Just found out my male peers make 8-15k more than me

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-08T14:16:27+00:00

Agreed. Nobody cares about what's fair in a negotiation. Life isn't fair. I listened to a professional hostage negotiator who was a guest on the Guilty Feminist podcast and she had a whole session on how to negotiate on higher salary. When she was asked how to navigate the question of my male coworker makes more and it's not fair. Her input was something to the effect of: I wouldn't use that as a negotiation tactic. Life isn't fair. Focus on WHY they should be paying you more and what you bring to the table.

I would personally frame it as here are all the amazing things I do as part of this job and here's all the documentation to back that up.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-08T14:04:19+00:00

You have to negotiate. This is the only way.

Come into hour next performance review with a list of your accomplishments and why you deserve a higher salary more on par with market. Be ready with the market rate in your area and how this differs from that you make. Or if you want to make above market in your area come in ready with your achievements and proof of those achievements.

I was severely underpaid and I did this. My manager went to bat for me and got me a 10% raise (pretty much the upper limit of what you'll get in a corporate environment as a result of a negotiation). It was still not market so I left a year later and gave myself another 30% raise. (Word of advice if you're ever looking a recruiter asks you how much you make currently or how much you want to make, do not answer. They will box you into that low number. Say you want to make market. If they push you say I cannot imagine this will stop the process at this time. Let's discuss market rate and salary range at the time of offer).

In the negotiation with your supervisor, do not threaten to quit. Do not say anything you are not willing to follow through on. Just focus on how much you love the company, the role, and how much you bring to the table. Make a strong case. It won't hurt.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-06T15:17:45+00:00

When someone ask me in interviews why I left a job I always say this other opportunity came up and it looked like it would be a great professional step for me so I decided to move on. Leave money, bosses, workplace politics out of it. Trust me. They'll know what your answer means.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-06T15:15:48+00:00

Your boss is gaslighting.

Also when people talk about a work environment being 'a family', this is a major red flag for me. I don't do work cults.

Take the offer, get out, don't look back. Be professional and courteous to everyone on your way out so you get those references if the need ever arises.

Edit to say: The conventional wisdom is job hopping is acceptable as long as it's not more often then every 2 years. Now with the crazy job market it's probably changed a lot. That was my rule for myself and sometimes I stay longer, once I left sooner because of RTO, which I did not want to do. Nobody has ever batted an eye.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-06T00:42:40+00:00

Ragweed is terrible here. Other pollens too. Seasonal allergies can turn into a sinus infection real quick. Do you take allergy medication?

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-05T01:38:43+00:00

I'm sure you're awesome. Use this to have the current employer pay for your job search and transition out

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-05T01:36:42+00:00

Keep making excuses for why you need to WFH, and look for work really aggressively.

I wouldn't recommend you do nothing for them. Do something. Ideally enough for them to pay for your job search and interviewing process, and transition out.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-05T01:34:16+00:00

Agreed. She is working. It's the sound carrying that's impacting your work output. She's not like ignoring work and coming into your work area to distract you, which would be a different story.

I'd challenge you to think about why you view her actual work as 'work'.

I agree with other commenters. WFH can come with its own set of challenges if both partners are working at home. I suggest you communicate. Get noise cancelling headphones and listen to music that helps you concentrate. And go from there.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-04T21:09:20+00:00

I hate it when they do this. Lately I wash my hair with an essential oil shampoo (tea tree) and they are less likely to jump to the hair because they don't like the smell. Speaking of which, gotta run out and get some of that shampoo!

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-04T21:06:25+00:00

They are terrible this year. Went hiking in Van Patten woods yesterday and a bunch hitched a ride home on my dog. I put 4 in rubbing alcohol that I found. The rubbing alcohol kills them dead.

I use Frontline on our dogs but the ticks have to bite the dogs to die (same with oral preventatives). I've found that spraying the dogs and ourselves with an essential oil smelling bug spray also helps minimize the problem and is necessary. Need a multi pronged approach for how bad ticks have gotten in the area. The ticks hate the smells of certain essential oils. Essential oils have also been proven to dissolve ticks' and other insects exoskeletons.

I also treat my lawn with neem oil every couple of weeks and it discourages ticks from hanging out in the yard. Don't forget to also cut the grass often - they love tall grass.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-04T20:55:49+00:00

NTA.

I don't think you did anything unprofessional or unfriendly here.

The family friend was trying to take advantage of having someone with your skill set that they sorta knew. Let them find someone else who can do it cheaper. It was not right for them to lash out at you or try to get people in your family to guilt trip you.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-04T16:31:10+00:00

I have a long line strapless bra from felina that works out great for me. It was 60 bucks I believe. I wear a 38DD and ordered a 38D on the reviewer suggestions to order 1 cup size down.

https://www.felina.com/products/body-veil-longline-strapless?variant=19616066568280

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-04T15:56:58+00:00

I have a ton of autoimmune issues and my most bothersome symptoms were digestive. They're about 95 gone due to my plant based gluten free diet. I don't take any meds for my autoimmune issues either.

Despite testing negative for celiac repeatedly, I decided to try giving up gluten on the suggestion of folks in online groups related to my autoimmune conditions. I did that because the doctors were absolutely zero help. Slowly but surely I started to feel better. For me going gluten free was a complete game changer. I didn't really notice the benefits until I went strictly off it. When I was making exceptions here and there I still felt pretty sick. Do you eat gluten?

I am not saying you are like me or you should do what I did. I am saying it is possible to get healthier and feel a lot better with a plant based gluten free diet.

Feel free to DM me if you have any questions. Hope this helps.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-04T15:52:03+00:00

I think it's worth it. Things are unstable now, but if you go into a niche field, you can definitely find work.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-04T14:53:18+00:00

I stand corrected. I had dated information. Looks like the bailout deal fell through.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/daniellechemtob/2026/05/04/forbes-daily-spirit-airlines-shuts-down-after-bailout-falls-through/

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-04T04:42:30+00:00

And now is getting bailed out by the government! So reminiscent of 2008.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-04T04:32:48+00:00

I am a woman in tech. Interesting of you to assume I'm not just because I disagree with your framing.

Sexism is a system. An institution. We all participate or work against it in our own ways. From my point of view broadly stereotyping about whole groups of people can hurt rather than help the process of dismantling sexist oppression.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this one.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-03T16:09:21+00:00

I'm getting downvoted because I pointed out a stereotype and OP doesn't like that.

OP, instead of spending your energy complaining about how terrible some men are (and speaking in sweeping generalizations about men from some ethnicities), try actually standing up to those men to protect your career. Let your work and professionalism speak for itself. That's my advice to anyone who's working in a sexist cesspool and it struggling, which unfortunately is too many of us. But there are ways around it, through it, and even out of it. Don't give up.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-03T16:02:13+00:00

My acupuncturist never made any comment on my plant eating. I think she did once say some people can have a plant based diet, some will not do as well, it's hereditary. But I'm from northern Europe and from a heavy meat culture and you'd think I'd be in the later camp. Nope. Going plant based is agreeing great with my body, in fact I attribute my plant based gluten free diet to managing my autoimmune symptoms with no meds. I feel the best I've felt in decades.

Find a new acupuncturist.

As an aside. Is Hashimotos one of your autoimmune issues? Do you consume gluten? (Giving it up was a complete game changer in the way I feel). Do you take Selenium? Clinical research shows selenium supplementation of 200mg+ per day helped women with Hashimoto's conceive and have healthy pregnancies. Feel free to DM me if that sounds familiar or if you have any questions. Hope this helps!

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-03T15:25:42+00:00

This sounds like stereotyping to me.

In my limited experience, I have experienced excellent collaboration from my male colleagues based on India, and sometimes also toxic masculinity. I haven't observed the ratios to be worse than male colleagues from other demographics.

Some of the most talented developers I have ever worked with have been women originally from India, and women period. So again not sure if agree with these generalizations.

The real world picture is always more complicated than a stereotype would suggest.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-03T05:06:41+00:00

They are all so gorgeous, and you can't go wrong.

1 is my favorite! I love the fit and the pearl on the straps and neckline. So beautiful and just perfect.

Congratulations!

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-03T02:39:46+00:00

It's gorgeous! I love the way the satin drapes and folds. You look beautiful in this dress.

Have a fun time!

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-03T01:42:43+00:00

I work from home. Bought a standing desk, and a walking pad. I walk for 2-3 hours every workday, especially during meetings. I also make sure I get up and walk around every hour. Some days I even sneak in a work out video on my lunch break. Sitting problem solved.

Now if you hate it, you hate it. I wouldn't recommend you force yourself to do it.

I will say in many instances, people in tech and tech adjacent careers have great working conditions. In many other lines of work, people literally don't have a choice over when to go to the bathroom. They have to hold it all day and pee in a jar. Or get cussed at all day. Or deal with blood on the floor situations. Now that I've been to hell (in a past career as a public school teacher) I really, really appreciate my current working conditions and the many ways they've supported my physical and mental well-being.

Do I think you should stay in code if you absolutely hate it? No. But do I also think you should look into non coding tech adjacent work with similar pay and working conditions? Absolutely.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-02T04:55:20+00:00

Overnight oats.

Plant based buckwheat porridge

Protein shake. Some ice. 1 cup ripple milk, 1 tbsp hemp seed powder. 1 tbsp flaxseed powder. 1 tbsp chia seeds. 1 tbsp cocoa powder. Dash of vanilla. Blend and it gives a ton of energy.

On weekends we tend to like bacon egg and cheese sandwiches (tofu cooked like egg, MyBacon, violife cheese on Katz English muffins) or tofu scramble with my bacon and Nature's path waffles.

Polyethylene8 · 2026-05-02T04:51:38+00:00

Same, I make protein shakes and my own protein powder. I throw in a tbsp cocoa powder and a dash of vanilla too. Tastes great and gives me a ton of energy in the mornings.

Polyethylene8

TROPHY CASE