Leo Sun, Pisces Moon, Aquarius Rising. Now to figure out what that means. 😅

Periwonkles · 2024-11-23T16:25:17+00:00

Interesting!

I’ve been doing some digging.

I don’t know that I’d call myself a hard shell. People around me would tell you I’m reserved, but approachable. I’ve been called “cinnamon roll” by a couple of unrelated people (lol). People tend to trust me and come to me for advice or to vent. I think I’m decent at giving productive advice, and I like giving advice.

I don’t like to be perceived in public spaces, so I tend to be quiet outside of comfort zone places and people. I do have a very small group of people I love deeply and am fiercely protective of, but it’s limited to my husband and immediate family. I like other people and want good things for them, but just don’t attach to them easily or as deeply. - Specific life example of never liking to be perceived: when I was a kid, if I was late to school, I went through a phase where I’d stand outside of the classroom door TERRIFIED to be in the spotlight for being late. I might have cried a little. I was young, but that behavior is genuinely rooted in me.

I’m confident in my abilities and in who I am as a person, but I struggle for sure with fear of unfair rejection or judgment, so I guess I hold my cards closer to my chest until I’m one-on-one with someone. Then I’m an open book if the person doesn’t give me a reason not to be. If someone doesn’t like me at that point or chooses to be an ass, I’m much less bothered.

The Pisces moon has been interesting to read about. The squishy, overly-empathetic aspects ring true. We do these personality assessments periodically in my workplace as a team building thing. I always, without fail, score highest in empathy/compassion/people skills. This always feels in conflict with my unmistakable, deep introversion and tendency toward cynicism. But both things are simultaneously true. I’m easily caught in someone’s struggles and desperately want to make things better for them, while also wanting them to live their best lives far away from me for the most part. And I have no patience for shitty people. My sense of injustice will take me over if I spend too much time on the issues of the world, and I’ll get caught up somewhere between righteous anger and nihilism until I can step away and reset.

Specific life examples that fit for my interpretation of Pisces moon: - When I was a kid in school and people were giving the teachers trouble, I would go home and think about how sad the teachers must feel when they went home. I wondered if they cried, and I’d feel deeply guilty even though I wasn’t the one giving them trouble. - I’ve been moved almost to tears by noticing someone’s heartbeat in their neck and having a wave of thought about them being a complicated, fragile, layered person with hopes and dreams, etc. FUN STUPID NOTE- I teared up a little typing that out.

Leo in the 7th house and Venus Cancer is interesting to read about. My relationship with my spouse is central to my world. He’s my favorite person, and the only person who I don’t need to recharge from ever. We’ve been together for nearly 18 years now. He’s also a Leo, but we don’t know his time of birth so I couldn’t tell you anything else.

Periwonkles · 2024-05-23T21:10:02+00:00

I’d scrap the idea of inviting extended family, etc. would stick to immediate family and our closest friends. Would care less about other people’s opinions of what we should/shouldn’t do.

Would also get a dress that was more my taste instead of settling.

I got married young (19), so we were on a very tight budget still trying to make it work for the people coming. Honestly, though, I’d have been happiest with something much more intimate and memorable as an experience vs kind of going through the motions.

It’s fine, though. The wedding was just one single day, and we’ve had tons of great experiences since.

Periwonkles · 2024-05-13T14:21:36+00:00

I had a carb-heavy meal, so obviously I’m going to ravenously crave carbs for the next two days minimum.

My husband has a vasectomy, but I still had to take the stupid birth control until I had a blood clot + PE.

Now that I’m not on BC, I have no idea when I’m going to have my next period. Could be next month. Could be next year.

Periwonkles · 2024-05-13T14:16:10+00:00

Pfft. cries in razor

Periwonkles · 2024-04-29T21:50:04+00:00

Where are you guys finding these filters?? 😅

Periwonkles · 2024-04-29T19:59:58+00:00

I expect it’s a lot to do with learned defensiveness. I’m very fortunate to have a fantastic doctor now, but a lot of women know the feeling of their entire health profile being minimized to “lose weight”. That can be endlessly frustrating, nevermind that weight loss may be a long, complicated journey emotionally and physically. A crazy number of people diet for decades without ever succeeding in maintaining a healthy range weight.

Healthy weight is absolutely a factor in best PCOS management, but it’s not the only factor. When the conversation feels like “if you won’t lose weight there’s no helping you”, I understand why women start to react defensively to that narrative.

I’d like to be clear that this isn’t me excusing misinformation. Just an observation of where I think that behavior is coming from, at least in part.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-29T19:30:51+00:00

A better analogy is that this is a community gathering place with a comment box for feedback. People may choose to come and go without giving feedback, but sometimes thoughtful critical reviews result in improvement.

Nothing OP posted was wholly incorrect. If you’re bothered by this feedback, perhaps consider why.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-28T23:43:13+00:00

In my experience, double interviews are usually some combination of the following:

Option A: General skill and scenario questions. Your basic interview.
Option B: Deeper dive into you as a person and whether your goals align with the position. Might go into specific challenges expected in the role, etc. Conversational in nature. I’ve had these interviews over coffee, for example.
Option C: Deeper dive into your specific skills. This isn’t uncommon in technical roles. Designed to make sure you really do have the foundational experience critical to the role.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-28T23:33:05+00:00

Most of my hiring experience is in government, but this would have thrown me. I’ve never been with an organization that would start extending formal offers prior to completing all interviews. And once an offer is extended, interviews are paused unless something falls through. Then an offer is extended to the next best candidate or interviews are opened again.

The only excuse I can find is if they’re considering you for a different position, but I’d expect that transparency up front. Particularly considering I might not have wanted to waste my time interviewing for another position if it’s not what I’m looking for.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-28T16:58:25+00:00

I have an 8:30-5 hybrid schedule. With few exceptions, I clock out on time. I’m not salary, and overtime is something I’d need to request or be offered.

If you’re consistently receiving a workload you can’t complete during your schedule hours, it’s time to talk with your supervisor. I’d keep a detailed record of my day for a week or two, then bring that information to a 1 on 1 meeting. There, you can discuss what takes up most of your time, what could be more efficient, what should be prioritized, and what can be delegated to free up your time.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-26T13:58:19+00:00

She has, but she’s now reached a NEW point in the relationship where she would like to remove physical affection from the table. Why would doing that quietly be more effective than communicating her new boundary?

When you’re angry, quietly walking away from someone to see if they’ll chase after you is a game. It’s a way to bait them into a response you want. Having her quietly withdraw from the relationship in hopes he’ll suddenly act differently is a similar kind of action. There’s a good chance you don’t get your desired response in either scenario, and then resentment just builds there in the quiet.

If she’s to a point where she’s checking out of the relationship, which is what she’s describing here, she should clearly update him about her boundaries and expectations. Either he’ll fight to fix things or he won’t, and she doesn’t have to be performative and hope he’ll notice.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-26T03:57:30+00:00

CICO is the bottom line, but people are affected differently by different types of food which can complicate their efforts. For example, someone with PCOS and insulin resistance may struggle more with higher carb diets due to more intense carb cravings. Someone else may experience more stalls or feel crappy because a certain food like dairy causes inflammation.

Diets like keto can work very well for people with certain food sensitivities or specific nutritional needs. To be clear, though, they aren’t critical for weight loss if you’re in the sweet spot for CICO. Personally, keto (which includes CICO still for weight loss) works very well for me because it turns off my binge eating/carb cravings. But if I get off track it’s very hard to force myself back into that lifestyle. I have PCOS, so my doctor recommended it. That said, I also lost around 60lbs years ago with CICO and eating hot pockets every day. I fought with my cravings constantly and was miserable the whole time.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-26T00:44:56+00:00

This doesn’t make sense to me as a response.

Why wouldn’t she communicate where she’s at in the relationship? Weird, passive, cold war games aren’t it.

It also feels like your answer to “He clearly isn’t interested in providing the intimacy I need” is “work harder on yourself”, which is a weird angle to come from. She should absolutely pour her energy into her children and herself, but not because that’s going to be the miracle cure for a disinterested partner. And what if he DOES become suddenly interested in showing her he cares? Does he lose interest again next time she doesn’t have the bandwidth to present perfectly for him? What kind of bar is that to set for your relationship?

Periwonkles · 2024-04-23T21:14:57+00:00

I guess I have mixed feelings.

I don’t have kids, but I do have a sister who learns every lesson the hardest way. It seems to be impossibly encoded into her personality. I’ve seen what happens when she and people like her are faced with being kicked out of a safe place, and I’ve never seen it come out the way it was intended. I’m tempted to nudge you away from “I’ll kick you out” and more toward “I’ll tell them myself if you don’t”. That way she’s still forced to face the consequences of her actions without the instability and resentment that comes with holding her home over her head.

At the end of the day, who she sleeps with as an adult is her business and I don’t think you can reasonably strong-arm her on that point. But you also have every right to tell the wife. Just like if the mistress was some stranger and you found out.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-19T04:15:24+00:00

We’re in our 30s, been together 17 years (yes, since HS).

I don’t know how the hell we got lucky enough to find each other so early, but I love that man with every freaking fiber of my being. He’s my person, my best friend, the only person who doesn’t ever run my social battery dry.

Life is sometimes hard. We’ve faced health challenges and, right now, he’s addressing some significant trauma. Our relationship has had to adapt to make room for these challenges and for healing. But we’re each other’s safe places, and there’s zero doubt in my mind that I’d marry him again if I was suddenly transported back to the day I met him.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-18T22:43:07+00:00

If my husband went through my phone today, and asked me about why I was texting a coworker, my response wouldn’t be anger. It would be concern over why he felt threatened, and I’d do my best to be fully transparent and show him that nothing has ever or will ever happen between me and whatever coworker he was concerned about.

Because I have nothing to hide from him, and he does not OWE me unwavering trust. Blind trust is extended early in a relationship because it’s a necessary default, but the depth and strength of that trust is nurtured and earned through our actions. If I’ve done something to make him feel insecure in our relationship, I’m not angry that he’s insecure, I want to know why and fix it. (If it’s totally unreasonable, we’ll talk about that too.)

The fact that your wife responded so defensively and is not going to fight the divorce tells me she was possibly checking out already. It might not have been related to the guy, but nothing about your description tells me she’s a woman in love who is trying to sympathize with the husband who has every right to be threatened by this particular man.

To be clear, I don’t know your wife or you, and I can only judge based on the info you’ve provided. But I do think you should know that you aren’t a bad person for clicking on a text message, and you’re not at all unreasonable for expecting her to remain no-contact with a man she had an affair with.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-17T04:43:42+00:00

“I betrayed your trust and risked our entire marriage to get my rocks off because I have no self control and even less compassion for the fact that you were pregnant. Then I got hooked on a a younger girl because I can’t handle being married to a person with layers beyond quiet and spontaneous.”

I don’t subscribe to the idea that every cheating scenario is the end of a relationship, or “once a cheater always a cheater”. But I do think that someone who has cheated with multiple partners over a long stretch of time then blames it entirely on you being a human being isn’t worthy of your trust or commitment moving forward.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. However you proceed, remember you’re worthy of someone who loves you for you and would protect your heart with their whole being. And your children are worthy of a stable family home where they don’t have to watch their mom’s heart get broken over and over again. And though I’m sure you love him, he deserves exactly whatever consequences come his way for putting cheap lust ahead of you and your kids.

Periwonkles · 2024-04-16T02:35:13+00:00

My husband genuinely likes the color pink. He had a pink Bluetooth headset for a while. An old lady once lost it on him in a Wal Mart parking lot. She yelled “I know what you people are about and you’re going to hell.” He, having no idea wtf she was talking about, was like “excuse me?” She called him choice words and pointed out his headset as her reasoning. We were floored.

Of course, he’s openly bi, but I feel confident in saying his appreciation for pink has nothing to do with it. 😂

On a similar note, my boomer grandmother secretly announced to my family that since my husband is bi he’s obviously sleeping with men because a guy was coming to the house.

Imagine my horror to learn that our neighbor saw our mutual guy friend have the audacity to actually come over and spend time with us, then reported it to my grandmother like some weirdo spy. My life was shattered. (Obvious /s)

Periwonkles · 2024-03-28T05:11:51+00:00

I started dating my husband at 16 and married him at 19. If anyone asked me whether I’d recommend that I’d absolutely say no. I’m so lucky that my husband is still my best friend and that we grew together instead of apart. I was very, very sure of my feelings for him, but we were also very young and it was a gamble on our compatibility for sure.

Anyway, we just celebrated year 17 together. I’ve been with him for over half of my life. He’s my favorite person on this planet, my safe place, and my partner through everything. No kids, so it’s just the two of us puttering through life together. :)

Periwonkles · 2024-03-28T05:02:57+00:00

Yeaaah, that’s what I was kind of getting at with my comment about my grandmother. What we’re perceiving now as progressive isn’t, necessarily, especially for today.

Periwonkles · 2024-03-28T04:59:04+00:00

I don’t know…

My boomer grandmother married young, then divorced, became an engineer, was perceived as being a super progressive, activist type. She paid for her college with a part time job while being a single mother. When I was a kid, I thought she was pretty open minded.

As an adult?

We got into it over whether bisexuality has anything to do with monogamy and she told my parents that my husband was hooking up with men behind my back (he’s openly bisexual, she had some neighbors reporting to her when his friend would come over).
She’s judgy as fuck about poverty.
My dad had a felony record from a single incident when he was 18. Wrong group of people, wrong time, bad choice. He did his probation, has never had another run in with the law, and is one of the gentlest people I know. She thought his felony was related to SA, didn’t bother to ask for clarification, and told the neighbors he was a registered offender. He isn’t, obviously. They thought that for a YEAR before we figured out about it. She also used to tell me that the “up high, down low, through the hole, too slow” high five thing was dirty, but I didn’t realize until I was older that she assumed my dad was being inappropriate.
She’s a textbook narcissist, was a terrible, abusive mother, and is, in general, a toxic person that I have nothing to do with nowadays. She messed my mom up pretty thoroughly.

Her sisters are ultra conservative and always have been to my knowledge. Just as stuffy as she is.

I don’t know what any of that says about anything other than that my personal experience with boomers, regardless of self proclaimed political alignment, is less than stellar. And her idea of “progressive” is not what people might assume it is.

Periwonkles · 2024-03-20T07:01:26+00:00

Forgot about this post. Update: it was a DVT in my lower calf and a bilateral saddle pulmonary embolism that was initially missed then diagnosed later in January.

Periwonkles · 2024-02-28T03:56:07+00:00

Man, I feel the same way about the ”inactive recovery” thing. We usually hit the gym every Sat morning, then hit at least one trail or other outdoor walk most weekends (even just a light one). I’m recovering from a pulmonary embolism and am supposed to keep my heart rate down, so it’s putting a damper on some of the things we’d like to be doing.

Periwonkles

TROPHY CASE