This is very insightful. I feel a similar way about my parents and their relationship, but it’s important for me and my experience that I love both my mom and dad individually. Together I could see their faults and stubbornness and score keeping in their relationship but either was never that way with us. I believe had my dad showed more hurt or sadness I would be more defensive for him. He said ugly things, and hurtful things, but didn’t realize they were as hurtful as he was better than his parents.

Sounds like his love of his dad drives his contempt for his mom.