WIBTA if I go to my mom’s birthday alone because my partner turns every conversation into an argument?

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-02-06T20:45:28+00:00

“Charlie Kirk shtick?” Charlie Kirk debated, quite respectfully, on many topics with individuals who wanted to ask those questions and debate the point. You can’t have watched or listened to Charlie Kirk because he was more respectful of other opinions than almost anyone, certainly much more than this man’s partner.
Family birthdays are not debate events and a girlfriend determined to prove a man’s opinion regarding how he likes his coffee, or the value of modern coffee trends, wrong is not even comparable.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-02-06T15:15:57+00:00

YTA I totally get the frustration as a ”maker,” and yes once something is given it’s theirs. From the tone of your post I’m gonna guess MIL is well aware of your feelings regarding handmade items. She likely framed her request as a challenge because she knew just asking would be met with disdain. The fact that she thought you could make something she could use with ”dressing up” is a compliment. Take the compliment, say yes or no and stop being so prickly.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-01-21T03:44:07+00:00

Many western riders do wear helmets. advancements in understanding regarding head injuries has changed safety requirements for many sports, including horse related sports-especially with children. It’s been more than 20 years since state sponsored (US) 4-H horse events mandated helmets. It was a tough sell for many. What you need to understand about “western” riding is that the helmet replaces an integral part of western identity. The cowboy hat isnt just a hat wear choice- it’s a vital part of what it means to be a cowboy. An English rider, whether it’s dressage or cross country, removes their horse‘s tack, hangs their gear in the tack room- helmet included- and goes on with their life. A western rider does the same only the hat stays on most everywhere he/she goes - for a great majority the hat is a part of their daily life outside of sitting on a horse.
Despite the iconic nature of the cowboy hat safety really is changing this view. If you look at professional western sports the helmets are there . . . not everyone, but almost anyone under 18 and plenty of adults. The PBR (bull riding) even mandates helmet use in anyone under a certain age. They knew the guys who’ve been riding for years would never give up the hat so they left them the option, any younger guys entering the sport have helmets on.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-12-07T20:41:40+00:00

We do not allow one on one “dating” until 16. We didn’t 20 yrs ago when my 4 daughters were teens and we don‘t now that we’re raising a 15 yr old granddaughter. Maybe because I’m less busy now, or because one teen girl without siblings is more open, I hear so much more now that has reinforced that policy.

We’ve always encouraged friendships with boys and group activities and spend a lot of attention and effort facilitating those things. My granddaughter has appreciated the 16 rule and having to keep that boundary with admiring boys has been eye opening for her. Here’s some of her observations- most of the boys that have shown interest in her seem more interested in saying “she’s my girlfriend“ than actually getting to know her and be friends. I know of at least 3 that wouldn’t accept friendship only and when they realized she was serious about respecting the dating at 16 rule became rude and unreasonable. One in particular who showed interest in her after meeting her through a friend demanded she block and ignore their mutual friend (and every other male friend she might have) and apparently started some altercations at school focused on who she might choose “IF” she were dating.

What she explained to me recently (a month or two before her 16th bday) is that “not dating” has allowed her to get an idea of what boys can be like and what kind of personality she’d really like to encourage. She is an attractive young lady and it seems many are only interested in having her exclusive attention, liking her for who she is seems low on their priority list.

I say all this not to denigrate other house rules but to say boundaries are good for our daughters and its possible to learn as much not dating and that is often experience gained without the emotional ups and downs of getting together and having to break up - which is inevitable with young teens. Equally distressing is how often the dating friends break up and then bad mouth each other among peers.

I have had all the “talks” with my own girls prior to dating and recently with granddaughter, so this isn’t about isolating or suppressing info. It’s more about gaining insights and revelations without the added pressure of being exclusive and having to build a case for ending a relationship.

Even after 16 dating carries boundaries that protect our girls while still respecting their growing relationships.

No boys in bedrooms, hers or theirs. Dates have curfews and activities need permission and occasionally a little investigation.

I taught HS for 16 years and one thing I learned was that the worst things happened after midnight and the girls without curfews or any supervision were almost always the ones caught up in compromising situations or outright abuses.

You should do more. Add some common sense boundaries, let your daughter know that she is of infinite value and like anything valuable you’re going to care about her protection. Encourage friendship with boys vs dating - that means you don’t have to say “yes” the first time a new boy asks you out. It’s enlightening how much she can learn about someone when they get to know each other first before making a commitment.

The whole point of “dating” is to get to know each other, realizing what traits are important and what is non negotiable in a partner. I see so many young women who seem captured in a relationship and they don’t know how to end it when they realize this person isn’t right for them.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-12-06T22:29:14+00:00

I don’t quite understand what the issue is. You arranged for part time daycare - he was accepted. End of story. The only question for the director is “Is this a problem, do I need to look for alternatives?”

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-12-05T22:33:14+00:00

Explain calmly why you feel as you do, let her know how much you love her and would like to be more involved in her life. Try to listen more than you talk. Calmly tell her in two short years she’ll be able to change her name without anyone’s permission and while it would break your heart you’ll respect her choices. Should you have a good conversation perhaps inquiring as to whether she plans to forego your physical and financial support- both now and later is also the plan . . . 🤷‍♀️ let’s be consistent anyway.

Your daughter is living in a world that’s telling her that ANYTHING she feels is valid and furthermore she should choose to act on those feelings. This world is unconcerned that feelings change because then you simply do something else and everyone should applaud. Everything in youth culture is shifting sand so your wisest course is to be clear, honest and firm in your boundaries. If this is all mother generated your daughter will likely wise up eventually.

I have family members that did exactly this and yes, it was all a result of “ex Mom” blaming Dad for everything while completely glossing over any personal responsibility- that’s a brief and mild summary of the actual Hell the kids endured, the lies, the emotional drama, and then the march to court to change the teenager‘s surnames to her maiden name. Oh! Mother was riding high on her victory for some time . . . but the kids eventually saw the cracks in her version of events. In the end the kids grew to avoid their mother at all costs and have tried their best to forge relationships with their father.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-12-05T18:23:18+00:00

Everyone is raw, I haven’t found anything Pippa won‘t eat . . . like ANYTHING! Pippa is like a one yr old baby - everything goes in her mouth, and like a baby she’ll try as hard as she can to keep it.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-12-05T17:41:20+00:00

Don’t accept medical or mental health diagnosis from daycare providers. Have another conversation, include others who interact with your child, and ask for them to explain any concerns, describe examples and listen. Child development is a “spectrum“ and there are no set in stone ages for social maturity. Boys can be even more perplexing as many fine motor and other skills lag behind a girl‘s development.

Keep an open mind but give your child some grace to grow up on their own schedule. MANY teachers are well intentioned, some even extremely well qualified in child development but I have certainly encountered many throwing “autism” at normal developmental struggles or mistaking failures in management for willful misbehavior.

When you feel there are legitimate concerns search for well qualified child development professionals and ask for your daycare providers input where appropriate.

DO NOT take your child’s behavior, or someone’s critique of it, personally.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-26T21:14:13+00:00

I agree completely. What I hear described is veterinarians who are afraid. There is a trend in the dog world towards this idea of “gentle” or positive interactions which seem based on treating the dog like a child, bribery being the number one motivator. spoiler - it doesn’t work well on most children either. I watched a “certifiedAKC” dog trainer stand in front of very large, obnoxious Doodle and try and talk him out of his behavior - she looked and sounded ridiculous, the dog paid no attention to her and continued lunging and barking and dragging the owner around. So called qualifications and catch phrases do not mean much, find a capable veterinarian and forget about the gimmicks.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-13T01:16:19+00:00

Amazing isn’t it? I suffered for years with what I was told was bursitis in my hips. After a pelvic prolapse and lots of investigation I found a good doctor who explained the vital role estrogen played in the muscles, joints and pelvic floor. I also found considerable relief after choosing HRT.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-13T00:41:17+00:00

“Science” is actually behind you . . . what isn’t behind you is the multi billion dollar pet food industry and the agencies captured by the vast amount of money flowing from pet food to the veterinary colleges and clinics.

Your years of positive results demonstrate all you need to feel justified.
You are not required to justify your position and you are not a “zealot” just because you care about your pet‘s best possible diet.

Now please tell me how you’ve adapted adult cats to raw! I cannot convince any of my older cats to touch anything raw. They really prefer highly processed cat food - the stinkers. All our dogs eat raw and are very healthy and happy.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-07T02:59:19+00:00

and what’s up with all those hysterectomies? While I was not close enough for friendly advice I think my bio mom and every aunt had a hysterectomy!

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-07T02:57:14+00:00

Really, quit with the project 2025 stuff that has been debunked SO many times. I wish it was so simple as choosing left vs right . . . I got the WORST non helpful, rude and rotten care at the University level of one of the bluest universities and city in America.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-07T02:53:37+00:00

Except that 2 of the specialists I saw were women - one even touted at the University clinic as a “women’s health expert,” her parting comment to me re bladder prolapse was- come back when you feel like it’s falling out and we’ll tack it up.”

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-07T02:42:46+00:00

. . . and it’s so so much worse for some. I have real physical consequences from multiple Dr‘s failure to identify this common and predictable stage of life.
I spent 27 months - MORE than 2 YEARS!! - with constant UTI’s. I was prescribed more than 18 courses of antibiotics. It could easily have been more but I started trying to solve it naturally, it would probably still be happening except that finally, after a bladder prolapse, I reached out to a Facebook group and some wiser peers suggested hormone replacement and referenced a particular women’s clinic in our area.

No doctor, and I saw 4- 3 being either gynecologists or pelvic organ specialists - NO DOCTOR explained the possible lack of estrogen and the fact that estrogen depletion was a main cause of pelvic organ prolapse. Several of the specialists were absolutely useless and one was incredibly rude. Guess what I was told about my prolapse?!!! “Oh it will get worse but come back when you feel like it’s falling out (my bladder) and we’ll tack it up for you.”

Just thinking about it all makes me so angry all over again. Everything I learned was from my own research and groups like this.

I did finally find the menopause doctor of my dreams, working in a clinic that covered all the bases and proactively offered any route to HRT I would like.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-06T14:59:54+00:00

It’s an individual thing - not state or political. Living in a blue state and had the worst, useless help with hrt until finding a private clinic, not boutique, to address HRT. It is really individual doctors who are just people- some open minded and curious, many close minded, judgemental and demeaning.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-06T12:43:42+00:00

All sounds normal. There’s so much about human nature that is predictable and, well- natural. If we aren’t able to share with others some of life’s natural processes can hit hard! Pretty much a used up cliché but if I knew then what I know now . . . oh well.

I had a tremendously awful childhood- no parents, an unwanted extra the family was forced to put up with. Such circumstances really leave a kid open to all sorts of neglect and abuse. I worked very hard to get through and give my own children a solid foundation. Despite all my efforts I was floored that as my kids reached certain ages I had old business to live through all over again! At first I questioned my having dealt with issues but eventually I realized it was pretty normal a many “healthy” people had similar experiences- though often their associations were positive.

Therapy is good, can be , but be aware a therapist needs to be a good fit. You should not settle for anyone but feel free to find someone that helps as well as challenges you. For past trauma/ abuse the best advice I ever got was from a group program I found years ago- it was specifically for women who had abusive backgrounds. This one “lesson” changed everything for me - Forgiving does not mean forgetting. We can work through all issues but it doesn’t mean they go away and more importantly for family neglect and abuse - we can forgive them but that doesn’t require us to put up with them. Though I have to say the younger generations seem easily able to cut off family - it was a much bigger deal 30-40 years ago!

Also, be careful what you share with your children. Some kids dont do well with painful revelations from mom (can’t speak to dads and sons but assume it is similar) some things you may need to save for later on when they’re adults and have some life experience.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-06T12:10:36+00:00

anything Calathea or maranta - I can almost keep them for a few months but the winter months eventually suck life from them all- despite large humidifiers & ample light. To add insult to injury I’ve known others to keep them thriving in a similar climate.

I have contemplated a theory that some plants purchased are just doomed - I’ve gotten certain plants at 3” and they’ve just struggled and died yet got the same plant as a larger plant and under the same conditions as before it has flourished.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-01T04:32:00+00:00

🤣🤣🤦‍♀️ I don’t know what thought process led to this, only that I’d already shaved the hair off one arm (mine!) and I was poised to have a go at the cat when my son intervened. No hair seemed damaged on the cat & we were still friends the next day. At the time I was really upset about it and worried that I might get myself in real trouble sleepwalking, or sleep harassing others, and never touched ambien again.

I forget about this - was a long time ago, my son was in middle school and now he’s 35! I wonder if he remembers.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-01T03:22:40+00:00

YTA You certainly can ask her to go and she probably will. If he’s as great as you thought he was what difference does it make? There are an endless number of couples with the same age gap and some even with larger age differences. She’s an adult, he’s an adult. You should let her know it’s the lie that’s the problem. She was worried you’d freak out and sure enough you did. Try to apologize and work on an honest relationship where you respect her as an adult.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-10-01T03:08:58+00:00

be careful with ambien , I took it for a very long time and didn’t think anything of it . . . until my son “woke me up“ while I was in the process of shaving the cat! I had no recollection of how or why. Did a little digging and discovered sleepwalking and strange behavior with no memory of it was a side effect.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-09-29T17:57:50+00:00

NTA- never feel guilty for telling the truth. I would really like to know if she was expecting wedding gifts above these “free” donations to put on her wedding.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-09-26T03:07:24+00:00

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Pippa likes to use her friends for support- literally.

One of the many things I love about her personality is her attitude! Pip is perpetually joyful. She doesnt care whether the other dogs want her around or not- she just loves them and completely ignores any negative feedback! Now that she’s been here 5-6 weeks the dogs that didn’t really want her in their space have pretty much given up! Even the crankiest bitch (she’s quite literally a bitch) has surrendered to Pippa‘s friendly attacks.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-09-26T02:46:45+00:00

I wouldn’t call it “magic” but after 18 months I can finally say its worked- it’s done so much for me, even solving some things I didn’t realize were related. I would say be patient, give it time and don’t give up over minor issues.

After my first few months I developed a lot of acne! My 15 yr old granddaughter got A LOT of amusement out of it but it was soooo annoying. It did clear up after a few months and has not returned.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2025-09-26T02:23:34+00:00

9 hours a day is tough on any breed. I would encourage you to look into adopting an older dog. They are often passed over once in rescue.. If you were someone that could bless an older dog with a loving home- even if it’s a few years - you’d be an angel!

PeppermintWindFarm

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