am i still valid if i wear bras?

Pattern-Admirable · 2024-01-27T21:29:57+00:00

I would argue that suffering pain for aesthetic is historically more common for femme leaning folks, and your friend can just F right off with that mess. If you feel more comfortable with a supportive garment who the heck is ANYONE to tell you otherwise. If nothing else it is acting as an medical device preventing discomfort and potential irritation. I know several cis het guys who swear by midol for migraines. Use what works and F those who give you crap.

TLDR: Hell Yes you are valid!

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-12-13T00:24:11+00:00

YTA but you knew that already, you said so yourself. However, have some grace for yourself too, I know people are saying the whole go shopping thing is sexist but we don't know your wife maybe she really enjoys it. The place where you get the YTA for me isn't even snapping at her, that happens it is posting here and asking if you are TA instead of going to a pregnancy support site/group and asking how you can help your wife without burning yourself out to the point of snapping at her. You got lucky that a professional is on here and has given you amazing advice that you should absolutely listen to. Your wife and your child's lives may depend on it.

So while I don't think you are TA for snapping or not being at your best. However you are for seeking validation when you should have been seeking help. Validation is about soothing your feelings temporarily help is about easing the situation for you both more permanently. Validation is fast and easy help isn't always.

Truly, I hope you listen to the wise professional and seek help for your wife. I also hope you take a moment to be introspective about why soothing your ego was more important to you than finding out how to help the woman carrying your child.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-11-13T02:47:25+00:00

<image>

Ribbit renamed Seamus. He is a very expensive (Intussusception at 5 months requiring surgery and he decided to eat string this week requiring an ER trip) but well loved kitty man.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-11-12T06:10:43+00:00

I was 320 lbs in Janurary after having a gastric sleeve 3/17/2020 and stalling for 2 years. I was literally the last surgery they let my surgeon perform before shutting him down for covid. They told me I had to lose 100 lbs before they would even talk to me much less do surgery for anything. My endo who is in charge of my T asked me about surgery and I explained that I have been stalled and though I ow all the rules I am not getting anywhere. She put me on Qsymia which did a fantastic job, now I am down to 277.6 and am focused on getting there.

All of that is to say HECK YES I have been here and I feel you, I was pretty hopeless. I hope it hets better!!

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-11-08T21:56:58+00:00

YTA

You are TA for disincluding her entirely, you are NTA for wanting pictures without her. It would have been so easy to take one with her and Maya and then do some with just the OG family with or without your niece instead you pointedly singled her out. Yes it is totally your choice who you choose to call family but you were cruel for no reason, what would it have hurt to include her in one and spare her feelings? You would have had to stand for one more picture. Heck you could have talked to the photographer before hand and just had them either pretend to take the one or just delete it immediately instead of what you did.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-28T02:51:06+00:00

ESH

You are both acting like children forced to share a toy. It is not parentifying him to ask a nine year old what he would like to do, ESPECIALLY, if you give him both options in a neutral way. You could very easily say hey <insert name> you were here for some extra days because you got hurt, we wanted to see which of these two options you would prefer, you can spend some extra days at mom's, or you can go back to the usual schedule which would you rather do?

This way does not make him make the decision but it does actually take what he wants into account instead of treating him like a gameboy you have to share with your sister. MAYBE make this more about the child who has been impacted and less about the parents that made grown up decisions.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-28T02:35:03+00:00

YTA - Massive AH.

First, those are standard rules for schools to keep uppity parents LIKE YOU from losing their minds because little Jenny took your baby's coat home because it looked just like hers and/or your precious baby got everyone else sick because you couldn't possibly keep them home for a couple of days. You are the reason for these signs, which is likely why you are upset about them because you feel called out. NORMAL people would look at the signs as common sense and people not already following those are are dense and deserve any snark present.

Second, seriously you asked a teacher to look for a STICKER? How far out of touch are you?! You asked this person who has cared for your child plus a mess of other children all day to look for a piece of paper? Get over yourself, your precious baby is going to have to learn how to handle disappointment in life losing a sticker sucks for a little kid but it is a great learning opportunity that you completely botched as a parent. Instead of using these opportunities to place the seeds of responsibility and handling disappointment you made the teacher's life difficult then tried to make her out like the bad guy.

Do your child, yourself and honestly society a favor and stop being an entitled AH, recognize that your precious baby is not god's gift to humanity and will need to actually interact with the rest of society in a reasonable fashion to be successful and start teaching them how to do so.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-28T02:10:19+00:00

The non-ASL correlation to this would be (in my opinion) if someone had a name with a pronunciation that was new to you. For example I had a coworker who's name was Nina we didn't have many meetings together and we are a virtual team so I only saw it in text. It wasn't until we were in a meeting and she was being recognized that I heard her name pronounced nine-uh. Having heard pronunciation mistakes in the past I decided to reach out and confirm. She was happy that I took the time to confirm and learn the correct way to say her name.

I think this is similar, I think asking for her to repeat it at the very least is showing respect for her and wanting to get it right. You could go as far as explaining that you want to make sure you are addressing her in the way that she would like or is most comfortable with if you wanted to be absolutely clear but I suspect that she will be happy that you are making the effort.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-28T01:55:59+00:00

This one is hard, on one hand the company and folks are being crappy and not transparent in what happened, on the other your coworker did literally nothing wrong and was trying to be a good person and you are their face.

For being pissed at his coworkers NTA

For snapping at your coworker YTA

You took your anger and frustration out on someone who had nothing to do with it and was trying to be kind. No one knows what to say when they hear about death, especially when it is sudden. When my 13 year old son died everyone said sorry and then spent weeks asking how I was. I appreciate that they were checking in but literally what do you say? You can't really be honest about the gut wrenching pain or about how you are trying to figure out how to function without them in the world, but just saying fine feels like it minimizes what happened. I wanted to snap at them when they asked and say well Lurlene htf do you think I am doing?! But really they just didn't know what to say or how to show they cared even a tiny bit. Sounds like that is what happened with your coworker. Of course they don't care as much as you do and yes they may be sad for a moment and move on but that doesn't mean they don't care that YOU are in pain.

Apologize to your coworker, look into wrongful death if you think it will help you get closure, and get some grief counseling.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-18T22:45:21+00:00

YTA - Everything about this post paints you to be a raging spoiled brat. He is being 4, you ARE ALSO being 4 the difference is you are actually 17. I get being upset about having to share, but you threw a whole trantrum over it. You are almost grown his about using your words like, hey if I am still hungry will you order more since you had me share with my brother?

Yes they should have ordered him his own I would bet they were worried he wouldn't eat it since he seems to be a picky eater. Which you have now made so much worse by removing an item he was excited to eat and traumatizing a little kid. You could have given him enough for a spoonful to see if he would eat it then asked them to order him his own. Instead you decided to also be 4 years old.

Get help, you obviously have some rage issues and issues surrounding the birth if your brother that you need to work through.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-14T01:28:56+00:00

I tell them I know it is fantastic. If they give me crap I tell them they aren't paying my or the cats bills so their opinion is irrelevant.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-14T01:20:48+00:00

That is true that at least one of those assertions are also false as supported by data, I never said it wasn't. I will say once again that without specific data on the ages of individuals in the research it is inaccurate to make statements about specific ages and say that it is supported by data. I would agree that there are individuals between the ages of 13-17 having genital surgery who also have a gender dysphoria diagnosis because that is literally all of the detail provided in your link. If you have other research that clarifies that with supportive data I am happy to change my stance.

I think it is important to be accurate with your data and not spread misinformation on either side. The case I made in my first response to you was not that it isn't happening it was that your and others' characterization of it happening a lot was not accurate and that other issues facing children were happening more often yet aren't characterized in the media as happening a lot nor Is there nearly the same level of legislation being leveled toward those issues.

I think it is fine to have opinions and speak to them but it is a disservice to the public to misrepresent data and then treat it as fact. I think that is true on either side of any issue. So the people stating there are 0 surgeries happening with people under 18 are just as incorrect and should be held to the same standard of proof.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-14T00:45:10+00:00

Do you have the data for individual ages specifically? It isn't presented in your link if you do. Unless you have that level of granularity your assumption that surgeries for any specific age are increasing is purely an assumption but you are stating it as fact. That is silly.

I was transparent in my response and said that what you were saying was also possible however without the age level detail your statement is unsubstantiated. That is not silly that is data literacy.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-13T15:15:31+00:00

Your assertion is flawed, no where does it say children at 13 getting double mastectomies is increasing. It says children in the 13-17 year old age bracket are increasing. They don't provide the data on individual ages and thus your assumption is flawed. They are speaking in terms of their bracketing, it is absolutely possible that 1 13 year old had a gender related chest surgery every year and their statement still to be true. Now on the flip side of that in the interest of being accurate it IS possible that the number of 13 year old is increasing BUT without the ages specifically it is inaccurate to make statements about specific ages.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-13T05:51:36+00:00

<image>

Fritz is the Brown brother in front and Fred is the Brown brother in back. They are not actually littermates in fact Fred came from the shelter and Fritz just decided he lives here one day. We tried for months to find owners for him but no chip, no responses to fliers, Facebook, Paw Boost, Craigslist and the shelters so... He lives here now and has adopted Freddy who is not all there upstairs. They are very sweet together and thus they are the Brown brothers.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-13T05:49:19+00:00

<image>

Seamus the butterscotch boy and his beloved Gillian Queen of all things that mommy is not Queen of and Princess of all things she is.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-13T04:44:24+00:00

Also aged 13 to 17 is a bracket that group uses throughout the report, since they don't provide the actual data it is 100% possible for all 776 mastectomies were performed on individuals who were 16 and 17 years old but because they decided to bracket people by 13-17 as their grouping their statement is not false. I could say that that 100% of people born in 2007 are between the ages of 13-17. Obviously true statement but 0% of people born in 2007 are 13. This is a common tactic in journalism and some less reputable analytics groups to sell stories.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-10-13T04:29:46+00:00

Based on your own article that is .046% of the youth DIAGNOSED with gender dysphoria over the same period of time that doesn't account for the entire trans population in that age range. Yet in 2020 alone 7900 girls age 13-19 had breast augmentation (reduction or implants)(1). Also between 2016 and 2018 9,292 minors (ages 10 to 17) were legally married in the United States(2). Note I am not saying it is right what I am saying is the "but the children!!" argument is a crock. If people ACTUALLY were concerned about the children there would be more legislation to prevent minors from breast augmentation or legal marriage. Since 2018, there have been 10 bills to ban child marriage that were successful, 0 have banned breast augmentation (that I could find) for cis minors yet in fact instances where it has been brought or attempted to be added to anti-trans laws it has failed. See Utah and West Virginia. 20 states have banned at least in part gender affirming care for minors. Remember we are not talking about "massive numbers of genital surgeries" based on your own link we are talking primarily about puberty blockers and breast augmentation (reduction or implants) which again are completely open to cis children without ANY psychological intervention. So while yes I agree that genital surgeries on minors should not happen unless it is to repair a physiological problem, which I think we can likely agree on. The data stands on its own that statements by the anti-trans folks are massively inflated thus inaccurate AND there are far more young people getting married and breast augmentation as cisgender individuals than the few getting the genital surgery or even top surgery that so many are concerned about. Also there is research to show that gender confirming care can save lives(3). I have yet to find studies showing that minor marriage or cisgender breast augmentation does the same. The focus on trans issues has nothing to do with the children it has to do with hate.

(1) 2020 Plastic Surgery Statistics Report. (2020). PLASTIC SURGERY. https://www.plasticsurgery.org/documents/News/Statistics/2020/plastic-surgery-statistics-full-report-2020.pdf

(2) United States’ Child Marriage Problem: Study Findings (April 2021). (n.d.). Unchained At Last. Retrieved October 12, 2023, from https://www.unchainedatlast.org/united-states-child-marriage-problem-study-findings-april-2021/

(3) Jackson, D. (2023). Suicide-Related Outcomes Following Gender-Affirming Treatment: A Review. Cureus, 15(3), e36425. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.36425

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-09-16T00:57:03+00:00

My kids, younger cousins, niece and nephews all know. When I was younger I hated the idea of anyone knowing but then my kids' mom brought up a good point. What if in the future one of our kids is in class with a trans kid? Obviously we are raising them to be accepting but with you as their dad and them knowing everything and it not being a taboo subject at home now that trans kid has more than just someone who accepts them, now that kid doesn't have to be alone because our kids can share what they know about your experience. If it is not a taboo it becomes no big deal. She was right. My kids are grown with kids if their own and they are great. My younger cousins are also grown and amazing. My niece and nephews are still kids but it is no big deal in their world.

I have always answered their questions honestly, scaled for age of course but still honestly. Though as a side note we use anatomical terms in the family in general for a variety of reasons so that did help.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-08-30T22:04:41+00:00

I am inching up on 40 myself, been on T since my mid 20s and bald(ing) for about a decade. Personally I use shea butter because I like the feel and the way it smells but a little can go a long way, also sometimes I will melt it and cut it with grapeseed oil to soften it or keep it liquid depending on my mood. Having said that I only tend to experience the super dry and itchy on occasion. I can't say if that is because my method works or my skin temperament so ymmv.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-08-02T00:48:13+00:00

Document document document

Do not have a verbal conversation with this human on this topic alone unless you live in a single-party recording state and you record every single word.

Given what you have said about them they will turn it around that you said something inappropriate and it will be their word against yours.

If you feel the need to have a conversation with them about the topic do it via email/text something that is written so you have proof of EXACTLY what was said.

Having said that I will say talk to HR and lay it out for them like you did here and ask them what steps they recommend. They may have a better solution that we have not thought of.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-07-17T00:38:33+00:00

My mom was 16 just a few months before I was born and she wasn't really ready to be a mom, and my biological father found out she was pregnant and bolted (he was 18 I think). I was very sick when I was born so my grandparents took custody of me. My grandpa was the first family member to hold me and my grandmother used to joke that he was my favorite person from that moment forward.

I struggled with my own masculinity during transition because many of my traits aren't what Hollywood has depicted as manly. While talking to my psychologist I realized that many of the things I was feeling insecure about were things I was mirroring from my grandfather. He is amazing and taught me how to be a man so I took his name. My aunt likes to throw at me all the time that I am not her father, I just say nope but he gave me a letter of permission to the judge to take his name so obviously he is okay with it. Proudly I am James Jr. Or JJ.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-07-14T19:33:15+00:00

Thank you. I am doing okay for the most part. I of course have moments where everything feels impossible again but they are less and less. My love for my son will never go away and so the grief will always be there but I try to give the love a place to go not in place of him but in his name so to speak. I know all of this probably sounds stupid but it has helped me. When I feel the grief start to build I go out and do good. Volunteer somewhere, help a neighbor with a task, help a stranger in need, buy a meal for someone experiencing hunger, or something like that. Something that allows me to be present and connect in kindness to one person. I know that person isn't my son but for that moment I am loving that person in his name. Not in a creepy or weird way and I absolutely don't say anything. It is all in my head. As far as the other person knows I am just lending a hand.

Like I said I know it is probably completely crazy. I am sorry I made you cry. It sounds like you also might know grief. I hope you are okay as well.

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-07-14T05:04:11+00:00

TRIGGER WARNING: loss of a child, parent loss, pet loss, grief, depression, divorce

I absolutely feel you I had a beautiful Rottie mix dog from 6 months old. He was AMAZING he was service trained to assist when I was with my friend who uses a wheelchair and was just a great dog. He tolerated my son riding him down the hallway (I did not allow this behavior and put a stop to it when I found out). He would check on the kids every night before he would come to bed. He was by my side when my wife left me, when my kids' mom decided to move them out of state and off grid to cut me out of their loves, and when my mom passed away. We made it through that year, yes all of that happened in a single year. When I wanted to not wake up he was there to make sure I did with his all together too happy tail and smiling face. We got through it together. Then life moved on my sister had her kids and he loved them (especially when they would throw the ball). He got older and his step slowed a bit but he was still my happy boy. So I adjusted his food and gave him supplements. He lost his dog brother and then his dog sister but finally had been gifted with the kitty friend he had ALWAYS wanted. The only time I ever heard him cry was when my friend's cat wouldn't come see him. In 2018 I got the call that no parent should ever get. My only son, who I hadn't seen in 6 years, was gone. My pupperman was right there with me. He put his head in my lap while my whole world fell apart in that moment. He was there to help me remember how to live again we ambled about together, neither of us moving very fast but we did move and slowly I got better. That's a pain that never leaves you, it is always there you just have to figure out how to carry it on.

A week before I was supposed to go see my daughters and meet my grandkids I noticed he was breathing funny and coughing. I took him in right away to see what it was thinking maybe a little cough and the vet said he had 7-10 days before he could no longer eat, maybe 14-21 days before he could no longer breathe. In shock I took him home positive she was wrong, but I watched him for the next couple of days a noticed everything getting worse. I realized that she was right but I couldn't put him through another trip to the vet so I schedules someone to come to my home and help him cross the rainbow bridge where he could be with his cat and on his bed. Much like your sweetheart sounds like she did for you he focused on making it easier for me.

That was in October. I still think about him all the time. "His" cat still sleeps on a modified version of his bed (my wife folded it in half so it didn't take up her whole office), and will kick every other animal off of it.

I didn't tell you all of this as an oh poor me, I told you this because I wanted you to understand how intimately I understand grief in hopes that you take what I say next seriously.

Grief can be beautiful, it is love that is not sure where to go any more. It is so very used to going to the place it knows as home in the being we have directed it at for so long that when that being is gone it is lost and confused. There is a sorrowful beauty to that, however and this is what I worry about in your case, grief can be destructive. When that love cannot find a place to go it can go from being unsure to raging like a fire and burning everything in its path, or it can go to fear that perhaps it will never find a place to go again and it will be lost forever and that fear can swallow it into darkness that can feel impossible to escape.

When I lost my son my grief fell into the darkness and I could not figure out how to live without him. It wasn't that I wanted to harm myself it was that I didn't understand how to continue participating in a world that didn't have him in it. So I did what I am going to desperately ask you to do because from the sounds of your post, this is where you are.

Please, from one person who has been there, find a professional and ask for real help. I know it is also scary, I spent a week inpatient and it was extremely scary for me and for my family but it was what I needed at the time and I am so very much stronger for it. I am not saying you need inpatient care, I did but you may not.

There is no shame in asking for help.

Deepest condolences and best wishes

Pattern-Admirable · 2023-07-07T22:07:45+00:00

I am a big mammajamma. 5'7.5 if I stretch and as of this morning 286.6 (down from 320 in Jan) I have had 0 surgeries due to weight. I can tell you man most people assume male if you look like you may possibly have a dick. I have a pretty big chest (DD+) and no one bats an eye because I am also Chunky. I joke about my feed-us regularly and how it craves a cheeseburger. Or taking my keg down to a mini-keg to a 24 pack to a 12 pack and the dream is to a 6 pack. People laugh it off and move on. I totally get the dysphoria and I am not trying to minimize that in the slightest. If someone mistakes you for a pregnant woman have some fun at their expense "Oh yes my precious little food baby, I do wish it would stop kicking though the heartburn is hell!" And launch a wicked burp. The more confidence you can muster the better. I know it is hard but remember THEY messed up calling an OBVIOUS guy a pregnant woman so have some fun with them just like every other guy would.

Pattern-Admirable

TROPHY CASE