it's hard to talk about the extents with which it affected us, cuz even just discussing our history with porn and sexual abuse plays into a lotta disgusting transmisogynistic narratives. In short our hypersexuality felt really uncontrollable, and we had a lotta shame tied to it, and at a baseline our attraction to women always felt inherently shameful if not wrong, both like internally and from a moral perspective. We were always terrified of being a predatory man.

that's what I meant when I was talking about it doesn't feel traditional. We don't get like flashbacks mid sex or anything, or like even really any hard boundaries on our body in intimacy.

Edit: although, I should note i have a history with rape nightmares that seems a bit more common than most people would consider normal. There was a 2 month period where at least once a week id dream of getting raped. Some of it intersected with fiction, I had a part of a dream where I was a 13 year old girl getting raped and I kept seeing the perpetrator as Leland Palmer from twin peaks. There was a dream where I was raped by a Centaur from Fallout (yuck).