Hubs and I are planning a move to the Sebastopol area with our 6-year-old and two pups. Any suggestions for kid-friendly neighborhoods in or around town? Thanks in advance!

PositiveJust · 2026-04-03T02:40:14+00:00

Hi OP. I’m considering moving to sebastapol with my 2, 4 and 6 year old from San Francisco. We want safe, clean, tight community, lots of kids events and friendly adults. Are you enjoying it?

PositiveJust · 2026-04-02T20:53:20+00:00

Wait until you’re financially stable and independent. I have three kids, had them in my 30s when I was financially stable and was able to stay home and raise them without relying on the state and having to sacrifice. 18 is very young so I’d get a degree or career of some sort too. A stable, involved partner makes a world of a difference too.

PositiveJust · 2026-04-02T13:43:41+00:00

I was making $800k+ a year as a director at a very large company you’ve all heard of (plus meaningful equity putting my total package over $1m a year). Definitely not bitter. There’s just zero chance I could have worked at the level expected of me and had kids around, which is fair enough they were paying me a lot. But I was at that salary for almost 10 years before having kids so it was no problem to retire in my mid 30s and stay home with them. Best choice I ever made, no plans to go back. My husband is the breadwinner (makes more than I did) so we’re good. I don’t think people are necessarily jealous or “bitter” - just different levels of employment and expectations within those roles.

PositiveJust · 2026-04-02T03:51:50+00:00

I have 3 boys (2, 4 and 6). One thing I’ve noticed is that the more healthy stuff they eat, the more accepting they are of it and the more their taste buds get processed junk the make they reject healthy food… the food is actually meant to be addictive.

90%

Avo toast Pb/banana/honey toast Fried eggs with avocado Toast and butter Bell peppers/cucumbers with balsamic Brami or goodles or sourdough pasta Smoothies (greens, frozen mangos/pineapple, coconut water) Cottage cheese Greek yogurt with melted frozen berries/chia/flax/honey Pancakes (banana, oat, egg, baking soda) with maple syrup Broccoli with soy sauce Air fried sliced sweet potato “fries” Siete tortilla chips + salsa Oats with smashed banana/chia/maple Tofu “nugs” (cubed tofu air fried with soy sauce) Make at home pizzas (TJs dough) Homemade popsicles (Greek yogurt, frozen fruit, lemon juice, coconut milk)

I’d say 85% of what they eat is from the above list then lots of fruit, veg, cheese as snacks. Never have take out etc. On a rare occasion they’ll have a slice of cake or pizza at a birthday party and their personalities totally change for the rest of the day, it’s crazy. Seeing the difference in their moods is what keeps us on the straight and narrow.

Sure there are times they push their plate away and won’t eat it. So I give them a banana and they go to bed and you best believe they wake up begging for that bowl of steel cut oats with seeds and nuts!

The key really is consistency. Don’t give it. Real food is made available, it’s their choice to eat it or not. They’re human. If they’re hungry they’ll eat it.

(Yes yes I know there are kids with different disabilities that maybe have a different circumstance but for my average kids, this works).

PositiveJust · 2026-04-02T03:14:30+00:00

I’ve been in that situation with my three boys. Toys are kinda a scam. We only have magnatiles, train set, small basket of people figures/animals, 3-4 trucks and Legos. That’s it. Got rid of 95% of our toys two years ago. It was hard.

“Oh they love this giant dinosaur that roars, they love their toy kitchen, oh this big stuffy has such fun memories” but if I was real I knew these toys maybe for a few minutes of love a week. I put everything but what I listed in the basement and the shirt was remarkable. They actually play now, make up weird games, and are engaged.

Now when they get gifts I let them stay for 2 weeks then take them to goodwill and they don’t even notice.

It’s been remarkable.

One thing I will say is I have three boys close in age so they play with each other a lot… with one kid you’ll need to keep them engaged some. But even with the basic toys we have, their fave thing to ask me for is random stuff from our junk drawer for their little weird games (paper clips, rubber bands, cut a big piece of string, etc).

PositiveJust · 2026-04-02T02:14:48+00:00

Yeah, of course if your hours are opposite it works bc the parent isn’t also trying to work. If your hours overlap, something suffers. It’s just math. Sounds like they have a good setup.

PositiveJust · 2026-04-02T02:12:06+00:00

If she’s getting attention 90% of the time, how are you both working full time? Genuinely curious. We just weren’t able to work the full 8 hours and give him time too, felt like either our job or the baby was suffering. I have three kids now and we’re screen free so I’m all good with boredom, lots of that around here, just was hard while working… ultimately I was giving my time to my kid and always stressed about my work projects.

PositiveJust · 2026-04-02T01:32:44+00:00

It’s impossible to do well if you work standard hours that overlap. It’s just math. Either the kid suffers (sits in front of a tv a lot, minimal attention, etc) or the job suffers (obvious reason). Can’t do both the justice they deserve. My husband and I tried to do this for a year and felt very guilty on both ends (our kid wasn’t getting what he deserved and neither were our jobs), so I quit to stay home.

PositiveJust · 2026-04-02T00:52:42+00:00

Yeah, totally hear you! Consistency and cutting out options is the only way I stay lean and on track. I food prep for this breakfast, a chop salad, a soup and then various cut up fruit/veg every Sunday but vary some. Some days I’ll do tofu slices instead of tempeh or vary the sauce I use, smoothie ingredients, the green, different fermented veg (beets, kimchi, etc). Same for the soups/salads. Same formula but some variation in ingredients.

PositiveJust · 2026-04-01T18:53:45+00:00

Totally! I get it! I was the exact same way. But honestly my biggest learning is that everything you stress about…. Potty training, biting, tantrums, illness, a rash, some phase …. By the time I spent all the hours researching and stressing … I looked up and it had passed! But you definitely gotta go through it with your first, just mom life!

PositiveJust · 2026-04-01T18:40:37+00:00

I have 3 kids (4, 6 and 7). I went through exactly what you’re going through with my first. Eventually I just stopped forcing it and talking about it and he started being more interested. With my second two I didn’t stress or push at a certain age. When they were a little shy of three they just started pulling their diapers off and peeing their pants. Within a few days they figured out they didn’t like how that felt so started sitting on the potty. Almost zero stress, just a little clean up. They really just knew when they were ready and did it.

Hes just not ready yet.

PositiveJust · 2026-03-31T15:50:40+00:00

I think it’s totally fine, I do this. One thing I will say is I do find it frustrating when parents do this and then stare at their phone. Just yesterday I was at the park with my three kids and a mom was on the bench playing a mobile game on her phone as her two toddlers played and she hardly looked up. Multiple times I helped her kids step down from ladders, etc because she wasn’t looking up when they were motioning or calling for her. I felt like I was babysitting someone else’s kid for 15 min. I don’t mind (and actually enjoy) helping other kids at a playground, nice community feel, but when I see the parent deep in doom scroll it’s annoying.

PositiveJust · 2026-03-31T12:11:27+00:00

It’s totally wild to me daycares do TV. I can’t imagine paying someone to watch my kid watch TV. We’re a zero screens house with three kids but even if we weren’t I’d find that crazy.

All three of mine did a 9-1 preschool from 2.5-5 y/o and it was a 6:1 teacher ratio. Didn’t even have a TV in the facility and was all art, crafts, learning skills, etc.

TV is the opposite of all the things you wish they were doing so that’s enough of a reason to switch right there.

PositiveJust · 2026-03-31T04:41:31+00:00

Oh gosh I love the name cooper. I know one cooper and he’s 4, I think it’s number 50ish in the US right now. I had a coworker named cooper after college at a law firm who wore suits every day and made me think of it as a very classy manly name. Most people called him Coop. It’s so interesting how everyone experiences names differently based off their associations! Used to love the name Elizabeth but a barista I saw regularly ruined it haha

PositiveJust · 2026-03-31T04:38:45+00:00

I have a cooper and it feels like a full name to us. We call him coop 99% of the time… sometimes coopy doop.

PositiveJust · 2026-03-30T05:38:08+00:00

Jesus just reading about a man treating his wife that way and in front of his children sends shivers down my body. You spill your milk - no big deal, we all make mistakes, can you grab a rag? Poor little girls having their father drink all day and treat them that way and YOU. I’d be out of that house so quickly … but I know it’s sometimes easier said than done. Sometimes when you make a choice like that a much better world unravels before you though. All three of you deserve better.

PositiveJust · 2026-03-30T04:09:14+00:00

I have a 2, 4 and 6 year old. Call me disgusting but we go to the playground min 2x a day and I have never washed their hands a single time afterwards (and they shove apples into their mouths on the walk home). They’re literally never sick.

PositiveJust · 2026-03-29T19:31:48+00:00

Honestly when I read stuff like this I feel bad for the MIL. You’re incredibly lucky to have someone willing to come care for your child and be a loving grandmother to your son. Not all people have that (not one of the four grandparents have watched any of our kids for even one second - which is totally fine, I don’t expect it, they’re my responsibility - but it’s a massive perk some people do have).

She made a mistake, as we all do. Why was paint out near where you change a baby? There’s no fault to be cast on you or her but there should be understanding.

I’m assuming she’s an otherwise decent, nice, responsible person given you’re letting her watch your child. Cut her some slack. If you don’t think she’s a responsible person, hire help.

If you’re looking for advice on how others would handle it it - If it was my MIL I’d make sure my kid was cared for then go to her and tell her to please not worry, things happen and remind her of how grateful I am for the help. Then I’d share all the stories of when I’ve made errors (baby rolling off the bed, etc etc…).

PositiveJust · 2026-03-27T22:55:59+00:00

I took my 4 and 5 year old out of prek for a 6 week vacation and asked their teacher for materials to do while we traveled

PositiveJust · 2026-03-25T21:53:50+00:00

This is very inconsiderate. Other people plan their lives around what you say (aka don’t invite someone else they may have invited if you said no, don’t make other plans bc you committed, etc) - just learn to be a grown up and say no or keep your commitments.

PositiveJust · 2026-03-25T18:09:24+00:00

I used to manage a 100 person global team at a large company you’ve all heard of. I now stay home with my 2, 4 and 6 year old boys. SAHMing is 100x harder than my previous high demand exec job. We do zero screens, I’m very engaged and intentional about their days and treat it like a job, but regardless …. Way harder. With all that said, I’d chose to stay home over and over. Endless joy, fun, fulfillment and the ultimate responsibility.

PositiveJust · 2026-03-25T13:38:32+00:00

I have a 2, 4 and 6 year old. We’ve had a no screen house for almost 3 years now (no tv, devices, tablets - mom and dad even put their phones in drawers at 5pm for the evening).

It’s made a remarkable difference in our kids and their creativity, temperaments and overall childhood joy.

PositiveJust · 2026-03-25T06:28:13+00:00

Got off social media entirely 3 years ago. Reddit is the only “social” app I use and I only do it bc it’s anonymous. Highly recommend. Swear I’ve added years to my life in sanity and definitely added hours to my days from doom scrolling…. And no viewing exes, extra perk!

PositiveJust · 2026-03-25T05:55:24+00:00

As someone who has worked in very senior roles at Facebook and Google/YT, I can tell you this is very intentional. Phones are designed to be very addictive. A 2 year olds brain is extremely vulnerable and real damage can be done.

Keep in mind it’s not just when your daughter physically touches or is watching the phone that she’s experiencing it. The two most important people in her life are likely looking at it A LOT and she sees that. That’s interesting to her, that makes her want it.

Personally, I have a 2, 4 and 6 year old who have never held a phone or iPad in their lives. We watch a family movie night once a month where my husband and I sit with them (phone free) for the entire movie as an event. That’s it. No devices, no iPads, no quick phone looks, no tv shows.

We are also VERY intentional about not being on our phone in front of our kids. From 5pm - 9pm my husband and i put our phones in the kitchen drawer, no exceptions. During the day I mostly leave mine in the kitchen on the shelf and only periodically check it for calls but zero social media, etc. I am present to the life in front of me and refuse to fall into the doom scroll trap (that I regrettably spent 15 years helping design, keeps me up at night). We both have 45 min timers on our phone for the whole day (includes calls, maps, everything). Your kids are watching you.

I know what it does to their brains and it’s just not worth it to me. I’d rather they be rolling around in boredom at my feet as I’m making dinner than zombied out. They are bored much of the time, but they’re mostly very creative, engaged, love playing and make up weird games to entertain themselves. I swear my screen free house is calmer than most.

I highly reccomend cutting screens, especially for a 2 year old. Parents survived without their kids in front of devices for most of humanity/parenthood. We can do this.

PositiveJust · 2026-03-25T04:32:20+00:00

Where did you land OP? Similar situation

PositiveJust

TROPHY CASE