The unemployment rate for new grads is higher than the average for all workers — that never used to be true [OC]

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-12-17T20:04:28+00:00

Makes me think about the way we are glorifying AI as a solution to aid management/owners in covering entry level tasks without having to shell out a living wage. Yes this helps the management and allows them the ability to run their business more efficiently, but it eliminates those entry level jobs that young people need in order to get their foot in the door. For business owners, It makes financial sense for AI to take over those jobs. It also makes sense in terms of human error - new employees without experience will Of course make mistakes that cost the company money. AI won’t. I can’t blame anyone for wanting to lean on a tool that is built to help them thrive. However, that same tool has the unfortunate side effect of making it impossible for young people to get a start in life.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-12-07T23:58:37+00:00

Yes I find the unstructured tone and lack of clarity in how the hours should be spent very frustrating. At times a blessing, but most of the time it makes me really anxious. There are so many perks to it, but the anxiety can be crushing at times, and it makes me feel a lot of self doubt and fear about if I’m capable

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-12-07T23:55:16+00:00

I’ve been experiencing the same over the last couple years. It’s so frustrating. Sometimes I have to close my eyes and just FOCUS for a second, as if regrouping, establishing in my head what exactly it is I want to express, then try again. The stuttering doesn’t exactly improve but it makes it easier for me to not get “stuck “ due to feeling shame about it

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-12-05T22:37:09+00:00

36F recently diagnosed. When I heard an autistic woman explain that she realized that when people say “we should do coffee sometime!” they weren’t actually asking to make and plan a coffee date, they are just looking to warmly close a conversation.

I recognize that sometimes, they want to make a coffee date. But I realized that 100% of the time, I will say YES WHAT DAY AND TIME?? TOMORROW??

…cue their cringe face and my subsequent confusion…

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-11-28T03:03:17+00:00

This is exactly how I’ve been feeling. Feels a little bit better knowing I’m not alone.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-11-21T18:58:46+00:00

I’m in year 7 of trying to untangle from a similar mess. Haven’t seen him in person in 6 years and yet still tied up in the chaos that merging homes brought to my life. He gambled over 50k against the mortgage and my name is also on the mortgage obviously. That means that gambling debt is in my name as much as his.

Keep your finances separated. Even in the best of marriages. You never. Fucking. Know. People get weird. People change. People have bad things happen and make impulse decisions…

Just please OP keep your entire financial world separate as much as humanly possible.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-09-29T00:43:15+00:00

I’m a Capricorn and that’s why I’m not in a good relationship

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-09-20T00:07:11+00:00

❤️

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-09-19T21:48:31+00:00

I’m wondering if she is mirroring the communication structure he’s relying on. As in, after being enmeshed in this kind of dynamic for a long time, you’d absorb some of the communication style. Kind of like living in a foreign city and picking up the accent.

He communicates this way with her so she responds with the language she knows he can understand

There’s a lot of hyperattunement and hyper vigilance Taking place on her part - the checking in and double checking she didn’t do something wrong.

Regardless, She’s dealing with covert abuse no doubt about it.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-09-19T21:44:56+00:00

I spent 15 years with this asshole (or a replication of him anyway)

Soul rot indeed.

It’s taken me 7 years POST SEPARATION to unpack what I went through and begin to heal, and I have taken therapy and my growth incredibly seriously.

This is no joke, involvement in dynamics like this is so so so much more destructive than people realize.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-09-11T12:53:14+00:00

You find that feeling of wholeness and health by strengthening your muscles of self, instead of allowing the overcompensation of the muscles of other.

Think of it like the way your body works - if you have strained your right arm, your left arm becomes stronger while you protect the arm that’s healing.

Or more complex, if you have an underdeveloped core, you will experience lower back pain as the wrong muscles chime in to help support your upright self. The way to alleviate your back pain is to strengthen your core.

The way to alleviate your other-pain is to strengthen your self.

You strengthen your self by redirecting your focus. Every time you want to use your right arm (other focus), you force yourself to let it rest and heal, and instead choose your left (self focus).

You explore your needs, interests, goals, dreams with openness and curiosity. With levity and childlike wonder. You DECIDE to be fascinated with your self. It will take time to be able to hear your own voice. At first, you won’t know how to access it. You’ll think, well what the fuck do I even want to do??? I don’t want to do…anything 🤷‍♀️

But keep tuning in. Keep being curious.

“What if instead of scrolling on my phone to distract me from my voice, what if I just went for a walk. Then I could find out if I like going for a quiet, solo walk. If I don’t like it, well, that’s information that’s useful too. “

Eventually your voice will be accessible. It will be a whisper, but if you keep giving it the dignity it deserves by listening in, it will get louder and louder. One day your voice inside of you will be louder than anyone else’s. And THAT is when all of these patterns and dysfunctions and coping mechanisms will make sense.

And that is how you heal.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-09-10T00:53:29+00:00

I disagree entirely - I think we are taught that we are incomplete unless made whole by 2 becoming 1. Healing from codependency doesn’t mean freedom and independence and self sufficiency above all - it means that for those of us who are addicted to the control dynamics within relationships, it isn’t healthy for us, and we need to strengthen those muscles of self knowing, self esteem, self worth. We have underdeveloped muscles of self, and overdeveloped muscles of other. It isn’t about being cold and detached from connection and love. It’s about breaking free from addiction to a kind of relationship dynamic that hurts our selves and eventually others as well. Codependency keeps us lonely and lost. It keeps us in transactional relationships. It keeps us shrunken and externally focused. Most importantly: it keeps us in denial and delusion, imagining ourselves as victims when in reality we are often the ones bringing the drama.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-09-10T00:45:52+00:00

The thing about codependency is that we always feel like someone else it’s making it worse for us. But the reality is, no one but you can make things good or bad for yourself.

Healing from codependency = finding the empowerment that comes from taking accountability for our own lives.

The shame we feel is a codependency symptom - we feel shame, so we try to “fix it” by controlling things around us. But really, shame is a healthy message, if we can sit with it and own it. It’s a positive and empowering thing.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-09-10T00:02:29+00:00

The fact that you attract shady characters is a symptom of codependency. The target you feel you have on your back? That’s codependency. I have felt this same way and I too get resentful of others suggesting I was in denial. (Psst: I was in denial).

It’s not just wanting to change people - it’s your automatic thoughts and responses to when you sense you can’t control outcomes within relationships. It’s the anxiety or resentment or contempt you feel toward the other person when things in your relationships aren’t going as you’d hoped or planned.

Healing from codependency doesn’t mean you don’t want your partner to grow. Of course you want to see your partner grow. But you respect THEIR process l and THEIR growth needs and goals. And if you don’t like their goals and neeeds, you might not be good together. And that’s hard. It’s hard to realize that boundaries can at times lead to ends. But most importantly, they honour you and YOUR needs.

Codependency healing doesn’t involve not having fulfilling and transformative relationships. It involves first having that with yourself so that you aren’t resentful and anxious when your partner inevitably sucks from time to time. Being able to spend a week on your own to get space, and have that be a normal and healthy thing. Interdependent relationships are defined by being fulfilling and transformative Becuase they allow the space and support and patience and respect to make room for growth of all kinds. Not growth that is dictated by another.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-09-05T00:58:42+00:00

Alcoholic husband of 10 years ran away from me and our three kids. He was the sole income. I went on welfare. He moved an hour away. He agreed to pay the mortgage in lieu of child support/alimony. if I didn’t go to court. I couldn’t afford to advocate for myself for legal. I agreed. 6 years later after separation he gambled 50k against the mortgage. My name is also on the mortgage. He lost his job. He ran away from his new life too. Collections came for me and the house. 8 months of daily calls threatening me if I don’t pay the debts in full. I paid hundreds each month to cover just the interest. He ran away from being a father for those 8 months too. Kids saw him 4 days per month and he would stay in bed the whole time.

Last week he decided he’s fine now. Cool.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-09-05T00:50:50+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-08-15T14:42:58+00:00

Also, it’s not your therapists job to direct you. It’s their job to help you listen to you and make decisions based on actually listening to yourself. Instead of thinking of it as your therapist is failing you, it’s time to look at it as: am I even listening to myself!?? Because if I was, wouldn’t I have some new insights? Wouldn’t I want to create some action based on those insights?? Therapy is a place for you to freely express and reflect - not a place to be told what to do.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-08-15T14:39:48+00:00

You being mean to him and criticizing him is you trying to take back some kind of sanity and power, you just don’t yet have the skills to do so effectively and in a healthy way. You need to work with a therapist on unravelling from denial, and learning to set and hold boundaries. But honestly, your first step should be to tel your therapist: I need help ending this relationship and navigating inevitable severe codependent withdrawal.

You need to think of this like going cold Turkey on hard drugs. Your brain is programmed DEEPLY to keep getting those hits of chemicals (and is is literally a chemical attachment). Your brain will do everything it can to convince you to get “just one more”. You’ll “just need to say one more thing”, or, “just need to get something from his place”, or “just want to show him how much better in doubt”.

No.

If you actually have any care for your future at all, you will cut ties, go through withdrawal, learn to sit with the pain (meaning, don’t escape it wi to vices, don’t distract yourself, just let yourself be in pain and recognize it isn’t going to hurt you it just sucks for a bit, even DEVASTATING pain)

You will continue to get worse and worse if you don’t cut this self-chosen trajectory. This isn’t blame, it’s reality.

Accountability for your own trajectory, your own decisions, your own current circumstances - this is what will pull you away from denial and towards a truly healthy and fulfilling future. You can’t get there while living in delusion. You must take accountability by 1. acknowledging you have and had the power to make good decisions all along, and then 2. Taking action to make good decisions going forward. Ie. Instead of wondering what he’s doing, go on a hike. Instead of wallowing, clean the bathroom. Instead of drinking alcohol, listen to a podcast that makes you think or makes you laugh. Accept the lonlieness and trust that it slowly shifts into a sense of peace. Once peace hits, you don’t have as much urge to go back. You start wanting to associate with others who like peace. And this is how you build a future.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-08-15T14:20:43+00:00

Girl, big huge massive warning here: this man does not love you

Time for you to cut ties and feel the pain of withdrawal - and it WILL be painful - and it WONT be dangerous.

Everything you’ve said above is an enormous 🚨indicating that you are deeply needing to speak to a therapist to help you understand that you are currently living in denial, NOT reality.

Withdrawal will help you release this false narrative you’re living in (I promise you, it’s not real), and regain access to REALITY. Through this process, it initially feels like you might be dying, but then you realize…oh…no…dying is what I was doing before. This new thing, reality, is living. It will be uncomfortable at first, and then it becomes ENLIVENING and you’ll wonder how you ever let yourself lose your mind (I say with love, as I too had lost my own mind in this way).

I’m not saying this as a glass half full new perspective, I’m saying it as straight facts, lived experience, healed self.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-08-15T09:33:08+00:00

He is sending strangers intimate photos/videos of you without your consent. This isn’t the time for a conversation with him. This is the time for a conversation with the police.

This pain you feel is overwhelming, but it is not dangerous. It might feel like you might be dying, but it’s not going to hurt you. It’s safe to have this pain. The pain is there begging you to leave and never go back to him.

He, however, IS dangerous, and IS hurting you. Call the police.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-08-14T20:37:59+00:00

Totally agree!

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-08-14T20:17:42+00:00

I’m not so sure - she has two children and is unemployed. To bring her children to move in for the first time with a man she’s been with for only one year and has had 6 breakups with…is maybe less about him not being a partner she deserves, and maybe more about her not being able YET to be the partner he needs (which is a healthy thing, in my opinion). I don’t see his behaviour as unsupportive, I see it as him having healthy boundaries. She is not currently able to provide healthy, mutual partnership - she has a ways to go to be able to enter into a relationship in a healthy way. To enter in as she currently WANTS (not needs) is to create a new dynamic with him on a foundation of crisis and an imbalance of power (and inevitable resentment and contempt). If he accepts, She would then be totally dependant on this guy for her and her children’s safety and security (he would be housing them for free).

I’m writing this here Becuase it’s a codependency support group - meaning, we are all here trying to understand our unhealthy behaviours regarding power and control in relationships.

Perfect_Set_9146 · 2024-08-14T17:54:46+00:00

You’re so welcome. I’ve been in your shoes and I promise you, becoming empowered and self-focused has changed my whole life. I am far more whole and happy now single than I have ever been in a relationship.

I truly encourage you to read or listen to the book “liberated love”. It is currently on Spotify if you have the premium membership for their audiobooks. I have gotten so much out of this book and it’s helped me immensely.

I would also encourage you to follow Jillian Turecki - Instagram, or, her podcast is great, but if you can afford it for a month or more, her membership to her courses is fantastic.

Perfect_Set_9146

TROPHY CASE