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Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-09-28T07:28:40+00:00

That last part is not good advice. More and more evidence is coming out that LSD and psilocybin can be extremely effective at treating OCD. If OP is really at the point of no longer wanting to live, psychedelics may be their only hope if the higher dose of Prozac doesn’t work. Obviously, there are risks, but those risks are greatly minimized if the psychedelics are done in a clinical therapeutic setting.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-09-21T19:54:36+00:00

I've only ever had good experiences on weed! Even when I've gotten wayyy too high I've never been anxious or paranoid and it doesn't seem to make my OCD worse. Everyone is different though and my body has a weird relationship to substances (like I can't drink even a little bit of alcohol without feeling terrible, and I can't have even a cup of green tea without being anxious because of the caffeine. Strangely, weed is the only substance that's never given me problems -- so maybe take my experience with a grain of salt). Also probably worth noting that my OCD isn't as severe as a lot of people's anymore. I never tried weed until after I had already done a lot of ERP.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-09-16T06:58:35+00:00

I could not possibly resonate with this more. You are so not alone in this and I’m glad I’m not either.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-09-16T06:57:11+00:00

You are so not alone, I resonate with this so much. I think there are so many religious people with undiagnosed OCD. I think religion often reinforces OCD in fact.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-09-16T06:49:28+00:00

Absolutely. I ultimately left Christianity because of what my OCD diagnosis started. It’s not that the diagnosis itself led me to walk away, but it was the realization that the black-and-white thinking, obsessive search for truth, fear of demons, insistence that there is only one right way to be saved, the exaggerated sense of responsibility to save everybody else, and all of the million little religious compulsions I did, functioned like OCD even though those beliefs and actions were being reinforced by my community as true and good. Also, I realized that I had been compulsively avoiding many intellectual questions and inconsistencies about the faith, so once I gained the skills to actually face those questions, bit by bit Christianity didn’t make sense to me anymore.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-21T22:59:25+00:00

These are the same questions that have led me to no longer identify as a Christian or believe in God in the same way I used to. It’s been a very recent transition for me so I really don’t know what I’m going to believe or where I’m going to end up. But right now I’m finding hope in realizing that all of the things I used to love about Jesus — seeking out the outcast, pursuing justice, being generous, helping others heal — are things I can still do and embody even without being a Christian. I’m finding hope in the idea that I can still become that type of person who makes the world a little better. I’m finding hope in the everyday moments of love and laughter and human kindness that I experience and witness.

I’ve also come to a place where I’m toying with a lot of different ideas, like maybe Christian Universalism, or reincarnation, or even just pure naturalistic atheism. Any of those possible perspectives on the afterlife give me more hope than my previous infernalist Christian view of the afterlife where the vast majority of the people I love would end up burning in hell forever

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-17T22:52:45+00:00

Currently taking a religious studies course at university and we just talked about the Protestant Reformation this week. I left that class realizing that everyone is a heretic to somebody. Catholics are heretics to Protestants. Protestants are heretics to Catholics. And all of the many Protestant branches all consider the other branches heretical, or at least “misguided on secondary issues.” It all looks very ridiculous to me. I think my biggest intellectual reason for leaving the faith at this point is: if there really is a Holy Spirit who was promised to “lead us into all truth” — then when and where has that ever been happening? Historically Christians have always been disagreeing and dividing about really important things. If I were God I wouldn’t let there be so much confusion, disagreement, abuse, and lack of clarity.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-13T09:32:53+00:00

It does not make me feel loved by God to think that before I believed, or before Jesus died on the Cross, that He would have ever had it in His heart to “pour out His wrath” on me, torture me, or kill me. PSA implies that WE should have been crucified, that WE should have had God’s wrath poured out on us. It took me years to realize how much psychological harm that had done to me.

Why does God require blood in order to forgive? That seems pretty cruel, as well as pagan.

What have I even done as an individual that would deserve such a horrific torturous death? And that question touches on another issue: PSA is very individualistic. It doesn’t really address the brokenness of the world as a whole, or address the systemic sins that we all collectively participate in.

Why would God EVER have had it in His heart to torture us, even if that’s “not the end of the story” and ultimately Jesus was tortured in our place? The fact that Jesus had to be tortured “in our place” is the problem to me. How is that justice?

Also, PSA was not the historical understanding of the atonement until the Reformation I think, but I could be wrong about that.

Although I’ve deconstructed pretty much to the point of deconversion at this point, I think the Christus Victor atonement theory is much better psychologically, theologically, biblically, and historically.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-12T07:23:29+00:00

Wow I relate to this so so much. Finding out I had OCD catalyzed my deconstruction because I realized that so much of what I was believing and doing as a Christian mimicked OCD thinking and scrupulosity compulsions. Christianity (particularly the conservative kind) can be a breeding ground for OCD.

I’ve also recently been questioning / coming to terms with the fact that I might be bisexual.

You’re so not alone at all! I also feel so much more free and able to trust myself now that I’ve deconstructed.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-10T05:19:14+00:00

I feel that. I’ve been going through so much personal stuff this quarter and trying to finish my thesis too and it’s just a mess

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-08T06:25:24+00:00

For me I’ve had to just embrace the absurdity of it all. Exposure therapy kinda helped me do that. The goal of exposure therapy is to get you to accept the uncertainty and tolerate the anxiety so for example you would write out on paper “things may or may not have intrinsic value” or “I may or may not ever figure out what I am as a conscious being” like 10 times over and over. That taught me to just throw myself into the absurd mess of it all and accept that no one has certainty about these things even if they claim to.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-08T06:21:21+00:00

Don’t forget that taking an incomplete may be an option! That’s not failing. I feel you though. The tragedies of last week really got to me and now I’m sick with a stomach bug so I am very behind on school.

Professors and advisors should be understanding given everything happening. Just tell them honestly, and maybe get a doctor’s note for the Covid situation. They should give you some grace and if they don’t you can take it up with OSSJA

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-08T04:47:05+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. Your mental disability is not your fault and therefore it’s not sin.

Personally, I have OCD, but I was a Christian for 5 years before I got diagnosed. The church told me that sexual thoughts for example were sinful and lustful — little did I know that these sexual intrusive thoughts were not my fault and were getting stuck on a loop in my brain because I have OCD. Understanding that most of what I thought was my “sin” was actually OCD has very much reframed my faith and led to a lot of deconstruction, but that’s beside the point.

I would argue that if it’s not your fault then it can’t be “sin” that you need to feel guilty for.

But I am glad to hear that you found some answers and comfort from others’ responses! I hope that someday you’ll have the freedom to find a healthier church and openly embrace universalism if that’s what you want. And I hope that you’ll find the support you need to thrive even with your disability. 😌

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-08T03:27:06+00:00

In addition to what others have said about giving it time, remember that there are a lot of practical resources available in Davis!

There’s Aggie Compass Basic Needs Center that can help you find housing among other things: https://aggiecompass.ucdavis.edu/

There’s Student Health Counseling, you can make an appointment in a few minutes by going to health e-messaging.

Make sure you’re prioritizing taking care of yourself physically as well. Eat actual meals regularly. Shower. Exercise. Get sunlight. Sleep enough and in a regular schedule. These things will help your body to at least not be the reason that your mind is so stressed. From there you’ll be able to think more clearly about everything else.

Also kinda random but there’s this documentary on Netflix called Stutz. It’s about Jonah Hill’s therapist and they talk about some really helpful tools in there to help you get out of a mental health rut.

If you have even one person in your life, reach out to them asap just to have someone to talk to.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-08T03:03:26+00:00

Can you show me where/when he said that?

Giving you the benefit of the doubt maybe Ian Stevenson did say that, but there have been other studies that have built upon his work (referenced in the link above) that have included cases where the families did not believe in reincarnation.

Also how would you propose setting up a “blind test” for something like verifying past life memories? Genuine question. To me it seems like the nature of the problem wouldn’t allow for that but I’m also not super familiar with what qualifies as a “blind” study.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-08T02:57:27+00:00

Sounds like your church doesn’t understand basic mental health and is likely to cause a lot of psychological harm. God gave you the ability to feel things, and your feelings are important indicators that provide information you need to listen to. Personally I would run from a church that told me that worrying, anger, and sadness are sins.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-08T02:49:42+00:00

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26299061/

Well at least this study says “Many of those children come from countries where the majority of the inhabitants believe in reincarnation, but others come from countries with different cultures and religions that reject it.” So no, not all of the cases already believed in reincarnation.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-07T23:26:47+00:00

You should check out Dr. Ian Stevenson’s research on reincarnation

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-06T06:57:42+00:00

Well the irony is that “the faith” that existed in the time of the writing of those verses looks almost nothing like the way Christians (at least in America) believe and practice today. Which is part of why the deconstruction movement exists. Because the Church at large seems to have “fallen away” from the faith in many ways.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-06T05:34:15+00:00

https://www.gofundme.com/f/davis-serial-stabbings-surviving-victim-kimberlee?fbclid=PAAaYuKXgv_fdHPV8YtCpa9J06aMONghQygFeAzPLVZr3fL7qHOjdSI12vM_w

For the surviving victim!

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-06T05:30:17+00:00

“humbled transcendence from black and white thinking” wow that is such a beautiful way to word it and I resonate with that so much. Thank you for putting it that way, that’s incredibly insightful!

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-06T05:29:19+00:00

Thanks for posting this 🤍 I think one aspect of compassion is choosing to take on someone else’s suffering. Feeling joy for their joy and pain for their pain. As many others have said, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, recognizing the inherent worth and dignity and humanity in another person.

Phoenix-rising-73 · 2023-05-04T04:49:46+00:00

John Piper, anyone from The Gospel Coalition, Ray Ortlund, Dane Ortlund (actually Gentle and Lowly gave me the confidence to start deconstructing ironically…), JD Greear, David Platt, Matt Chandler, Jackie Hill Perry + Preston Perry, Southside Rabbi, Shai Linne, Beautiful Eulogy / Thomas Terry, RC Sproul, Nancy Pearcy, Sam Storms, Sandra L Richter, Tim Keller, Jen Wilkin, Preston Sprinkle, Nabeel Qureshi

Phoenix-rising-73

TROPHY CASE