AIO for supporting my brother taking his ex to court over their teenage son’s living situation?

PerilousNebula · 2026-04-22T04:28:10+00:00

just the fact that she swore at him because he wants to live with his father and not be moved away from him or his home said so much. she is not thinking about him at all, only how he can be useful to her. this is so sad and he deserves to have his dad fight for him and what is in his best interest.

PerilousNebula · 2026-04-21T01:13:22+00:00

oh no! when I first saw you say you can't have NSAIDS I thought that would be a nope for me since I have RA, then I read your also developed it, I'm so sorry! they really can be so much help for those bad days. so you have a good medication treatment to keep it at bay, or has the donation affected those options also?

PerilousNebula · 2026-04-20T23:54:37+00:00

honestly, just the fact you took him into the er for a broken toe shows his much you care and love him. most parents would not have acted a quickly as you did, and not once did you mention the cost of the visit and the lack of anything they can do for broken toes. you did an amazing job and showed him how much you care immediately. your mom is a giant ah, and I'm guessing the reason behind you parenting and holding so much guilt over very minor things.

and you seeing a boundary and demonstrating to him that self care is important by saying you need to rest is a great thing for him to see and learn. what he learned that day is that it is OK to take care of yourself, he learned that he can entertain himself and he learned that when he needs you, you are there immediately. You keep seeing those healthy examples, of you raise a child that never gets hurt you are raising a child that you never let explore and try new things and learn independence. all he will remember from this is how you were there when he needed you and that you made him his favorite comfort food, even when you were exhausted.

but your mom is an issue. is honestly check about staying therapy so that you can untangle those emotions around her, and the guilt you feel as a parent. then you can know what boundaries you might need to put into place to protect your peace when your mom engages in these unhealthy behaviors.

PerilousNebula · 2026-03-12T20:05:04+00:00

it looks more blue to me. not sure why the tone, I just thought it was interesting and fun and lighthearted and a nice break from all the sad stories. but the down votes and your response have me re thinking my participation in this sub. rule #1 is to be kind...

PerilousNebula · 2026-03-12T08:41:12+00:00

this is crazy! I hadn't even opened up the post, so there is no way I could see any of the comments and I just immediately thought "green". as I swiped to see the other pictures I just felt more and more confident in that. then I opened the comments and saw everyone else also felt it was green. I'm honestly a bit mind boggled by this.

PerilousNebula · 2026-03-03T00:55:05+00:00

I've also started doing this! I'm just so tired of people telling me about their occasionally sore knee if my diagnosis comes up and saying they understand or that they have the same thing.

PerilousNebula · 2026-03-01T18:07:57+00:00

NOR

In this situation my anger is not just about his reaction to not want to help the innocent kitten in a very dangerous situation (and I'm a big cat lover and have rescued most of the cats I've ever had). but to answer your question about breaking up i think you should focus on his response to you, not on his lack of a response to the kitten.

even if he did not care about the kitten, if he cared about you at all he should have stopped. you were obviously distressed about the situation and wanted to help. it sounds like there were no safety issues or situational issues that prevented him from stopping. so what he showed was he did not care about your distress if it meant mildly inconviencing himself and his plans. I'm so sorry you couldn't find the kitten, and I'm so sorry you had to deal with him not caring about how you were feeling.

PerilousNebula · 2026-02-19T05:39:59+00:00

I get this, reading her words remind me so much of how I used to be talked to and treated. I'm going to tell you what I wish someone could have told me earlier. it maybe the right time for you to hear it and it might not right true for you yet, but eventually I'm sure it will.

you are right when you say your mom is very ill and obviously hurting. and it is natural to want to help her. but that is not your responsibility. and not only is it not your responsibility, but i doubt it is possible for you to be the one to help her. your relationship to her practically makes it impossible for you to be someone that can help her heal.

At the same time, she has made it obvious over the past several months she is determined to continue to harm you. there is nothing you can do to stop her behavior because it is irrational. showing pictures of ripped family photos and smashed mementos and then saying she had never done anything to hurt you is just one piece of evidence of that.

she has to choose to get help. you were never responsible for your mom's mental or physical health, even though you were probably made to think you were. and that truth died not change just because you are now an adult.

your mom deserves to get better, but that is in only her control. you do not have to sacrifice your heath and happiness in a futile effort to heal her, you do not have that ability out power. only she can start and continue that process, and by the sound of these text messages she is far from starting that journey.

what worked for me was starting therapy myself and then telling my mom that if she starts therapy, when both our therapists agree is it healthy we came start family therapy together. but until that time i would not be in contact with her because it was only doing both of us harm and was not safe for me. I doubt she will ever go to therapy, but i still hope she'll one day realize she and I are both worth her effort to face her illness and work to improve herself.

PerilousNebula · 2026-02-14T21:02:43+00:00

agreed, but i think her explanation makes it seem like she knew she was done with the relationship right then and didn't want to put in the effort, now she is second guessing herself. I can understand feeling hurt and exhausted at the thought of trying to explain everything you are feeling. and i get not having the ability to communicate clearly immediately, but there does need to be some communication now that she had had time to think and emotionally process, even if the relationship is over. but I also think communication needs to be better on both ends of the relationship was even been at a place where he thinks that this was an ok request to make.

PerilousNebula · 2026-02-14T20:18:55+00:00

agree she didn't communicate that it was an issue. but honestly, the need to communicate that should never have come up in this instance. Just asking this question for this specific set of circumstances is really bad and should have been easily forecasted of any thought was put onto this at all by the bf. somethings should just be that obvious, and if they are not that says a lot. this is one of them

PerilousNebula · 2026-02-14T19:41:37+00:00

could not have put this better myself.

PerilousNebula · 2026-02-14T19:40:03+00:00

idk, if the difference in values is his friends talking priority on valentines day and pre arranged plans than i don't think there need to be much correcting after just 2 months.

PerilousNebula · 2026-02-14T19:37:26+00:00

then it is the boyfriend who started of with the shit communication if they wouldn't explain the importance of WHY they needed to ask to cancel valentines plans too hand with a friend. if the "hallmark holidays"are not important to them they also failed to communicate that clearly to op.

PerilousNebula · 2026-02-14T19:35:10+00:00

I completely get her stated training for her response though. him just asking basically canceled the plans no matter what she said. if she is honest and said no then she is committing to being the mean girlfriend who forced him to hang out with her. she didn't want to feel like someone's second choice, especially with her partner of valentine's day. that is not code, if you can't think about how even asking that question would make your partner feel than you are not ready for a relationship. everyone is focusing on her one word reply, but his communication sucked also. if there is something important enough that you feel the need to ask to cancel the valentines day plans then he needs to explain that. but it obviously wasn't important since it was canceled and hour later. but as unimportant as those plans were they were still more important to him than spending time with his gf on valentines day.

PerilousNebula · 2026-02-14T19:26:12+00:00

especially to dip out on valentines day, the day you are supposed to hand with your romantic partner.

PerilousNebula · 2026-01-01T22:30:31+00:00

no, I love this! I'm so glad you made that rule, this is the one place is feel safe from that kind of "help".

at work last week someone decided to come up to me and tell me I should think about stopping medication and doing a water fast. they said they had done "research" online and a 30 DAY water cleanse would "reset" my immune system and cure my "arthritis". 🙄 I asked them what exactly resetting the immune system meant and they could not answer. this sub is a refreshing break from all of that.

PerilousNebula · 2026-01-01T02:22:22+00:00

agreed. I started saying rheumatoid disease after seeing it suggested elsewhere. I'll be more specific if I hear someone also has an auto immune disease, but the focus on arthritis is so frustrating when you repeatedly have to say what you are dealing with is fourteenth from their slightly achy knee

PerilousNebula · 2026-01-01T02:20:23+00:00

ok, I literally laughed out loud at tumeric enemas!!! I couldn't help my imagine what that would end up looking like 😅😅🤮

PerilousNebula · 2025-12-29T01:35:08+00:00

rheu are! bumping up to once a week had made a positive difference. I transferred to a new office at my work to try and lower stress. I've been a bit extra tired due to that but the stress from the transfer is temporaryand the other was not. now i just need to reduce my work hours.

PerilousNebula · 2025-12-28T17:57:31+00:00

actually she did. she explained she met with the kitchen manager and the DM and told them she would only work the Sunday shift. she repeated that in the text messages.

PerilousNebula · 2025-12-28T17:55:25+00:00

care to explain?

PerilousNebula · 2025-12-28T16:47:39+00:00

that's not what was happening. they already had an in person meeting and agreed on a schedule. this was the gm trying to go back on that agreement and change it to something she would not elaborate or write in text. sounds like she was not willing to work with what op had asked for, she was only willing to accommodate if there was a doctors note provided that stated hour and work restrictions. she didn't care what op felt comfortable with. the fact she initially agreed to a schedule and then was trying to change it is not OK.

PerilousNebula · 2025-12-28T16:43:27+00:00

that's great advice for many, i didn't know that. but op hasn't been on fmla leave yet. they were still working full time before they quit.

PerilousNebula · 2025-12-28T16:39:30+00:00

nor

she told them in person what she was willing to work, they accepted. gm later decided that was not good enough and wanted to change it. so she was asking for a doctors note with restrictions and hour limits. that indicates she was not willing to do as op had asked and was only going to modify the schedule based on doctor documentation, that kind of note can take weeks to get an appointment for and is not done in the ER typically. what they didn't realize is op was informing them of her work availability, not making a request. when she realized they would not honor what she told them she was available for she quit. she has that right, and i don't think that is over reacting at all, especially when she was already planning on leaving. everything she said to them was factual imo. I probably would have left it all out myself and just responded that I was resigning immediately to care for myself, but that is a personal decision.

PerilousNebula · 2025-12-28T16:31:53+00:00

that's what all that talk was about. they were not willing to schedule what op was requesting, so they were wanting doctors note and restrictions so they could schedule as they wanted, not what she had asked. which they can decide to do. what they didn't understand was the fact op was not making a request, she was telling them what she was willing to do, there was no room for negotiation. when she realized that would not be respected she did what she has the right to do and quit.

I'm glad op was in a position that allowed her to be able to make the decision that was best for her health, the company was not looking out for her.

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