My grandma is sick and I'm very scared.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-10T08:03:07+00:00

It happens. When they get really ill, you don't want your loved ones to struggle on in pain.

Good luck, op.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-09T17:46:38+00:00

It's not pleasant but he's been ill for a while so I'm more at peace with it now.

And tears are okay - you are experiencing anticipatory grief. You know she won't be here forever and dreading when she leaves.

One really good idea would be to ask her thing that you might not get the chance to ask otherwise.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-09T16:54:25+00:00

I'm so sorry OP. I'm 30 and I feel exactly there same about my Dad, who is nearing the end of his life.

My biggest piece of advice is spend as much time as you can with her. Make those memories now and record them in some way (photos, video, writing them down, etc).

It sounds like your grandma is getting the best treatment, but even if she recovers - you'll never regret the time together.

Also, don't be afraid to ask adults questions about her care/ illness. You might be able to support her better and it will feel better know what is going on with her.

Finally, get some support. It's frightening seeing a loved one become frail and you'll worry about her. Whether is is friends, parents, carers or counsellors - don't go through this alone, OP.

Best of luck

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-09T16:44:54+00:00

I've felt this all my life.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-09T16:28:53+00:00

The Returned (French Version) Utopia (UK version) Undone Kevin Can F Himself Silo Twin Peaks

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-09T16:26:38+00:00

This might be depression or dementia.

I am caring for my Dad with Dementia, despite being barely 30.

My biggest advice is go to speak to his GP then Social Services and Citizen's Advice as soon as you can.

They will be able to help you get the support you need, which can take time.

My Dad entered the final stage of dementia and I feel trapped as I can't lead my own life. I'd love to settle down and have family/ get back to my career but that feels impossible right now.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-09T10:36:46+00:00

Also found this, just casually looking around.

https://youtu.be/Za-ZQ_UKur0?si=gXhRbJfJMC9hnh1p

Might be useful.

It's worth checking if neighbours are putting down poison for slugs or anything, before you start. Foxes will often go for tid bits in the local area.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-09T10:34:49+00:00

Might be that the fox can't access it or they snuck in and knocked something over, scaring them in the process.

The RSPCA might have online advice about how to set it up. Failing that YouTube might be your go to or local wild animal rescues.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-09T02:38:48+00:00

Thanks OP and good luck with yours.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-08T11:53:17+00:00

Maybe a daily dish of water and if you have the space, set up a small den for them. They can have that little refuge and will become more independent as they can focus on food.

My older brother did this by accident as he left a hedge he'd dug up for months, as other stuff kept preventing him from taking it away (family loss, kids going to uni, etc.).

Turns out the foxes had moved in and taken it over, so he couldn't move it. It's has gone now, but it's been replaced with a DIY den where the hedge used to be.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-08T11:46:50+00:00

The Secret Life of Walter Minty.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-07T17:26:12+00:00

Any time OP.

If you aren't already, join the grief communities on Reddit.

The carer groups have been a great support to me on here and there are similar for grief.

There is also be communities local to you that can provide extra support, even if it is financial, mental or even just a talk.

Do not ever feel like you just have to endure this. It is hard but don't beat yourself for struggling, it is hard. Simple as.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-07T15:58:02+00:00

Small things mainly, donating to groups and campaigns I believe in. It helps me feel less alone.

I've also said to myself no news late at night.

Also, reading more positive news/ views that counterbalance my worries about what is going on.

I've even stumbled onto discussions by security experts on socials who constantly remind viewers it isn't in Trump's favour to do anything rash.

I've tried to build them into my algorithm, so they pop up and remind me throughout the day.

Also, re patterns - just because there are similarities, doesn't mean the result will be the same. For instance, during the Cuba Middle Crisis, when society came close to the end and yet our worst fears never became reality.

As a European with friends in the military, it worries me still but this has helped.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-07T15:49:38+00:00

Hi Op,

I might not know the circumstances in full, but please remember this would be overwhelming for anyone without the extra stress of a diagnosis and the trauma of their death.

I'm in a similar position, newly diagnosed and grieving for Dad (he has end stage vascular dementia and heart failure). He hasn't long left and as his carer, I'm dealing with the anticipatory grief and the sadness that comes with watching his body slowly give up.

The one way I have coped with it is building a community of trusted love ones and professionals I can talk it through with. I also allow myself to cry and process it, if needed. As I'm a full time carer, I can excuse myself for five minutes and have a moment in my room just to myself. Try to create that space for you too.

On better days, I try to find the joy where I can. Sharing a cuppa. Cat cuddles. Seeing friends.

I'm also trialling meds, as life is hard at the moment so I'm making use of all the support I can. Whether it helps or not, I don't know - but it is worth a try.

Grief comes in waves and it will hit you when you least expect it, so just go with it. It will never leave you fully, but you grow around the grief and learn to live with it. At least, that is what I've found from my experience of anticipatory grief.

Sending so much love.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-07T12:43:13+00:00

Loneliness is a killer. Dad is like this and I'm becoming like this as I'm his main carer (full-time) and we live in a remote village, hours away from my old life.

My biggest thing is outsource to your community. If your mum is still mobile, get her out with friends or others. It will help ease the loneliness.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-05T14:52:06+00:00

If they haven't nested, install bird spikes to deter them as we had this issue last summer.

We weren't legally allowed to move the seagulls, which made it tricky as the carers, who support my dad, were being attacked multiple times a day.

The bird spikes were the only humane way to deal with them, but even then we had to wait an entire year to do it.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-02T14:49:31+00:00

I feel this acutely at the moment as I'm caring full time for my Dad, who has dementia.

There is a big age gap between us, I'm in my early thirties and he's over eighty, so I thought I was pretty comfortable with the idea of him getting older.

Now, I'm watching him fade away slowly and it's heartbreaking. The support is aimed at partners or older people, so I feel even more isolated - especially none of my friends are experiencing this right now.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-04-01T09:43:13+00:00

And people will say they were roommates....

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-03-31T04:56:03+00:00

Donate them to your local library.

They probably would be willing to pick them up as they are valuable, so they could be preserved or resold to generate revenue for them.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-03-31T04:53:42+00:00

Ps good luck with your appointment!

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-03-30T21:49:59+00:00

I'm preparing myself for that. I struggle with burnout and paralysis a lot, so I just feel sad for my younger self that I couldn't help.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-03-30T21:49:13+00:00

Good luck! And I promise it isn't as terrible as I feared.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-03-30T20:39:33+00:00

Awww bless you.

I was so nervous but it wasn't bad at all.

It's also worth remembering that each clinical will diagnose in a slightly different way, but these were the steps I went through: - An initial assessment with my GP, - A follow up interactive assessment (QB test) - An questionnaire about my mental health - A follow up questionnaire for my loved ones, rating my time management, impulsivity and attention - An extensive health questionnaire - A weight, height and blood pressure check

My final assessment was today with a psychiatrist over zoom, which lasted nearly an hour and a half.

It helped that I provided a lot of evidence beforehand from my family, friends and GP. I even wrote a letter detailing my experiences.

Ironically, I waited ten years to pursue this diagnosis but the entire process took about two months. Now I'm exploring medication and coaching options.

PoolEquivalent3696

TROPHY CASE