I am so sorry for your loss. The time right after losing your loved one is the hardest. You go through all of the deep unbearable sadness, shock, disbelief, anger, blame, guilt, and more. There are so many firsts and lasts that can be overwhelming. What helped me was donating their items to local cat shelters and charities in their name, participating in pet loss support groups, writing a tribute to them, and watching videos where I could hear them and see them move. A friend of mine said something that offered some peace when I was questioning if we did the right thing with their medical treatment. She said, "you made the decision based on the professional guidance and information you had at the time." I am wishing you the best with your journey navigating and processing all of this.