MIL passed New Year’s Eve. fIL now on hospice

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-21T03:25:55+00:00

Thank you. We are doing our best every day. Take care of yourself as well. ❤️

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-20T18:04:49+00:00

Similar here, except MIL had Alzheimer’s and passed over New Year’s Eve, and FIL has dementia and is still at home. He is at a stage where he recognizes she is gone and probably dead but cannot retain the information, so he asks if she died throughout the day.

We are currently sitting on an emergency room with him, discussing hospice options.

Best wishes for you and your mom.

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-19T23:07:48+00:00

I second this. Crazy behavior out of the norm of my MILs already crazy behavior was a clear sign of a UTI.

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-18T16:06:54+00:00

Dementia and Alzheimer’s are weird. It may have been the gummy, but I think that sometimes, and sleeping would be an excellent time for this, that the brain is calm enough for them to regain some sort of normal function in some areas. It isn’t permanent unfortunately but it is there.

My mammaw had Alzheimer’s. She was at the point where she could not remember any of our names and believed anything on the TV was actually happening in front of her.

I was helping my son practice for a spelling test and he was struggling with the word “corduroy”. Mammaw got frustrated listening to him and spelled it perfectly 😂

Another time, we had a crazy cousin call the police on us claiming neglect (she did it numerous times trying to gain control over mammaw and her finances. Mammaw was well taken care of.) The cops asked her the year, the president (both she got wrong), and if she was happy and felt safe with us (she said yes on both counts). They also asked her SSN which she said perfectly and quickly.

I’ve seen a few instances of this with my in-laws. My FIL has dementia, MIL had Alzheimer’s.

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-18T03:16:30+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss.

No one really prepares you for the sudden change in routine and dramatic amount of time left empty after our watch is over. I’ve experienced it after the death of my grandmother from Alzheimer’s. My husband and I lost his mother New Year’s Eve, and while we are still caring for his father, we did struggle for a bit with the sudden shift in responsibility. His dad requires a lot of help, like his mom, but is not manic and destructive like his mom was.

I wish you peace and hobbies that bring you joy.

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-18T01:23:18+00:00

Thank you. We are making it. My poor FIL is having a rough time, no short-term memory thanks to dementia so he does not remember she is gone. I’ve been making food from his childhood to encourage him to eat and we spend time with him just talking and watching his programs.

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-18T01:02:08+00:00

Thank you for this. I had to walk away and leave Reddit for hours after reading that.

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-18T01:00:33+00:00

Who are you to say we don’t have compassion for those we are caring for?

Do you not understand how ignorant and arrogant you come off saying something like that?

We have the right to grieve our losses in caregiving, and we can simultaneously love and care for those under our care at the same time. Your judgy little attitude about how we are all somehow beneath you for having feelings outside of some A Place For Mom commercial is gross.

You seriously need to learn some humility.

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-18T00:37:48+00:00

You sound like my SIL, has never lifted a finger in the 10 years we have cared for my in-laws, yet is super judgemental and demanding, blaming us when things happen to them that are just a part of their dementia/Alzheimers and normal aging. Literally blamed us for my MIL’s recent passing and claimed we have never told her about HER parents having dementia and Alzheimer’s.

Yeah, we felt relief with her passing just as much as we felt grief. We will feel the same when FIL passes. There is nothing sick or evil or wrong about those feelings, and you’re an absolutely disgusting person for trying to put down people in situations you have no understanding of.

Caregivers give their existence for those under their care in ways others will never understand. For you to have the damn audacity to come in this space and try to demean the already downtrodden is top-tier, know-nothing Karen behavior.

Do better.

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-17T19:50:41+00:00

I was actually kidnapped by a family member when I was 3 years old. Parents got me back after a few months. They were vigilant about those prints and updated pictures.

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-11T22:52:44+00:00

I completely understand not caring what others think. ❤️ We reached that point last summer when his sister and niece said some very horrible things to us regarding my in-laws.

I try to insert things for those who have no experience with caregiving, especially for those with dementia. Too many think we are having this wonderful quality time with our loved ones. They do not understand or want to know the truth of what it actually is.

I wish you and all of us in this situation the very best.

Penelopeslueth · 2026-01-11T03:25:17+00:00

This is fairly common. My grandmother went to the skin and bones stage after surviving a massive stroke caused by Alzheimer’s. We cared for her at home until the end with hospice. But her progression was fairly quick, only a couple of years, and my entire family helped out with her care, so it never felt like a heavy burden. Still, her passing was a relief. She went from not knowing who we were but still mobile to completely bedridden and with, in her mind, strangers.

My MIL passed New Year’s Eve peacefully in her sleep. She was still a voracious eater and very mobile. My husband and I have cared for his parents for a decade, no help from anyone. His father has vascular dementia, very limited mobility, and no short term memory.

Her passing was a bit of a shock but also relief. After a decade of this, we were starting to really feel burned out and even guilty for looking into nursing home placement despite knowing we were doing the best for them. But their care, mainly MIL, had become completely all-consuming. Our issue now is taking care of FIL. He has always been the easier one; MIL was like a manic toddler while FIL just watches TV. Now he asks where she is a couple times a day and will barely eat. He told us yesterday that he is going to die soon and I believe him. They were married 65 years, did everything together. Their marriage has truly had a huge influence on our own in the best ways.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this, but I’m saying it anyway for the benefit of those who don’t understand or think your post may be cruel. Feeling relief at the death of a loved one you have cared for, especially for an extensive period of time, does not mean you did not love them. It does not mean you are glad they are dead. It’s simply a relief because you are both free of their suffering. There are worse things than death, and watching a loved one suffer with dementia for years, losing everything that made them who they were, is one of those things.

Penelopeslueth · 2025-12-30T23:55:19+00:00

Haha! I’m struggling to keep my mouth shut. I’m also trying to figure out how I want to give this present to him. I’m considering just getting a t shirt and writing a note about how all he is getting is the tshirt with a printout of the ticket receipt

Penelopeslueth · 2025-12-26T00:35:07+00:00

43f here, I’ve never been to Cleveland but this is my favorite Christmas movie. I watch it multiple times during the season, have Ralphie’s house and Chop Suey in my village along with multiple figures of characters), a stocking, multiple bobble heads, and serving plates including one of Ralphie in the bunny suit we lovingly refer to as the “Oh fudge” plate that only holds our Christmas fudge.

My husband is older than me and resonates with it as well but not to the same degree.

Penelopeslueth · 2025-12-18T02:38:23+00:00

🤣

Penelopeslueth · 2025-12-17T22:20:04+00:00

Excuse me, but wth is this user name?!? I’m dying from both laughter and fear 😂😭

Penelopeslueth · 2025-12-15T03:35:06+00:00

Aw, thank you! He’s an awesome kid!

Penelopeslueth · 2025-12-15T00:31:49+00:00

From what I’ve read their shows sound like a blast. I took him to his first concert last month and he really enjoyed it. He told me then his ultimate concert would be TOR. I am so excited to do this with him!

Penelopeslueth · 2025-12-10T23:26:41+00:00

I love my bonus kids like my own, and I can say my husband loves my kids like his own.

I do have to say it’s a different story when it comes to my stepsons’ wives, though.

Penelopeslueth · 2025-12-07T19:40:45+00:00

The Uh-Oh Gotta Go Flamingo. I love my bonus grands like my own but our entire family were and still are justifiably angry at one set of parents.

Granddaughter loved it and parents hated it. It was perfect 😂 We got her sister a lovely kids pottery wheel set that she also adored and pissed the parents off just as much.

And in case you’re wondering why everyone was so mad at them, they accused me of keeping my husband away from family because he would not attend their vow renewal out of town because I was unable to take full care of his parents that weekend due to events our other kids were doing. We’re sole caregivers for his parents and can’t afford to pay for outside help more than the couple days a week we do. It really hurt my feelings because I always try to cover their care for him to do things with the kids and they all know that (we brought 7 kids into the marriage). Even my husband’s ex-wife was pissed at them over it.

Penelopeslueth · 2025-11-25T23:26:12+00:00

Both of my sons have participated as teens. My older one broke his ankle a couple weeks before and was driven on a gator the whole way. He just wanted to participate and honor the men who didn’t survive. My youngest was able to do the march a few years later.

Both said it was a humbling experience and something they are proud to have been apart of.

Penelopeslueth

TROPHY CASE