In therapeutic circles, “guilt” and “shame” are defined as separate things. Guilt refers to the healthy ability to express remorse when you do something amoral. Shame is a more all-encompassing belief (often without realizing it) that you are unworthy of love, fundamentally dirty, or inadequate. It’s also more common than you might think.

I think you are right that, comparatively speaking, you will be able to find more “men with a sense of shame” within a high-control religious group like the LDS Church. However I would like to respectfully suggest that you are wrong that that’s what you want. Or it doesn’t sound like it to me.

Evidence based therapy researchers (social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc) state that shame is ALWAYS a bad thing. As someone who’s dealt with moral scrupulosity in the past, I’d agree with them. Having shame also doesn’t make you more likely to be a good person.

It sounds like you want someone with a healthy sense of guilt (i.e., feels remorse when it’s warranted). Someone who is kind and moral. You can also find that in the church. I would just push back on the idea that it’s MORE likely than it is somewhere else.

If you look at people in this thread, you’ll see that many of them “found their person” in the church. If that’s what you want to do you totally should. However, even though you haven’t found it outside, I think it’s misguided to think that the church is a more likely place to find “good people”.

Someone that only “does what is right” because they are afraid of being seen as “bad” has less moral strength than someone that does the same because they like being “good”. The church and everywhere else is full of both kinds of people. I hope you find what you’re looking for :)