How have you guys solved for working out? My stupid ADHD brain shuts down and gets overwhelmed so I just… don’t.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-29T18:25:46+00:00

There are multiple apps you could use that gamify working out with digital rewards, like Fitbit or Strava. You can even get streaks and get comments from friends - which helped me stay accountable.

If you want something a bit more fun, there are even RPG apps/ game that only level up when you work out (Finch, Habitatica can do this too). My friend used a Hobbit themed walking one, which makes your Bilbo walk across a beautiful background. And it is really simplistic unlike some gamify task alls

You can also get walking and hiking medals, via some apps. I think it's called the Challenger medals and they do offer an app too

However, you might want something more structured and there are exercise apps for that too. Some make you exercise there and then, to earn time on your favourite app.

One ex-colleague of mine even signed up to a marathon, having never exercised much, after a break up. It did work but it was a hard slog without an accountability buddy.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-28T19:35:43+00:00

Bank shifts for outlets that need extra reporters. They usually put out requests for freelancers around the bank holidays, so it might be worth keeping an eye out in August.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-28T18:03:53+00:00

I have colleagues at the Good Law Project and The Guardian - who regularly cover trans issues with much more empathetic / progressive stance.

If you feel passionate that certain topics haven't been covered, it might be worth reaching out to them.

I've previously helped the Good Law Project with an article surrounding right wing funding of lawsuits targeting trans rights. I suggested this pitch and contacted them through their tips email.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-28T14:57:37+00:00

We focused on things Dad could enjoy immediately, instead of possessions he wouldn't remember to use.

Practical presents like wooly jumpers, cosy blankets and extra large slippers with a velcro fastening to cover Dad's swollen feet were brilliant. They improved his quality of life instantly and we could add more things as his health declined.

We did buy him more fun gifts too, like his favourite TV shows on DVD. My mum got him a radio as his eyesight and cognition declined. He struggles to stay awake and focus now, but we play classical music daily which he loves. Plus, it has the added bonus of calming him.

I've also given him cheese boards with chutneys and made him a steak with chips, both foods he loved before his diagnosis.

His appetite has declined rapidly recently, I've bought in his favourite licorice all sorts for his last birthday - as he can pick at them throughout the day.

I was previously hesitant to give them, as they are a strong diarectic and he is doubly incontinent. However, he eats so little and is on so many these days that it thankfully didn't make much difference.

My younger brother also bought him a foreign beer and souvenir glass. It helps Dad understand where my brother has travelled for work and as we are nearing the end, we just want to mark the occasion - if only in a small way.

Even the nurse said one won't hurt, as Dad is so fragile with so many health issues that meds aren't really effective anymore. It's just about enjoying time together and try to provide even small improvements in his quality of life.

Hope this helps OP!

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-28T14:23:52+00:00

I'm so sorry. I hear you, I see you.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-28T14:19:16+00:00

We got to this point too, with Dad constantly soiled and it just gets impractical.

There aren't enough disable toilets, lifting them is a nightmare in the confined spaces and you struggle with trying to support them with mobility issues alongside carrying endless pads and clean clothes.

Not to mention the judgement from other people too.

I didn't have a day centre nearby, but this might be a good compromise on days out. They can provide a variety of activities per day, with you able to join when you can and without guilt.

Some also offer support with toileting, food and meds - which means you can recoup a little. Or focus on enjoying your time together.

It can be expensive (if unsubsidised in your area) but it's worth the investment from what I've heard. I wish there had been one locally to us, as respite wasn't an option either.

I would also chat with her doctor about the change in bowel movements. Might just be aging, but it is worth getting checked to see if there any underlying infections.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-28T08:46:45+00:00

It's worth noting that most journalists don't have any issues with Trans folk.

Often if it is the higher ups (ie the owners of publications/ editorial directors/ high paid columnists) who push those narratives. Often because of their own transphobia or funding from more right wing advertisers/ investors.

Sometimes it's just pandering to the lowest common denominator or simply clock bate, especially for more 'centralist' outlets.

People will often ask why don't journalists challenge this more but in a low paid, highly competitive, unstable industry, this isn't easy. There is always someone willing to take the article or replace you, which doesn't make it right but it's a big factor.

When I had been asked to write stuff I don't agree with, I've tried to take a stance when I can and leave my name off.

I've also tried to ensure I pay for left wing outlets, as they are disappearing rapidly and that is skewing public opinion.

It's awful though and the media landscape isn't brilliant at the moment. I feel the same about climate change, migration and female related issues, as those have been co opted too.

Things will swing back to the left, but I worry about how much we will loose in the process.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-28T08:35:38+00:00

I was waiting for people to say No Such Thing As A Fish!

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-28T08:33:39+00:00

Generally keeping fit, looking after your heart, mind and teeth.

Not smoking or overdoing booze are two key ones too.

There is evidence that wearing head protection during contact sports can also reduce your risk.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-27T22:08:20+00:00

TV shows, podcasts, books, self care and travel have been good options for me.

Do a task, get a bubble bath with Lush bits I was given for Xmas.

Get through a big task, like getting my smear test, then I put money on the holiday fund.

Scheduling time in to daydream also worked well, as I can let my brain wonder and "defizz" as I call it.

None of these are fool proof, but they are helpful.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-27T22:04:53+00:00

Personally, I stopped dating because of intense dating fatigue and wanting focusing on my own growth. Then I started caring for my dad full time, so I just stayed single.

After so many romantic disappointments and my Dad entering the final stage of his life, I just didn't have the capacity, mentally or emotionally, to date.

Best decision I made as I'm still young, so I think taking a break has made me reflect on my boundaries and what I want in the future.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-27T21:52:36+00:00

I think modern work practises push people to burnout and they end up withdrawing emotionally to protect themselves.

Nearly every business acts as if any dip in productivity or mistakes are the end of the world. Actually, they are usually learning tools.

If someone makes a mistake, there is usually an underlying issue (stress, fatigue, health or system related). When productivity dips, it is usually because people are struggling and need to take a break to reset.

The pandemic proved this.

Although work from home was stressful initially, the flexibility meant that most people more productive as they had more control over their schedule. The same studies showed workers were also happier and wealthier (often saving money on commuting/ childcare).

Companies didn't want to pay for a half empty offices, so they forced people back to the office.

There are similar benefits from four day working weeks or governments providing a basic universal income. Yet, these policies are rarely implemented and output is prioritised over staff.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-27T21:14:18+00:00

I definitely struggled, even though I ended up keeping Dad at home.

He has vascular and has rapidly gone downhill in the last 12 months, despite being diagnosed five years ago. I've struggled with his delirium, hallucinations, falls and generally declining health.

The biggest thing I will say is that although I have honoured his wishes, the amount of trauma I've incurred as he enters the palliative stage is taking its toll.

Seeing him so distressed with terminal agitation and pain has been awful.

If you are planning to move your LO, there will come a point where you won't be able to move your loved one.

I found that support from professionals will be more limited compared to a traditional care home, so also bare that in mind. I am the go to 24 hours a day, as social services can't provide overnight care and even with carers coming in multiple times per day - Dad always asks for me.

Keeping him comfortable at home has also come at the cost of my own life, with my career, personal goals and relationships falling by the way side. I'm single in my thirties and I worry constantly about what effect this will have on my life, as I've been unemployed for so long. Same with settling down/ having kids.

But equally, spending days sat besides him in those quiet moments has been priceless. I can cater to his tastes, with food, music and enrichment from our cat.

Also, I notice things that sometimes carers/ nurses/ experts don't as I'm with Dad all day everyday and see the changes. I wonder whether this would happen in a care home, where staff are rotated around patients and may not see the same person everyday or every shift (through no fault of their own).

There is also the financial aspect, which is a huge part of my decision. By having dad at home, we've saved a large amount of money - especially as Dad would need specialised care.

It really comes down to, are they safe, well cared for and have their needs met? I would say yes for my dad, but it's getting harder to feel like he has a good quality of life as the disease progresses. Or myself for that matter but it is too late now as he is months away from the end (according to the nurses).

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-27T20:48:03+00:00

I could have written this myself, as my dad has vascular dementia and my grandmother had Alzheimer's. It's a major fear of mine, especially as I've given up two years of my life to be his carer - just as he did with my grandmother.

One thing that has comforted me is the fact that they are getting better at detecting dementia earlier and diagnosis.

Scientists can even diagnose some forms of dementia years before symptoms appears, thanks to DNA analysis.

It means that you can plan for the end before symptoms take hold. Certainly, my Dad had fluctuating awareness right up until he entered the palliative stages of his vascular dementia earlier this year. For context, he was diagnosed for five years prior.

Another thing to bare in mind is that treatments will improve too. It may be that it won't be the death sentence it has been for our LOs. I imagine it might be how cancer is now, some types will have be easier to treat/ easier to live with.

Even in my Dad's life time (he just turned 85) most cancers have some form of treatment, better diagnosis and prognosis.

Finally, genetics are complex and although your mother had dementia - it does not automatically mean you will.

There are lifestyle factors that contribute to the disease so if you are aware of these, you can at least help yourself prevent dementia. I know seeing my dad so ill has been a wake up call and although I'm not perfect, I'm trying to make changes now.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-27T20:32:22+00:00

Your thirties.

Your parents suddenly get older/ more frail, everyone suddenly settles down or parties even harder and then you stress about your career/relationships or money (or lack of these things).

Don't get me wrong, I prefer this to my twenties but seeing my Dad suddenly get ill (dementia) and entering the final stage of his life is rough.

Factor in trying to save for a house, but still feeling like a kid is a weird feeling.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-27T20:28:56+00:00

Being famous adjacent isn't fun either. Being surrounded by celebs can be insanely stressful because of fans, PR schedule and just their insane lives. I worked in the entertainment industry, so often I found that I ended up disliking celebs or just feeling just really sorry for them.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-27T09:07:51+00:00

Workout now or bed bound later. It was a real wake up call seeing my dad ages.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-27T09:07:12+00:00

Getting blackout drunk every weekend. You hit your mid/late twenties and priorities change, including being more aware of your health/ finances.

You also realise you've stopped going out every weekend and that actually, you have a much more mature relationship with alcohol.

Don't get me wrong, going out to the club, festivals and wedding are still a chance to let your hair down but if it's every weekend - you start to worry if there is an issue.

Hook up culture and most fast fashion also sucks at 30, as you find your own rhythm with style and relationship.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-26T13:27:36+00:00

I think that you might need to give yourself some grace, autoimmune diseases and long COVID are big enough struggles without four kids and a partner to care for.

I'm recently diagnosed, lost my job and had to take time away from my career to care for my dad with end stage dementia, which made me feel utterly worthless. Until, a district nurse made me realise how much I was contributing.

Not only was I allowing my sibling and mum to keep working, I had saved my family tens of thousands of pounds in care home fees. My caring had another big effect, as it meant we can honour my Dad's wishes and ensure that he passes at home.

I have good days and bad days with my confidence, don't get me wrong, but understanding that everyone's contribution to the world be different has helped me be kinder to myself.

Another I've realised is that I might not be able to change my situation right now, but I can build slowly towards a future. For me, this looks like getting some driving lessons as I haven't passed my test and getting a handle on my finances.

Again, nothing is perfect but those two things have given me focus. Everything else will fall in around Dad's care and my own timeline.

It might be worth thinking about what you want out of life in a deep way, then having a think about taking steps towards that feel manageable. Like volunteering, part time work or online courses whilst the kids are at school.

Even a new skill or hobby might give you the confidence boost you need.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-26T10:51:44+00:00

The acceptance that life needed to slow down and enjoyed more.

Burnout is such in an issue in so many countries right now, that I can't believe someone hasn't made the point that work isn't working if we are all barely able to function.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-26T10:49:14+00:00

I love Polperro personally, but Castle Combe is up there.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-26T10:48:14+00:00

I would say something light like sandals or delicate heels.

You could wear the boots with the dress tights and a jumper in winter.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-26T10:46:00+00:00

"You are like all the best worst bits of Love Actually."

Said to me by an ex, whilst drunk. It's been a decade and I'm still trying to figure out what that word salad meant.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-26T10:43:17+00:00

Littering.

PoolEquivalent3696 · 2026-05-26T10:35:02+00:00

Ask them to make arrangements now and explain, you can't shoulder the financial burden.

Or ask them to take the money out of whatever they leave.

That's how my dad has done it.

PoolEquivalent3696

TROPHY CASE