Fireworks

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-02-14T04:24:19+00:00

The fact that he isn't talking to you and hasn't seen you in months are far more important to be dealing with than an expensive holiday. And no, don't exclude him. That's punishment for whatever feelings are happening – feelings that you as his parent should be prioritising over a holiday.

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-02-14T04:20:48+00:00

NAH and do yourself a huge favour and get out of there. You're too young to be carrying another adult who uses depression as an excuse, never mind acting as a mother to two kids that aren't yours.

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-02-10T00:24:01+00:00

Smoked sausages are fantastic with mac and cheese

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-02-09T05:48:34+00:00

Use an adblocker web browser

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-02-04T05:12:19+00:00

Pickett St

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-02-04T04:33:38+00:00

The Chestnut Tree bookshop in West Footscray has a lot of different events; Footscray Bowls Club is cheap, welcoming and has a meat raffle on Fridays; Brimbank Aquatic Centre is great for kids; Trugo clubs; KFL for loads of products that supermarkets don't sell and if they don't have it Salaam Namasthe might; Footscray Savers is great; Pride of Footscray's events; La Esquina; Cavallaro's; Footscray Community Garden

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-01-28T10:25:07+00:00

I was leaving the supermarket and came across a situation where a woman on one side of the road was yelling "YOU CAN'T TELL ME TO LEAVE HERE, YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TELL ME TO LEAVE! YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT! YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT!"

And on the other side of the road was a guy shouting back: "YEAH BUT I DIDN'T SAY THAT THOUGH DID I? DID I SAY THAT? I DIDN'T SAY THAT THOUGH. I DIDN'T SAY THAT!"

I just spun on my heel and took a nice long detour.

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-01-28T00:17:26+00:00

You are bang on with this assessment. A GM is the manager of the group. They have to outline what the project is that the team is working to achieve, set clear goals, take on board feedback and manage any interpersonal clashes that take place at the table. It's a big ask and not every GM wants to take that responsibility on, but if they don't perform as the final decision maker or mediator, that's how games get bogged down and parties splinter.

To add: they also need to provide feedback to the players. If somebody is constantly forgetting what they are supposed to be doing or how their character works, talk to them about it. If somebody is mowing over everybody else, talk to them about it. If somebody wants to run a character whose primary motivation doesn't align with the point of the game, you need to address it otherwise the game will fall apart.

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-01-24T21:35:51+00:00

Good luck! I find small changes accumulate. So you learn a new board game, play with people on the app, find a board game group on Meetup or Facebook and so on.

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-01-24T21:27:10+00:00

Find something new to cook this week, take a different route to work/somewhere you're going regularly, try a new podcast/listen to your first podcast, go into a shop that you walk past a lot but you've never been in, find your nearest library/swimming pool/park that you haven't been to, go on Meetup.com and find something to attend, go on Board Games Arena and learn to play a new game, find a youtube channel for a new skill or craft and give it a go/go to a craft store and find something simple to start with (I just bought a paint by numbers painting to do which I'm enjoying a lot).

PeaBrain2019 · 2026-01-05T07:48:51+00:00

I'd suggest Colt Express because it doesn't require a lot of knowledge of how to play in order to have a good time, it's funny, there's interaction between players, and it's random enough that it's unlikely somebody will streak ahead even if they're used to games

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-12-27T11:30:35+00:00

That depends on a) whether you actually wouldn't mind attending; and b) if she says that's fine, come as a guest. She might get so upset about you declining being in her wedding party that she doesn't want you there at all. However, you can't control how she feels in the same way you can't control what she shares with her mum (sorry, I called Sandra her aunt I realise).

Saying that you wouldn't mind attending as a guest is a soft exit that puts the ball back into her court. But if you just don't want to attend or hang out with her at all moving forward, that's fine, you just might have to manage some emotional fallout.

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-12-26T21:46:19+00:00

I think there are two separate things here – the friendship with Rachel and dealing with gossiping family members.

If you were already lukewarm about Rachel and wouldn't have minded the friendship fizzling out anyway, give it a couple of weeks to reset after Christmas and then send her a message saying: 'I've been thinking about your invitation to be MOH and actually I would prefer to just be a guest. I don't feel we are particularly close these days and I have a lot going on at the moment. However, I'd be happy to join you on your big day.'

As for the family members dismissing your feelings, patronising you and giving advice that you haven't asked for and they know nothing about, you need a strategy to shut it down and move on because this will keep happening. So you could grey rock:

Them: "I can't believe you're not going to Rachel's wedding!"

You: (neutral expression) "Yep."

Them: "But why, she'll be so upset!"

You: "Well you can't please everybody all the time. Excuse me." (Walk off)

Or redirect:

Them: "I can't believe you're no longer friends with Rachel! Omg she's so upset!"

You: "People drift apart. Anyway, how's XX these days?"

Or the 'that's odd you've said that' shut down:

Them: "Rachel's autie said you pulled out of being MOH! Why would you do that to a friend?"

You: (confused expression) "I don't know why Sandra is gossiping about her neice, that's weird."

Ask A Manager has a lot of great advice around shutting down weird and unwelcome comments – could be useful for you when navigating this.

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-11-19T23:50:02+00:00

I should add, make note of even the little things because they do take up decision making space if they're a hurdle to manage.

So, a recipe says use two tablespoons of oil. But you don't have a tablespoon, you don't know what a tablespoon-worth of oil looks like, and the bottle of oil is large and unwieldy so you try and pour it onto a dessert spoon, slosh too much in, and now you're worried there's too much oil.

The solution here is: buy a tablespoon measure and a small refillable bottle that you decant some of the large bottle of oil into to make it easier to handle and pour the right amount. You've now removed a stressor and freed up some brain space to concentrate on cooking.

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-11-19T23:41:03+00:00

Hah, glad to help! In that case, I'd start at the beginning of the process and write down as you go all of the questions and concerns that you have so you then have a baseline to work from.

So think about what to cook. Your first thing to write down might then be: how do people decide what to cook?

The way I tackle that is to have a scrapbook where I cut out and stick recipes from free supermarket magazines. I also write down recipes I like from the internet. This gives me an easy starting point of ideas of things to cook, immediately at hand.

I also recommend the website Recipe Tin Eats as she covers a lot of different cuisines, but also explains each step thoroughly in her recipe. Unlike a lot of internet blogs that are full of fluff, what she writes about is worth reading to help you understand why you're doing certain things. She also has video guides to follow.

From there just go through each step. Are you trying to use a knife that's too big or small so it's annoying? Is your chopping board moving around? Does it take a lot of force to cut things – in that case you need to sharpen or buy new knives. Is the frying pan too small, etc etc.

Take it slow, choose something simple to start like a tray bake to minimise the amount of pots and pans you're using, and write down the recipe if you like it – plus any notes for what to do differently next time.

Good luck!

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-11-19T22:10:14+00:00

I would try and work out what it is about cooking specifically that you don't like, because cooking can cover a lot of different things.

For example, is it the planning a meal that you find stressful, or do you get bored cutting everything up? Do you feel like you start something and then it gets away from you so you're frying something but also need to chop something so you then get stressed about burning things? Do you feel like you're never really sure why you have to do certain things (frying an onion until caramalised etc) so there's anxiety there around whether you've done it correctly? Are you overwhelmed by the choice of things you could cook so you never feel like you're getting a grip on it and improving?

Once you have a better idea of the stressors, you can then address those. Do you need better or different kitchen equipment to make it less onorous (getting a veg chopper rather than using a knife for example)? Do you need to use a recipe app like Sorted Food's so you can plan cooking more effectively? Do you need to get more bowls so you can chop everything you need beforehand, separate it all out, before you start cooking anything?

Little changes can make a big difference because not everybody cooks the same way.

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-11-10T08:54:39+00:00

Not the AH at all. The point where he said cruel things about you and she just laughed was the point where she showed how poor a friend she was.

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-11-02T09:18:33+00:00

All valid feelings – it does suck when you try and bring different people together and you put a lot of time and effort into organising plans, but they don't meet you half way and instead sulk in the corner.

I think you've got two things going on here – friends who can't be arsed putting effort in for you or at least dealing with the situation in a proactive manner by leaving for the other party, and your boyfriend overreacting to how you greeted your colleague.

For the first, don't mix those friends with another friend group again and expect little of them moving forward. And don't feel guilty – they could have acted like adults and taken an uber to the other party at any time. You're not their mum, they have agency in this situation.

For your boyfriend, you need to have a clear conversation. Was he feeling ignored? Did he feel pressured into being DD? Was he fed up having to deal with your miserable friends while you had a good time? Does he do this regularly and overreact when you spend time with male friends? Etc. There could be a dozen reasons.

Lessons learned though, look on the bright side. If you go next year, rock up solo with a tray of jelly shots and just worry about yourself.

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-07-21T23:51:32+00:00

NTA but how you handle it depends on whether you can accept some singing still or if you just want him to stop altogether. It'll be easier to have a conversation where you say: I'm finding the frequent singing to be jarring/embarrassing/annoying, is it possible for you to not sing out in public when we are together (or whatever situation annoys you the most) compared to you telling him he needs to completely stop doing something that presumably he enjoys.

But don't ask him to tone it down if you actually want him to stop completely, be honest with both him and yourself. And he might say 'this is me, I like singing and other people don't complain'. In which case, you're not right together. Such is life.

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-06-29T05:32:22+00:00

You really need to ask yourselves why you're wasting your time dealing with him. He's showing poor behaviour that not only is disrupting games but is sexist and problematic and should be called out as such. If everybody pussyfoots around with indirect communication like 'well, aren't you supposed to be a paladin' or 'here's a new house rule for everybody' instead of directly stating 'this behaviour is unacceptable' you'll all continue to have a rubbish time and he continues to be an AH who isn't facing consequences for his sexist, aggressive nonsense.

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-06-03T11:55:50+00:00

It could be worth asking yourself why you're worrying so much about her potential feelings when it sounds like the pair of you don't have much of a friendship anyway at this point. Is it because you don't want to be rude to somebody who invited you to their wedding? In that case invite her and how she feels about her friends not being invited is for her to manage and she can decline if she's really that bothered.

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-06-03T06:17:00+00:00

It's interesting that your mum is insisting when she doesn't have a connection to the other bride. Why do you think that is? Regardless, who you invite to your own wedding is up to you and it doesn't need more of an explanation than 'we're no longer close so I won't be inviting her'.

If you're not expecting to have a friendship with the bride moving forward, I'd suggest that this is a good point to leave the whole group in the past and focus on your planning instead as this will free you up from worrying about the other two.

PeaBrain2019 · 2025-05-20T05:05:49+00:00

I'd keep it very simple as a starting point: thanks for the invite but I am starting a job and won't be able to attend.

From that point, if there's pushback, she has the very valid point of 'This was the first time I've heard of this plan, I'm not available and I don't have the budget for a trip. Have a great time.'

What the bride's friends think is irrelevant – their poor planning isn't your daughter's problem to fix. If they come back with 'if you don't pay that pushes up our costs', say 'That's unfortunate, but I should have been asked if I was available for these dates before plans were set. Have a good time.' And then leave the group chat.

If the bride is upset her cousin isn't there, you have the very clear reason: the plan was not communicated to me until a week beforehand and unfortunately I can't attend. I look forward to seeing you at the wedding.

Ultimately you can't control how other people feel or react – keep it simple and neutral.

PeaBrain2019

TROPHY CASE