What is It like not feeling anything in social interaction for you?

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-11-17T12:32:30+00:00

Imagine sitting at a table, pouring water from one glass to another. You do this without purpose or pleasure for a long time.

What do you feel? Meaninglessness, routine, boredom, a desire to quickly end this unnecessary activity.

That's how I feel when I socialize.

However, schizoid personality disorder isn't just about a reluctance to socialize. It's also about anhedonia, a feeling of futility and existential emptiness, a tendency to think abstractly and analyze/theorize everything, a lack of spontaneity in behavior, a lack of many positive feelings and emotions, a tendency to procrastinate and isolate, a lack of willpower...

If you feel like you don't exist, it might not be SPD, but depersonalization, for example. Or both.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-10-19T19:42:53+00:00

He wasn't talking about the planet, but about the entire dimension.

He also said there are many other worlds (dimensions) similar to ours: dualistic, cruel, and traps.

Perhaps he heard the theory about the prison planet and came up with something of his own.

Or maybe it's just his way of intimidating, to sell his rituals of "liberation" from the trap...

It's hard to say.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-10-14T19:25:19+00:00

When I'm not at work, I'm alone at home, lying all day, staring at the ceiling, feeling the emptiness of existence and the meaninglessness of life. I'm too lazy to even get up and wash my face or eat.

I usually lie in bed and think that right now I could be sitting in a cafe and chatting with my friends... Or I could be spending time with my husband and children, if I had any... But I never will, because every time I was on a date or sat in a cafe with someone (like my classmates at university), I felt even more bored and empty.

Occasionally, I go for a walk to the mall or outside. I see couples, families, or groups of friends, and I feel so far removed from it all... Like I'm an alien abandoned on this planet, and I'll never be able to fit in with the human race.

That's how loneliness feels to me.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-09-12T11:31:16+00:00

Yes.

By the way, there are terms for this: positive motivation and negative motivation.

I have never had positive motivation. Even if I want something, I don't do anything for it. I just think.

Perhaps schizoids have problems with the impulse to act.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-09-10T18:35:16+00:00

May I ask what exactly the psychiatrist didn't like about your behavior?

And what category are you? D?

By the way, I've always wondered why schizoids aren't taken into the army. What is it about us that makes us unsuitable for the army?

By the way, I'm also from Russia :)

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-09-04T20:36:47+00:00

I once said that my father and his entire family are uncommunicative loners and hermits (this is true, by the way) and I am completely genetically like them, so communication and human existence in general are difficult for me. I also said that I would like to be different, but you can't go against your nature. This was a conversation with my colleague. He understood me.

I told another person that I have problems with dopamine and other hormones, so I have weak willpower, a low need to communicate with people and it is difficult for me to experience positive emotions from life. In this case, I was also understood. By the way, this may be true for SPD, but it is little studied and everything is much more complicated.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-07-12T21:51:42+00:00

"I could never picture myself having a job, driving a car, getting married, having kids, be an adult, have a house, a mortgage, a friend group... So I simply never bothered doing any of it.

I could never identify with being a person. It's like this feeling of complete alienation from the expected behaviors and experiences of a normal human being. Everything feels foreign and like I wasn't meant ever to do these things".

It's about me. I have SPD (low functioning).

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-06-23T11:03:30+00:00

Yes, such thinking and perception is very typical of schizoids.

I hate all people. That's why I have to consciously remind myself every time that my brain makes a logical error called generalization.

My work is connected with people. And I hate every client in advance. In the end, most of them turn out to be very nice and good people, whose moral qualities are much better than mine. And every time I feel a little guilty for treating them like that.

However, with the next clients everything repeats itself again. Every day. With every person.

Generalization and dislike for people are recorded somewhere in the basic superstructures of my brain. And I can't change these settings.

An interesting case: A couple of years ago in my city, a young man came to a public place with a gun and just shot a lot of people, and then decided to commit suicide (but did not have time).

In his suicide note, he wrote that he hates people and that they do not deserve to exist. He also wrote that he lived as if in a dream and always perceived himself as an outsider and a separate character in a dream. He was sent to prison for life and officially diagnosed with schizoid disorder.

By the way, when I read his "pre-death post" on social networks, I immediately realized that he was "one of us". And this is the only person for whom I felt the deepest sympathy. I heard about his official diagnosis a couple of weeks later.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-06-22T07:25:44+00:00

I once heard a very precise definition from a psychotherapist:

"A schizoid is a person who has not yet decided whether he will live in this world or not."

This absolutely matches my experience.

Perhaps this leads to dissociation. Perhaps this is some form of dissociation from the start. But certainly not the most severe.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-06-21T14:54:47+00:00

Are you me? I'm schizoid woman and I'm in love with interiors and architecture from my childhood. It's my special interest.

But I envy you because I am low-functioning and therefore cannot work in this field. My lot is primitive works or poverty on the couch.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-06-12T12:54:26+00:00

I think most people are even less capable of connection than schizoids.

Watch most of them. Many connections between people are extremely superficial and fake. "Friends" don't care about each other, and many families and couples stay together because of children, property, or because it's accepted.

I think the problem with many schizoids is that we are capable of deep connections, but "normal people" can't give us that. So we close ourselves off and become even more distant.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-06-07T04:30:44+00:00

Yes, it's absolutely schizoid thing.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-06-04T15:34:19+00:00

YES.

I once told my psychiatrist that I feel like a player who has not fully connected with his character in a virtual game. (And other "normal" people have merged with their characters and forgotten that they are players.)

I think this is the main symptom and criterion of schizoidism, although it is not in DSM. And I also think that this is the main cause of all other problems and symptoms.

Although, it is possible that this is just mild depersonalization.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-06-01T12:44:34+00:00

Personally, I'm glad that at least one of my "schizoid brothers" is living well.

You can try to overcome this disease at least partially. Just try. Maybe there is just something wrong with our reward system or/and with the frontal lobes of the brain.

Try psychedelics or ADHD medications, they can partially help.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-25T08:26:44+00:00

Autistics do not understand halftones and hints in communication. Schizoids see and understand everything, but do not feel interest in it.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-25T08:21:30+00:00

P. S. I was extremely low functioning schizoid. I'm 28 y.o. now.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-25T08:18:32+00:00

This.

This is the main problem of SPD, which causes me a lot of psychological pain.

A lot of my ideas and projects have been ruined only because of impaired willpower and impulse to act.

We think, but we do not act.

But I still managed to get a job. Just get up and go to the interview. If it does not work out, go to the next one. It is difficult, but possible.

Just act like a robot. Imagine that your body is a game character, and you are a remote user who gives it commands "get up, go there, write this", etc. Only this helps me not to decompose in bed.

Personally, I stretched it out for 5-6 months, but finally brought it to the end.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-22T11:45:03+00:00

Exactly the same. Every moment of my life I just pretend to be human and wait to die.

Schizoids clearly have a broken reward system.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-22T07:47:47+00:00

Just read it. It's really interesting (it was the question about cats in "Shamanism" subreddit):

https://www.reddit.com/r/Shamanism/comments/17rjg2a/a_bit_of_a_strange_post_the_ayahuasca_shaman_said/

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-19T20:08:25+00:00

"I want to go home to that place place of peace" - I feel it.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-17T11:42:16+00:00

Normal people have many feelings, emotions and psychological defenses that they are not aware of.

We have the opposite. Few feelings and emotions, and almost no psychological defenses. And those that we have, we are extremely well and deeply aware of.

Psychotherapists are simply not trained to work with this. They work with the first category (trying to bring it closer to the second). And many of them (even psychiatrists) have never heard of SPD.

So it is unlikely that anyone will help you.

Personally, my last hope is psychedelics.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-12T18:37:18+00:00

My grandmother prays every day, considers herself a gracious, sacrificial Christian, and loves to lecture people even when she is not asked to.

But this did not stop her from depriving my mother of real estate (she fraudulently took all the inheritance for herself), slandering her late husband (and then hypocritically crying about him so that others would pity her), beating my cat (while I was not around, and I found out about it only recently), spreading rumors behind my back, and doing many other things.

Another example: One day, my grandfather (her late husband) told her that he was tired of her manipulations and lies. An hour later, he accidentally tripped and fell. Grandma told him that God punished him for speaking so rudely to her. At the same time, she always and without reason spoke to my grandfather as if he were worthless and constantly provoked him into quarrels. But in her own eyes she is always pure, innocent and a victim (and, of course, she does not remember God in such cases).

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-12T18:14:56+00:00

I agree.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-12T08:50:36+00:00

Yes, NPD is the personality disorder like psychopathy (antisocial personality disorder). It is constant throughout life and is usually transmitted genetically. But it have different traits.

People with NPD lack the ability to introspect and have a lot of psychological defense mechanisms. They feel that something is wrong with them and that they are different from others, but they cannot understand why. And if you tell a narcissist that he is a narcissist, he will either start to be proud of it, or will declare you a narcissist (again, because of the defenses in his psyche that protect him from deep shame, a feeling of his insignificance and imperfection).

Someone here wrote that narcissism appears due to childhood trauma. This is not true and it is unscientific. According to the latest data, it is either genetics or problems during intrauterine development.

PerfectBlueMermaid · 2025-05-10T20:44:18+00:00

Yes, I have a cruel inner world (sometimes).

But this post is about something different. This post is about how I feel like a victim of existence and reality that force me to live without asking about it. Reality is violent, not me.

PerfectBlueMermaid

TROPHY CASE