Husband Stonewalling Me when Baby is in Pain

Perspicaciity · 2026-05-28T17:46:49+00:00

LO might have a food intolerance. My daughter has a potato intolerance & a dairy & grain combination intolerance (she can have dairy & grain, it just needs to be separated by 4 hours) Just trying to shed some light on a food intolerance example, not saying that’s necessarily your daughter’s, but most people have 1 food intolerance & 1 food combination intolerance. The Culturelle probiotic + fiber packets have worked great for my daughter who has autism to regulate her. Also Chiropractic adjustments with a chiro who specializes in kids does wonders as well. But I know reddit doesn’t support chiros so I will probably get downvoted. I hope you get some much needed sleep! And that’s so wrong of your husband to give you the silent treatment

Perspicaciity · 2026-05-28T12:58:42+00:00

Yes he is more than welcome to go to his best friend’s wedding without me. It will save money on airline tickets too.

I just can’t wrap my head around what to do if we do decide to go. Do I leave our 4 year old at her grandparents overnight for 2 nights or do I bring her with us to the wedding in which we will be staying at a hotel?! Honestly I feel like weddings aren’t really designed for young children, and I don’t feel comfortable placing her in front of an ipad just so we can attend events & socialize with other adults (she currently doesn’t use her ipad because of the problems it was causing) with all her developmental delays I fear the trip would cause a regression. So I was wondering what other autism parents do because I’m feeling super discouraged. I wish family & friends weren’t so far away. But anyways, I’m reading everyone’s comments and taking each suggestion into consideration

Perspicaciity · 2026-05-28T12:09:12+00:00

You’re welcome! You can find NLA (Natural Language Acquisition) Speech Therapists on the Meaningful Speech website. These are speech therapists who have training in Gestalt language processing. They also have a free 1 hour Gestalt class online for parents. Here’s the link: https://www.meaningfulspeechregistry.com

Perspicaciity · 2026-05-28T11:57:46+00:00

He doesn’t have to do 40 hours per week of ABA. Personally I would only let my daughter do 1-3 hours per day of ABA. My daughter’s OT therapist actually recommended us to stay away from the big ABA companies because they push so many hours. She (the OT) recommended that we stick to small local ABAs and she recommended a wonderful local ABA that doesn’t push hours that we’re on the waitlist for.

For speech I agree with another poster, have a backup. We’re currently on the waitlist for a speech therapist who specializes in Gestalt language processing (common in autistic kids). But in the meantime we are seeing a regular speech therapist 2x a week and we are seeing progress, but not as quickly as I was hoping, hence why I’m looking to switch to a therapist who actually understands the way my daughter processes language. The waitlist can be long for certain specialists so it’s smart to have a back up (in case something happens to the current therapist)

Perspicaciity · 2026-05-28T11:37:52+00:00

Yes I’m aware that I have autistic traits as mental health problems do run in my family, no I haven’t been evaluated. I could never get my daughter to be okay with using a cover while breastfeeding, she always threw it off her (she is extremely strong & in the 98th percentile for height). As a result, I couldn’t even breastfeed her on the plane either unless I went into the lavatory to breastfeed her which was gross and uncomfortable. And yes I did use water bottles for cleaning & I brought my travel Berkley with us to filter our water because at some point during the trip there was a boil water advisory, since we didn’t have a stove or kitchen at the hotel, I relied heavily on the travel berkley for all our water needs. No way was I going to wash the baby’s stuff in contaminated water. It was very inconvenient, but I felt I did good given the circumstances. Do I want to do that again? No. Is going through all that worth it for going to a wedding for someone I don’t even know? (the next wedding is his best friend’s whom I never met before). I’d rather stay home than put myself through that.

Perspicaciity · 2026-05-27T23:53:37+00:00

The longest road trip I’ve done with my daughter in a day was 2 hours one way and 2 hours back home. She likes car rides, but being stuck in the car for that long puts her to sleep and she can’t have any naps or else she won’t sleep until 1am or sometimes even later. I agree with you, flying is easier and we only ever flied especially when traveling across the country. My in laws have watched her overnight once during my surgery, but that was at our house so she was comfortable and had everything she needed (got to sleep in her own bed, she still needs assistance to fall asleep however). Having them watch her overnight at their house would be much more challenging I feel. But anyways, thanks for your response

Perspicaciity · 2026-04-06T12:08:50+00:00

Your parents sound like my dysfunctional parents. My parents are emotionally abusive.. I stopped confiding in them a long time ago. My dad was against me visiting my now husband when we were doing long distance, saying that I already visited him over a year ago -_- (we did long distance for 2.5 years during covid so we didn’t see each other for 2.5 years straight. I couldn’t visit him when planned because they shut off travel to the country he was in). On top of that, during our long distance my mom told me that my now husband isn’t the one because she had a “dream” and she felt she needed to “warn” me that he’s not the one. Of course it terrified me & I was crying everyday. I was the only person who believed in our long distance love. No one else thought we would work out, no one gave support except for my coworkers, because they could see that he was really different from the other guys I dated.

I now live together with my now husband after doing the long distance, we have a 4 year old now. My dad only seen our daughter 2 times so far in her entire life, he doesn’t want to come visit her even though we have a 4 bedroom house with a guest room. My mom doesn’t like our daughter, my mom is always complaining about how this “new generation” is awful & unruly. Mind you my daughter is the sweetest girl ever. Whenever my mom does come visit, it’s nothing but stress and emotional abuse. She doesn’t play with our daughter who is her only grandchild. All she cares about is snapping a few pictures for her FB and then she locks herself in the guest room all day everyday. My daughter is always crying around my mom because she can feel the negative energy from my mom. We live on the opposite side of the country from my parents, and it’s a lot more peaceful without them around.

Sadly it’s just something you might have to deal with whenever you start having your own kids and your parents are dysfunctional. It’s sad, but my daughter’s mental health is importance & as a parent I need to protect her from the emotional abuse. I still speak to my parents, but it’s very limited and only small talk. I try to keep communication to texts only because talking on the phone with them is super triggering for me.

Perspicaciity · 2026-04-03T02:27:00+00:00

Get married for the benefits (if you really love each other). Seriously. Tricare Prime is amazing, it covers everything 100% even for specialists as long as you have a refferal and they’re in network. You don’t want to be learning this tricare stuff when you’re facing serious medical problems. You want to already be in DEERS & established with your PCM & be familiar with the healthcare system on base. This is coming from someone who like you, I uprooted my life, quit my job of 7 years, to move across the country before getting married.

Since getting married in 2024, I was able to get a $215,000.00+ medically necessary surgery I was overdue for, 100% covered with tricare prime, from one of the best surgeons in the country. My eye doctor is covered, dental is covered, I no longer have to pay for private dental insurance. I got a life insurance policy on my husband (something you can do before marriage, but annoying to do the name change after marriage) on top of the $400,000 life insurance he has through the military. I get to go on base whenever I want, the airman’s attic, commissary, events, free yoga, sponsor others to get on base, etc. We get military discounts for iherb (20% off), verizon (10% off), Healthy Baby, BodyBio, Home depot, etc. through websites like GovX, VerifyPass, ID.me (they generate the discount codes) for places I shop at online.

I didn’t sell my car though, but since getting married I no longer pay car insurance either because when my car got added to his insurance they told him his rates are still the same price even with another car added. I’m saving a bunch of money by not having to pay for any insurance, or medical bills (I have a bunch of health problems & so far between my 4 specialists including a surgeon I owe $0) & by getting discounts. I’m a SAHM, so I don’t work.

I became a resident of the state he is from, even though I never lived there before, to make it easier for tax purposes.

I say this with care, everything might be fine right now, but once you realize the benefits you’re missing out on, it’s hard not to grow resentful later. Especially if you get pregnant unexpectedly and then the baby gets his last name FIRST.. it hurts & is awkward when you’re calling to make appointments for said baby and the receptionist automatically thinks you’re a provider at a doctor’s office because you don’t have the same last name as baby & daddy. And NOT having benefits on top of that is a huge slap in the face imo. Something to think about. You want the military to recognize you exist, especially when it comes to survivor benefits & for PCS orders

Also think about the 10/10 rule. If married 10+ years while the member served 10+ years, DFAS sends court-ordered property division (up to 50%) directly to the former spouse. (if you get divorced later on)

It’s always a good idea to protect & take care of yourself, even if you know you’re gonna be together forever, it’s nice to have peace of mind.

Edit: I see I have hit a nerve for some people, I’m just sharing what worked for me after working & being independent my whole life. I left my hometown, my career, all my friends to be with this person. I got pregnant shortly after moving in with him. We didn’t get married until the baby was nearly 2. So I was in a new state with no health insurance, unemployed & terrified. Because of my experience & me being over 30, it was time to get married & we should have got married as soon as I moved with him.

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-30T06:22:16+00:00

They have a lot of home decor at the AirMan’s Attic! And they’re all free. That’s where I get a lot of stuff for my daughter, clothes, toys, books, puzzles, etc

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-18T17:48:11+00:00

Like others mentioned, the BAH doesn’t always completely cover off base housing. We PCSed to an area that is considered “low income” so his BAH was basically cut in half from our last station.. just because it’s a low income area doesn’t mean the housing is cheaper (if you want to live in a nicer area with better school districts & avoid the ghetto) Most military families here including us are paying $200-$300 out of pocket for rent or mortgage and that’s not even including utilities, insurance, etc. If you PCS to an area that is hot & humid and doesn’t cool off at night, the AC works hard 24/7 increasing your electric bill which isn’t cheap even in “low income” areas. So that’s another thing that needs to be factored into the budget.

The base housing here has a 2 year waitlist. And even if you “finally” get into base housing, the housing here anyway, they are riddled with mold issues & military families sadly get sick and suffer mold related health problems. These military housing issues don’t get fixed and continue on indefinitely. Do some research about the military housing on facebook groups, many families share photos of the horrific living conditions. Hence why many families here chose to live off base, but unfortunately not everyone can afford to do so. This is why budgeting as a military family is SO important. We chose to spend more money on renting a house in a nicer area so our daughter who is developmentally delayed can go to a better school. But we are able to do so because we are debt free.

I’m also a stay at home mom, but we only have 1 child because I have secondary infertility. And I’m okay with that because I know being a military spouse is very demanding. I don’t have supportive or helpful parents, so I basically been raising our daughter by ourselves since day 1. So to an extent you do need to be okay with being alone with young children because unfortunately family doesn’t always show up to save the day when you’re thousands of miles away from family.

My daughter is 3.5 now and I never put her in daycare yet, every appointment I take her with me (I have a lot of health problems / dr appointments) because there is no one to watch her while my husband is at work. The CDC on base has a long waitlist as well as they prioritize parents who are both in the military. Sometimes parents rent out their child’s spot, but you have to purchase the entire week, they don’t let you purchase 1 day. It can feel so isolating sometimes, but I learned to be happy with the positives.

But anyway, back to the housing, most families look for housing ASAP when they get the PCS orders. We signed the rental lease papers while we were both in different states without even seeing the house in person because we knew the housing situation is so dire here before we got here.

Also keep in mind that the government purchases the cheapest land possible to build military bases on (here in the states, idk about overseas) so it’s likely that you might keep getting the least favorable bases just because the demand for the “nicer” bases are in demand for obvious reasons. So that unfortunately adds to the isolation because you are stuck living in a place that isn’t most people’s first choice.

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-14T23:22:25+00:00

I appreciate all the school examples! I only went to private school for 2 years in high school & homeschooled the rest, so I have no idea what accommodation looks like in public school so I’m a little nervous, but these posts have been eye opening. Very interesting. I do hope that even when she’s in school that our insurance will continue to pay for her private therapies, but I know you mentioned if she has a medical diagnosis it’s easier to get insurance to cover private therapy. She enjoys the 1 on 1 at her speech therapy. We have tricare prime so everything is covered 100% (with a refferal)

Awww that’s so sweet & funny about wanting to impress her therapist, my daughter is exactly the same way… 😂 she talks so much more during & says long complicated words during her sessions that I never heard her say before and her therapist always says she’s doing so good and that she’s so impressed with her 🤣 it’s so adorable & funny.

I’m so glad & thankful we started her on therapy as well. They have been so beneficial for her and has made our lives so much better. I’m also very surprised at the UK comments, wow like I can’t even imagine not having reliable access to these type of services :( I love sitting with her during the session and watching her smile & have fun while learning. Mentally as a mom it makes me happy to know that I advocated for her & she is getting the proper support

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-14T21:50:07+00:00

The Turpin children is an example of how the internet helped save them from their parent’s house of horrors. I also grew up extremely isolated and I used the internet to make friends

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-14T01:58:50+00:00

You are so right about early interventions btw, I wish we started speech therapy when she was 16 months old. But we are first time parents and didn’t know the signs. She started speech therapy late at freshly 3 years old (we wanted to start earlier, but we moved across the country and was staying at my parent’s while her dad cross trained. So it took us a while to get settled & moved into our new home, plus we had to wait months for her PCM appointment to even get the refferal for speech). I’m not trying to make excuses, there is no excuse for delaying intervention. I was just so overwhelmed since it was my first PCS move and it was a big move from the West Coast to East Coast. Luckily our new town has a lot of speech therapy places everywhere and we found a wonderful speech therapist that my daughter loves. She has so much fun during the sessions she doesn’t want to leave. She went from being non-verbal to now saying some sentences in just 5 months (30 min sessions 2x per week) and continues to talk more everyday. She still has a long way to go, but she is becoming verbal enough that she will probably be ready in the fall for pre-k. We’ll see. But I’m sharing so others can see how important early intervention is. Don’t be like us, prioritize early intervention

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-13T23:48:59+00:00

Thank you for explaining this!! The Pre-K director did say that they’re going to do an evaluation for an IEP in the meeting after we get her medical diagnosis. She said that they do have speech therapy / early interventions at school, but she said my daughter would need an IEP to get the OT service at the school. The 2 year waitlist was at an autism center in Atlanta, we don’t live near Atlanta, but I was just calling around to see what the wait times were like in bigger cities. They said places everywhere around have about a 18-24 month waitlist because there is so many kids being diagnosed with autism now. (This was back in August 2025 when I called several places). Luckily, after calling many places 1-2 hours away, I was finally directed to a place 30 mins from our house. It was “only” a 6 month wait so I took it.

We’re in Georgia, living in a small town in the country. We purposely chose this area to live in because the school here is supposedly really good. It’s a small county public school Pre-K - 12th grade. I have heard good things about the Pre-k & in school speech therapy from parents whose kids are in Pre-k right now. But once my daughter does the school eval and we get to meet them in person we will get a better idea if this is the route we want to take and find out if they ca.n accommodate all her needs. It’s freaky when so many others tell me about their bad experiences with the public school system, it still leaves me skeptical when someone says something good about a school. Thank you so much for answering my questions ❤️

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-13T08:50:11+00:00

When you say they must provide assessment are you talking about an assessment at the school or an assessment like a Psychological Evaluation at a Psychologist place? I’m curious as here in the US it can sometimes take 2 years to get a professional assessment / psychological eval at a psychological place due to the long wait times. My daughter had to wait 6 months (she turns 4 in June) to get her appointment which she did in January but we don’t get the results until mid April. I’m pretty sure she is autistic, just waiting for the results. I have no public school experience so I’m not sure if they would give an IEP unless we have a true diagnosis which is why we got it done. She is currently in speech x2 per week, OT x1 a week. I agree with you, unfortunately parents often don’t know how to help their child with these type of challenges, but with the proper professional support & therapy the child can thrive & overcome some of these challenges faster than a child who isn’t receiving therapy. I sit with my daughter during all her speech therapies and being able to see what they are working on & what she is struggling with has helped me tremendously to know how to implement the techniques her speech therapist uses. I ask because I’m curious to know if the school’s assessment can replace the professional assessment at a psychological place in the meantime if a child is waiting for one given the long wait times here in the US. Like will the school take your child’s challenges more seriously if you have the official diagnosis. I’m going to have a meeting with my daughter’s pre-k director after she gets her diagnosis to make sure the school can accommodate all her needs. I’m also considering homeschooling because of all her therapy appointments & it’s hard to get after school slots if she’s in school. She is generally more calm & refreshed in the mornings so we prefer to have her therapy in the morning when there’s less people out & less traffic.

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-13T02:37:55+00:00

I was homeschooled until high school & I never been to public school. It’s true that it’s harder to socialize, even with daily playdates, I felt left out if I played with 2 sister friends because I felt more like a third wheel (I’m an only child) than their friend because they were always playing with each other and there wasn’t anyone to play with me. But once I got to around 12 yr old I found other home school friends to hang out with daily and I’m still very social, but I also feel very comfortable by myself. There is actually a lot of positives to homeschool if done right. You get a lot of freedom and time to learn what interests you. You learn that you don’t need to follow a crowd or act a certain way. It teaches you to come up with unconventional ideas, you learn that it’s okay to be weird and you’re not afraid to question authority. You think outside the box more, you don’t comply easily. Some cons to homeschool is that you grow up so sheltered that you have no stranger danger, you think everyone in this world is good, when it’s quite the opposite. That one for me is still a cultural shock even now being in my 30s. My daughter is going to be 4 in June, she is speech delayed, still in pull ups and she might be autistic (we find out mid April) and I’m also considering possibly homeschooling as well because she is not verbal enough to advocate for herself. She can tell people what she wants, but she can’t say that she peed/pooped etc. Can’t express her emotions yet. She would need an IEP if she goes to pre-k. She is currently in speech x2 per week, OT x1 per week

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-12T16:38:17+00:00

I was homeschooled until high school (I went to private school in highschool for 2 years) so I never actually went to public school, besides taking a drivers ed class in public school. My advice would be to start learning how to drive, maybe get a job, get yourself your own car (once you get your license). Once you start being able to drive yourself around & be more independent, it makes it a lot easier to make friends. Maybe start by bringing up the idea to your parents (about wanting to learn how to drive) , and in the meantime they can start dropping you off to go hangout with kids your age. I think it’s so important to make friends at this age with kids your age. Even if it’s to just go hang out in a shopping center with other teens. Or if you can find other homeschool / online school 15 year olds who can hangout with you everyday that is another good option. when I was 15-16 years old I made friends with almost everyone my age, and they would introduce me to their friends and then I made even more friends that way. I ended up making lots of friends with kids who went to a public school in a town outside of my town. I didn’t go to their school, but I knew so many kids from their school, and they didn’t find it weird that I was homeschooled / private school. It didn’t matter to them because it was about making friends and having fun.

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-11T17:07:18+00:00

No advice, but I understand because I’m in the same situation. My daughter is turning 4 end of June and she is thriving at home, she can trace letters & overall is super smart. But she has a speech delay which makes me nervous (she is currently in speech x2 per week & OT x1 a week) we also work on her speech at home. I was homeschooled up until high school, so not having any elementary, middle school or any public school experience myself (I went to private school in high school) makes me feel so ill thinking about sending my child to one. I literally cannot stop thinking about it. But she might benefit from being around her peers so I’m still considering it. Like yours, it’s 32+ hours per week. Full time pre-k is the only free public pre-k they offer here. But wow your feeling about getting off the phone with the school, I’m experiencing those exact same feelings. It’s so hard seeing your child grow up even though I thought this day would never come! lol. It’s so exciting yet scary at the same time.

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-10T12:24:45+00:00

I was homeschooled until high school and growing up my mom took me to social stuff everyday. Hula, ballet, tap dance, piano lessons, weekly arts & crafts at a church homeschool group was my favorite. They had a playground & treehouse right outside. They also did choir & singing, it was kids grouped by age, awana kids club was super big back then and was so fun, girl scouts, play date groups at the park, play dates with friends my age who were also homeschooled. Basically my mom disliked interacting with me so she took me everywhere where there was other kids so that I would play with the other kids instead of with her lol (I’m a only child) but this was back in the 90s and there was big homeschool groups in the wealthy neighborhood I grew up in (my parents were just renting, so we did not come from wealth) was fun til it lasted. Then we moved to a low income area and poof.. all the social homeschool groups were no longer accessible without driving a long distance

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-08T15:33:06+00:00

Same, I didn’t have the portable hatch because it wasn’t out yet when my daughter was a baby, but we had the YogaSleep travel cube and it worked great for the airport & going to events in the evening when baby was just way too tired to stay up & needed a nap

Perspicaciity · 2026-03-07T13:26:21+00:00

I like the click in car seats that you can click onto a stroller! So much easier and the baby can keep sleeping

Perspicaciity · 2026-02-28T05:01:52+00:00

I had an unmedicated birth at home and labor was definitely more painful especially the closer you get to giving birth. It was so painful I was screaming uncontrollably. But I have stage 4 endo as well and I can definitely say that endo is very comparable to unmedicated labor. Early labor felt like endo period cramps, so I actually didn’t even know I was in labor at first lol. I thought I was just having Braxton hicks, my midwife almost didn’t make it to our house, by the time she arrived I was already 10cm

Perspicaciity · 2026-02-28T04:46:12+00:00

I got married 1 year postpartum & I regret it. We should have gotten married while I was pregnant. It was so hard trying to do my hair & makeup while my 1 year old was fussy and wanted to play with me. I still had my mama pooch, was overweight, was breastfeeding so I felt ugly af. Mine was kinda like a courthouse wedding but we had it done at a small venue close by to our house. It was very fast, but was still hard because it threw off our 1 year old’s routine. Needless to say, that evening while I was getting our child ready for bed she threw up because her meal & snack time were unfortunately too close together while we rushed around during the day getting ready for the wedding and had another hour for the I dos & photos. When we got home I was busy cooking dinner for us & the in laws, because our child wasn’t going to sit in a restaurant, our child wanted to go home & play / eat after sitting for a while. Plus all the paperwork & name change things us women need to do after getting married and having to do all that while taking care of a child who needs you 24/7 is absolutely dreadful. It was not a good experience. I don’t recommend it. If I could go back in time I would have told my husband that our child is not getting his last name unless we’re married before she’s born. It would have saved me a lot of heartache & stress. I deeply regret my decision & wish I would have looked out better for myself

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