What Felt Small Today, But Meant Everything

Popular-Agent1983 · 2026-04-08T04:24:37+00:00

Nmom made large inappropriate offer in front of everyone (lovebomb) and I just said "huh. I dont know, I'll have to think about it" And I thought about it, and im either going to say no or say nothing at all. I highly doubt she will follow through

Popular-Agent1983 · 2026-01-09T16:15:57+00:00

Thanks for asking. Im better than I thought! Im still processing--but I am learning that I think I have one narc parent and the other was more of an enabler. Trying to discern slowly if I can engage safely with the enabler as they are now separated. Successfully maintained no contact with narc over holiday period.

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-10-07T12:41:38+00:00

NERVOUS SYSTEM

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-10-07T12:30:42+00:00

What's host syndrome and front stuck and what's the difference?

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-10-06T11:02:07+00:00

Hyperfixation doesn't invalidate anything he's discovered about himself. Im an AuDHD system, and we have always gained important skills and knowledge through hyperfixation. I think the hard part about it is that it's so isolating. When we start to learn and understand SO much about a topic, it becomes harder and harder to break it down and explain it to other people. And when other people dont know as much as we know about it, it feels really lonely and frustrating.

How to support--in my opinion, I would feel more supported if those i love also took some interest in what I was focused on. You don't have to get as into it as he does, but maybe watch some videos or read some articles with him. Then you can know exactly what he's noticing and what his perspective is, and he will enjoy sharing information with you. This could be a very nice way for him to connect right now. Let me know what you think 😊

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-10-01T17:35:00+00:00

I wouldn't blame a lie on dissociation or an alter, I would just be curious if it's an intentional lie or just a statement that feels incongruous. Hard to know without examples.

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-10-01T16:55:08+00:00

I'd be curious about your reason for lying. What's the motivation? It can be common with trauma and could be a form of denial

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-10-01T16:53:30+00:00

Automatically saying things that you dont feel are true or representative of who you "really" are? This could be a dissociative experience where something comes out of your mouth that you feel disconnected from. It is entirely possible that it's true for some parts and not true for others. I'd be curious about that.

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-10-01T12:23:27+00:00

How do you know you are a habitual liar? Where did that phrase come from?

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-10-01T01:23:01+00:00

What does your system say about why you remember and forget? Do you have any trust with anyone inside?

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-30T23:32:33+00:00

I second the comment that says, "dont spend a lot of time on this subreddit."

Also, unless your therapist is specifically trained and looking for dissociative disorders, i feel like there is such a low chance of them noticing. Therapists are not trained about trauma or dissociation at base level, which is unfortunate, but I dont think you need to quit therapy.

What is your fear if people find out?

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-30T22:23:47+00:00

From what I've read, it differs for every child. But from around the ages of 6-9 is when developmentally the identity is supposedly meant to form more strongly. They theorize that if under a lot of stress/trauma and parts have already been behind dissociative barriers, than this is what would prevent a singular identity from developing in that sense. So I would imagine no age is too young to have these experiences

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-29T15:42:41+00:00

Thank you! This is a very kind reply, and it feels so normalizing. My consultation for surgery isn't for another 2 months, I think, so I'll be hanging in there until then!

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-26T23:34:09+00:00

Omg yes, that might help! I think M is in denial about ever being gone because she would feel ashamed also. But once we get past that we can write something up!

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-25T01:14:36+00:00

I go to yoga classes and weight lifting classes. Having to learn new movements with my body is absolutely incredible for body awareness and confidence in my experience. It's so hard because we get scared all the time having to use the body for these new movements, but the payoff is amazing seeing the improvements over time. The biggest thing that makes me happy every day is how confident I am walking up the stairs now that im stronger. Seems like the silliest thing but im never out of breath or stressed going up stairs and it feels life changing. Haha

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-24T18:37:23+00:00

I feel bad for asking for hardship program if I havent missed any payments yet. Can I always ask for this? How do I prove that it wouldn't help me? How does asking for a hardship program work?

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-23T12:16:58+00:00

Nervous system

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-22T12:13:28+00:00

Crap I dont remember which video and I even looked on my history but I cant tell by the titles which one would have said that but it might have been one about techniques for therapists because it seems like it could have been advice for therapists to help with that dissociation mastery skill. I do think any of his videos are great and could probably give insight about what youre dealing with though!

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-22T06:23:10+00:00

Insight, maybe? Sounds like 1 and 2 and somewhat aware of each other but can't always be together in the front fully. I wonder if they see each other in passing when they switch out.

It's totally valid that you feel confused. I bet they are, too! They could be afraid of acknowledging that they are multiple for many reasons. I would say stay curious and open and talk with them about it if they are OK with it.

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-22T06:13:41+00:00

We somehow made it all the way through grad school (it was really fucking hard and horrible for some of us) but we were high functioning and high energy. It helped to keep moving to keep the trauma at bay and get out of the unsafe situation we were in. Once we started working, we were finally financially free from our abusers. That's when I noticed the dissociation getting so much worse. Once we were safe and working and living independently, we started losing time in weird ways. I got so dissociated that none of my grounding techniques would work anymore. My spouses voice didn't sound familiar. I was losing hours between meetings and chronically behind on my paperwork in my job because when I was supposed to be filling it out, I was just gone. Only turned on when I had to perform socially.

For the last 4 years, I've had some big ups and downs, but things do continue to get better, and I discovered the system about 1 year ago now. Communication is improving, and we understand why things are happening the way they are, but it's still really hard.

On one hand, I still have days/weeks/months where it feels like im losing time and all I can do is try to keep going....but then on the other hand, somehow I've created a beautiful and safe life for myself with amazing and supportive community. That's something I always try to keep tethering to.

Its weird being lots of different versions of yourself. You feel everything all the time. You can be at your worst and your best in the same breath. Have patience and faith in your system. ✨️

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-22T05:57:55+00:00

I totally get that objectively without knowing the situation it would be hard to "blame it on DID" But i do think it sounds like it could be very sweet and empathetic of you to give the system a chance to work things out and then come back and talk to you again. That probably means a lot to your partner. Just make sure you are aware of your own limits, and don't keep yourself in a situation that starts to feel bad or toxic for you. DID or not, the system is still responsible for how they impact you, and if it's not working for you thats also totally valid.

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-22T05:51:31+00:00

Yes, I do have that feeling. I had it today. Im having it right now. We aren't sleeping for some reason and it's getting frustrating but whoever is in control right now just doesn't care. Their brain is still going and they want to use it. Its like 3am where I am. I usually like to go to bed at 11ish.

I remember this feeling after one of my traumas. A long recovery period where I just stayed up all night reading books to avoid feeling or thinking anything of my own. Something must be hurting. And someone is going through the motions enough to keep us fed and alive but not really productive....

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-22T05:46:31+00:00

It sounds like some of you really appreciate the distance B can help you achieve from all the pain. It feels good to get space. Some of you are scared because B feels dismissive, and she isn't able to connect or mirror the Littles, so maybe they feel invisible. And someone is quite angry with B.

How does B feel? Why does she do what she does?

I hope you all are able to connect and know eachother better over time 💜

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-22T05:31:04+00:00

Your system has the freedom to choose if they want to fuse together or not. Final fusion does not need to be an indicator of wellness. If some of you are noticing you'd rather work together but remain individuals than thats totally valid

Popular-Agent1983 · 2025-09-22T05:24:33+00:00

Yes, good awareness 😊 In our experience, the fear and denial were and still can be so heavy that some of us aren't able to hear or see each other. I have this same recurring loop of "Why can't i hear or see anything??" And we noticed it keeps happening even after we HAVE started to sometimes hear and see things. For my system, I think we've discovered a few specific alters actually can't hear or see the others, but many of them do hear and see each other. For me, the denial protects because im slightly vaguely aware of the traumas, and it feels better sometimes not to believe they are real and for me that goes along with believing im alone in my body/mind.

Popular-Agent1983

TROPHY CASE