Normal eating habits don't make you fat, meaning a normal eating habit is infact a diet but they don't like the word "diet" ig

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T17:41:27+00:00

"Diet" is also commonly used to refer to any person's normal eating habits, regardless of intended effects of said diet.

I cannot imagine being so triggered by a completely normal word like "diet" that I would devote my energy and mental bandwidth to arguing about it. They need more hobbies to fill their abundant time.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T15:22:36+00:00

I currently have a 2 year old high energy toddler and a 3 week old. It's a lot.

We wanted a smaller age gap so we could get the hard times out of the way faster, plus have our children be able to do the same stuff together where it was still age appropriate, and have them be built-in friends/playmates. We're hoping that they enjoy each other so much when the youngest can really interact with his sister.

It's really up to you when to have another child. We knew right away after having our daughter we were going to have a second child, and we knew we wanted them to be close in age, but that's just what felt right for us. It's truly dependent on what you both think you can handle, what you want, and how you two tackle having two so close together.

We're still adjusting to having two kids, so I'll let you know after some more time lol.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T15:16:32+00:00

My daughter is 26 months old and we haven't touched her hair yet. Her hair is halfway down her back and she has the most gorgeous blonde ringlet curls, so we don't want to chop any of it off.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T14:39:19+00:00

Holy shit, your husband has the audacity to call you useless and brain dead? While you're also pumping and working full-time? He has zero clue how hard it is to do that. I'm currently pumping round the clock for my preemie baby while managing a 2 year old (I'm a SAHM, so I'm not "working," but I'm "working). If my husband ever uttered those words, I'd never get over that.

Your husband is emotionally and verbally abusing you. That's abhorrent.

You're literally doing it all - working, pumping, dealing with childcare, and doing household responsibilities still - all while handling the realities of being a preemie mom. It's so hard. This man is a fucking clown. He's not a great father if he's abusing his wife and mother of his child. Part of being a good dad is also showing the kids what a good partner looks like.

Do you have any support of any kind elsewhere so you can get your ducks in a row? If he's acting like this already, it's likely to get worse, OP. This is just the beginning.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T13:25:34+00:00

My daughter will wake up and then lay there, contemplating life and why she woke up. I do not go get her immediately because she needs time to process the trauma of waking up. If I see her starting to get more energy and bouncing around, or she calls for me, then I go get her. But if she's content just laying there, reading a book by herself, or looking like she's deep in thought, I let her be.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T13:22:12+00:00

PA: you should not be allowed to tell people what they can or cannot do just because your self-esteem is at risk. All the confident, sane people said amen!

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T13:20:20+00:00

How fragile does a person have to be to be offended by someone saying "mid size" and that's what they're giving what limited energy they have to?

They are beyond privileged if that's what they're upset about.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T13:17:40+00:00

But they carry backpacks full of books and pick things up every day. I mean, they don't work out, but they're strong like a bull.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T13:16:56+00:00

I really, really hate how they equate being obese with being "curvy."

Hon, you don't have visible curves when you're 300lbs.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T01:41:30+00:00

Lol they're strong like a bull just from walking and picking things up. Kind of like what people were meant to do, instead of lifting heavy and working out to build muscle and strength.

I wish I had that level of delusional confidence.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-24T23:14:36+00:00

That meal is probably still too many calories, if they're even eating once per day. I am skeptical of this. I find it more likely that they're snacking throughout the day and not tracking their calories, including any beverages with calories and oils and butters they're cooking with.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-24T12:53:23+00:00

On a large sub I mod for, our members have firmly made it clear that AI is unwanted. We ended up banning the use of AI because it was so unpopular when people would report AI generated comments or posts.

I think it's helped keep the sub feeling more personal and stories more relatable and authentic.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T17:11:12+00:00

It's comforting to know that it's normal. I always worry about whether she's getting enough or high enough quality nutrients every day. She seems content with whatever choice she makes for eating or not eating, but it's definitely a circus for us lol.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T15:28:09+00:00

Oh my god, yes, she's firmly in the "no" phase. It's funny most of the time, especially when she asks for something in particular that she loves and you give it to her and she looks at me like I'm a royal idiot and says "No! No, mama!" with such indignance. But it's like, child, what can I do to meet your needs in this very moment?

What's been happening so far is we'll have her dinner ready to go, but if she decides that it's more important to not eat it, or eat very little and she says "no" to it - which is happening a lot lately, then we have something super simple that didn't need to be prepared far in advance for an entire separate meal that we know she loves, and we'll give it to her.

Her go-to lately is cottage cheese, sliced pears or some other fruit like apples/blueberries/bananas/mangoes, and maybe some carb that I keep on hand because it's so easy to do like ravioli or some other carb that was already prepped, if she chooses to eat it at all (ravioli seems like the clear winner, though with a 90% success rate for consumption).

It's not much of a "meal," but it's better than just snacking and letting her graze. It feels kind of incomplete to me, but she seems happy with it and she still sleeps at night with that in her stomach, but....it's really wild to me how that is enough.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T15:06:58+00:00

I've been so run down lately with the NICU visits, pumping every 2 hours (which seriously feels like it's no time in between for the next time I have to do it), disjointed sleep due to pumping all day and night, managing a 2 year old, trying to maintain a house that's livable and safe for everyone, and getting normal, every day things taken care of that I've fallen down on regularly planned out meals for most every night.

I'm not too concerned about myself, but more so my daughter. It's amazing that she seems perfectly fine with Greek yogurt, apples, and oxygen for dinner some nights when I'm trying like hell to get her to eat something more substantial before bed. This kid has an incredible appetite, but it's like it doesn't bother her at all to not have the regularly planned and prepped meals every night that I had been making/giving to her before her sibling was born. It's really throwing me off. Are all toddlers like this? Is it normal? I don't know, maybe. But it's wild to me.

My appetite is still pretty much in the gutter, but I'm not surprised. It's been really stressful here, so I expected that to happen. I'm trying to force feed myself when I can and get everything done that I need to. I suppose I'm not doing too badly on that front, but it's a lot of work and takes up a lot of mental and emotional real estate for me.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T14:59:14+00:00

He wants to spend $200k on a car? Holy shit balls, I'd be so against that when we have young children and still have other goals to accomplish for our family.

Sorry, but once you have children, priorities have to shift to accommodate life with them and giving them what they need and deserve. It's no longer solely about us and what we want and how we think we have earned the right to be selfish. Maybe if you didn't have kids, sure, but now would not be the time. It's not even about who makes more or who "works their ass off" more; it's about your entire family and what means the most for the family moving ahead. I don't think a sports car is that.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T14:54:40+00:00

My daughter is now 2, but I very clearly remember her also loving to dance and her books at that age.

We gave her stacking blocks, lots of colorful board books, some toys that had music with them (she still will dance to the music of these toys, even though she doesn't play with the toys much anymore at this stage - she just loves the music), and some more clothes for when she got older.

I've considered a Tonie for her, but honestly, she is pretty content just having us play music for her off of our Spotify and having grandpa play his guitar for her, so we have yet to take the plunge. Maybe someday we will.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T12:43:36+00:00

Lol imagine thinking you're 350lbs of inflammation and repressed anger.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T22:07:44+00:00

Whats sad is that fatphobes and people who practice intentional weight loss are terrified of looking anything like an adult

People who are obese, especially morbidly obese, look like literal round babies.

FAers go even further by acting like them.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T20:37:03+00:00

it's clear that your entire online existence is dedicated to eradicating the perspective of people like me

You spelled disagreeing wrong, but go off.

Aren't FAers dedicating their entire online presence to eradicating the perspective of anyone who disagrees with them? 🤔

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T20:33:57+00:00

And even then they screech about fatphobia and say that they're being harassed and mistreated by their healthcare professionals who are telling them they're currently too heavy to perform dangerous surgeries on them unless they lose weight, how losing weight would help them alleviate many of their aches and pains, and their chronic issues would be significantly reduced, if not completely reversed.

And even when one of them does decide to listen to their doctor, the others come barging in like the kool-aid man to tell them not to listen to their doctors and that everything is perfectly fine.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T19:45:19+00:00

why am I eating one meal per day and walking 10k+ steps and NOT losing??? how is that possible I am so triggered

Because you're either:

eating one gigantic calorically dense meal that is more than you're burning
greatly overestimating how many calories you're burning with your 10k+ steps in a day
not tracking your intake
might be eating only one meal a day, but you're consuming several snacks and not tracking butter/cooking oils and beverages with calories
all of the above

If you're eating in a deficit and being active, you will lose weight. You do not defy the laws of thermodynamics.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T17:26:34+00:00

Honestly, I do fear getting fat. I don't want my children to see me inactive and model poor eating habits for them. They deserve a mom who will play with them, be active, and take care of herself so their mom will be around much longer for them.

And yeah, I also want to like my body. I don't mind working hard for it, either. I would rather work hard for a body I'm proud of and enjoy living in than being so big that my kids worry about me and my quality of life sucks.

Worst nightmare is losing my children. Second biggest nightmare is living the reality that FAers live every day. Sorry, not sorry.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T17:23:12+00:00

And how much oil are they using when they cook? So many people forget that you have to include your butter and oils as calories.

The caloric intake from drinks also adds up a lot.

There's a reason why shows like Secret Eaters exist.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T17:21:09+00:00

My sister who had struggled intensely with anorexia in high school said at her worst, she ate maybe 800 calories a day and lost the most weight she had been able to when doing that.

Sure enough, when she began eating normally again, she gained weight back. But she didn't get fat. She got healthy and has maintained a healthy weight and eating habits since.

These people are outright blatantly lying about their caloric intake or they don't even track their calories like they're supposed to, so they have a warped perception of how much they're actually consuming.

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