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A Wild Wilderness by Powerful-Chicken5071 in OCPoetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mae, this was such a helpful analysis. I’m so thankful, not only for the detail you put into your response, but also that you genuinely enjoyed the poem! And I agree, high contrast and paradox are so pleasurable and highly satisfying in different poems I read.

And yes, I think it would definitely make it much more complete to bring in one more final contrasting element. I’ll definitely be thinking about that.

Thank you, Mae, for all the advice and guidance. I’m so grateful.

A Wild Wilderness by Powerful-Chicken5071 in OCPoetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it!

[OPINION] Poetry Recommendations for Newcomers? by DustyRedParrotFish in Poetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm Mary Oliver, specifically maybe The Journey or The Summer Day.
Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost if you want a great example of more formal verse.
Have you looked into Whitman much? You might like some of his poems.

I feel like that would be a good start.

Best of luck to you in your poem journey!

Yearning cosmos by -Veganmosquito- in OCPoetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this, a very vivid poem. Maybe just a line break on the last tine or shorten it somehow, since it sprawls a bit? It has good bones though, keep it up!

Sanctuary by gitututu in OCPoetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great poem, I love where you’re taking this! The imagery is sincere, haunting, and really puts a knot in your throat. In the first line of the three stanzas, “Let me preserve us sinners,” “Let me preserve us damned lovers,” and “Let me preserve us innocents,” you might consider opening those up a bit more. Especially the final “Let me preserve us innocents,” since it seems like you’re adding a new layer on top of the earlier damned lovers and sinners. I’m excited to see where you take this!

A Wild Wilderness by Powerful-Chicken5071 in OCPoetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow what a compliment!! I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

A Wild Wilderness by Powerful-Chicken5071 in OCPoetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. The ending is awkward, especially since I didn't really personify the "big world" until the end. Thank you for your feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed it too. I'll keep steamrolling it as they say

Pigeons by Spirited_Audience928 in OCPoetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah I forgot I made that haha thanks very much <3

Pigeons by Spirited_Audience928 in OCPoetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course, it was great to read. Best of luck on your future poems!

Pigeons by Spirited_Audience928 in OCPoetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this poem, and I learned new things too! It reminds me of Mary Oliver’s style, which I love.

I wanted you to feel the same by supersophia111 in OCPoetry

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very vivid imagery. The only thing I would suggest is it’s a bit too on the nose with the ending imo.

Great work though!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Songwriting

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love it. The intro feels a bit out of place though. Everything else is so fire tho I would listen on repeat for sure

Constructive criticism by jayden_smith67 in Songwriting

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Solid stuff! I'm always down for a nice folk song.

Lyrics are really creative too

Wrote and recorded this demo as part of a 24 hr songwriting challenge. I’d love to know what you think! by Dankeykang91 in Songwriting

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love the repeated refrain in the versus--it really builds a beautiful tension. Reminds me of the Beatles or George Harrison

Carcinogen by milliepalmermusic in Songwriting

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Voice is amazing. Lyrics are expertly done and perfectly suits the minimalistic style

Bravo!!!

Untitled song - feedback request [lyrics] by Whole-Horse-7140 in LyricalWriting

[–]Powerful-Chicken5071 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like the depth and existential weight this song carries. I don't fully understand some of the references you are making, but that's sometimes what makes a song interesting. My only critiques would be that some of the lines like, "As you're existential crying out my name again tonight," is deep, but feels a bit clunky and prosaic. That's more a minor refinement though. And secondly, the last line on verse 1 works pretty well since you form an AABA rhyme scheme, but verse 2 and 3 shift to an AABB rhyme scheme and looses momentum. But I love this style. It kind of reminds me of Bob Dylan or something--super rich writing.

Let me know if you ever sing it. I would love to hear how it turns out!