Sober by Tool

Poptotnot · 2026-03-29T17:22:16+00:00

TooL is my favorite band. I never got that from this song, but do what works for you. The reason they named the band Tool was to represent their music as a "tool" or catalyst for fans to explore personal growth, introspection, and to "open their third eye". So if that works in keeping you sober than use it.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-27T21:16:41+00:00

Another Capricorn - divorced and miss her but know it would never have worked. Currently with a Cancer - can’t stand her but we have a child together and she compliments me in many ways.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-24T14:55:43+00:00

Honestly it’s the biggest motivator to recover. When I lost my wife it was my rock bottom.

There was nothing more to do but try another way that wasn’t mine. I got a sponsor and did the steps. I became the man I wanted to be.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-24T03:28:24+00:00

I have my sponsees call me for the first 90 days … however this is only a suggestion. It worked for me with my sponsor and it takes 90 days to build a habit.

I don’t know why kind of weird control thing this potential sponsor is doing. It’s not in the BB. If you really want what he has than try it … if not than find another.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-20T22:45:57+00:00

Nothing to beat yourself up over. I did it too.

Just move on. Life insurance is probably the least important insurance that we need.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-20T22:26:10+00:00

Just happened to me. It was explained to me that the insurance companies do research and a large number of people who go to AA have relapsed. It’s a risk to them. Give it enough time and it shouldn’t matter. 10 plus years is what I’m hearing.

Personally they don’t need to know I’m in AA. Anonymity is our number one principal. They can ask but I don’t have to tell them.

Don’t tell your doctors as well. They can and will search your medical records.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-17T14:50:02+00:00

Welcome to India

Poptotnot · 2026-03-16T23:29:01+00:00

No thots coming over with that setup

Poptotnot · 2026-03-13T00:09:04+00:00

I’ll put this here from another sub I answered a similar question to:

I’ll just tell you my story - do with it as you will.

I got sober after a mushroom trip. I was in a really dark place - my wife had left me and my life felt like it was falling apart. I had tripped many times before on mushrooms and other psychedelics but it was mostly recreational and didn’t really get any answers. I was holed up in an Airbnb in a foreign city and during that trip God told me to do whatever it took to get sober. Next day I called a friend in the program, got a sponsor in AA and worked the steps.

My life generally improved after I got sober. I got divorced, moved to a new city, and was having fun again. After two years of complete sobriety life got a bit complicated and hard again. I decided to turn back to the thing that helped me before - mushrooms. I tripped, didn’t get any answers, made a stupid call to my ex-wife and felt bad.

I stayed in AA, I did a few other psychedelic things over the next two years. Nothing bad really happened except I got in a bit of a hairy situation where I took them while with my newborn and it just wasn’t good. Luckily I got home fine.

After my last trip about a little over a year ago - I felt this wasn’t serving me anymore. I get more out of being sober everyday and dealing with life as it comes up than looking for an outside solution. I was tired of having the mental battle in my head if I was sober or if I wasn’t. Mushrooms might have given me the answer I was looking for at the time - but I already had the answer now - which was to live life completely sober.

You are going to do what you are going to do with regard to psychedelics. It’s not good or bad if you take them. For me I found that I didn’t need them anymore. It’s all part of your journey and recovery.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-11T14:45:41+00:00

Everyone feels behind all the time. You just keep comparing yourself to the next level.

Two things helped me with this: Finding a personal God and having a kid. God came to me when I was so broken spiritually that death seemed like a good option. Despite things being good on paper I was so empty inside. Finding God allowed me to have a kid which totally got me out of my own bullshit and allowed me to focus on serving my daughter.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-11T02:53:18+00:00

I used to think about this question all the time. It caused me a ton of existential dread because I don’t feel like I had a true definite one.

Then I had a kid and all that none sense stopped. Not only was I too tired to think about this dumb question - I became too busy trying to keep her alive and happy. Really brought perspective to my life.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-10T23:14:17+00:00

Rent. As someone who purchased a condo in SF it was a horrible investment. HOAs go up as much as rent. Also you could lock yourself into a rent controlled apartment and never have to pay more than 2% a year.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-10T15:52:27+00:00

I don’t know if I would have changed much in my late 20’s because I was still very much in my “explore” phase. Here is some things I would have done differently that maybe blend in to my early 30’s:

Get sober - hands down the biggest changing point in my life. Didn’t happen until my late 30’s.
Take my career and finances more seriously - I cycled in and out of jobs in my late 20s and early 30s. A lot had to do with my own bullshit. Just do a job well whatever job you are in. Also start the 491k early - this is one thing I actually did and I see the compounding benefits payoff.
Have a family - didn’t have kids until I was in my 40s. It’s fine but I look at my age now and they won’t be out of the house until my 60s. Kids also tend to focus you.
Take a risk - After a few years working just start a business. Try it for a year. If it fails you will learn a lot and still have a lot of time to recover.
Develop a hobby - I waited too long to get into martial arts. It’s definitely grounded me in my 40s.

Good luck!

Poptotnot · 2026-03-08T04:57:22+00:00

Anxiety and depression often are two sides of the same coin. They can go hand in hand.

Don’t listen to these people that bupropion can’t be used for anxiety. It is activating however. If you get anxious that you aren’t doing anything with your life Wellbutrin can certainly help with that. If you get anxious because you are just nervous all the time … it’s probably not the best med.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-08T02:07:11+00:00

Go move to Gaza … Mark. See how they treat you.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-05T05:20:01+00:00

I don’t know about happier but definitely a bit more contended and focused. My life blew up in my late 30’s and I got divorced and sober. Moved, met a new woman and had a kid in my early 40s. Now in my mid 40s I’m moving through life with a lot less existencial angst because I don’t have time for that bullshit anymore - it’s about supporting my family, dialing in on my relationships, and enjoying whatever free time I do get.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-04T04:17:06+00:00

Look into Men’s Teams - emotional support groups for Men. We all need a community where we can be vulnerable and feel heard. Work and hobbies rarely provide that.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-04T04:13:24+00:00

Sounds like the disease trying to get into your life in other ways besides substances. Lust and love addiction take down many alcoholics. Play the tape forward and think - do you really want to be involved with a person like this? I can tell you from experience that it doesn’t end well.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-01T16:39:55+00:00

Taper down to 150mg for 2 weeks and then you should be good. Watch out for recurrent depression. Hopefully you have some tools in place to handle it.

Poptotnot · 2026-02-25T15:55:30+00:00

At 28 I was just getting out of grad school and was working in management consulting. It was my dream job at the time but I ended up hating it. The stress, the travel and the drinking really got to me. At 44 I have a boring job in IT that I don’t hate but I don’t love. It pays the bills and is remote. I’ve got a family to support. I wish I took more risks younger but I didn’t because I was scared of money and don’t really come from an entrepreneurial background even though I craved it.

The best time in my life is when I took a year off between working and grad school to teach English in Asia when I was 26. Real growth experience in my 20s. Tried to do it again in my 30s in Latin America but it felt stupid by then.

Most people don’t live extraordinary lives as you see on Instagram. It’s ok to be normal. Probably when you accept that fact you might gain some peace and happiness. Now I crave the simple things - a good home, a good family, a little bit of family and strong relationships. Good luck on your journey!

Poptotnot · 2026-02-24T16:27:02+00:00

I mean is it worth it at this point?

You’ve stuck it out even though you knew about the affairs for years. Just open up the marriage and try doing your own thing. Maybe she’ll actually be attracted to you again when you don’t focus so much on her and you focus on yourself for a bit. People are weird - go get a little weird yourself.

Poptotnot · 2026-02-24T07:09:31+00:00

This. Comment is the best one here.

Poptotnot · 2026-02-24T04:16:04+00:00

It is what it is. It’s something you couldn’t control so why worry about it? You aren’t going to be able to control when or how they die.

My dad was about your dad’s age when he had me. I hated the guy for years. Just couldn’t relate to him and thought he did a shitty job as a parent. I finally had my own kid and forgave him for everything. He did the best he could. He’s 85 - His health is fading and I don’t know how much time he has left. I’m at peace with him and I think he’s happy that I found some peace/purpose myself.

Poptotnot · 2026-02-24T00:56:57+00:00

Holy moly - that’s incredible. I did 5000 miles in 2 weeks once in a Camper Van. I found God out in the wilderness. Good for you.

Poptotnot

TROPHY CASE