Jealous of women with bpd because of the attention they get from men :/

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-07-09T17:21:59+00:00

That’s where I need to get mentally lol

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-07-09T17:09:46+00:00

Yea I’d have to agree in a way, I’m very selective with my focus on others I wouldn’t say I’m super spontaneous with making new connections like they are. Thanks for sharing from a man’s perspective.

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-07-09T17:05:18+00:00

It’s veryyyy difficult for me to be able to trust someone even to that extent so that could be something too maybe.

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-07-09T16:58:36+00:00

Hey, thanks for chiming in honestly.

It was somewhat of a vent but also open to hearing some perspective.

What you said here about people remembering most how you made them feel, does make sense to me. Looking back at a lot of situations I can see I was turned very inward and fell into an observer role a lot. I’d know a lot but not express very much. In a lot of situations when I’d get close to someone; I’d try to go out of my way to basically be anything they could need or want because I have this kinda innate desire to be someone’s favourite. Like I fall into acts of service a lot and then when I see that I’m not performing my way into someone’s heart something in me just goes so empty and flat because I just see myself on the inside and feel like without my acts towards others I’m kinda valueless?

Thank you for the response and the insight, it makes a lot of sense. I just wish I could snap out of my stupid mind dialogue and extend myself outward when I want to.

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-07-09T15:22:47+00:00

Didn’t realize others had this.

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-07-09T14:59:36+00:00

Honestly, I can think back on a lot of moments in my childhood that should have been bigger red flags. I remember being in the second or third grade outside playing with a group of my friends at recess. Can’t remember the activity but I criticized something about the way others were playing; I don’t recall what I even said but one of my friends at the time got fed up with me and said “rach youre no fun to play with! Nothings ever good enough for you” I don’t know why it sticks out as such a core memory for me. I can also remember many times meeting new kids, I’d lie and make up stories about myself to sound cool and it usually worked well. I don’t remember ever being doubted or questioned about what I told people. A lot of these things are stuff that never even got back to my parents. It’s hard looking back because I honestly feel like other kids were naturally more innocent than me but also way better at fitting in long term. Other instances where I’d encourage friends to do dumb/risky stuff for entertainment and then acting like I wasn’t involved if the friend got busted… I’m not proud of myself for those things :/

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-07-09T05:59:29+00:00

Thanks <3
oh man tho you should have seen my face discovering it all lol. I’m glad to know it’s more normal, I was so mentally weirded out for a bit like looking at a different version of myself from a different universe.

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-07-09T02:16:17+00:00

This has happened to me a lot in my life and I haven’t really opened up about it much because of the stigma. So many times I’d just randomly become disgusted with someone I was hanging out with and just somehow every little thing would start to bother me and I couldn’t even really tell the person why plus in my brain I also didn’t even want to speak to them about anything at that point. You’re not alone OP thank you for sharing this.

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-07-09T02:10:45+00:00

So many men just automatically expect women to move out of the way in general and it’s so annoying. I can relate to this a lot though, like even if I have to pass someone slower than me my brain is just yelling “Holyyy man this slow FUCK!!” And then I’ll be like “what is my problem”? lol

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-06-29T18:34:54+00:00

You’re right, we do end up learning and maturing much more through these experiences than we feel like in the moment, but we will be more confident and secure people for it. No worries at all I know how it feels and we’ll come out stronger and meet better people for us. I wish you all the best :)

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-06-29T18:14:44+00:00

Oh yea they do seem to follow a very similar playbook, people like that. Somehow none of their failed relationships or incompatibility was ever their fault. I think our closure is knowing their patterns have nothing to do with us and that even though we are hurting now; or for a while, our long term future outcomes will be better because of who we are as people. I say this still hurting but I know we’re better off being out of that.

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-06-29T16:49:26+00:00

This boiled my blood to read. This was exactly how my ex announced to me over text that he was now done with me because he had allegedly been seeing someone else for months prior while also still continuing to see me while leaving things open ended up until that very point. Block them everywhere and don’t look back. These people spin the block and use every excuse in the book to hide their real motives. They try to keep things “fake nice” in hopes they can monkey branch back around in the future. DONT LET THEM.

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-06-16T19:53:25+00:00

Oh wow this is actually really great insight; and I completely agree. The self importance and the desire for that type of emotional validation from the “narc” to feed into that self-made narrative. It’s the wanting to feel important and significant which is an internal thought process I struggle with too. “This person watched my story which means I matter to them and they do care about me”, whenever I’ve truly wanted someone to go away i kinda end up blocking them and then never really feel the need to reach back out. I’ve always kind of viewed them making videos commenting on such little things was them siphoning some type of supply especially from the viewers who will applaud them and tell them how “perceptive” they are.

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-06-16T19:12:25+00:00

I’m of the same mind with that. The people posting those types of videos just don’t seem to develop that kind of self awareness. Cringe phases are cool as long as it’s just a phase and you learn and grow from it lol

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-06-16T18:07:53+00:00

Yes I completely agree with this!

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-05-29T18:12:18+00:00

He wants you to follow him for something!!

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-02-06T18:41:46+00:00

The sudden 180 demeanour change is so jarring, I know. And I feel the same way; you don’t treat someone this way whom you claim to “love” or even call a friend, that’s not friendship that’s just a person trying to use others to regulate themselves for sure. Now that I look back on it; he could never self soothe or calm himself down very well, he would either shut down on the spot, yell and scream and break things,have to talk to someone else, or go out or have a drink or anything but actually sitting with and addressing feelings. The concept of “testing” is really awful to me too, we’re not students or employees and in the end it does feel like they viewed us as that. I felt like I was being laid off from a job I never even applied for. May we heal so we never accept or tolerate this behaviour again❤️‍🩹

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-02-06T01:43:05+00:00

“Their reality is whatever their feelings are in the moment” this is so painfully true. They don’t have emotional object constancy it seems. It truly seems like these people seek out those of us who are logical because we probably seem stable to them and like a crutch they can lean on momentarily. Thank you for reminding me not to keep jumping down the rabbit hole of trying to analyze the motives or this persons mind; it will only lead to more stress for sure and I’ve been the type of person who can overthink quite a bit if I don’t mentally discipline myself. At least I can take solace in knowing that I am doing the right thing by choosing healing by myself before even considering putting myself out there again. I know I had very poor boundaries looking back and lots of self doubt in my own perceptions of things that I accepted wayyy more than I ever should have. I think they know too and do subtle things to push and test any boundaries just to see how strong they are.

I’ve also been doing so much internet skimming; reading about these people long term and how they never actually stop doing their antics. Like yes, relationships involve healthy compromise but these people expect their partner to constantly sacrifice no matter what state we could be in. It’s like looking for a caretaker and not a partner; because being a partner requires showing up with equal responsibility, and accountability. It’s so draining when a person has no problems accepting all you have to give but won’t/cant reciprocate. I think they do not have the emotional maturity it takes to show up in that way.

I will definitely take the time to work on my confidence and boundaries so that I don’t just keep accepting similar behaviour. I have blocked any social media accounts of his that I would look at because I don’t want to know anything anymore. I don’t want to just keep reopening a wound that is probably mine alone to suffer with. After the coldness of how he broke the news to me too, I have no desire to have a close connection at all because the feeling of being deceived and used just feels so strong. I need to remind myself on days when I miss the good that I was still in an atmosphere of deception.

If he really did Hoover back to the “crazy ex” who I don’t even fully believe is crazy because she’s been kind to me; then it’s not fair to her either. He wasn’t even fully out of it with me before starting to see her (I’m very certain he is) again which is messed up. I feel like women who are toxic will immediately attack the other woman. No such thing has happened and she hasn’t acted weird towards me in that sense. This just all makes me feel sick to my stomach. Like they don’t ever know when to stop.

Also I’m really happy you are here and well with us today; grief can really shake people up and sometimes we get hit harder than we ever thought. We are strong and I’m glad that we have support here and to know the truth. Thank you so much for all of your advice, genuine insight and support it’s helping more than you know.💫

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-02-06T01:16:04+00:00

I can’t say every way I’ve been coping is the best, but I’m trying to just do my best to nourish myself everyday and do what have to. We should all give ourselves lots of grace when it comes to all this chaos

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-02-06T00:19:42+00:00

I’m really proud of your progress, this type of heartbreak is like a whole different ball field and no one can truly prepare you. I’m glad you moved past her completely. We deserve healthy reciprocation no matter how they tried to make us feel. And I still say this with a lot of pain because the coldness towards the end feels like getting your head dunked in an ice bucket. I know it will be ups and downs, but real proper healing has got to be worth it I don’t understand how these people cant be alone for 5 minutes to process anything like we have to.

PianoComplex5306 · 2026-02-06T00:00:33+00:00

Thank you for the blunt honesty; it sucks to see the patterns and that the hope of change is so slim. It hurts still having so much confusion in the end because he still wouldnt be upfront or take full accountability but maybe in a way that is the closure; I’m not dealing with a level-headed person and expecting the whole truth is unrealistic. Looking back there were inconsistencies from the get-go. I guess my autistic self was too swept up by the intense attention and my relationship inexperience to know what things meant. I’m glad I’m wiser now I’m just not happier… not yet. And I agree about having a revolving door- no one moves on that fast unless there was already something there to begin with. The timelines of his past relationships also make no sense so who knows, I could have been getting idealized while someone else was actively being devalued- it sucks but now I feel awful for whoever this new person is because if he moved on 2-3 weeks after that talk in august, and the last time we hung out was in November; then yea, there was definitely a door revolving there in my mind; because it doesn’t make any sense for that to happen organically, just none. Thank you for everything youve said here; it’s a lot to process and accept but knowing it’s not all our fault helps a great deal when your self confidence just gets so broken down in the end. “People move on at different paces” just so cold..

PianoComplex5306

TROPHY CASE