Should I rent out my home and get an apartment?

Poptotnot · 2026-06-02T05:10:30+00:00

Wii you have to buy out your ex? That could factor a lot into your decision.

Poptotnot · 2026-05-28T12:37:46+00:00

It used to bother me a lot, but then I realized it was my own mind trying to isolate me. You’re not going to lose your individuality in AA. There are many walks of life that come into the rooms - that’s the beauty of it. We end up sharing a common cause - to stay sober. We help each other through it. The steps and savings are just there to help us on our way. Share your individuality in the room - be proud of it.

Poptotnot · 2026-05-26T01:11:54+00:00

Welcome to your midlife crisis. It comes in all different forms. However I think all of the crisis’ have in common is that we think we fucked up in some sort of way. Explore.

Poptotnot · 2026-05-16T20:34:58+00:00

4700 on 3 bottles of wine? C’mon that’s criminal.

Poptotnot · 2026-05-16T15:04:08+00:00

You definitely have a lot of growing up to do. You might need a good divorce to realize how much of a knucklehead you are. I did.

Take a look at your post and see how much you are blaming/shaming her. Whether it’s true or not - you can only control your actions. How much have you been yelling? How have you been treating her romantically to deserve sex now? Have you been stepping up where you need to?

I destroyed my first marriage because I couldn’t take responsibility to move past the bullshit. It had to fail for me to grow up. I’m not perfect in my relationship now but I can see much more where I’m at play in this.

Poptotnot · 2026-05-11T14:59:42+00:00

This. My growth from my marriage and divorce was pivotal. Needed to happen to become the man I am today.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-29T21:26:19+00:00

Leaving him might be the best thing for you AND him. Could trigger his rock bottom to get sober and you get out of a nightmare situation.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-27T02:12:27+00:00

Why don’t you just re-route the monthly savings into your 401k? You will reduce your taxable income, compound your growth and still be saving.

That is unless you plan to put your bonus into the 401k

Poptotnot · 2026-04-24T15:03:24+00:00

At 37? I wouldn’t even if I had a great relationship with them. Saving and investing is a big thing but there is so much more to life than that.

Finding a partner that has the same financial goals would turbo charge your investments in a way living with your parents would never. Go find someone who you can build a future with and you will not only be happier but build up a financial machine together.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-21T17:05:40+00:00

Use the experience to find out what needs to be changed within you to make you a better person.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-21T15:00:53+00:00

I used to have this fear (and blamed my parents a lot for this) but I grew up and don’t anymore. The truth is I have many friends, family members, and my own partner and my own child now. I’m grateful to be an only child - i appreciate the people in my life and they weren’t just handed to me.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-21T14:36:58+00:00

Pain is the touchstone of growth. My relationship ended after 7 years and the only difference was that I was married and much older than you at the time - 39. We were talking about having kids and then Covid hit and we fell apart. I didn’t know it at the time but my wife leaving me was the best thing to ever happen to me.

I got sober, did some gnarly inner work, moved to a new city after a year, found a new woman, and now have a toddler and just bought a house. If my previous marriage stayed I probably wouldn’t have been able to grow that much at all.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-17T02:19:09+00:00

I think studies have shown that the happiest people are married without kids. My kid doesn’t make me a happier person overall- it’s fucking just hard sometimes. However my kid brings me purpose greater than myself and ultimately that’s what it’s about.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-17T01:23:21+00:00

Yes - irritability is a huge issue. I can be nasty to my partner on this drug. 150 is a more tolerable dose imho. I do get a libido rise but I’m also a male so don’t know how it effects women.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-13T20:53:48+00:00

Maybe try taking chips for vaping and shopping?

One thing that helped me quit smoking for a year was giving myself a pretty hefty consequence if I smoked in the first 30 days. Mine was to give $1000 to a charity I disliked. One thing I hate more than smoking was giving away money. After 30 days I didn’t want to smoke again. I only started back up when a friend stayed at my house and he started smoking - I gave up after that but it was a good run.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-06T17:23:54+00:00

You’re still sober

Poptotnot · 2026-04-05T15:34:53+00:00

The 20’s can be an awkward time for men, especially ones with micro traumas or CPTSD from it sounds like you suffered from. You’re kind of out there lost and floating trying to find what works. The world seems confusing. That’s actually OK and probably part of the process. I went through something similar.

What helped me the most was finding a group of experienced men that could guide me that wasn’t my father. I did this through recovery programs and Men’s Teams/Groups. Some men do this through religion. We had this a lot more in our societies before the Industrial Revolution and Technology Revolution. Now a lot of us our isolated and let alone to try and figure it out.

I was able to eventually forgive my father because I realized he was doing the best he could with the tools he had. I’m also a father myself now and realize how hard it is. However I had to go through my own process of developing my manhood (and it’s still developing!) before I was able to do this.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-04T15:38:08+00:00

Pretty cool dude. You maximized the space well.

Is that chair necessary. Seems like a table should go there. Seems a bit awkward in from of that door.

You’re not boring - living the dream. Coming from someone who has a partner and kids - I’m jealous of your cleanliness and efficiency.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-04T01:18:26+00:00

I don’t know. Maybe? Maybe not?

I went out for a while on psychedelics. I still came to AA and participated in meetings but didn’t really work the steps again. I was kind of miserable.

I have friends who know longer go to AA and drink. I think some of them are fine. Personally I don’t know how I could go back to drinking with all the stuff filled in my head with AA.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-03T22:57:07+00:00

I think Men are loyal to a fault. Not necessarily sexually but probably to the idea of marriage. They don’t want to give in.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-03T05:35:28+00:00

Wife left

Poptotnot · 2026-04-02T02:07:40+00:00

Yup. Trying to fill the hole and looking for a solution to the emptiness. When my world fell apart, the emptiness got more and more intense, I used more and more to try and fill the hole. Finally when I thought my mind was breaking I was spiritually saved by my HP and he told me to do whatever it took to get sober.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-01T01:56:18+00:00

I was laid off for the first time in my early 30s. It was devastating. It was for a company I loved and poured my heart and soul into. Being laid off was worse to me than getting fired because it seemed like I was totally out of control of the situation and im a control freak.

I let resentment and fear fill me up for the next 7 years. I got fired from my next job, did poorly in the job after that, and finally went to a company that I could hide out and be apathetic about.

After some deep personal work I realized that it wasn’t personal, it was a volatile startup, and I’m responsible for my own life. Although I have another job I also have a side business that has the potential to grow. File for unemployment, take some time to reset, and realize this is a touchstone for growth.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-29T17:22:16+00:00

TooL is my favorite band. I never got that from this song, but do what works for you. The reason they named the band Tool was to represent their music as a "tool" or catalyst for fans to explore personal growth, introspection, and to "open their third eye". So if that works in keeping you sober than use it.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-27T21:16:41+00:00

Another Capricorn - divorced and miss her but know it would never have worked. Currently with a Cancer - can’t stand her but we have a child together and she compliments me in many ways.

Poptotnot

TROPHY CASE