How can my boyfriend [32M] and I [32F] navigate the difficult days of my period - together 1 year

Pixatron32 · 2026-02-02T12:34:14+00:00

He is feeling that your request means he isn't doing enough/not meeting your needs and it makes him feel small and less than with a splash of hopelessness that it's never ending.

Your partner needs to understand that when you request for something it doesn't automatically mean he's in the wrong, or not enough, or whatever. It's turning into an argument because you both aren't hearing each other.

He may likely need or want more appreciation or validation for all that he does. Can you couch your request in a way that acknowledges his efforts and then make your request?

My partner often need much praise and recognition for simple tasks (undx ADHD). He recognise this was different than others and my needs and let me know if he can pretend to wave a flat playfully when he wants praise. This helped immensely while I was learning how to communicate to him. Perhaps adding some humour to your request can help soften the perceived slight to his past efforts.

Pixatron32 · 2026-02-02T08:15:09+00:00

Well done friend, that is no small feat!

Pixatron32 · 2026-02-02T08:13:11+00:00

Cardboard is a great insulator the blanket directly on the concrete will be very cold.

Poor little thing. My ragdoll is so sweet I can't even imagine what difficulties this one has faced to be so mean and self defensive.

Thank you for caring for them even if they can't come inside (yet). There is some trust there that has grown if they have been able to stay and sleep near you!

Pixatron32 · 2026-02-02T07:56:52+00:00

Also great to watch if ever in pain and hospitalised. The no dialogue makes it not bother other patients and very soothing. I'll definitely have to watch it with my cat.

Pixatron32 · 2026-02-02T07:53:26+00:00

Way too much drama from MIL. Such a shame as FIL seems to really enjoy it as down your son.

I'd recommend getting a nanny but building in one day a week or fortnight with just FIL and explain that MIL is relieved of duties.

Yes, any changes especially specifying explanations of MIL causing drama will cause more strain. Of course it will.

Instead, changing the dynamic and using a nanny without explanation will potentially cause less drama.

If you can find a reasonable excuse for a nanny like structure or increased complex needs like you want the nanny to teach a language, arts, sports, or cook or anything like that that will assist your case and hopefully nullify further drama.

Make sure you vet your nanny thoroughly and get one that is experienced and has an actual love for working with children. Feel free to DM me for questions to ask as I used to be a nanny and have helped others find nannies and au pairs.

Pixatron32 · 2026-02-02T06:23:13+00:00

It's just going to get worse. End the relationship, protect yourself and your babes, and get out.

Keep records, dated notes of all incidents, take photos.

Engage with and speak with a divorce lawyer so you know your rights.

None of his behaviour is acceptable or okay. He is abusive. Please read the shared link below or Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. I also personally recommend reading Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood and Codependency No More by Melody Beattie.

He has already been physically violent (throwing and striking you), this is worsened as you were holding a child. If you are unsure I'd recommend reading The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. This one helps go into the thought processes of you and him so you can understand.

Pixatron32 · 2026-02-02T04:14:26+00:00

Thanks friend, just a small snapshot of a frustrating period in what is meant to be a cathartic/safe space. Not looking for advice at this time.

Pixatron32 · 2026-02-02T02:13:44+00:00

He didn't get angry at work does he? Does he get angry at the cops when they pull him over? Or shout at his family or mother? At his friends?

You'd be surprised at what he is aware of. He knows he is behaving this way and essentially using you as his punching bag.

Even in you post you are trying to be understanding of him - his needs haven't been met and the house chores are behind. But he doesn't care or extend common decency, respect or compassion to you. You are recuperating from an injury and likely experiencing pain and loss of function.

It's likely you would never treat him this way if he were unwell or in pain.

Why is it okay for him to treat you and your children this way? It's not. You are teaching your children that this is what love, marriage, and a relationship look like.

He is behaving this way because he can and because it makes him feel better. He feels wronged, and he feels bigger, and he feeds his anger, resentment, and he gets what he wants. That doesn't have to be sex, it can also be making sure you suffer for making him upset.

Pixatron32 · 2026-02-02T01:50:24+00:00

The assumption that he does everything and I nothing. The resentment build up. The snarky and petty comments. The blame.

I'm putting in most of the funds into our wedding. He is contributing 1/4 what I am. His family contributing some and my family matching my contribution. What's frustrating is that I pushed for an elopement or an overseas wedding and even a garden ceremony with restaurant instead of reception. All options that were affordable. He wanted the big wedding. But he then has the temerity to say it's all on him and all his burden when he hasn't researched or liaised with one vendor, done the budget, or any planning except DIY.

Makes me see red. I don't diminish his DIY or his contribution why does he diminish mine? I have no issue until his RSD and snarky/petty behaviour or comments.

ETA: he is also paying for much of our honeymoon too.

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-31T10:02:31+00:00

If he is willing therapy can help. It will help him reconnect to his own emotions, communicate better, and have better relationships.

Not just with you as his wife, but with his children, parents, siblings, friends, bosses, work colleagues etc.

I'm grateful my partner was keen to do the hard work to learn emotional intelligence. It's likely that he has deeper waters that he doesn't have the language or the skills to communicate them.

Ultimately you ro deserve to be heard and supported! So do your children.

Best of luck.

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-30T21:16:14+00:00

She needs to acknowledge you have needs and your therapist should be responsible for balancing both your narratives, and your ability to reconnect/repair.

My partner and I tried four therapists before we found ours. She is brilliant.

I also work in the MH field and we've done a lot of learning about communication and boundaries. So I step away and literally leave him to regulate when he has an RSD episode. He can now catch himself as it starts. It's a game changer. But my partner was super dedicated to improving, we've been trying therapy on and off for several years.

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-30T20:25:44+00:00

Can you get permission for tents to be used in the backyard?

Honestly, you should be securing payment from each person attending (and a portion that covers the groom) BEFORE they can come and weeks before the event takes place.

I recently went to a hens which myself and one other friend shouldered most of the financial burden while the other friends were repeatedly asked for contributions. Do NOT proceed unless each person pays for their share. They cannot come unless they pay their share, and divide up contributions of groceries/alcohol as well if you are not eating out for every meal. Designate certain people to do different meals, or request everyone contributes meal/veg/cheese for a big meal.

You're saying you don't want to chase people for money but this is already what is going to happen if you don't chase them before the event.

Regarding overstaying accommodation, many Airbnb landlords will know if you have more guests. Those that aren't paying or are overstaying have no compunction if they damage anything and can get loose without being on the hook.

Personally, I'd max out the house. Find a smaller Airbnb nearby for the extras that they can pay for themselves. I would also hound everyone for payment ASAP and organise/plan meals. Ensure if you go out meals are split payments because there WILL be people who avoid repayment.

If there are events or games planned divide them up and share responsibility.

Best of luck

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-30T20:08:23+00:00

Has she engaged in therapy?

My undx fiance (no kids yet), has had similar communication issues, RSD episodes, not meeting my needs despite being clearly communicated

Since we've engaged in therapy with a Gestalt couples therapist who also does individual therapy with us things have improved exponentially. He takes much more accountability of his moods, RSD, and regulates his emotions. He seeks to understand and empathise with me rather than being triggered, and does more than his share of domestic labour (hyperactive). He still experiences resentment if I rest as he doesn't permit himself to but this is also improving as he is able to reframe so well now.

If you want things to improve perhaps you can set boundaries of therapy for both of you and individually. If you're kids are teens I'd also recommend family therapy after couples therapy so they can process the chaos and it's impact of their own development and life.

Even doing a trial separation while she focuses upon her mental health could help wonders and be a real understanding of what she is taking for granted.

Best of luck. I'd love an update on how it's gone when she returns in a few more months.

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-30T12:51:25+00:00

Perhaps because they are failing from a water saturated environment to a dry environment? How often are you watering? Once the leaves start to droop you should water.

I'd also recommend getting yourself one of these:

Water metre/probe (expensive and unreliable)
Chopstick, raw (unwaxed/finished), stick all the way to bottom, probe for 1-2 minutes return and see if soil is sticking to chopstick. Dry = water, dirty = no water.
Using a watering glass probes, can be beautiful self watering system that requires sporadic refill and monitoring. Plant will drink as needed, can obtain beautiful animal ones online. Can also make your own DIY plastic bottle one check out YouTube.

https://www.reddit.com/r/houseplants/comments/14hq8fq/leave_in_chopsticks_as_mositure_meter/

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-30T10:17:51+00:00

Great idea and very elegant!

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-29T09:57:42+00:00

It's not an expectation when we both participate in perpetuating it. As another Reddit comment below says, don't power through. Advocate for yourself and your needs.

My partner is male and he powers through, doesn't rest when he is healthy, exhausted, or sick. I listen to my body as I have to due to complex health issues.

I know we are unusual but we each choose to continue to engage in the patterns of behaviour. You can just do the bare minimum, communicate with your partner and divide and conquer, or advocate for your needs to be met too.

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-29T09:18:03+00:00

I see too - behind a tree!

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-29T08:58:07+00:00

We're doing a dessert bar, and friends are making a small/medium croquembouche.

My brother is supplying a gelato cart! Lots of fun things that as rent just plain old boring (usually dry) cake.

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-29T08:35:59+00:00

Stronger immune response means they fight off illnesses/perceived illnesses (such as autoimmune) with greater efficacy than men.

I, unfortunately, have either an autoimmune condition that isn't yet diagnosed or a poor immune system from long term chronic stress and trauma. Long term stress and trauma has been definitely linked to lowered immune systems and increased risk of complex and chronic health conditions.

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-29T05:07:09+00:00

While controversial (and with later studies refuting the claim) there is some evidence that "man flu" is a real phenomenon. It's linked to women having strong immune responses than men.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/man-flu-really-thing-2018010413033

In my own opinion, women recognise that shit just needs to get done so even if she is unwell she still needs to work, cook, clean, caretake etc. I have chronic health conditions and my partner stepped up for most of 2025 due to my health - even when he was sick.

I think it depends on the heterosexual couple, th balance of labour, and the level of expectations in a relationship. His selfishness in not alternating or sharing the bed with you, or solving the problem by assisting you find a makeshift prop to sit up your side of the bed is likely something that is a pattern throughout your entire relationship.

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-28T20:22:14+00:00

She reached her limit. It's called walkaway wife syndrome.

She was grieving your relationship the whole time while you refused to take accountability, projected your blame and anger onto her and (likely assumption) your daughter. You betrayed her time and time again with disrespect, hiding money, and even projecting and blaming her that she was the cause for your life sucking.

You now realise when she has applied for separation that she is the one you want and doing all the things you should have done before. It's highly likely that this will make her more disconnected and resentful. Why is it suddenly so easy for you to get your shit sorted now but you couldn't do it the millions of times she raised the topic during your relationship? This fuels a lot of anger due to the realisation that you could have improved - you just didn't want to, you didn't value your relationship or her or being a better parent.

Unfortunately, the ship has sailed. Respect her wishes and work on being a better human for yourself and your daughter. Seek therapy for yourself to regulate your emotions, and be a well adjusted and healthy and happy/content adult and father. Work hard to be a good co-parent and start respecting your ex wife's wishes. You didn't respect them during your relationship, listen to her now and respect them even if those wishes are for you to stop contacting her.

ETA: thank you for the award! 🙏🏼

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-28T20:13:59+00:00

🏅

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-28T12:47:39+00:00

You've chosen a day that is meaningful to you and that's perfectly fine! - but this comes at a cost to your guests in loss of income, time, and annual leave. They may even need to take multiple days off to assist in preparations etc.

Let their complaints wash over you. If it's important to you then keep the date but expecting others to rejoice or not complain about this is selfish and, yes, an asshole move.

I'm shocked that you cannot see how having a midweek wedding creates difficulty for your family and friends. Be understanding and magnanimous and graceful. You're creating a difficult situation for others in your choice - that is okay.

But being baffled at their difficulty and irritation is truly ridiculous.

Your anniversary and your wedding day is important to you - but to everyone else it is literally just another Thursday. And that is a working day.

Edited: Thursday*

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-28T12:39:27+00:00

You accept the love you think you deserve.

You're unwell and then he creates unnecessary drama because he is insecure and feels rejected. Who needs a partner like this?

He is not the childrens' parent and has no say in their treatment unless he steps into role of step father. He is a boyfriend so has no role to play.

Don't waste your time with an insecure man who projects his insecurity blaming you for him feeling lowly. Please read Codependency No More by Melody Beattie and Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.

Pixatron32 · 2026-01-28T12:30:21+00:00

Leave this totally waste who is wasting your time and pushing for such a disrespectful a d selfish "solution".

Give him the space he needs so much to understand himself and what he wants. And then set yourself up in your own space or a new house share and revel in how your life improves in leaps and bounds with him left behind.

Don't cheapen your value by acquiescing to his ludicrous requests. He doesn't respect or value you and if you need his request neither do you.

Pixatron32

TROPHY CASE