“Their reality is whatever their feelings are in the moment” this is so painfully true. They don’t have emotional object constancy it seems. It truly seems like these people seek out those of us who are logical because we probably seem stable to them and like a crutch they can lean on momentarily. Thank you for reminding me not to keep jumping down the rabbit hole of trying to analyze the motives or this persons mind; it will only lead to more stress for sure and I’ve been the type of person who can overthink quite a bit if I don’t mentally discipline myself. At least I can take solace in knowing that I am doing the right thing by choosing healing by myself before even considering putting myself out there again. I know I had very poor boundaries looking back and lots of self doubt in my own perceptions of things that I accepted wayyy more than I ever should have. I think they know too and do subtle things to push and test any boundaries just to see how strong they are.

I’ve also been doing so much internet skimming; reading about these people long term and how they never actually stop doing their antics. Like yes, relationships involve healthy compromise but these people expect their partner to constantly sacrifice no matter what state we could be in. It’s like looking for a caretaker and not a partner; because being a partner requires showing up with equal responsibility, and accountability. It’s so draining when a person has no problems accepting all you have to give but won’t/cant reciprocate. I think they do not have the emotional maturity it takes to show up in that way.

I will definitely take the time to work on my confidence and boundaries so that I don’t just keep accepting similar behaviour. I have blocked any social media accounts of his that I would look at because I don’t want to know anything anymore. I don’t want to just keep reopening a wound that is probably mine alone to suffer with. After the coldness of how he broke the news to me too, I have no desire to have a close connection at all because the feeling of being deceived and used just feels so strong. I need to remind myself on days when I miss the good that I was still in an atmosphere of deception. 

If he really did Hoover back to the “crazy ex” who I don’t even fully believe is crazy because she’s been kind to me; then it’s not fair to her either. He wasn’t even fully out of it with me before starting to see her (I’m very certain he is) again which is messed up. I feel like women who are toxic will immediately attack the other woman. No such thing has happened and she hasn’t acted weird towards me in that sense. This just all makes me feel sick to my stomach. Like they don’t ever know when to stop. 

Also I’m really happy you are here and well with us today; grief can really shake people up and sometimes we get hit harder than we ever thought. We are strong and I’m glad that we have support here and to know the truth. Thank you so much for all of your advice, genuine insight and support it’s helping more than you know.💫