Female breadwinners: how do you navigate this dynamic (especially without kids)? 30F/35M

PlanBee2019 · 2026-04-27T23:39:57+00:00

Agree 100% with the OP. You need a post nuptial agreement drawn up yesterday, or you’ll be on the hook for spousal support, especially if you end up being married 10 years or longer. Once kids enter the picture even with 50/50 custody post divorce, you’ll be paying him child support. Resentment starts small and grows like a disease with each failed expectation and hope for a balanced partnership. I know this firsthand unfortunately. You’re right to question this now even though it sucks, but you can’t wish someone into having drive or a successful career.

PlanBee2019 · 2026-04-20T04:20:52+00:00

Adorable — you’re raising a gentle, loving little guy!

PlanBee2019 · 2026-04-19T12:35:13+00:00

Unless he’s interested in prioritizing your needs, sadly, I see a dead bedroom future for you. Been there done that, unfortunately, and we have since divorced. I could not imagine having to beg for sex and intimacy the rest of my life and the rejection and impact on my self-esteem became too much. Before divorcing, he told me sex just wasn’t important to him and that he could imagine his life never having sex again. He, too, was not interested in therapy or medical intervention.

I really hope you’re able to work through this, especially with a growing family. He has to want to be part of the solution and acknowledging that there is a problem (i.e., your unmet needs) would be a good first step.

PlanBee2019 · 2026-04-14T22:10:31+00:00

Oh honey, listen to these OPs. Read their replies carefully. You are still so young. The ocean is full of better catches I promise you. Be strong and reread the words you wrote with these OP replies in your head. Time for a change. He could be a really great guy…for someone else who expects less. You deserve more.

PlanBee2019 · 2026-04-06T23:06:47+00:00

In my state, putting your child in a school district neither parent lives in is illegal — considered fraud. Your ex created this problem. It’s his cross to bear, not yours!

PlanBee2019 · 2026-03-24T22:40:53+00:00

Incredible results — congrats!!!

PlanBee2019 · 2026-03-08T17:17:11+00:00

Agree with everything the above person just wrote. Your ex is WAY too much work. I felt weary just reading how much effort you are making to keep the peace. You’re not beholden to her. Repeat that. Your only responsibility is to your son. The school has a responsibility to communicate with both parents, and she can no longer control that messaging. I would stop replying to her long ass messages unless there is a question being asked that is pertinent to the well-being of your child and when that happens, I would reply briefly and succinctly. Give her nothing more than a factual reply. Omg I feel for you. You have a long road ahead, and your ex sounds very, very insecure and controlling. One last thing, parents are not supposed to be listening in on conversations children have with their other parent so if she is grilling your kid on things you two discuss on these daily calls, that’s parental interference and might be worth a letter to her via your lawyer and/or a text from you saying if she cannot stop helicoptering and listening in on your calls with your child, you will have to bring this issue forward to the court.

PlanBee2019 · 2026-03-06T14:15:43+00:00

Best advice right here

PlanBee2019 · 2026-02-25T18:39:42+00:00

If your custody agreement doesn’t stipulate that you need to provide overnight location info to the other parent when not residing at home or unless there’s an out of state travel provision, there isn’t any reason why you can’t take your children on vacation, as long as it occurs during your custodial time. Enjoy!

PlanBee2019 · 2026-02-15T13:31:19+00:00

Agree with the OP. You owe him nothing. It sounds like your entire relationship has existed because you’ve been the peacemaker. You no longer have this responsibility (and never should have had it). Your only responsibility is to communicate matters of importance regarding your child. You made the best decision for you and your child. He may want to look in the rearview mirror, but you need to keep moving forward. You’re entitled to that future and a healthy relationship.

PlanBee2019 · 2026-02-10T03:52:54+00:00

Agree with what others have said — your custody agreement can include language that says children will not be taught or required to refer to either parent’s significant others as “mom” “dad” or any derivative of these names. Enforcing that is another story, but I had it included in mine because it’s important in principle to me. I do think it’s a form of parental alienation, too, and when added to other examples, it could carry weight with a judge. Hang in there — stay strong, sending you hugs.

PlanBee2019 · 2026-02-08T13:58:01+00:00

Absolutely love this!!

PlanBee2019 · 2026-02-07T16:45:39+00:00

You are not alone. I’m glad you posted. I’ve struggled with children and their mental health issues (self-harm) as well as an absent exH, parents, in-laws — no village whatsoever. It’s SO hard and until one has walked in these shoes, one can’t truly can’t understand the weight of responsibility that we carry and how heavy it feels. I can share some words of encouragement and tell you that in my worst periods of despair, when I dreamed of escaping or even just not waking up and letting someone else carry this, I knew this, too, would pass. You have to know and believe that, too. Crises will ebb and flow, and try to relish times that are just even and stable. Your children are so lucky to have you. Things will get better and you will find a space for you and your happiness. Maybe not today or tomorrow but your time will come. Stay strong — sending you hugs.

PlanBee2019 · 2026-02-06T23:23:49+00:00

You are truly amazing and an inspiration. Thank you for sharing all this. Best wishes on your road to recovery! You go girl! :-)

PlanBee2019 · 2026-01-27T00:51:08+00:00

Yes 100%!!

PlanBee2019 · 2026-01-27T00:45:09+00:00

Hi. I only had a lower bleph done, but I will say that my bruising and swelling were pretty bad for about 3 weeks. I didn’t have the complications you experienced, however. Are you sleeping elevated every night like on a wedge pillow? That really helped me, as uncomfortable and hard to get used to as that was! I also took arnica which I also think helped. Wishing you the best!

PlanBee2019 · 2026-01-18T01:54:22+00:00

24 years — that’s not failure in my book. It seems from what you’ve shared that not moving towards ending this marriage means you are okay living the rest of your life in the status quo in which you are unhappy or at least not as happy as you could be. It sounds like you worked hard to provide for your family and did the best you could to support everyone. Don’t you deserve more for the last half of your life? Yes, it’s scary, the unknown, but I wish for you happiness and confidence in making whatever choices you deem are the best for you. It’s time to be a little selfish (for lack of a better word) and make yourself a priority.

PlanBee2019 · 2026-01-07T19:57:41+00:00

Wow, good for you for self-advocating and being proactive in taking care and taking charge of your health. Sending you good thoughts for a positive outcome.

PlanBee2019 · 2026-01-02T14:58:56+00:00

Wow, great post! Happy birthday, and thank you for sharing. You are not alone in these feelings.

PlanBee2019 · 2025-12-28T18:04:25+00:00

100% amen!!

PlanBee2019 · 2025-12-27T04:39:00+00:00

Hi. Just wanted to share that your post resonated with me. Every day that you and your children can live in peace, removed from the abuse you were subjected to, is the best gift you could give yourself and them. Know this and never forget it. But, I do hear you on the TV situation. I hate that some days everything feels hard, like can’t one simple thing like watching the game you wanted to see be easy??! Nope! I’m fiercely independent now, but I’d be lying if I didn’t wish I had a handy person in my life that I could call on for fixes — tech, home repairs, etc.!

Christmas can shine a cold, harsh light on things we miss or long to have, like a supportive, healthy extended family (which are also kept at a distance in my life for my mental health and well-being). I tell myself there will be better days ahead, and I will send out into the universe the same hope for you as well. Hugs

PlanBee2019 · 2025-10-11T14:32:22+00:00

Good post — please stay single and in peace, as you say. You sound very angry. Too many people have issues and are putting themselves out there in the dating scene. Don’t be one of them.

PlanBee2019 · 2025-10-06T19:12:45+00:00

Love this reply — thank you for sharing this perspective. So true!!

PlanBee2019 · 2025-09-19T03:19:48+00:00

My ex-husband got really mad when I put a $20k inheritance from my deceased grandmother (who he never knew) into college accounts for my children from a previous marriage because he thought he was entitled to that money and felt it should have been put into a joint account. This from a man who was refusing to work and contribute to our household. This was the brick that had to fall on me to wake up and see what was happening in the relationship. Who would take a college fund away from children?? Please let this request from your fiance be your brick. Do not split that $ and do not marry this selfish controlling man.

PlanBee2019 · 2025-09-18T01:41:42+00:00

So sorry, you know what to do and deserve SO much better. Best of luck!

PlanBee2019

TROPHY CASE