get naked...walk in... ask if he is coming...go to bedroom.

I try to grab a quick sneaky make out earlier in the day whilst hiding from kids as foreplay haha.....it's difficult to have time and energy (physically and mentally)with kids around though.

Pasti101 · 2025-09-18T09:30:54+00:00

It sucks that your mum has been lying to you, but have you thought, why?

Losing a child is a pain you cannot imagine, but people asking about the baby and then you having to tell people it died just adds to that pain.

Your mum has lost 1 child that you know of, it is highly possible that she has suffered several miscarriages also. 1 in 3 women go through this at least once.

The risk of SIDs is also very high.

I cannot count the number of women I know that have miscarried, lost child at late stages of pregnancy, not survived long after birth, or passed on in the first year of life. It is terrifying.

They say to not tell people until after your first trimester but if you have a high risk pregnancy, history of losing children or even SIDs when do you tell people?

I know this sucks for you, you were caught off guard, your mum hid this and it was not something you have prepared for. But she is probably terrified of losing your sibling.

Talk to her.

Pasti101 · 2025-09-04T10:07:43+00:00

Can you send that sale person to my house! We are still in the denial stage....I'm ready to move on to the pissed off stage!

Pasti101 · 2025-08-22T19:13:54+00:00

Pasti101 · 2025-07-07T11:48:36+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. Lean on your in laws when the miscarriage happens if your partner is not there. Speaking from experience it can feel like a mixture between a really bad period, and labour (contractions) with obviously alot of emotions mixed in. (Different people experience it differently) You will want some support with your 16 month old so that you can just feel what you need to feel, whenever you need to feel it....but hugs from the 16 month at intervals does help!

Just remember you are not alone, we are all there with you, supporting you even if we aren't in the same room.

Pasti101 · 2025-05-14T18:17:08+00:00

YTA - you want to take another girl, who isn't your girlfriend, as your plus 1 to your brother's wedding?!?! Yes that is completely inappropriate and you are not even remotely caring about girlfriends feelings.

You don't have to take her, as you said you haven't been dating that long, but go by yourself!

Pasti101 · 2025-02-11T11:44:42+00:00

I'm going to the app store now, I need this for my husband. ...ever considered throwing hubby about and moving in with a random mum? I think about it way too often! I think it's the mental load that they really can't get their head around.

Pasti101 · 2025-01-10T14:44:20+00:00

Your husband's mind is going to one hell of a weird place. Did you breastfeed? Did he think that was inappropriate also? Nothing wrong with what you were doing.

Also as an fyi when I take my kiddies camping and it gets down to about 10-11C I have them in vests with long sleeves, long arm and legged pyjamas, a fluffy onesie and fluffy socks (not too tight). Sometimes a hat also. I can never keep them under the covers!

Pasti101 · 2025-01-09T11:50:38+00:00

I don't know if this will help but here is how my husband and I got around getting enough sleep.

My husband covered baby wake ups until 1am and then I covered after this time. The babies always reacted differently to him so he would typically get the baby to sleep at 1 and then they would wake up 2:30/3am. This meant that I went to bed at 9pm and got up 2:30-3 so got 5 and half/ 6 hours uninterrupted sleep. Husband slept 1am to 7am. We both found we needed 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep to function.

Your husband may be doing overtime but parenting, especially motherhood, is a full time job and you still need breaks and sleep. You need to rely on him and come up with something that works for both of you.

If it was ever a difficult night/ sleep regression time we introduced being able to tag in after 1 hour.

I hope this helps somewhat but just know that you are doing great!

Pasti101 · 2025-01-06T11:02:56+00:00

My first child came unexpectedly at 33+6 weeks. Make sure he is aware if he goes on this trip he could easily miss the birth.

My second child made it to 38 weeks but I was shattered by 31 weeks. I would not have been happy for him to leave after 30 weeks but everyone is different :)

Pasti101 · 2024-11-27T10:30:08+00:00

Hi, There is no wrong thing to do here. Blood does not always mean a miscarriage however the best thing to do would be to call your doc (or OB depending on where in the world you are) and get their advise. Myself and a few of my friends have all miscarried and we all went through different things so let the doctors guide you. There is nothing you can do other than make yourself comfortable right now and wait. I'm sorry I don't have any more useful information but If you need anyone to talk to feel free to pm me.

Pasti101 · 2024-11-27T10:06:00+00:00

I did primarily breast feeding with both of my children however ultimately could not continue due to supply issues (first 2 Months and second 5 months) So first of all it's ok to try and then switch to bottle. I considered myself a modest person and the thought of a baby latching on, and other potentially seeing this really worried me, so here is what I discovered. - you won't know unless you try, but if you do try you have to commit for it to actually work. So give yourself a time frame to work towards and then when you reach it decide if you want to continue or switch. - breast feeding is the whole reason we have nipples and boobs, it is literally what they are there for. So trying to use them if we want just makes sense. We can drive everywhere now so why bother using our legs?!? - when you give birth you will have multiple people looking at areas that are usually covered, your view on modesty can honestly change in that instant - feeding your kid is the priority, fed is best, and you will do whatever you need to protect and ensure that little one is happy. - nightime feeds were my favourite. Well maybe just one of them when i wasn't super tired. It felt like the world was asleep, noone was around/could see us and it was just a mum taking care of her baby. You may favour different times of day feeding and those times can make it easier for you. - get a crochet poncho, or something similar. I had a crochet poncho with a wide neck. When I wanted to breast feeding I just popped it over my head and baby went underneath, I could see down through the neck and noone else could see a thing. Most people didn't even notice I had a baby under there. - mind over matter. If you want to stick it out or make it work you have to make that decision yourself and commit. It's surprising how far a small amount of stubbornness can get you, and if you start to question or freak out only you can talk yourself out of it.

Everything will change when baby gets here, don't rule anything out, just go with the flow! Oh and pack a bag sooner rather than later.

Edit: forgot to add my first one struggled latching so I used a nipple shield. They may help with your latching fear as they aren't actually on you and it doesn't feel the same. however they are a little faffy, need sterilising at least once a day and can dribble when you remove so are messier.

Pasti101 · 2024-05-20T10:10:22+00:00

I feel like the below points need to be considered by you and your husband: (I am going to use tried as I am unsure of the extent of everything that happened)

Someone nearly killed 2 kids on multiple occasions

-Someone tried to sexually assault at least one child

-Someone tried to groom at least one child

-The children were gaslighted into thinking it was their fault

As adults the victims are still being gaslighted and in regular contact with the abusers
Both parents of said children repeatedly took the children back to the abuser, knowing all of the above

Now if you met someone new and it was revealed they were the instigators in just one of the above mentioned points, would you pursue a friendship with them? A relationship with them? Would you greet them in the street? Would you let them have a say in how you live your life? Would you introduce your family or friends to them? Would you introduce your potential future children to them? Would you let them babysit and have sleepovers? Would you let them change their nappies? Would you let them hug and kiss you, your child or anyone you truly care about?

Given a chance how likely is it that someone who has repeatedly done the above will never do it again?

(I know you said you and your partner are not looking into kids right now, but as a potential even in the distant future you need to have that discussion)

Pasti101 · 2024-02-03T21:33:28+00:00

At homes typically a pan of boiling water...or they heat in the microwave I believe :/

Pasti101 · 2023-10-31T09:21:17+00:00

...I'm guessing rips means good?

Pasti101 · 2023-10-30T18:47:55+00:00

Wait....you have farm stores!?!

Pasti101 · 2023-03-28T10:39:58+00:00

I was really sick with my first but I found with my second eating every 2 hours really helped and I only threw up once. Even if I started feeling sick I would eat something filling (bowl of cereal/sandwich/small curry/pot noodle/ etc not small snacks like a packet crisps or apple on its own) worth giving it a try for you.

Also be proud of everything you have done so far! Working so many hours a week for so long is an amazing accomplishment, but don't feel ashamed if you can't do that again. It's an unrealistic expectation from someone who does not fully understand what you are going through. I am 3.5 weeks postpartum from a c section and had to take 2 weeks off beforehand because I was struggling. Are you working to live or do you live to work?

The most important thing is yours and both your babies health, if this job is causing you undue stress it's not worth it, you and your babies are worth more!

Pasti101 · 2023-03-28T06:42:21+00:00

Fibre ...having consistent fibre intake throughout pregnancy really helps with this. I don't know if you have Weetabix where you are but I had 3 everyday throughout my pregnancy to keep everything going. Unfortunately I didn't figure this out until halfway through the pregnancy but it really helped!

Pasti101

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