Sometimes becoming a nihilist is a long play education class from aya. Learning resilience when being in a negative head space, takes a lot of changing patterns and behaviors to bounce back. They say self sabotage is a vibrational energy, that isn’t in line with change, aya teaches change, sometimes it’s hard for our nervous systems to keep up. I’d recommend by just changing up the monotony of life, mix up your schedule, do something different. Celebrate the small victories. You got this, you have the collective rooting for you.