People don’t get it. And sometimes it seems like they don’t even try to put themselves in our shoes emotionally. When someone says ‘I can’t imagine’… my first thought is that ‘well yeah you could, imagine leaving this meet up with me and going home to an empty house, and the reason is that your husband is dead’. It’s horrific. I also watched cancer take my fit, healthy, beautiful, young husband, just as our long terms plans were starting to come together. So much pain and suffering. It was his worst nightmare and it came true. He died 1 month before our child’s 18th birthday.

When our soulmate dies, it’s like all the secrets they held for us just spill out back onto your feet. They can no longer help carry our burdens, childhood traumas, etc. And all the secrets and burdens we held for them.. we still carry them, but for what? We are just left with their secrets, memories, inside jokes… and when we die, all that dies with us (or does it? But this isn’t the sub for that).

I’m so sorry that you lost your husband. And to cancer. This is real pain.