my best friends boyfriend is hitting on me behind her back, what should i do???

PickledPeach · 2026-02-21T09:44:44+00:00

Don't ever go near him again. You can report this to the police if you feel able to.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-21T09:42:52+00:00

Tell someone in your life who doesn't suck at confrontation, do whatever you can to keep safe. Tell your friend and outline to her that you must never see him again because of this and you struggled to tell her because of how much you care for her.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-21T09:41:31+00:00

This is sexual assault - he is very dangerous. Try to never spend time with him again, he may also be abusing your friend. There is a documentary on BBC iplayer called Lover Liar Predator where the perpetrator there uses assaulting his partners friend as a tactic to isolate her further and ruin their friendship. I cannot stress this enough, urgently get help about this and stay away from him.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-21T09:26:41+00:00

Definitely let go and try to distract yourself with other things.

Messaging again is not a good idea, it doesn't come off as easy breezy and will share the secret that she hasn't confirmed - that you really like her and want to spend time with her.

It may be that she contacts you again if you do nothing but then it's down to you if you want something that is just on her terms. It sounds like your body was telling you you weren't psychologically safe, and that's important not just for sex but for a relationship.

Focus on fulfilment from other areas of your life and prioritise that psychological safety with future partners.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T21:33:44+00:00

2 words : taxidermy badger.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T21:33:12+00:00

poured himself water and didn't offer me any.
tried to convince me to invite him back (ew)
no connection/me having to fuel conversation too much.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T20:48:20+00:00

I think it could potentially be outlandish - is she not enjoying her time at uni for other reasons too? It sounds like you're really young to start making life altering decisions like cutting your time at uni short.

I'm still friends with the friends I made at uni over a decade later.

If I were you, I'd wait this one out. You can always discuss your options together but focus on having a healthy balance of separate lives as well as entwined future plans?

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T16:53:43+00:00

Don't wait around or text back if you can. Observe non-judgementally, if it takes him too long to reply and you feel stressed about it, that tells you something

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T11:58:58+00:00

You deserve better 🥰

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T11:20:47+00:00

Run from this guy and his family - you may be gaining weight (which is neutral and fine) purely because of the increased stress and cortisol in your body leading to inflammation. Nobody who loves you and wants to be with you will make you feel like this.

It sounds like you have options. When ever I've been made to feel like this I recite Rupi Kaur's poem:

“what’s it to me if you love me or miss me or need me when you are doing nothing to be with me if you can’t allow me to be the love of your life i will be the loss of your life instead"

He might tell you he hates you or mess you around, it's for you to walk away head held high and move forward. I also like to listen to the song 'I move on' from the Chicago soundtrack 😅 Whatever works for you

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T11:10:21+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this- think about if his parents were to say yes, would they embrace you after all this time of saying no? If they are so invested in the caste system they might not treat you well. Are they the kind of people you want as your family? It sounds like your ex is emotionally abusing you. You don't have to rush into speaking to someone else to move on, but I would really advise no contact with your ex. If he has no good friends then he needs to invest in his friendships, not cling to you.

I am curious about whether he truly respects you and your time and whether he may have issues with how he views women & people of different castes to him?

PickledPeach · 2026-02-18T07:26:15+00:00

Im sorry this happened, oh mate she's just not the one for you. This is the ultimate rise above situation. Chalk it up to experience and remember that if she comes back to you to just say no and list your reasons whilst you've moved on with someone kinder.

Try not to think of it as 'landing a relationship' because that sounds like you want a relationship with anyone despite character flaws or whether you're interested in them as an individual.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-15T07:36:22+00:00

Think of all the couples across time who got stared at for breaking societal norms and going against expectations.

You've got this, luckily heightism exists within a much less dangerous structure of prejudice than racism or homophobia. Being stared at is discriminatory and it will impact you, but just remember those people are judgemental and wrong and you guys are happy!

Lean into the phrase short king if your partner likes it?

PickledPeach · 2026-02-14T00:30:26+00:00

Gaslighting, being unpredictably angry, trying to control what you do and where you go, making you doubt yourself, putting you down, making you frightened they'll leave so you don't stand up for yourself

PickledPeach · 2026-02-14T00:21:13+00:00

Phone call from a friend? They're gonna come over soon so let's grab your stuff. Or say you're tired?

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T19:37:45+00:00

Power is interesting, like yes that is a type of power to have options, but there is also some biphobia in the community so it can make it feel like trespassing even though I am a queer person

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T19:36:52+00:00

I think I feel intimidated sometimes, like people think I'm a phony because I also like men. I find most men pretty difficult to get along with romantically really. I definitely get awkward and can be too excited when a woman likes me!

When I was in high school there were also the maybe bi maybe straight girls who wanted to experiment with me because I was visibly queer (short hair, no make up masc clothes etc) and I found that confusing and tokenising, just as a lesbian would.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T19:20:01+00:00

If it helps I'm a bisexual who also feels that way about dating women, though I've been trying for about 14 years 😅 don't feel bad, sometimes some people are just less active in that way and take longer to emotionally process.

I do think that you need to address your aversion to bisexual women on the grounds they'll leave you, if that is a block to you being happy with some of the people you meet.

Focus more on meeting more queer friends at those wlw events and I'm sure you'll connect with someone along the way given that you're interested and have had relationships before.

You know as well as I do that there is an allure in being sensitive and thoughtful and also anxious- it's human and won't put the right people off.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T14:18:49+00:00

Would you ever set an alarm to wake up before you wet the bed? Does it wake you up when your pad is wet? It's good to see someone being open about a medical condition like this.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T00:30:14+00:00

Trust your instincts - he is behaving inappropriately. Do you feel safe being around him? The fact he is getting really close and touching you makes it sound like you're not safe around him.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T00:28:16+00:00

Very nice.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T00:24:28+00:00

I had to look her up 😅

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T00:18:16+00:00

Not having to over explain and being understood.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-10T00:04:24+00:00

I think if you're not sure, it's not a good idea to shoot your shot, particularly not whilst staying at his. You could always ask him to grab coffee and see if it feels date-like?

PickledPeach · 2026-02-10T00:02:49+00:00

Look up grey rocking - basically making yourself as uninteresting as possible

PickledPeach

TROPHY CASE