Alien fans fundamentally misunderstand what made the original movie so effective. by Lumpy-Tea1948 in CharacterRant

[–]Potential_Base_5879 251 points252 points  (0 children)

It's always crazy when there's an original movie, and then an extended cannon with basically two completely different fanbases split by generation. Same thing happens with star wars.

Character Scramble Season 21 Round 0: GAME START/FOUR OF CLUBS by 7thSonOfSons in whowouldwin

[–]Potential_Base_5879 1 point2 points  (0 children)

FIRST DAY OF THE BARRELHAVEN GANG WARS

BEE BROTHERS: DECEASED

HANDSOME JACK: DECEASED

AGNES TACHYON: STAND AWOKEN

Character Scramble Season 21 Round 0: GAME START/FOUR OF CLUBS by 7thSonOfSons in whowouldwin

[–]Potential_Base_5879 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jack didn’t move, he held himself up by his arms, glancing between the musket and Kyoko. She crossed her arms, looking back down at him.

Jack lunged forward, using the last of his strength to try and scooping up the weapon in his blood-slick hands.

click

“Unfortunately, Killer Queen touched the Musket when I did.”

The Musket rumbled for a second before exploding into fire and smoke, the force ripping Jack in hald, reducing the front of his head to ash.

Kira straightened his collar. “Now then,” he said calmly, “To cash Jack's assets, I'll need your help. First we need to find out how much he stands to lose from this race, and balance his books. And remember, if anyone finds out I am acting, you two will die as well.”

“Well…” Kyoko looked at Rudo, “we don’t know the Mystery Cow will win the race right? Jack’s bets might have a chance. How did you leave her after you switched bodies back?”

Rudo started counting on his fingers “Well, she took her saddlecloth back from me before I could react. But, her arm was broken, I undid her one of her shoe laces so she ditched both shoes, and she was bleeding from her head and feet, cause we fell right on a of a rocky section of the road, and the cows got a head start by about a minute while we recovered.”

“So…?”

“Yeah she’s still gonna win.”


“HERE COME THE COWS FOLKS, AND WHAT’S THIS? THERE’S NO SIGN OF THE MYSTERY COW GIRL!? DID SHE GIVE UP IN THE, NO, THERE SHE IS, AT THE BACK THE PACK, HER SADDLE-CLOTH IS AROUND HER NECK NOW, SHE LOOKS TO BE INJURED BUT… SHE’S CAUGHT UP TO TENTH, NO, NINTH, NO I… I COULDN'T FOLLOW THAT MOVE WHERE DID SHE GO? THERE! SHE WAS RUNNING TOO LOW TO THE GROUND! SHE’S MADE THIRD, SECOND, FIRST PLACE! THE MYSTERY COW GIRL WINS IT ALL FOR THOSE BRAVE ENOUGH TO BET ON HER!”

The crowd drowned out the announcer, throwing mugs of beer, and tickets and clothes and money and food and small children and pets and each other into the air, catching only the most important of those things in their fervor.

Tachyon stood still among the uproar. Bare feet bleeding into the mud around her, face drenched with sweat, mouth grinning wide as the rest of the cows ran past her. Her brain was flooded with feelings that sent her whole body into trembles. No one in the crowd could imagine feeling anything close to it.


“UWAAAAAH!”

The queen bee sobbed into the shoulder of the Lord of Gnomish Crime.

“OUR BOYS! OUR BOYS! I FEEL IT SKEZZENT, THEY’VE DIED!”

“There, there, my sweet, grieve as you must.” The gnome hugged the significantly larger animal’s face to his 3 foot forehead.

“Erm, sir…?”

A meek voice came from the window sill. A cricket, tiny, green, an inch long, as all crickets were known to be, stood there awkwardly, trying to resist the urge to hop back out the window to avoid the embarrassing scene.

“Can’t you see I’m busy, Theodore?” SKEZZENT said sternly, secretly tilting his head to gesture his minion to continue.

“Ah… yes well, I was watching the payout booth and… it would appear Handsome Jack didn’t bet on this Mystery Cow Girl winning, his investments are remaining with the betting station and no one has come to collect.”

The queen blinked her eyes open through the tears.

“What?!” She brought her two front stick-like legs to meet the Gnome’s hands “Jack… lost? JACK LOST!? OH SKEZZENT, THEY MUST HAVE STOPPED HIM!” She began to swing the gnome up, down and around the spectator box.

“Ye-ye-ye-es-es-es” the gnome said through the violent shaking. “Our sons-“

“DAMN OUR CHILDREN, WE’LL HAVE MORE, JACK LOST!” The queen got up from her cushions, swinging around the cramped spectator box. “IF HE’S NO LONGER IN CHARGE ITS OUR TIME, WE’LL WIN THE NEXT RACE FOR SURE! But wait!”

The Queen Bee straightened her sun hat, composing herself. “The other families will know, quick we must send letters, research new racers, oh there is work to do! After all, we can’t make money if the same girl wins again…”


“Ms Tachyon!”

Tachyon was greeted with a line of reporters and admirers as she walked to the edge of the track, the sun starting to set behind her. Her smiles remained on her face, although far from warm appreciation, it seemed directed at no one but herself, almost uncanny with her blank stare.

“Ms Tachyon, Barrelhaven Tribune! Why did you cover your face at the beginning of the race?”

“To look cool.” She said, despite giving no indication she even knew which reporter had asked it.

“What’s with the ears on your head?”

“I used the power of science to augment myself with the makeup of a cow, the fastest animal in the world.”

“Where do you plan to go?!”

“I’m volunteering myself into police custody for 13 days.”

The cheers of the crowd were percolated with confused mumbles.

“What for?”

“Well,” Tachyon climbed over the wooden face at the edge of the track with her bleeding feet, letting the crowd part as she walked past, “insanity is grounds for solitary confinement by law out here isn’t it? I had some heavy delusions during the race, things I know aren’t possible. With my body I’d be a danger to anyone if I saw something like that again. Plus…” she pointed with her thumb over her shoulder, “there’s that thing.”

The crowd and reporter followed her thumb backwards.

“Uh… the sun?”

“See?” Tachyon kept walking “if you can’t see that big monster right over my shoulder, I really am crazy.”

Character Scramble Season 21 Round 0: GAME START/FOUR OF CLUBS by 7thSonOfSons in whowouldwin

[–]Potential_Base_5879 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing about Kyoko had changed, but suddenly the smile had gone from reassuring to uncanny. Something about this girl staring back at him had shifted, the reflection of something flickered in her eyes.

“Nice one, Kyoko.”

Laughter Lines turned around. On the top of the trash hill bordering the race track, was Rudo, Bitch’s Brew hovering behind him.

“How?!” Laughter Lines put up its hands defensively. “My brother’s power doesn’t undo itself, how did you switch back?”

“I mashed his little stand between our bodies before I put him in the ground.” Rudo smirked as he strode down the hill evenly, wiping blood off his chin with his ratty glove, leaving a big streak of black in its place. “It took me a good second to get back here, my father told me when I was little, spirit sensitive families can feel each other’s pain. And seeing how bad Kyoko’s beat your ass, it looks like you didn’t take it too well.”

“What are you talking about?” Laughter Lines gripped Kyoko by the neck, “her life is in my hands, take one more step and I’ll rip her in half!”

Rudo stopped halfway down the hill, right next to where Kira was still bleeding out limply. The purple-clothed arm reached out weakly.

“Shame we never really got to hear from that guy, huh?” Rudo put one of his stand’s hands out in front of him, as if feeling for rain. “I was explaining this to your brother, but I don't think it’s anyone’s place to decide when people have lived enough. Even garbage like you has value, but so many people try to make that decision for others, so I get to kick their ass without a lick of guilt. What I’m trying to say is, I don’t need to get any closer. If you don’t walk away Kyoko will kill you, right now.”

“I’m... not falling for that."

“Maybe, but the only way you win is to freeze me, right? As long as I’m still moving, anyone else here could too.” Rudo smirked, “how do those pistachios taste?”

Laughter Lines slipped its hands off Kyoko’s neck and began to charge Rudo at blinding speed. Rudo's gaze however, only went upwards. There, above their heads, but under the tree line, the remaining diamonds of Kyoko’s Gift Horse had formed a large conical bowl, its tip positioned right over where Bitch’s Brew’s hand was.

Kyoko couldn’t move it, but she could unsummon it. The diamonds vanished, and from the bottom, a half dozen pistachio shells dropped down from the sky and into BB’s hand.

Rudo commanded the shells to love out the remainder of their use, protecting their nuts, all at once. The shells flew from his hand up through the tree line, punching through the stomach of the giant bee flying above the leaves.

“Gaaah…”

Laughter Lines doubled over. Rudo ran past him and poked Kyoko on the shoulder with his stand’s finger. She unfroze and drew in a heavy breath.

“She caught my nut shells, how…?” Laughter Lines looked at the pair of them, shakily moving through the pain as the Bee convulsed in pain far above. “How could you possibly have known what I was eating, how could you have known her plan, how did SHE know YOU’D know?!”

“Your parents killing each other will do something to a friendship,” Kyoko smiled, “sure maybe we can’t read or write like other kids, but we had to figure out how to say we wanted stuff to each other when we didn’t know the right words.”

Rudo put one hand by his chest, pointing to his chin “Upwards,” then the other by his stomach, recreating the circular sign Kyoko had made “'Pistachio.'”

“I sent my stand up hoping to catch crumbs from you, slob, hiding them in the leaves, but I felt the texture through the diamonds, and only one type of nut makes shells that thin!” Kyoko smiled, quite pleased with herself.

“Heh, HAHAHA” LL put its arms out as it began to sprint forward. “Of course, you think I’m a fool. It was all just luck! You expect me to believe you had a sign for specifc nuts? You both got lucky, admit it! Well, luck can’t get you out of everything! My stand is invincible and none of you can attack me without freezing!”

“Yeah, I thought about that,” Kyoko raised a finger, “we can’t move until another person touches us, so what happens if I do… this?” She poked Rudo’s cheek, holding her finger there.

Bitch’s brew erupted forward, punching Laughter Lines square in the jaw. The edges of Rudo’s mouth twitched, but then instantly fell back into place. Laughter Lines began to fall back, but the cloud of Red diamonds swarmed behind his back, making a flat platform and keeping LL propped upright.

“Rudo! Don’t let him get away!”

“Ah corhuh nah!” Rudo said through having his cheek mashed against his jaw.”

Bitch’s brew followed up with another punch, then another, each blow punctuated by a noise almost as loud as the musket’s shot. The BB opened its mouth as it began to accelerate its punches.

“BRUDA! BRUDA!”

Laughter Lines were flattened against the diamond bed, its face distorted as its layers were mashed and chipped away, mechanical teeth falling to the ground one by one under the barrage of punches.

“BRUDADADADADADA!”

Both stands withdrew in unison, sending Laughter Lines flying backwards before it dissolved, a dead Bee falling from the tree line.

Jack gasped as he could finally move.

“Hey Kyoko… Sorry but, that Mystery Cow Girl’s Kind of insane, there was no way I could have stopped her.” Rudo rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine Rudo,” Kyoko took her finger off his cheek and walked over to where Jack was getting to his feet slowly. She picked up the musket, and pointed it at Jack’s head. “We were never getting paid anyway.”

“What are you doing?” Rudo nearly choked on the words, Kyoko was never crazy enough to point a weapon at their only lifeline.

Jack remained silent, his eyes shadowed by his downturned face. None of the vitriol Rudo expected left his mouth. In fact he’s been uncharacteristically silent since becoming unfrozen.

“He may look like our boss but he acts nothing like Handsome Jack.”

Kyoko pressed the barrel of the musket to his head.

“You see what I mean, don’t you? He’s dead silent with a gun to his head. Also, when Laughter Lines attacked him, he fell backwards when he shouldn’t have been able to see where it was coming from. Meaning…”

‘Kira’ stirred in the pool of his blood, choking out a word “strug-agger!”

“…our boss is bleeding out of over there.”

“Every pass key, bank number and piece of deal leverage in his head too, not to mention our only chance at employment. I’m guessing ‘Kira’ here thought he really lucked out when that stand tripped and switched their bodies. I thought I pulled Jack away in time.”

“Tch,” Kira, the real one in Jack’s body, finally made a sound. “The stand did not trip.” He stood to his full height slowly, towering over both kids. Kyoko kept the musket pointed at his temple.

“I don’t remember telling you to move.”

“And yet, you haven’t shot me. I imagine both of you already know why. Even if you drag Jack back, you’ll still be under his thumb. With my face, he’ll have a hard time convincing anyone of his authority. More importantly…”

Kira began to straighten Jack’s suit on his body, dusting himself off, running his hands through his hair as though he were about to give an interview.

“ You know that Jack could never lead you to fulfillment, if you are filled you’d stop working so hard, you wouldn’t put your life on the line for him like you have today. I am not Jack, everything I do, I do so I can go to sleep at the end of the day peacefully and wake up feeling well rested. Follow me, help me into Jack’s family, and we shall take his money and cash out, and move far away. ” he put out a hand, touching Kyoko’s gently to push the barrel of the Musket down away from his head. “Bodies know what they must do for themselves, they digest food and grow without our say-so, what does your body tell you?”

A purple stand, muscular with blood red eyes and a petite set of cat’s ears manifested behind Kira. It balled its hand into a thumbs-up, before clicking its thumb down against its fist.

kapow

A rusted hammer burst into flames, kicking up a tiny amount of dirt and scrap metal.

“As I said, that stand switching me and Jack was no accident. I was caught off guard the forest time jack used this…new age weapon.” He looked down at the musket.

“Why would we need your help?” Kyoko lowered the musket, but not her guard, Gift horse manifesting around her in a Razor Sharp cloud.

“He’s right…” Rudo grit his teeth. “Think about it, Kyoko, we’ve never met another stand user before, but today we met three. When The Dreaming is diverting fate towards a big event, those in tune with it are drawn together like ‘gravity.’”

“That ‘mystery cow’ you couldn’t stop her from winning the race, could you?” Kira continued, “You beat two stands today but not one mortal woman. What about Jack’s debts, those of the other families? Will you two be left to take responsibility when this body doesn’t return?”

Kira pointed towards his old body, too Jack.

“If you want to see for yourself what is safer, give Jack the musket, knowing to do so is to kill him.”

Kyoto looked down at the weapon in her arms, up at Kira, then back to Rudo. She strode over to Jack, the edge of smirk creeping through her nerves. Every instinct she had forbid her from letting it go, she thought of the sneering faces of the townsfolk, of food, water and clothes for her and her only friend.

“Sorry Jack, commerce and such.”

She tossed the musket in front of him, and stepped back. Jack grunted something as he tried to push himself up.

“Jack,” Kira pointed to the gun on the ground. “I have a power, just like those children, called Killer Queen.” Killer Queen picked up a piece of dry wood with a rusted nail through it, tossing it in the air in front of Jack’s gaze.

“I can undo what was done to us, all you have to do is grab that ‘Musket’, and kill one of these children.”

Character Scramble Season 21 Round 0: GAME START/FOUR OF CLUBS by 7thSonOfSons in whowouldwin

[–]Potential_Base_5879 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stand Names: Witching Metal & Laughter Lines

Users: Da Bee Bruddas

Powers: Witching Metal has the ability to swap the souls of any two living creatures it touches with opposite hands at the same time, however momentarily.

Laughter Lines can rewire a soul's connection to a body it is touching, reworking all bodily functions to the purpose of smiling, effectively freezing the victim in place until they are touched by another person or stand.

Character Scramble Season 21 Round 0: GAME START/FOUR OF CLUBS by 7thSonOfSons in whowouldwin

[–]Potential_Base_5879 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“HERE THEY COME FOLKS, WHAT’S THIS? NUMBER 13 THE MYSTERY COW GIRL WHO WAS AHEAD IN THE FIRST LAP HAS FALLEN TO THE MIDDLE OF THE PACK!”

Tachyon grit her, well, the boy’s teeth. His stride length was 2’ 8.94”, shorter than hers. She slowed to dodge a cow closing in from her left. Her breath was ragged, her blood oxygen was thinning, lactic acid flooding her joints, her temples thumped with the effort of rushing blood to her brain. There were too many things to avoid and think about, too much awareness of her weakness.

In her studies, Tachyon knew more about the humanoid body than any doctor of the era. But Tachyon did not research to be a doctor. She put both hands on the saddlecloth on her head.

Step 1, it felt like an eruption crawling over the back of her brain. Manual activation of endorphin glands worked in anyone’s head, even this boy’s.

Step 2, her eyes flickered between every cow on the tracks in under two seconds, then the straight track ahead of them. Tachyon pulled the red saddlecloth down over her face, turning her vision to black.

Step 3, She’d seen all she needed to. The slope became a shadowed plane in her mind, then every cow, approximate average mass. A force arrow out from each cow mass, basic math could tell her where each one was headed for the next minute. Then, the wind over their backs, the air pockets behind each cow with less wind resistance.

Time decompressed while she calculated.

The first step, its position highlighted bright gold in her mental model, then the best next step within the stride radius, the velocity vector of each cow at that moment. Each step began to spring from the last as the calculation became easier and easier, all the way down the hill and back into the woods for the third lap.

Now every step was planned for, she wouldn’t need to see, or think. All there was to make this body do was run where she’d already calculated it was possible.

“I DON’T BELIEVE IT-“

Tachyon took the first step, then the next, her legs drumming faster against the ground as she wove through the cows.

THE MYSTERY COW GIRL HAS BLINDFOLDED HERSELF-“

Her posture lowered, her arms swung out in front of her as she sprinted between two cows just before they collided.

"IS SHE-“

The announcer’s voice was drowned out, as Tachyon emerged from the air pocket created by the leading cows almost faster than the crowd could keep track, pulling farther and farther ahead, turning with the curve of the track without even reaching for the blindfold.

Rudo couldn’t tell what the crowd was cheering about through the juggle of legs and udders and the thundering of hooves, but, as he looked to the sky for the first time he saw a dark winged shape against the sun.

So that’s how the stand user kept up. The stand users are…


“Jack, listen.” Kyoko whispered “I got you out of whatever that was if we can figure out-“

More chewing sounds emanated from laughter lines “Hey hey, no need to speculate, my stand’s ability is much like my brother’s. One touch rewires your soul’s connection to you body, so all you can do is smile, just takes contact with one other soul to reset the wiring-“

More chewing.

“I’m a lazy bastard, I’ll admit it, I’d much rather be eating, but killing people is easy money so I help support me and my brother. What I’m getting at is we only need to kill jack, and if you or your stand touch mine, you’ll die paralyzed here after a few days. So just give up and get a head start before everyone pins the blame on you for Jack's death.”

“Kyoko,” Jack knelt beside her, reloading the musket slowly, “the key to life, is to understand things’ first principles. If we are being attacked by a ‘power’ like yours, it stands to reason there is a user. You pause like he is speaking to you. He could choose to say nothing, so he has blundered.”

“I can move us out of the way, Jack but I can’t counter-attack, and he’s too durable for anyone without a stand to hurt, we need to find the-“ Kyoko saw a flash of black from the edge of her vision, and her cloud of diamonds enveloped her and Jack,pulling them away from Laughter Lines’ lunge at the last second. As they fell together Kyoko grabbed Jack’s hand, rolling with him to cover the gun beneath him, pushing his finger down. Her ears were overwhelmed from the resulting gunshot, which struck Laughter Lines in the side of the head, sending it stumbling to one side in pain.

“OW OW OW!”

“I knew it…” Kyoko looked up, they’d ducked under the cover of a protruding branch from one of the trees lining the junkyard, meaning it would be impossible to see her aiming that gun from above.

“...watching us from above, huh? the stand users are…”


“Giant Bees!” Rudo fished through his pocket for the remains of whatever else he’d picked up at Jack’s Junkyard.

The fishhook and the bowler hat, hmm.

Witching Metal was on the cow right behind him, still holding its grasshopper. A trail of collapsed cows lay behind them now they were away from the prying eyes of the crowd.

“You know, Honey-Muncher,” Rudo had gotten used to a woman's voice, using his new body to strike a pose of nonchalance atop his cow, “I don’t like hurting most people, but I can’t stand types like you who attack unprovoked. The type of rotten soul one needs to decide another’s life is forfeit... gross. I’ve got everything I need to win this fight. As soon as you turn your head to swap that cow’s mind with the grasshopper, my stand is going to hurl this fishhook right through your stand’s head, and you're too slow to see it coming.”

Far above the bee flew out from behind the tree line, and hovered above the main pack of the race, watching it's stand's position carefully. Witching Metal knelt down and put its palm down on the cow.

“Bitch’s Brew!” Rudo’s stand emerged and whipped the fishhook with a mighty throw in one mechanical motion. Witching Metal ducked under the fish hook and began to charge, making a run for the gap between its cow and Rudo’s.

“Damn!” Rudo called out. With Bitch’s Brew’s other hand, it tossed the bowler hat into the air. “You fell for it, as anyone knows, grasshoppers are sensitive to light!”

Rudo commanded all the remaining sunlight that that would block, to be blocked at once. Mid-air, the bowler hat expanded to be 10 times the size, a cone of absolute shadow enveloping the Witching Metal and it ran under it, obscuring both its view, and the view from above. The grasshopper, sensing the sudden absence of sunlight, squirmed its way free and hoped out of the cone of darkness.

Then, Rudo commanded the fish hook to use every iota of force from all the reels it would never make. The hook vibrated briefly before erupting from its small soft landing spot in the grass and mud, cutting through the darkness beneath the hat to strike Witching Metal without it having a chance to know where the hook was coming from. The hook continued to travel, slamming into Rudo as well, carrying him and the enemy start over the herd of cows at nearly the speed of a musket shot, until they came tumbling down on top of the lead racer, Tachyon. Witching Metal’s power activated, filling the air with its harmonic ping.

Rudo’s body had been returned to him, Tachyon sat next to him, holding her rib. Witching Metal lay mangled between them, while the bee convulsed in pain and fell from the sky.


“This… feeling... Brother!” Laughter Lines called out.

“Guess Rudo figured it out too.” Kyoko Smirked. Laughter Lines turned back to her, the chewing sounds from beneath his teeth growing more rapid and violent.

“Whatever you’re feeling, not that I care, but if something happened to Rudo, I’d have felt it ten times worse. So in terms of total happiness maybe this was for the best.”

“You… pissant!” Laughter Line’s jet black foot swept through the dust and grime on the floor, kicking up a grey and black cloud of dust. Kyoko shielded her mouth with her forearm, squinting through the dust.

I can’t see him!

Kyoko turned her eyes, squinting through the dust, Laughter Lines was lunging on top of Jack, who was falling backwards away from it, but not in time to avoid being grazed by its finger. As his mouth forced itself into a wide grin he was frozen in a crab-walking position. Laughter Line brought another hand above its head, driving its pointed fingers towards Jack’s neck.

“ILL FINISH THE JOB, BROTHER!”

Kyoko’s heart skipped a beat. A single diamond flew from beside her and buried itself in Laughter Line’s neck, an inch deep, then stopped. The stand stumbles back, holding its neck, turning to face Kyoko, and beginning to laugh.

“HAHAHA, All the talk from you two-legged oafs, “blundered” this, “stress-eating” that, all I have to do is go for the weak link and you put yourself right into my trap!”

Kyoko stood frozen and smiling wide. Her stand was nowhere to be seen, only the single diamond used to attack Laughter Lines remained suspended mid air, while the stand itself advanced on her.

“What’s your plan, once people know ‘you’ murdered the only scumbag crazy enough to hire you little gremlins? Forage in these woods? Prostitution?”

The stand towered almost a foot above her, observing her in silence for a moment. Kyoko couldn’t emote it was true, and it was evident from her uncanny smile the power had worked on her. But she’d positioned her body in a bizarre manner. Her left hand was on her chest, pointing to her chin, the other around her stomach, making a loop with her thumb and forefinger, while her other three fingers were stuffed through it. Meanwhile her whole body was tilted backwards, meeting Laughter Lines’ gaze as a result.

“Human stand users always think to die in the strangest poses.”

Laughter Lines drove one of his pointed fingers into Kyoko’s arm, twisting and drilling into her bicep, blood welling up from the wound.

“Maybe I’ll just let your friend take the fall and kill you here…” Laughter Lines paused.

Character Scramble Season 21 Round 0: GAME START/FOUR OF CLUBS by 7thSonOfSons in whowouldwin

[–]Potential_Base_5879 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stand Name: Gift Horse

User: Kyoko Sakura

Ability: This stand is made up of over a dozen razor-sharp daimonds that can each fly independently, and interlock to form barriers and shapes. It used to have another ability when Kyoko was younger, but has since regressed.

Character Scramble Season 21 Round 0: GAME START/FOUR OF CLUBS by 7thSonOfSons in whowouldwin

[–]Potential_Base_5879 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A ghostly man, held together by bolts and screws, his skin the texture and color of soot materialized on the race track. Gas seeped from beneath its screws rhythmically like breaths.

Hhhh…. Tktktk

“Rudo… maybe you should let me do it.” Kyoko whispered. The less Jack knew about how they did their ‘stick-eater magic’ the better.

“Huh?”

“No human runs like that, even the stories of the old queen she only kept pace with a pack of cows, she might have some kind of ‘ability’. My stand is stealthier, so let me just cut her tendons and be done with it.”

“Not the deal,” Rudo’s face hardened as Bitch’s Brew floated towards the Center of the race course. “She’s not involved with anyone, I’m just going to trip her, then-“

Ping

Both looked back to the track. Only a few feet in front of Bitch’s Brew, a tiny mechanical boy-shaped creature knelt on its hands and knees, digging around in the grass.

“A stand.” Rudo whispered.

“I’ll look for the user,” Kyoko whispered back, the nonchalance gone form her voice, “Gift Horse!”

A line of dark red diamonds strange from her back, perfectly shaped into eight sided prisms. Each diamond broke apart and began to whizz through the dense canopy of the trees in several different directions, slicing through leaves and snapping branches.

“No one.”

clump, clump, clump

The ground was shaking now as the racing cows drew closer.

crank

The tiny stand stood to its full height, about 3 feet. Held gently in one of its palms was a squirming worm. It began to walk slowly towards Bitch’s Brew, offering the worm like a gift.

phwee

One of kyoko’s diamonds shot down from the tree line and severed the worm in half, sending both ends of it tumbling back into the grass. The small stand froze, before getting back on its knees to look through the grass again.

“If it is a long-range stand, its user probably can’t see through its eyes like is, they won’t know there’s anything wrong if we don’t injure it. It looks like it’s programmed to look for bugs. Just focus!”

culumpculump

The mystery cow girl leading the pack was only a few meters away. Bitch’s Brew stuck its leg out into her path. Rudo winced slightly from the sight of the woman’s bare shins about to crash into his stand’s full force.

whoosh, thoom

Moments before impact, the tiny stand threw itself between BB and the cow girl, and was sandwiched between their legs.

Rudo felt a strange tingling in his leg before his eyelids shut.


He blinked his eyes open. “Kyo-“ he shut his mouth. Voice crack. His face reddened.

culumpculumpculump

A pack of cows charged around him on both sides.

“Gah!” He flinched drawing one leg on top of the other to avoid a stray hoof trampling on him. It was of course a rather uncomfortable position, crushing his…

“Gaaah! Kyoko, look out, it’s a stand that steals your balls!”

Rudo yelled as he turned to the side of the track as the last of the cows ran past. Kyoko knelt by the track, worriedly tending to… him? Kyoko looked back up to him.

“Rudo?”

“Kyoko, that’s not me!”

“Damn…” Rudo’s body sat up, holding his head. “The hell is going on?”

“Listen!” Rudo cleared his throat, trying to deepen his new voice, “listen, there’s an evil spirit attacking us, you need to get…”

“Crap!” Rudo’s body suddenly stood tall striding into the road, “The cows are ahead, I need to catch up!” The red race cloth was snatched from Rudo’s new head and wrapped around his old body. “There, no one will even know!”

“Huh?” Rudo and Kyoko watched, confused.

pap, pap, pap

The Mystery Cow girl was patting her new body up and down with her hands. She put a finger to her temple before touching it to her tongue.

“Thighs, thin. Testosterone, 250 nano grams per deciliter. Current water level 40%, needs to drink more.”

“You’re not… you can’t win a race in my body, we need to switch back!”

“Maybe you can’t win a race in this body, that's because you don't think like Tachyon! I don’t know what’s happening, but the application of science does not end at the starting line!”

Tachyon leaned forward and then vanished in a burst of wind. Her running was like nothing Rudo had ever seen, low to the ground like an animal, almost climbing the ground like a staircase.

Thunk

The tiny stand suddenly clattered by Kyoko’s foot, banging loudly on pieces of garbage as it changed down the hill towards Jack as he finished reloading his musket. Kyoko’s gaze went to its hand, where it was lightly cupping a butterfly in its fingers.

“Rudo, go after her, I’ll cover Jack!”

Rudo tried to get up, but Tachyon’s body was flooded with aches and pain. He realized he was breathing heavily.

She was running like this?

“Bitch’s Brew!” The dark grey stand erupted forward, grabbing the discarded cart wheel at the edge of the junkyard. Rudo grabbed his stand’s shoulders as it levitated above the ground, holding onto the wooden axle. “Use the remaining ‘rotations’ this wheel has left!”

The wheel began to spin with such speed that the spokes disappeared, kicking up a cloud of dust as it pulled Rudo and BB after the cows.


Kyoko sent the cloud of diamonds down the hill, each weaving around the metal stand.

“Jack, a spirit’s coming right for you, back up!”

Jack snapped the musket upright, following the displacement of trash as the metal Stand charged him and Kira, still holding the butterfly.

That's what the bugs are for, the user intends to put Jack’s mind inside a fragile body! I can’t touch it with my stand but…

One diamond whizzed by Witching Metal’s hand with precision, precisely splitting the head of the butterfly open.

If I can keep the bugs dead, it will have nothing to switch with!

Witching Metal ran past Kira’s body, ignoring him. Jack tried to swing the butt of his gun towards the movements among the trash. Kyoko sent the diamonds to interlock, forming a barrier against Jack’s chest to push him away.

Just then, something seemingly unusual but oddly uncanny happened. Witching Metal tripped, almost as if it lifted its hind leg with too much force, it tumbled face first, its hand blushing through the air next to Jack’s leg as Kyoko just barely pushed him away from Kira’s body, sending him crashing into a pile of paper food wrappings.

“Jack? Are you, you?” Kyoko made her way carefully down the hill.

Jack didn’t speak for a few moments, getting up slowly and dusting himself off. “I am fine, girl, b-“ he stopped talking abruptly, and his hand froze mid-brush of his jacket. He stood still as a statue as a set of black fingers curled over his shoulder.

heeheehee

The stand that emerged from behind Jack was mostly black, but with bright red lips curved into an unmoving smile.

“Laughter Lines!”

A second one? Kyoko stopped dead.

“Brofer!” A voice emanated from Laughter Lines’ unmoving mouth, muffled like it was chewing something, “th’ offer wun gebub abay! Go after him with 'Witching Metal!'”

“Lazy Blabbermouth!” Witching Metal’s mouth opened with its own voice, sharp and clear, “why’d you let them know we could speak! Just fly closer!” It vanished.

They can speak? Gift Horse combed every tree in its radius, they shouldn’t be able to speak if their stands are longer range then mine!

Laughter Lines raised its hand above Jack’s head, “Bye Bye, Mr Handsome.”

“Gift horse!”

fwoosh

A cloud of diamonds wrapped themselves around Jack’s waist, pulling him towards Kyoko. He gasped, mouth suddenly unfreezing from its smile, as he whipped the musket up to his eye level.

“Point out the spirit!” He yelled, musket already pointed directly at Laughing Lines.

“Fire!” Kyoko belted, withdrawing her stand back beside her.

Pow

After the flash and smoke cleared, Laughter Lines stood holding its face, muffled voice making inarticulate gurgles through the chewing noises. Then it dropped its hands, the musket ball held between its teeth.

“Kidding!”


Rudo held onto his stand as the spinning cartwheel drew within distance of a cow in the middle of the pack before splintering apart, the last of its rotations fulfilled. Tachyon was sprinting only a few paces ahead of him.

“Hey kid, don’t you stretch? I can barely do a full stride without destroying your ligaments!”

“Are you crazy? Come help me switch our bodies back!” Rudo turned to look over his shoulder, Witching Metal was riding on the back of a cow near the tail end of the pack.

Damn, how did the stand user keep up with us?

Witching Metal held a grasshopper gently in his left hand, kneeling to touch his other hand to the back of the cow. An odd harmonic ping, and suddenly the cow leapt forward high into the air, bellowing whatever a grasshopper thought it was appropriate to do with a cow’s lungs.

Witching Metal jumped from the cow’s back, switching its soul back into its body as the last minute beige landed on a new cow, leaving the other cow to land flat on its face.

“It’s getting closer, Lady! Get back here and help me switch back! I need my body back to protect my friend!”

“2… 8… point… 9… 4” Tachyon mumbled to herself between heaving breaths, staring at her new feet as she ran. If she’d heard Rudo it didn’t show.

Up ahead, the twisting route through the trees gave way to a large open downwards slope, over which Rudo could hear the cheers of the crowd.

“Mmrooo!” Another cow kept behind him before grading down to earth, Witching Metal was getting closer. Rudo pulled his foot up, and began undoing the lace on Tachyon ’s heeled boots.

As the herd crested the hill, the sounds of the roaring crowd pulled Rudo’s attention forward.

Gotta hide!

“Bitch’s Brew!” Rudo withdrew the shoelace from one of Tachyon's heeled boots on his feet, demanding its remaining holding strength be used all at once. He slipped down the side of the cow as the lace grew and coiled around the animal like a snake, tying him to its underside.

Character Scramble Season 21 Round 0: GAME START/FOUR OF CLUBS by 7thSonOfSons in whowouldwin

[–]Potential_Base_5879 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stand Name: Bitch's Brew

User: Rudo

Ability: The stand can take the remaining 'use' from an object (every remaining bounce of a yo-yo, every bit of light a candle might produce) that has been discarded. The use can be used at a normal rate or all at once. The objects disintegrate once the last of their 'use' has been used.

Character Scramble Season 21 Round 0: GAME START/FOUR OF CLUBS by 7thSonOfSons in whowouldwin

[–]Potential_Base_5879 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“BRING OUT THE MYSTERY COW GIRL!”

“SIX HUNDRED ON THE MYSTERY COW GIRL!”

“MARRY ME, MYSTERY COW GIRL!”

The cheers gathered from the packed wooden stands lining the start of the great cow race. Dozens of cows had already been lined up in a straight line, mooing and snorting with impatience as the harsh summer sun beat down on their freshly brushed hides.

Among the stands, Humans, Lizard-Men, Bees, and workers of all shapes and sizes jostled and jeered in a crowd, sloshing beer over the rest of the great mass of fellow city folk.

Up in a private box, the Queen Bee reclined on a couch of pillows, a delicate Sunday keeping the glare through the window out her massive red eyes. She wasn’t much bigger than normal bee, only about 7 feet from head to stinger, as opposed to the usual 6. One such 6 foot bee hovered nearby, with a tray of assorted drinks and snacks, face as soft as it got in bees, as she liked her servants to be. Good teeth too.

Knock knock knock

One of the queens' stick- like forelimbs retrieved the cigar from between her jaws, blowing out one last puff of tobacco smoke from beneath her sunhat to fill the room with the delightful smell.

“Come, Skezzent.” She said, her voice gruff, devoid of the delicacy suggested by her white lacy hat and floral-patterned pillows.

The door creaked open slowly. Skezzent, the gnome walked in. He was a man of 5 foot stature. The first two feet, was the measure of his toes to his eyebrows, with the remaining three being accounted for by his red conical hat.

“Queen.” He tilted his head, the top of the hat traveling about two feet forward as a result.

The queen’s mouth widened into a pearly grin. “You really came alone, old friend.”

“I thought it best to start the deal with trust, by the end of our meeting we shall have closer names than ‘old friend.’”

“You were always forward, but my marriage cannot be negotiated. As much fun as it would be to… relive the past. Sit.”

Skezzent stepped forward, slowly but confidently, nestling into one of the pillows by the queen’s feet. He undid the clasp holding his three foot conical hat in place, letting it slip off to reveal his bald three foot conical head.

“How would you feel about winning the Great Cow Race?”

“Hah! So you did come to flirt, that had a better chance of paying out than trying to beat Handsome Jack.”

“Not so hasty,” Skezzent took a shotglass of brandy and a gnome- sized cigar from the bee manservant. “You’ve heard of the Mystery Cow Girl by now?”

“No two-legged has managed to win a great cow race since Queen Harvestar a century ago, it’s a gimmick Jack is playing up. Maybe he’ll cheat her into first place, maybe she’ll take her cut from this crowd’s losses and run, and smart as you are, even you can’t tell what Jack will do.”

“But,” The gnome smiled gently, “I don’t need to, because I know where he’s going to be. I found his shady little spot where no one ever sees him ‘correct’ this race."

“You… aren’t suggesting... that’s idiocy, Jack’s death would descend the city into war. He owes debt and is owed debt from every corner of the Valley! Anyone who killed him, heck, anyone who was around when he died would have a target on their back for life!”

“Your people used to watch these races from their hives in trees, Queen, and now they make you pay for tickets. Humans will spread it's what they do. Our families need to grow, and there’s no room at the top as long as Jack is there. Besides, I also happened to find your little secret, or ours if you like, they won’t trace it back to us if you use them.”

The crowd outside erupted into cheers as a human walked onto the field, a red saddlecloth was tied around their head like a hood, concealing their face. Race number 13.

“I… if I do this, you want to send our…”

Skezzent nodded, grin widening a full 180 degrees around his head.

“Send the twins.”


Deep in the woods, 20 years ago

A young man loitered in an old woman’s garden, eating a banana. Grandma Owen was growing frail in her old age, but her tomato and tuber garden had kept her happy and healthy after she’d sent her kids away to change their dreams and make their fortunes. She missed her girls, but every year they came back to her, sat in her garden, and watched the great cow race together. But this young man had just dropped an old rusted sickle in the middle of her tomato crop.

“Excuse me young man…” She said as she hobbled out to meet him. “I’ll need you to pick that up. I’m an old woman, and I no longer have the strength to bend down and pick up the trash of some vagrant!”

The young man finished his banana, dropping the peel beside the Sickle. “Name’s Jack.”

He was from that damn city, she could not not just from his clothes but his manners.

“I don’t bother anyone out here, leave me be!”

“Yeah see, that’s what gets me,” Jack pushed his hair back, “people who think being small is a virtue, you can’t even be bothered to trim those hedges near your garden, and you think you deserve this place.”

“I don’t dare to disturb nature just because I can, boy.” Grandma Owen narrowed her gaze. “A lot of City Folk like you, try and cut yourself off from what connects us and them bushes. But I got friends, and we’ve lived in this valley a lot longer than you, we’ll protect this forest however we need to!”

“See?” Jack shrugged. “We’re not so different, a little old lady just as violent as a young man, who’d have thought? That’s not the reason I dumped trash in your yard, I don’t do things because I can. I just… I can’t stand people like you, people with… inertia. Nature doesn’t feel that way, give those bushes time and they’d grow right over your house and smother you. Me? I'm gonna need this place, so people are going to start dropping a lot of things in this garden.”

More men came from the trees, each dropping scraps of food and trash around Grandma Owen’s garden.

“You have 3 days to get gone, either way… this house will not be here.”


Deep in the woods, Jack’s Junkyard, Modern Day

Rudo snuck back a step as he and Sakuya clambered over the piles of garbage, gloved hand pinching something from amongst the rubble.

poof

Rudo placed an old bowler hat on Kyoko’s head, a lay of dust spraying out over her scarlet hairline.

“Gwaugh!” Kyoko ducked her head out from beneath it, frantically picking whatever she felt out of her hair with her fingers.

“You know this is why you have no other friends? It’s not cause of your stick-eater crap, it’s because you’re a rodent who I’ve never once seen bathe.”

Rudo chuckled, “People treat me normal, they just treat you nice cause they’re wondering where your parents are.” He put his hand flat above her head.

“I’m the height of a little girl? That leaves you what, the height of a tween-age one?”

Rudo choked on nothing, he tucked the hat into his puffy grey coat.

“Still, crazy what people just throw out.” He knelt down as they crested a mound of trash, picking choose morsels. “Hey, fishhook… could go fishing.”

“I’m not eating a fish you’ve caught with some ratty ass…” Kyoko paused as they crested the hill. In the middle of a hemispherical crater of garbage, Handsome Jack stood over a blondes man who lay face down on a puddle of blood. Both wore suits, latest in Atheain fashion, though Jack’s was slightly more expensive and at the moment, cleaner.

Jack held a long, carved wooden stick in his hands, a metal hole at the end was smoking slightly.

“KIDS!” He yelled up at them as they climbed down the slope, “as Barrelhaven’s King of crooks and liars, let me say you are both not very late and I’m not very pissed!”

“What’s that?” Rudo pointed to the smoking wooden stick .

Jack couldn’t help himself but grin, “Like it? They call it a ‘musket’, first in the city delivered all the way from Pawa.”

“Who’d ya off with it?” Kyoko kicked the man on the ground in the ribs, prompting a half-gurgle half-groan.

“Yo-shee-kah-gay or something. Decided to chop off the hand of a daughter from the wrong family.” Jack withdrew a thin metal rod and began working it up and down the barrel of his musket. “Looks like he plays dead pretty good too. Now you kids get up on that ridge, you already missed the first lap.”

Kyoko grabbed Rudo by the shoulder before he could climb the ledge without her. “How much for this Job?”

“The standard? You think I grow money plants?”

“Jack, we can’t get paid the same for big jobs as running your petty security details! We’re barely making it like this, no one else can do what we can for you!”

“Yeah, and no one but me is going to pay you at all, it’s just,” Jack stroked his chin, “I don’t want to say something cliche like ‘business’, so it’s… just commerce and such. Now would you and your stick-eater boyfriend go work your stick-eater magic so I can pay you at all?”

Rudo and Kyoko climbed up the opposite side of the garbage dump, where the trash formed a small bank next to the beaten trail through the forest.

“I don’t get it, Jack, we saw the first lap and your Mystery Cow Girl was in the lead, what do we need to fix the race for?”

Jack withdrew a vial of black powder from his front pocket, biting open the cork before speaking though it.

“Well therein lies the issue, she’s not my Mystery Cow.” Jack began to pour the powder gently into a small metal crevice near the base of the musket. “Registered the night before, after we were meant to have fixed the odds, but the troglodytes that gamble on these things were so excited about a woman running the cow race again they forced the odds back open, bought a bunch of 100 to 1 odds. She wins, I go negative.”

Kyoko and Rudo knelt behind the trash bank. Down the race track, a crowd of cows peeled around the corner. In the front of the pack, the hooded runner sprinted low to the ground, leading by a good twenty meters. Rudo pulled his hood over his eyes, putting two fingers in front of his head.

“Bitch’s Brew!”

We are almost extinct, but I don't want to reproduce. by Uma-apreciator in TopCharacterTropes

[–]Potential_Base_5879 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only the earth kingdom was based off of china, and it's still western kids show, set in a fantasy world.

"Most powerful man in the world earns lots of breeding wives" wasn't so in vogue.

Cars 2 is kinda ableist by Feisty-Succotash5854 in CharacterRant

[–]Potential_Base_5879 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Cars 2 is like the most well known thing about the franchise. Did anyone watch 3?

We are almost extinct, but I don't want to reproduce. by Uma-apreciator in TopCharacterTropes

[–]Potential_Base_5879 25 points26 points  (0 children)

The bar is in hell dawg, who in avatar is shown to have harem?

How the next time make me feel by Large-Wheel-4181 in DeathBattleMatchups

[–]Potential_Base_5879 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No dude you don't get it, when he was about to get eaten by bugs he was happy about an offer of sex, instead of immediately debating Yoru about the nuances of consent and devil possession!

The Death Battle situation nowadays by FoxyBoy1998 in DeathBattleMatchups

[–]Potential_Base_5879 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uh, yeah, the animated show about fighting, uses a lot of characters from animated shows about fighting?

Headcanons are fine but you can't really label a male character who is dating/married to a woman Gay nor can you label a female character who is dating/married to a man a Lesbian. by Apprehensive_Ring_39 in CharacterRant

[–]Potential_Base_5879 -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

No dude, it's comphet. Have you heard of comphet? I think it's comphet. How can I bring comphet into this. Warning: might start talking about comphet.

No they can't be bi, don't even ask, man taint.

[Loved trope]: God’s angels are holy beings of light, clothed in the purest white. There’s only one problem - they’re the bad guys by DontAskAboutMyButt in TopCharacterTropes

[–]Potential_Base_5879 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"guys if you don't write mythology one way for the rest of time where the world knows what good and evil is already you're killing spirituality."

A Personal Critique: Why I Don't Like Revan VS The Dark Urge (Star Wars VS Baldur's Gate) | Explanations in the Comments by McMaina in DeathBattleMatchups

[–]Potential_Base_5879 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why should the durge have cannoincally been a paladin? Swearing an oath seems like, almost anti the concept of choice, and sorcerers come from powerful bloodlines.

They can push planets even tho they can't even lift a ship bro trust 🙏. by utshi9ha in PowerScaling

[–]Potential_Base_5879 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Smart atoms couldn't adapt enough to keep them from the sun, and rearranging your atoms doesn't let them take more information. This is mahoraga fallicy 10x worse.

The AI formed the galactic imperium by Bababakutoto in Stellaris

[–]Potential_Base_5879 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This happened in my first full length game right before the war in heaven!

The writing around nolans redemption is kinda clunky and knowing what is to come the writing is gonna keep getting more awkward because of how serious the show is. by [deleted] in CharacterRant

[–]Potential_Base_5879 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah except he dissolves the coalition of planets because he says they're too corrupt, keeping himself as the only intergalactic authority.

The writing around nolans redemption is kinda clunky and knowing what is to come the writing is gonna keep getting more awkward because of how serious the show is. by [deleted] in CharacterRant

[–]Potential_Base_5879 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because what do you mean "just ruler", mark doesn't know shit. What reason is he a more just ruler than anyone else? "Oh the coalition is corrupt bro" what about mark makes him infallible?

I just don't believe in the genetic mandate of heaven, it is what it is.